He knows

[wannabie]

Well it was bound to happen. My boss walked in and asked me to help him with a project. We had worked most of the day and when we were finished he patted me on the back saying Good Job. Ok, one pat was ok but he patted me on the back again repeatedly and gave me an odd look and walked away. I think he felt my bra. I wasn't wearing my jogging bra today but instead wore a basic one. The guy is usually with alot of women and I guess that the feel was familiar, not to mention I noticed the strap was showing through my shirt. The guy is usually a bit of a gossip and now I'm afraid that more people will know on Monday. I have to work with him again next week and I know the awkwardness will be there.

Any suggestions on how to act?

I know the answer is to just do your job and act if nothing had happened, but how many times has that worked for people?

[Eva Marie]

Act anyway you please. "Sticks and stones may break (your) bones, . . .", but words (gossip) shouldn't be allowed to harm you. Or, say it's your suspenders he's feeling. Exhibit humor.

[Nicole Erin]

Look him firm in the eye and say "and don't be snapping my bra strap!"
:heehee:

[Sally2005]

No he doesn't. Can he prove it? Be prepared with a good comeback "...ya, I wear a bra and matching panties! you need a girlfriend buddy!".

[Sandra]

Maybe hard but just act asyou would normally do. As a boss he should also know better than to gossip especially over something like this.

[MAJESTYK]

If you feel you need to hide it from him or cover the incident, tell him you had to wear a holter monitor( for the heart). Cover it even more if need be by bringing that up first, before he can mention it or ask if he has one like it too! Devious? Perhaps. Yet fun too. Of course, you can ignore it too I suppose.

[TG-Taru]

Could always say you were dared to do it, and you won the bet. That is, if he doesn't find you "dared to it" every (other) day :D

[Deborah Jane]

Just grab him hard between the legs and say "You won,t mention this to anyone else will you":devil:

[Cara Allen]

probably best to ignore it, but only you can determine a need for a cover story. Best one might be to tell him, offhandedly that you are "really impressed with Aleve! What a wonderful pain med! You know, I had to wear a back brace for years, and now? I don't need it any more! Wonderful stuff! You should try it!" This cover appraoch is also very good at being retroactive...

It also has the advantage of explaining, in the future, why you wear your bra again..."damn pain meds...feeling a little tension today..."

[Annie D]

Maybe he did feel it and maybe he didn't. What is done is done and you can't take it back. Next week when you work together again, one of two possibilities will happen: 1. he will ask you about it, or 2. he won't. If the first happens be prepared with an answer that you can live with, not a smart a** comment. Take a deep breath and say what you want to say on the subject and a lie is okay or not admitting to the obvious is okay too. Whatever your reply, it may be followed with more questions that you need to be prepared to answer or evade. Try to think of all the possible scenerios that you can. Smile when you try to think about them because you will be less anxious and be able to think more clearly.

Choose your bra for next week based upon what your answer to possibility #1 may be. Good luck!

[Amy Hepker]

Don't lie to him, he is your BOSS. Tell him the truth, you maybe surprised at his response. If it is a big company there won't be much he can do to get rid of you, a small company that's a different story. I would not lie to him, if you do he may never trust you again and that maybe more important to him than the fact you are wearing it. I too wear a Bra to work and I know sooner or later that they will find out. It is obvious that I wear one too. As you say, he could see it if he looked hard and I bet he did. DON'T LIE!!! Be ready to answer all the questions.

[breanna53]

i would act like you normally do.

[MJ]

Here is a good one ... How About being truthful after all your transgendered to some degree use it .. don't lie ..if you do then in the end it makes things worse

[tommi]

A quick yes if asked and move on this is on reason I wore tanks with shelf bras when I was doing so not nearly as noticeable.
Depending on the type of work you do and the value you have to your company lying about could only make matters worse.

[Cara Allen]

I have to comment on some of the responses that you shouldn't lie.

I totally sympathize with the others who think you shouldn't lie. However, unless you have a job that is in demand, or you hate the place you work, think again.

You cannot fix the world. In a perfect world, honesty is repaid with understanding and support. In reality, outing yourself to anyone at work has huge risk. Don't do it. If you plan to transition, go for it. Otherwise, consider a plausible cover story. Feel no guilt about little white lies. We are not mainstreamed in society. For a higher cause, out yourself. To keep your job, tell him you have a bad back.

