Caught again.....

[Megan G]

Well once again I am caught or so I thought.......

Just when I am starting to come to terms with my cd'ing I get delt another blow! You see I am very lucky as i have a very understanding wife, when she finally caught me in the act she took it very well as she had known for quite a while but was waiting for me to tell her. It has been a tough road for me to come to terms with my CD'ing but just when I thought I was making some headway I get knocked right back down.

I am working a different shift than my wife this week and today seemed like a great day to help my wife out and get the laundry caught up. We have a good arrangement, I cook and she cleans but we each help the othr out from time to time. Anyways I was vacuming the floor in the living room when I looked up and seen my mother's car in the driveway:eek::eek:

Well here I am dressed in a very feminine skirt and top with black stockings so I instantly ran out of the room and jumped into the bathroom. Thinking I was safe since I locked the doors I just sat there and thought to myself that was a close one. Well stupid me I forgot that she had a key to our house as she often lets my dogs out when my wife and I are away.

So a long story short she come's in and when I do not answer she lets my dogs out and then play's with them when they come back in. Well I locked the bathroom door and thought I would be OK but she seen me and yelled that she knew I was home.

So thankfully I have a change of clothes in the bathroom so I change and brace myself for what is about to come. I had to tell her as she seen me!!

Well after I spill my guts she tells me that she did see me but not enough to notice what I was wearing, only a glance. Damn, I did not have to tell her afterall:sad::sad::sad:

So the worst part, after telling her I could see the tears form and she left. Even after asking her not to repeditively she still insisted on leaving.

So now I am wiping the tears as I write this, the one common thing that CD'ing has brought to my life is heartbreak. I am calling into work sick today and will think about life in general and where to go for now. And once again my clothes will be put away for a while.

Trisha

[Lissa Stevens]

Being a Cder can be a real curse sometimes. When my mom found my stash when I was a teen it was a nightmare for all. To this day we don't talk about it. Be thankful you have an understanding wife. Give you mom some time. Since the cat is out of the bag you can't put it back in so you will have to deal with it. I will pray that she will realize you are the same person she has always loved and that what clothes you wear have no bearing on what kind of person you are.

[Victoria Anne]

Trisha I am so sorry bt please don't represe that part of you that is so beautiful , it can only lead to misery , my mother had a similar reaction and it is no the don't ask don't tell policy with her . She is your mother and will always love you . Be strong Trisha it will be okay. :hugs:

[sharon8292]

god you where unlucky

[MJ]

i am sorry you feel this way . don't put yourself through pain you need to talk to your mom again now she knows it will get better over time . please try to accept yourself and please don't hurt Trisha by putting her back in the closet .
have a heart to heart with your wife and then your mum . i hope you feel better :love:
hugs mj

[Tamara Croft]

I really don't think you should put away your clothes. After all, it is your house, you should be able to wear what you like in it, without feeling guilty. It's just a big shock for your mum, well probably a huge one, but she is your mum, she will talk to you again, just give her some time. But seriously, the guilt you're feeling right now, shouldn't make you want to put everything away, you will just end up feeling more miserable :( Give it a few days and then give her a call, I'm sure by then she will be calmer :hugs:

[Jilmac]

What a heartbreaker of a story Trish, I hope you can smooth things over with your mom hon. I know how you feel, I've been caught by my wife, and had several close calls from my kids. I also know there must be a ton of guilt, but as long as you came out to your mom she should know what to expect if and when she comes over again. I'm certainly not going to try and give any advice because I don't know your home situation. But I know if if was me with the understanding wife, I would continue to dress. best wishes and best of luck in the future dear. Luv and :hugs: Jill

[melissacd]

It is a sad story and yet it is also an opportunity to talk to her more about this, to understand her feelings and help her understand yours. She is your mother, I have to assume that she loves you and in time, with patience, hopefully you will be able to bring her around to understanding and accepting this side of you. There are lots of sources of educational materials on the net that will help you with this. The one thing that you cannot and should not do is act as if there is something wrong with this as that will in her mind lead her to believe that it is a bad thing. You need lots of honest and heart to heart dialog with her.

Huggs
Melissa

[paulaN]

Oh wow!!!! Sucks to be you right now. I know, I know. that seems like an awfull thing to say but I can feel your pain right now. Hang in there, things will work out fine, It may be real hard to see that right now. but I'm telling ya they will. One reason for me thinking that is you said your mom had tears. That means she is a very sensative mom and a loveing mom. You are going to come out of this better than you ever thought possable.

