Its not "all or nothing"

[Amanda FAB]

Hi ladies,

Mira and I have travelled a thrilling and interesting path - both learning as we go.

This weekend, we didn't plan to go "out" (Mira usually dresses all weekend). But mid afternoon we realised that we were out of some "necessities" and needed a supermarket shop. Mira was dressed in (Girly) jeans and a jumper, no make-up, no forms. We were doing some work planning and listening to the radio, just being "us".

After we realised we had to go out, Mira said, "I'll go and change and put on my make-up". So I asked "Why? - I'm not changing - lets go as we are." Mira asked if I was joking - so I said "No - you know, we women sometimes just go as we are. We don't dress up every time we go to the shops."

I suggested she just put in her forms (makes her feel a lot more femme), brush her hair, quickly put on some light lippy and mascara (just as I was doing) and lets go.

And do you know what? We were out in 5 minutes and went to Tesco's, then to Borders for a coffee and a browse. I made a point of watching for "reactions" and to be honest, a few "looked" (but that happens anyway) but most just didn't see us.

Then we went back home and chatted about what it means to "be femme" ... and I learnt that part of her pleasure IS the getting ready and the anticipation .. and Mira learnt that she can enjoy her femininity without needing (always) to do the whole thing. Funnily enough, when we got home, she "needed" to do her eyes and put on a darker lippy. (daft bat ;)

Anyway - just thought I would share. Mira might add her thoughts later. (She's looking over my shoulder and likes the idea of being a "daft bat" :rolleyes:

[KrissyTN]

daft bat....I like that!!

Absolutely right on! Sometimes it's great just to be comfy and head over to a Border's and sometimes it's all about what I call "the ritual" which includes the whole gambit.

Many times when I travel I just change into my skirt, lingerie & top, some lipstick and earrings and enjoy the evening in the hotel room reading or surfing. Other times I bring in the "big case" and go the entire route.

I guess the femme part of us can pick and choose according to our feelings at the moment, right?

Maybe I'm a daft bat too! LOL

Krissy

[Ruth]

I feel better about going out in public if I have gone "all the way" and look the total woman - but that's because I feel I blend in better.
Relaxing at home I can dress to suit myself, which tonight means a stretchy top and skirt with pantihose, but no bra or forms.
I can be flat-chested if I want.
Anyway, it's about being yourself, not trying to be somebody else.

[darla_g]

I found this post very interesting. I think you are right the ritual of preparation is very stimulating unless I had to do it everyday and then it would become a real drag (pardon the pun! I actually subliminally typed that before i realized what i had done!)

My other thought was about the thought of getting read or (mis)read. I don't know about Mira but the thought of going out partial scares me like you might come off like a male who is trying to look just a little femme. I am not an "out" CD but I would think I would try and look ever convincing as I could. But as my wife pointed out to me being overdressed and being overly made up in a real casual setting comes off as more out of place than the natural look.

I will say looking at all the pictures of people here (on this site) that everyone tries to look age appropriate rather than like an 18 year old **** (not my words).

[jennydl]

Hi Amanda,thanks for sharing,I always look forward to your and Mirani's posts
hugs
jenny

[Sandra]

The same thing happened to us, we decided to got out on the spur of the moment just to town, Nigella was going to make up and I said "don't bother for the lenght of time we're going to be out it's not worth it."

Now she quite often goes out with no makeup on and noboby seems to care.

[Merry]

You are so lucky Amanda FAB^^

[Mitch23]

I know what you mean Amanda. My opportunities to dress are limited by circumstances so I tend to go all the way. If I was able to dress and go out more or less when I wanted, I would not always wish to spend huge amounts of time every day making myself beautiful but occasionally just go 'as we are'. And I look for the glances and reactions but dont see any. whether people are just too reserved and polite I don't know. In fact I got more reaction and more stares this week while out wearing my black woolly hat. Funny innit?

Love to you both from this daft old bat

Mitch

[Carol A]

For me it's all the way every time even like today with nothing special going on. It goes back to when I was a teenager and my mother let me dress all I wanted and her words were " be a proper lady at all times", I know kind of old fashion but it has stuck with me all these years. :hugs:

[vikki2020]

I've been tempted to try to go out without the total dress-up, but just don't have that much confidence yet.I'm another that doesn't get the chance that often, so when I do, I like to go fully dressed.

[shannonsilk]

One time I went t the mall to buy some cosmetics. I was hoping the lady at the counter would just offer to do me up. I didn;t ask and she didn't offer. So i just put enough foundation on to cover the beard shadow and did my thing and only attracted a little more attention thean usual. Now I mostly try to stay pretty minimal,.

[KimberlyS]

Amanda, I have done middle of the road type of presentations when away from home and out and about. No wig and little to no makeup wearing casual femme clothes including forms. While I have gotten some looks including bad, questioning, and good; for the most part people either do not notice or do not care.

IMHO and experience, if you accept yourself and what you are doing, have a good personal attitude, dress to blend in to what others are wearing where you are going, and just go about what ever you are doing and do not worry about others; most people are not going to take a second look at you. We are just part of the crowd. And "passing" or having the perfect feminine look is not needed. Most people are too wrapped up in their lives to actually see you and if they do they do not care as long as you do not interfere with their life.

Per my wife, since we have younger kids in school and live in a small town, she has requested when out I present either a male or female image generally accepted by society. So for now my middle of the road presentations are very limited to business travels and places there is no chance for someone to know me, including those that may be at a conference. But from my past experience I can say has been nothing but good experiences.

I guess I am just a bit of a gender rebel.

[Joanne f]

I think that you are right for going out how you wanted to at that time and not thinking that you have to go all the way all the time .



joanne

[Nigella]

As Sandra has said, quite often now I go out without the "war paint". I always dress in female clothing, got nothing else to wear. Because I have had laser treatment to remove the shadow, it is quite easy to just brush the hair, grab the bag and go.

Plus TBH who wants to get dressed to the nines if your only going to the corner shop.

[JenniferR771]

So my wife isn't at all cooperative. So I went out to meet my cd buddies in drab-- jeans. But in an isolated parking lot I added a few things. High heels, wig, earrings, necklace, wig, lipstick and purse. I was recieved without comment at the coffee shop and on a quick shopping trip.

[Mirani]

I feel priviliged to have such a "guide" as Amanda. We quire often "talk about things" and she punctures my sometimes skewed view of "femininity" with reality checks.

There is of course nothing wrong with different views of womanhood (even women dont always agree!), but, if like me, you wanted to be treated as a woman when "out" - then matching up to the ideal is a prerequisite.

However, Amanda has shown me that it isnt really being received "as a woman" that should count. I now realise that I can feel "fulfilled" just by being me - whoever me is at the time.

It was a revelation of sorts to go out without "everything" on. And a relief when nothing "bad" happened.

A psychiatrist would probably make something out of the fact that I "needed" to dress up a bit when I got home!

Anyway - as Amanda so eloquently says .. this is a journey.

I am looking forward to the Hen Night and on my .. I have NOTHING to wear for the wedding! :)

[Fab Karen]

so I said "No - you know, we women sometimes just go as we are."

You realize of course, putting on lipstick & mascara & brushing your hair isn't going as you are.:heehee:
On a side note, if you google celebrities without make-up, you can see some dramatic differences.

Mirani said: "A psychiatrist would probably make something out of the fact that I "needed" to dress up a bit when I got home!"
But also that Amanda "needed" to put on lipstick & mascara to go out. :)