We didn't create this society, and it largely does not yet understand us. We have to be stealth to work within it. Until the day you become rich, you might have to occasionaly put up with superiors who are bigots, philanderers, liars, immoral, amoral, and worse. If the situation becomes untennable, you might decide to change workplaces...but only after you have another job. Most of us do not have the luxury of being allowed to be ourselves. We are not valuable enough to be irreplaceable. Often we are expected to fit the rigid norms of the workplace.

Do the lie if you think you have to, and without remorse. What we are talking about is not company policy, proceedure, legality. We are talking about private lives. You can tell anyone anything about your nature, your beliefs, your opinions, true or not. In itself, it is not grounds for dismissal. In fact, they can fire you, grounds or not. Pass this bullet. It does not have your name on it, dear. What you do is your own business. If you have no desire to have this known, that is also your business. There is still some integrity in life. If you are not ready to out yourself, don't. What you are is not illegal, or wrong. No one has a moral imperitive to know. Life, Liberty, and the Persuit of Happiness still means something.

And... I just have to add this. Everyone should respect others. If he had respect for you, he wouldn't ask. If he does, he is not asking from a company need to know, not because the mission depends on it. He is asking out of some purient need. At that point, he is putting his nose where it does not belong. If he has a brain, he would know better than to ask. If he does ask, do not assume that he is strepping down from his superior position and becoming a friend. Bosses are not friends, they are bosses. The day he took the position, he removed himself from that. If he thinks he has the right to ask, you then have the right to lie.

[Barb Valentine]

If he starts to spread rumors about you
Just say that the only way he found out
Is after he had sex with you

[Jocelyn Quivers]

No he doesn't. Can he prove it? Be prepared with a good comeback "...ya, I wear a bra and matching panties! you need a girlfriend buddy!".

I think this is your best bet. It's probably what I would do. :2c:

[MJ]

We didn't create this society, and it largely does not yet understand us. We have to be stealth to work within it. Until the day you become rich, you might have to occasionaly put up with superiors who are bigots, philanderers, liars, immoral, amoral, and worse. If the situation becomes untennable, you might decide to change workplaces...but only after you have another job. Most of us do not have the luxury of being allowed to be ourselves. We are not valuable enough to be irreplaceable. Often we are expected to fit the rigid norms of the workplace.

How on earth are we going to expect the world to change it's views about us if we keep hiding and telling lies ..

so can we say that in fact cross-dressers are sneaky tell lies and are not trust worthy

i mean no disrespect in my last statement but if you want your freedom you got to start somewhere ... or forever hold your peace

we all know this is not easy but we have to start some were

[Deborah Jane]

How on earth are we going to expect the world to change it's views about us if we keep hiding and telling lies ..

so can we say that in fact cross-dressers are sneaky tell lies and are not trust worthy

i mean no disrespect in my last statement but if you want your freedom you got to start somewhere ... or forever hold your peace

Good point MJ..I agree with you!!

[tammysuetv]

I read a lot of good advise here. I go along with the "just act normal". If he asks then you can choose to either lie or tell a story or even tell the truth. If it were me I thing I would go with the back support story.

Good Luck

Tammy

[Cara Allen]

How on earth are we going to expect the world to change it's views about us if we keep hiding and telling lies ..

so can we say that in fact cross-dressers are sneaky tell lies and are not trust worthy

i mean no disrespect in my last statement but if you want your freedom you got to start somewhere ... or forever hold your peace

we all know this is not easy but we have to start some were

MJ,

One has to pick one's battles. One size does not fit all, especially when it comes to making a living. You might be right to defend the cause, but the result might be that you're starving with no money to pay the bills.

Employees have no rights, for the most part. If ENDA passed with the TG inclusion, we wouldn't be having this conversation. We would be able to say, "I am Transgendered and I am Proud!" That alone would take some guts, but at least we'd have rights, and a relative assurance that there is a paycheck coming.

If you want to make a stand, write your congressman to support ENDA, next time around...with the gender inclusion. That is a place to make a stand, not at work, with people who will forget you, 15 minutes after you leave. Except for an occasional anecdotal story about that weird guy who used to wear a bra. Call your shots, dear.

The boss, if he asks, is out of line. The fact that he would pry this way is disrespectful. He does not deserve the respect of a truthful response. If he is coming from a place that just wants to help, then he should understand if you lie. If he asks from a weird place, then he deserves a lie.

[janet1234]

if he makes a comment, "personal", smile and go on with business.

[Nadia-Maria]

MJ,

One has to pick one's battles. One size does not fit all, especially when it comes to making a living. You might be right to defend the cause, but the result might be that you're starving with no money to pay the bills.

