Are any of you 'like me' ?

[helenr]

I will try to be succinct. I am 61, started crossdressing about 6. Older sister's pink nylon briefs that she disliked-ironic. I am sure it was an attempt to be good like she was--I tended to break stuff, mess up,etc. Well, between spending a ton of time with Mom, watching her dress, being unpopular with the boys (too long a story), I think I started identifying with girls. This developed into a 50 plus year tranvestism addiction. In the past few years I started thinking maybe I was indeed a transexual more than a fetish crossdresser. I think as our testosterone levels drop, the constant excitement of wearing ladies undergarments tend to wane. Since I started about a year ago on anti androgens, it has changed again. I still crossdress underneath and this included a sheer bra for my small breasts-maybe between an A and a B cup. I take estrogen patches--sort of think I am mentally addicted to them.
The big change, however,is in my brain. I am no longer sexually oriented. Sure I love to see a pretty girl, surely feel some envy, but I don't have any urge for sex. While not completely impotent, I may as well be. But I am OK with this. I am much calmer. I am starting to think I may be either asexual or an agendered person. I have never been attracted to men physically. I did fool around with several crossdressers, transgendered, but I don't even want that interaction. I just want a peaceful existence. Any others who are in that sort of mental state? helenr

[Scotty]

Yep, for two years now.
That's what I try to tell people that want to go HRT and are seemingly in it for the thrill - it's a live changing experience.

[Cara Allen]

And a welcome one, for me, at least. I want that kind of peaceful existence.

I think that all of the strife we elder TG's have seen in all our lives is just window dressing and symptomatic of the real bottom line issue. We have all of these side-tracks and secondary experiences, because we are sooo mixed up by our dual genderedness and because of the bombardment of what is basically not applicable to our uniqueness... We are "Strangers in a Strange Land." Ever read that book?

Hope I am making sense.

[Mean Green Irene]

I was CD'ing for several years with hormones and no desire to go further. But after that it became obvious to me that I needed to transition, and I have.

Be happy and satisfied with yourself. Let that guide your life.

[Nicki B]

..The big change, however,is in my brain. I am no longer sexually oriented. Sure I love to see a pretty girl, surely feel some envy, but I don't have any urge for sex. While not completely impotent, I may as well be. But I am OK with this. I am much calmer. I am starting to think I may be either asexual or an agendered person. I have never been attracted to men physically.

..I just want a peaceful existence. Any others who are in that sort of mental state? helenr

I'd say that description fits me... The difference is, I'm not on any hormones and I'm 48, now. I'm also probably celibate, rather than asexual (i.e. it's a conscious choice).

I see no need to transition - but we must each explore our own needs and find our own limits?

[melissaK]

Helen,

I think its the hormones talking. For most of us MTF's when we take E or spiro to suppress the T, we calm right down. CDing anxiety goes way down if not away. We aren't really androgenous, just in this hormone altered state we have no real sex drive.

I agree about the E addiction. One leading gender therapist warns about this affect when you start on E - you'll never want to give it up. (Ann Vitale, PhD, She sits on HBGID board, or wahtever that anacronym is.)

When we are not ruled by T, we feel different. Makes me wonder if CDing and TS feelings are a side effect of over-sensitivity to T, or side effect of a body starved of E. (This is actually a theory from Ann Vitale)

Of course with no T the male sex drive drops off. We can be aroused, but its not that instant on that comes with T in the system, its more of a GG response that needs forplay. (And if you don't use it, it will lose its elasticity and will be less volume than it was when you do use it).

And I suspect for the TSs who have had their orchiectomies and are on E, there is a period where your brain re-learns sex, and develops a sex drive under the influence of E. I am not there personally, so this is an assumption from comments from the few TS's I know well enough to have talked to about such things - and that's really only one. So that's a pretty small reference base. And thus, I may be way off base. :heehee:

hugs,
'lissa

[Mean Green Irene]

MelissaK is probably right on the money about Post Orchi Sex. I am just 8 weeks after my Orchi and I don't know how to have or enjoy sex. My wife of course wants it but the only thing I can think of is trying viagra. But that does not fit with me living as a woman. I am at a loss - maybe a vibrator will help. I am still on E patches and I will bet my T is off the bottom of the scale. I need to relearn sex.

Irene

[AmberTG]

Well Irene, I would suggest that you start to learn sex from the female point of view, don't expect to be using your male appendage for that anymore. After all, you did have the engines removed from your rocket. It may not fly anymore that way.

[Victoria Anne]

I will agree , when Isee a pretty girl I'm looking at the clothes and shoes not her body . As for the sex drive , I have been on the patch for 3 months now at a low dose and my drive has gone down and I expect as the dosage is increased my sex drive will no doubt fall off even further but total lose is a no no from my wife stand point.

[StephanieC]

I agree with Melissa. I think it's the T-blocking.

Once you start reducing the T-factories, a whole bunch of things happen:
1) little things don't set you off
2) the sex drive wanes (and the little guy goes limp...not dead)

My understanding is that the body has both E and T. So if you reduce T and/or stimulate E, the combination gives you other things:
3) softer body hair
4) softer skin
5) some fat redistribution

I understand you sometimes get a change in phermones and urine but I can't speak to that.

Now I've heard reactions from people that they have had major mind-altering experiences. Like a deep calmness. I haven't seen that but I'm not taking any pharmaceuticals. But I don't bark as much as I did before. And I think I'm a bit more symphathetic. On the other hand, I think my wife is barking more. I see that as a consequence of menopause where her E is diminishing and the T is taking the lead.

[Miss Tessa]

I love estrogen like all the other drugs I've been addicted to. It gives me a high that I cannot deny.

I am not sure why. My well informed TS friend says because of me being TS, I am lacking it chemically in my body if I don't take it.

[Sejd]

You brought up a good question. for myself, I have noticed huge changes in my sexuality as time goes by and I have become more and more female. In my case, I am not taking any hormones, but sex has changed. I wonder if you have ever been loved by another woman, being in your woman stage? It can be quite powerful, and for me and I guess a lot of other TG's , even though the sexuality chages, we still feel very sexual with our partners because they come on to us as male energy taking our female energy. Yeah, I know, it sounds complicated, but my point is that we often can still feel sexual passion if we are confronted with the opposite energy.
Good luck
Sejd