[Sandra]

Give your mum sometime, she'll be upset at what she has found out but also at the fact she didn't know before, she could be thinking why couldn't he have told me before. Let things settle then talk to her.

[MonicaDD]

I was married once when I was younger but I had been dressing since I was around 12 and didnt stop when married. I did hide if from her but for holloween's I always dressed enfemm, the first couple were ok but she got tired of me making a better looking girl than she did and stopped me from dressing anymore. But I still did and she didnt know. And I did get caught by her and it was WAAAAAAAY more embarising then just wearing a skirt and heels, and maybe to hot for this forum, but if anyone wants to know just drop me a line. Anyway, I know what its like to be caught and wish I had had an understanding wife, we are no longer together, go figure, maybe my life would have turned out different if she would have stayed. Monica.

[Ruth]

Trisha, the main factor in this situation is how you feel about your CDing, not how other people feel.
If you can simply accept it as part of you, nothing to be ashamed of or guilty about, you can face other people and talk to them about it.
The top priority here is to communicate with your mother, and get her to see what your CDing is all about. We all hope that she will reach an understanding with you about it, but remember that you are still you regardless, and your CDing is not something to be put aside if someone disapproves of it.

[Mary Morgan]

Trisha, what is done is done. Stop beating yourself up. Putting your clothes away, and running from who you are will not change things. Give Mom some time to think and she'll come back to you. perhaps with questions, perhaps with judgement, but she is your mom and they have an infinite ability to adjust, to understand and to love. Don't let your maleness rule you. You have done nothing wrong. If your wife has accepted you, then the battle is won. Take a breath.

[Nicole Erin]

Why did she just stop by uninvited?

Don't feel guilty about anything. Someone invades another's privacy and they are subjecting themself to anything that happens.

The guilt is not on you, sister!

[Seville]

As I just posted in another thread, I will NEVER understand
how those that gave us life and nurtuered us can be so cold
and heartless.

I wish you well in your relationship with your mother.
Purging and trying to stop C/D will just lead to other
problems.

I wish you well, my friend.

[Dawn D.]

Thrisha, Cheer up dear. I recently came out to my mother. It was very emotional for her and I. At first she really did not want to talk much about it and she definately did not want to see Dawn. I gave her a few days, brought to her, printed material to explain some questions she might have and again let her digest it with somemore time. That was about two month's ago. Now, she has been over twice when Dawn has been home. She is getting used to it. She still does not completely understand it (like anyones does, right). Though I did give her forewarning, that if she does come over, that she most likely will run into her new daughter at some point. Point is, don't hold that guilt inside of you anymore. Be proud of the person that you are. Enjoy her. Let those that discover you or those that you decide to tell about your new self that you are happier this way and not ashamed to show it. Keep a positive attitude, work slow but, do not deny your true self. Putting yourself away again will only deepen your despair. Ask me how I know. Here is hoping for the best for you!!




Dawn

[obsessedwithpantyhose]

"cats out of the bag now" no need to hide anymore :hugs:

[TxKimberly]

i am sorry you feel this way . don't put yourself through pain you need to talk to your mom again now she knows it will get better over time . please try to accept yourself and please don't hurt Trisha by putting her back in the closet .
have a heart to heart with your wife and then your mum . i hope you feel better :love:
hugs mj

. . . then MJ did here. Give your Mom a chance to digest it a bit and then have a talk with her. Also as MJ hinted at, there is no point to putting Trisha back in the closet. Two people who probably mean the world to you already know and that can not be undone. Your Mother received a heck of a shock, give her the chance to let it settle a little and she may yet come around.
I'm so sorry you are in such an uncomfortable position. I've recently gone through having a family member find out when I would have prefered they didn't know, so I know what you are going through.
All my best,

[teresa jeen]

its not like your going to her bridge game next week. as my "mother" says your to cleave unto your wife , well wifey says its o k so, next time call or expect theheels to be clickin!!!

[Pamela Julie]

Trisha, moms are very accepting of their children no matter what they do. Everything will work out well. You may need to have "that" talk with her, to help her understand. After the talk you may want to consider telling her about our family here and she can join for the support from other gg's. Btw, better let your wife know about what happened as mom may be calling her. Your wife may be mom's best support. Now to help you get over the shock of being discovered.

[VtVicky]

You've received a lot of kind, sensitive responses from this forum.