Employees have no rights, for the most part. If ENDA passed with the TG inclusion, we wouldn't be having this conversation. We would be able to say, "I am Transgendered and I am Proud!" That alone would take some guts, but at least we'd have rights, and a relative assurance that there is a paycheck coming.

If you want to make a stand, write your congressman to support ENDA, next time around...with the gender inclusion. That is a place to make a stand, not at work, with people who will forget you, 15 minutes after you leave. Except for an occasional anecdotal story about that weird guy who used to wear a bra. Call your shots, dear.

The boss, if he asks, is out of line. The fact that he would pry this way is disrespectful. He does not deserve the respect of a truthful response. If he is coming from a place that just wants to help, then he should understand if you lie. If he asks from a weird place, then he deserves a lie.



After having read with interest the whole thread, Cara, I must say the high level of quality of all your posts is impressive ! Congratulations.

Hugs

Nadia

[MJ]

Quote Cara:- MJ,
One has to pick one's battles. One size does not fit all, especially when it comes to making a living. You might be right to defend the cause,
but the result might be that you're starving with no money to pay the bills.

how you say :--- your not just whistling Dixie sister

you are right .. but honesty is the best policy .. yes i lost everything *i posted my nightmare somewhere* but the bottom line is i won't go back to being a guy and changing my appearance for some friends or some family or for a employer .. trying to keep track of what lies i told to whom trying to fit in to other peoples views ..
you have a valid point .. but if we keep hiding and do nothing .. nothing will ever change


Quote wannabie :- and when we were finished he patted me on the back saying Good Job. OK, one pat was OK but he patted me on the back again repeatedly and gave me an odd look and walked away. I think he felt my bra.

Hey who are we kidding we know what a bra feels like .. and get real . Real woman know what makeup looks like we are not fooling anybody . so why lie none of us have to be c.s.i 's to figure it out ...examples
this thread about the bra and then there the thread about makeup be honest , you are busted in more ways than one.. the bottom line is do we tell the truth or tell a lie

[Scotty]

My boss does this as well, I kinda flinched the first few times, either he knows and doesn't do it an ymore or my inside out block worked LOL

[MaidInCan]

Amy and others make good points about not lying. However, your boss should not bring it up in the first place-it's none of his business what you wear under your work clothes. It's the same as his asking what underwear you were wearing. His question is improper and could constitute sexual harassment under his company's s.h. policy, therefore, he is not likely to ask. His job could be on the line, not yours. Just act normally. If he asks, refuse to answer or tell him his question is not welcome and is improper-I think he'll see the light.

[bEEb]

Screw all that. If he is going to get nasty about it....
Goad him along, egg him on... line up lotsa witnesses.
And then file a sexual orientation lawsuit against him and the company.
Retire with a lifetime of income and get gussied up every day!

[FanciJewel]

I am a boss and a smart boss doesn't say a thing. A smart boss concentrates on the work product not on the personal attributes of the staff. Every office staff is made up of people with quirks and oddities that don't fit the stereotypic "normal" person. Even the bosses fit into that category.

[Stacye Rose]

OK, I've been following this thread since the beginning and I really have only one thing to add.

There are two ways to successfully tell a lie:

1) tell part(s) of the truth that mislead them
2) tell the entire truth, but in such a way that no one will believe you.

So, here's my Question.

If you're in the closet-keeping your crossdressing hidden from all and sundry. Why on earth would you put yourself in this position? What posssible point could there be to wearing a bra to work under your male clothing unless your trying, wittingly or unwittingly, to out yourself? A bra is not like panties, hose,or painted toenails(all of which can be worn under male clothes with little chance of discovery) SOMEBODY is going to notice if you wear a bra under your male clothes. It's just too obvious. Am I missing something here?

[Scotty]

If you're in the closet-keeping your crossdressing hidden from all and sundry. Why on earth would you put yourself in this position? What posssible point could there be to wearing a bra to work under your male clothing unless your trying, wittingly or unwittingly, to out yourself? A bra is not like panties, hose,or painted toenails(all of which can be worn under male clothes with little chance of discovery) SOMEBODY is going to notice if you wear a bra under your male clothes. It's just too obvious. Am I missing something here?

To keep them from flopping around if I'm doing something active?

[MJ]

get a couple of drinks into him and seduce him, get him out to your, or his, car and give him a blow job, and that will be the end to that, Monica

now there is a disaster waiting to happen .. all i can say is he better be rich because i want big bucks if i ever do that :eek:


[QUOTE]. . . but this is the first time I'm gonna have to disagree with MJ. In principle she is 100% right but. . .
Assuming that your job means something to you, and it not just the place you happen to be working at the moment,
then your job, your means for supporting yourself and your family, for feeding your children, is not the time and place to start your TG pride battle IF you still have a choice. If that situation is forced on you, then hell yeah, take it and run, and fight the good fight.That's my opinion. Of course I don''t know my head from backside so take it with a grain of salt . . .

