Do you really "hate it" so much?

[Kate Simmons]

I see a lot of comments here about how much some seem to dislike being their guy self and just cannot wait until the next time they can get all dolled up. While I can relate to that, I no longer think it's such a big deal. I had my "pink fog" period like everyone else when I felt I had to "prove" to myself and others I was 'feminine", yadda, yadda. The truth is, now that I'm retired and have the freedom to do anything I damn well please whenever I want, I feel I have nothing more to "prove", especially to myself.

I've done a lot of things with the CDing that many would only dream of and feel a lot of satisfaction really. For me it's all "matter of fact" and I take it all in stride. I'm not getting any younger though and while I still have a lot of fun with it, the old "grey mare", she ain't what she used to be :heehee:. That being the case, I've been "re-discovering" my guy side lately and kind of like it. There are just some basic pleasures to being a guy that cannot be denied, in my mind anyway.

The other thing is that for me, it's less about appearance and presentation and more about spirituality. I've amalgamated my male and female feelings into one overall person that is pretty solid and unshakable and will stand up to many trials and tribulations. The truth is, I'm in touch with my core self and my essense (which is genderless) and that is my default when things get tough.

Sure, I still enjoy the feminine stuff but the masculine stuff isn't half bad either and I certainly don't "hate it". Doesn't get any better than this really and truely is the "best of both worlds";).:happy:

[Angela Burke]

I'm happy being a guy and I'm happy being a girl as well, it's great. I don't go around grinning all day, I have the same ups and downs to a greater or lesser extent as everyone else does, but I'm basically quite a happy boy/girl.

[Suzie S.]

Great question Sal! Gosh no, I don't hate my male side. I don't have a problem at all being a guy. Gee, I got 43 years of experience being one! :heehee: Like you said, best of both worlds, although at this point in my life it's mostly guy world. I'd love to explore a little more of the other side, but not because I am trying to 'get away' from being a guy. :D

[sara_also]

No Salandra, I don't hate my guy side. In fact I find that my guy side always takes priority over the day..In other words I find that I will only dress if I have nothing planed to do on that certain day.

[DonnaT]

Me neither. I'm fine with either presentation, or even a mixed presentation.

[Eileen]

Hate is a strong word. In my case it was more that I was never comfortable trying to be a man. For so many years I tried, unsuccessfully I might add, to be a real man. Now after a year living as the woman I have always been, I am much happier. No many things in life do not change. Daily life is pretty much the same. Both women and men are subject to ups and downs in life. I do find, I am much more at peace within and that is what, I believe, we are all looking for in life

Eileen

[GailTulane]

Salandra, I think that I understand where you are coming from, and what you say makes sense to me.
But I do not think that we are all of a single stripe.
I, for one, always feel better in femme mode, and would stay that way 24/7 if, my life circumstances allowed it.
Indeed, I am working towards doing just that.
I think that some men want to be women some of the time, and that some men want to be women all of the time, and that some men do not want to be women any of the time.
;-)

[Lilith Moon]

I don't have seperate "sides". It is all me. :2c:

[TGMarla]

I don't "hate" the guy side. I do a lot of things as a guy that would prove difficult as a girl, but not impossible. It's just that all the girl stuff seems so natural to me, I wish that it wasn't taboo. The fact that if I had just been a woman instead, all of this would just be normal is sometimes a little overwhelming.

But what is one to do. You can grind your teeth, piss and moan about it, or just buy a new dress and deal with it. So I deal with it.

[NYsong]

I freaking love my guy side! I also love my girly side! I just say I'm happier when dressed because I am still discovering that part of myself, and it actually helps me out with my guy side too. Becoming a woman makes me a more polite and understanding guy, and also helps me realize how drastically different the two sides are. When I see guys from a women perspective, I also see all the advantages Men have. When can a woman be stupid and act like they don't know anything? Never! Its almost expected of guys though! The other way around, as a guy I see that women are much more understanding, and by being more aware of their surroundings, they usually end up more intelligent in the end.

"The best of both worlds" is right. I wouldn't change my situation for the world. It helps me grow in ways most guys would never even dream of. Now if I could just switch off whenever I wanted to....

[Carol A]

Well I prefer my fem side but I do retain my guy side as there are to many thing a guy can do. Being retired like you I do as I please but living out in the country I love to hunt and fish (guy things) but around the house it's all women. I'm very happy living both sides of the fence. Life is grand :hugs:

[Littlej10]

I find great aspects of being a guy as I do in being "fem", I guess the philosophy is "be happy with yourself and make the most of your attributes in either mode". I just wish the ratios were a little more equal. The closet feels too cramped.