However, my first thought was: Why is your mother showing up at your home, and letting herself in, with no warning.

Perhaps you could suggest to her that, to avoid any future embarassments, she should call before she comes over.

In the overall scheme of life, I think the person invading the privacy has more responsibility for the problem than the person engaged in legal behavior in the privacy of his own home.

[obsessedwithpantyhose]

Pamela,not all moms r that way,,my mom caught me in my sisters things and fliped,,33 yrs later and she still has a problem with me wearing pantyhose,i can tell by the look in her eyes..

[cindylou_acd]

Y'know Trish, I think that all of is have been caught at one time or another. Me, while sleeping in a nightie and/or pantyhose. You want to purge everything and "hide" for a while, that's a natural response, who of us hasn't? I believe that Mom will come around and talk to you about it in time. Don't worry. I came up during a time when it just wasn't talked about at all. They assumed that I would grow out of it, well I didn't, I just had to keeo buying larger sizes!

[StacyCD]

Trish,

I've read that few GOOD marriages end because of crossdressing. Yes, I know that there are some that end because of crossdressing but it is usually the 'last straw' in a marriage that already may have had some issues. I feel this way because if your SO really loved you, although she may have been upset about not being told and may not really understand why, most SOs will eventually come to understand your need to dress. Transitioning is another issue altogether.

What does this have to do about your MOM? While you usually get to pick your SO, you don't get to pick your MOM. She will ALWAYS be your Mom and even if she is not understanding of your need to dress. You might need to agree to not dress around her or she might need to call to see if you are home before she comes over. I never told my mom before she passed but I think that if I had she would have been OK with it. The only thing that I'm pretty certain about is that putting your clothes away is not the solution--it will only create different problems. After a while try and talk with your mom and while I know that there are some people who can be truly horrible, I hope that your mom is not one of them!

Sorry for the long rant!

[Charolette time]

At least you still have a Mom, mine passed away in 1989, I wish I was able too tell her that I dressed, but never got the chance, to this day I think she knew, :sad: I used too try on her undies and bras, but was never able too put them back the same, Cheer up its only your own fears that are holding you back :love:Charolette

[Margot]

Don't write to us. Call your Mom and try to apologise to her about how you shocked her. After all your wife is ok with it. I agree with the others, there's no point to put things away now, the cat's out of the bag.
:hugs:
Margot

[shirley1]

my mom caught me dressed at 14 - gave me the biggest roasting ever (no son of mine !) i never did it again at the parental home - its funny but for all my misdemenars over the years she brings them all up at times and throws them back in my face but never mentions when she caught me dressed ! its like it just never happened but i know it did and so does she ! really ! and now she has the ordacity to show me her new clothes for approval when shes bought something mew ! i dont live with my mom anymore thank god ! i love her to bits but sod her you have nothing to be ashamed off just move out tell her to like or lump it - its your life do what you want - as much as you love your close family you have to find a way of detatching yourself from them sometimes they have a habit of wanting you to be what they want you to be - as a cder youve got no chance !

[Carvery Carly]

I once told someone at work, whom I thought I could trust about my CD/gender dysphoria. Unfortunately, she told her gf who worked with my brother who went mad and told my folks. We all had a meeting, where I lied and said it was a phase I was going through and ended getting rid of a load of stuff. But it never is a phase, is it?
I've now got more femme stuff than ever before. But the subject is never approached again. My main concern is, if I ever did come out to my SO then it would finish my ties with my immediate family and my parents. So for the meanwhile, I'm having to keep quiet, which is tearing me apart.
So maybe in "Trisha Girls" case, she may never talk about it.
Sorry to babble on but just needed to tell someone my story.

Love you all.
XXX

[Chickhe]

I went through a similar situation but it took another path. My mom came to my house unexpectly with a good friend of her's who was from out of town. My wife and I were home but we had been experimenting with my CDing. I was fully dressed and we hear the doorbell ring... oh oh panic. So we stayed quiet and hid until they left which was quite some time! Later she was really mad at me for 'not being home'. I told her, actually I was home but was in the shower and by the time I got out I only saw them drive away (actually pretty close to the truth). I showered in case they returned. I still hear about it once and a while... she is mostly illogical...what she is mad about is that I wasn't 'home' to invite them in! What do you expect if you show up unanounced.! So, imagine how much more I would never hear the end of it if I did answer the door! Good luck with your mom.