Thank you i do understand and family comes first every time .. but most company's have policy's in place to protect transgendered people and they can't be fired .. so if things get heated then there is a card that can be played .. until one can find another job ..

yes i had a wonderful wife and kids and a good job HAD being the key word here . i would not want anything bad happen to my brothers and sisters but i am looking at the options here all the best my friend

[Annie D]

Lie, don't lie, evade the question, ignore the questions, etc. I agree with everyone who has said that what you wear, following your company's dress code, is none of your boss's business. But does he think that it is none of his business? I think that whatever your response, if your boss asks, will depend if you are prepared to look for other employment. Looking for another job could be a distinct possibility. In my case, I would not be prepared and I owe to my wife and kids to keep my job and doing whatever necessary to maintain our current status is imperative. Going out in public requires some risk on our parts because we all could be "outed". What if your boss saw you out and recognized you? Could that cost you your job?

I am not as close to the situation, none of us are, than you are. Is it a fear of losing your job, being embarrassed about everyone at work learning that you wear a bra or even worse, other lady's undergarments, or having to answer some questions about your choice of clothing?

I sincerely hope that everything works out for you and all our rhetoric has been needless. Keep us posted.

[Julie York]

An interesting angle is.....who'd believe him?


I mean....come on.....Who'd be dumb enough to wear a bra to work?

[Jodie Wexler]

If you don't want to get caught, you should not be wearing any female attire at all to work.
Jodie

[Stacye Rose]

. .. but most company's have policy's in place to protect transgendered people and they can't be fired ..

From my experience, not many companies in the U.S. have TG policies. Trans-gendered folks are NOT protected by the discrimination laws that protect other minorities in this country. So I would definitly check out my employers policies and attitudes before I made any sort of move.

[Vicky_Scot]

If you're in the closet-keeping your crossdressing hidden from all and sundry. Why on earth would you put yourself in this position? What posssible point could there be to wearing a bra to work under your male clothing unless your trying, wittingly or unwittingly, to out yourself? A bra is not like panties, hose,or painted toenails(all of which can be worn under male clothes with little chance of discovery) SOMEBODY is going to notice if you wear a bra under your male clothes. It's just too obvious. Am I missing something here?

After reading the OP, the first thing that popped into my head was the exact same question that Stacy poses.

Why on earth would you put yourself in this position?

The other thing that stuck out about the OP was the first few words.


Well it was bound to happen.

This makes me think rightly or wrongly that the OP was secretly wanting to be caught. Otherwise you would not do it.

Anyways that is my opinion on the matter.

Xx Vicky xX

[Sally24]

Even if he is not gay and married,most men, hell ALL men will give in to getting a blow job even from a guy.
I hope you're just being outragous and don't really beleive this cr*p!

Many of us prefer the feminine, but we don't hate men or ourselves!

[stormrider]

We are having a lot of comments on this one. I vote for the do nothing option. Be yourself, do your job and most likely there will never be reprocussions from him unless he is a BIGOT. If he is, there is nothing you can do right now anyway. I have been a boss in one form or another for over 18 years and I look at only one thing, JOB PERFORMANCE. Most managers do because their job evaluation depends on it. I have employed gays, lesbians, and possibly crossdressers. By being one myself, doesn't give me any insight as to what these people do in their private lives, nor do I want to know. If someone wears something inappropriate to work, I will address the issue on a company policy perspective with them. If they wear something that is out of the norm for their gender, it is none of my business, especially if it doesn't affect job safety or performance. Again, I say do nothing, you have done nothing wrong (unless you are a male stripper). If you are a good and reliable worker, I would hire you any day whether I was transgender or not.

Michelle

[Beth785]

There are as many opinions as there are stars in the sky. I'll toss in mine. If he says anything, and that's a big IF, he is putting himself in a very bad position for loosing an EEO complaint against him, for spreading personal information behind someone's back. That is against the law. My bet is he won't say a thing. Now, if he does, it's your call what to do. What I would NOT do is try to do any sort of blackmailing, that would get you canned super quick. I'd just shrug it off and change the subject. Just say you don't want to talk about it. Hell, say it's a medical condition. But what ever you do, hold your head high, and don't let this get you down.