A Tricky Situation

[Mia001]

Hi Girls,

About a week ago I went along to the Crosslynx CD support group at the LGBT Centre in Glasgow.

It was only the second time I'd been and I really enjoyed it. Everyone was friendly and chatty and there were girls in from one of the large department stores doing free demonstrations and making everyone up. Great fun.

On my way out after getting changed back into my everyday clothes and having all the makeup removed I walked smack bang into one of my Mum's neighbours who was out with one of her gay friends. She was quite chatty and asked what I was doing there. I just answered teuthfully and said I was in for the Crossdreser's evening and she seemed okay.

Now the tricky bit of this situation,

None of my family know about my crossdressing. I never saw any great need to tell anyone. I asked her not to say anything as no - one knows and she said "Of course not". PHEW! I know she means it but she can be a real blabbermouth sometimes (not malicious just got a big mouth).

I don't want to go jumping the gun and run around telling everyone but, at the same time, don't want my family finding out by accident from someone else. I know shen hasn't said anything yet coz I've spoken to my Mum and my Brother yesterday and today and they're fine. I think I'd be able to tell if they knew.

So, I'm in a bit of a quandry about the whole thing. I'm not stressing out totally about it but it does bother me.

I'd be grateful for any advice you all could offer.

Thanks,

Mark.

[Wendy me]

leave it be and don't worry abiught what might happen it will drive you nutts .. if it dose happen deal with it then.........

[Sharon]

Marko:
I know this from experience, unfortunately, but don't assume anyone will honor your secrets for you. It may be an innocent slip of the tongue, or blatent gossiping, but you should be prepared for the worse. How you deal with this is up to you, naturally, and it probably will vary from person to person, and your relationship with them, but you should at least prepare yourself for questions.
If you don't wish to come full out with those you care about, then maybe you can just explain that you were curious and were there simply to check it out. Leave it as mis-communication or a misunderstanding on the neighbor's part. "The old woman's daft I tell ya!" :D
Whatever you do though, I just want to emphasize that you should at least prepare yourself for the worse.

Good luck! :)

[Priscilla1018]

Very well said girlfriend.

Love and Hugs,
Priscilla

[Marianne]

Marko,

the only way would be to tell your Mum *before* she hears it from your neighbors. That said, only *you* can pluck up the courage to do that.

There should be some links in the 'sticky' threads here that give some advice on how to do that and what to expect when you do.

There are also multiple threads here from folks who have told their parents, give them a read.

The alternative is to attempt to deal with the worry and 'guilt' you're feeling, and only you can decide if you can handle that. For some folks, that worry just builds up and builds up and can eventually destroy us.

In either case, you have friends here who are in the same situation, or who have been through the same situation, and who can relate to it. DOn't be afraid to discuss things here with 'us'.

[Brandy_Marie]

Marko,

I have to agree with Marianne and timme on this one. Just ask my wife. For various reasons, she didn't tell most of her family that we were married (nothing to do with my CDing; it's a family thing with her) for years. The last of them just found out last summer (and we just celebrated our 4th anniversary this month). Do you know what each and every one of them was most upset about? The fact that they found out from someone other than my wife through the gossip grapevine.

Some of them, maybe all of them, might not handle it well. But they'll handle it even worse if they find out from anyone that isn't you.

We'll be here for you when you need us,

Brandy Marie Devereaux

[Mia001]

Hi Wendy,

I think you may have a point. I'm not exactly losing sleep over it although it has been on my mind a bit.

Like I said the girl I met isn't malicious or anything and I can't really see the subject coming up between 2 neighbours saying helo.

Well, I hope so anyway. I think if she did say to my Mum then she's be more likely to say something to me when it was just the two of us talking or something.

We'll see,

Mark.

[Wendy me]

what you can controll .....controll.....all else will just eat at up thinking abought it...
lifes way too short..............

[Mia001]

Hi Sharon,

Thanks for your advice. Like you say I'll prepare myself for questions. I think that would be how my Mum would approach me anyway. If so, then I expect it wouldn't be difficult to get past any preconceptions she may have. Like I said, I never saw any need to tell them before or involve them. I think if I did have to talk to anyone in my family then I'd explain and tell we'd probably never have to talk about it again unless they had anything ask.

Thanks,

Mark.

[Mia001]

Hi Timme,

Thanks for laying it out in black and white for me like that. I just don't see it as being so simple though so I think I'll take a bit more time and think it through properly before I decide one way or the other.

I don't think they see me as anything else but human and falible but crossdressing is something I regard as private and have done for a long time. I'm not sure if it's something I want to share with them. It's different on here. Although we share our thoughts and feelings on the forums there is also a high degree of anonymity as well.

Food for thought though. Thanks,

Mark.

[Mia001]

Hi Marianne,

I'll definately have a wee look through the threads you mentioned. Like I said, I haven't really made up my mind what to do yet. I'm swaying toward letting sleeping dogs lie but won't make a final decision until I have more information.

Thanks,

Mark.

[Mia001]

Hi Brandy Marie,

Thanks for your advice. Like I aid in my post to Marianne, I'm going to have a look through some of the relevant threads before doing anything one way or the other.

I'll definately bear what you said in mind though. Thanks.

Mark.

[Mia001]

Thanks Wendy.

[Katie Ashe]

POLO... sorry just had to do it. :D Anyways just use your discretion, tell if your cool with it or tell only when you get caught. Touch and go situation I guess. :(

Katie

[Mia001]

Hi Katie,

Thanks. I think that's pretty much what I'm trying to sort out actually.

We don't have the Marco Polo thing here but, thanks toThe Simpsons, I totally got it.

Thanks,

Mark.