[Charleen]

Sal, good thread. I don't hate being a guy. I've just never been comfortable with it. What a struggle it's been. For most of my life living in ignorance and guilt about why I HAD to do what I do. Even after discovering the truth through this site and other resources, it was still a trip! The pink cloud, then the denial, (as the infamous post said, "We're men dammit!). I am coming to the understanding that clothes don't make the woman. It's all inside. Yes, I wear the right clothing when ever I can. When not at work, it's all woman's clothing. It just feels right. Even at work, I will wear a blouse or a vest which buttons the "wrong" way, my nails are long and polished, I wear mascara, and hoop earrings, and purfume at all times. As I said, it feels right.
On the other hand, it's just window dressing. I know who and what I am, regardless of how I am dressed. I have come to accept the fact that I was born with the wrong plumbing. At my age, I ain't going to do anything to correct that, and I can live with that. I know who I have been all my life, and am finally able to embrace that. I can not "hate" the guy. How can I hate me? I don't like that I have to be a guy, but I have to be able to live with him, 'cause after all, I'm me, and all my life, I have been a woman with the wrong parts.
All I've said is about me. Where I am right now. Others have other thoughts and needs, and I know it.

[docrobbysherry]

I am really myself at all times, dressed or not. I don't dislike my "male" self any more or less, since I started CDing.
My male self created Sherry after all. I'm still not sure why I need to do that, but I do.
While I love the feel and everything involved with dressing, Sherry is another matter. She is almost like a fantasy come to life. And Robert seems to disappear when she appears. She is too beautiful and sexy to be Robert. Even tho she is.
There IS a DUALITY involved in CDing. I have not resolved that in myself yet!
RS

[Kate Simmons]

It's not easy by any stretch of the imagination. It took me a really long time to get where I am today. Years ago, I was like many and had absolutely no use for my guy side, in fact I wanted it to die. By having been a military man, a husband, a father, a bread winner and a homeowner, I've proven I can do all of those so called manly things but even with all that stuff, I did not feel complete and something was missing.

That something was my deep feelings and crossdressing was one of the vehicles I utilized to get in touch with them. By becoming a free and easy "butterfly"(after being the caterpillar) I realized that those feelings were mine for the taking if I was only bold enough to take the "plunge" and live outside of society's box a bit. I don't regret that decision and getting in touch with my feelings was the best thing I ever did. Not only that but it has put me more in tune with others and made me more tolerant.

It has now come full circle however and both of my "modes" have merged into one. I'm always the same person, the only difference is the outward presentation. That is quite an accomplishment for me, considering how fragmented I was in the beginning. What we can do and who we can become is really only limited solely by our imagination and I have a good one.:happy:

[AngGG]

I love to hunt and fish (guy things) :hugs:

<-----------Avid fisherWOMAN here....Ok I admit I won't hunt...can't stand the thought of killing and eating bambi...but I can cut bait, fish and clean em with the best of em...lol

Angela

Sorry Salandra didn't mean to get OT here:love:

[TerriM]

Good Topic.

I like both sides of me. I love being a grandpa and playing with my grandkids. I love shopping enfemme.

I dislike both sides of me. I hate the pressures of my job. I dislike the hiding I have to do so people dont find out about my fem side.

Those are just a couple of both sides of the coin.


Yours Terri

[Dee Jay]

I love being a man! I'd hate to be a women. All the c**p they have to put up with... Not for me :)

When I'm dressed, I'm a man in women's clothing. I don't have a "Her" side.
I do act slightly differently when in skirt and heels, but that's only because it's neccessary. Sitting, walking etc.
I'm a lot more relaxed when dressed, but then I'm also relaxed after a pint or two too :)

No, I don't hate or even dislike the male me... That is what I am.
Male, nothing more, nothing less. Yes, iIhave a soft side and an understanding side, but I have these whatever I'm wearing... At least I like to think I do :)

DJ

[paulaN]

Let me see I'm sitting here with my jeans and a flanel shirt on. I also have shaved legs and arm pits. And I am wearing panties hehe!!!!!! I kinda like beeing able to go both ways. I have come to terms with me. I like me. I have a lot of fun with the cding thing, and I manage to do all right in guy mode too. Although I had a long over due GNO last week and I sure hated to take it all off if you know what I mean.

[KimberlyS]

I like being a male and always have been. It is just 1/4 of my life I was confused because while being a male, I liked and liked to do many female things. I also had many female personality traits and physical features.

Hate is a pretty strong word. I dislike having to put on a wig and makeup just to get out wearing outwardly feminine looking clothes. I want to have the flexibility that GG's currently have without the potential affects on my family. GG's can dress more feminine or more masculine based on their mood or tasks they are doing. That is all I want to be able to do as a male.

So to answer you question. Going back to male mode does not bother me. It actually use to and it did not matter if it was full femme time or guy in a dress femme time. But it was because of the uncertainly of when I would be getting some more outwardly visible feminine time. But now that my wife knows and is open to me getting femme time and sometimes even suggests it. Now the worry of being uncertain of my next time will be is not there.

I wonder if others had or currently do struggle because of being uncertain when their next femme time will be. For me that was a big part of not wanting to go back to male mode. It was not because I did not like my male self.

kimberlys-cd
joe

[shannonsilk]

I am with most in saying I don't hate my guy self. The problem for me is that I ain't sure what it is to feel like a guy or like a woman. I feel like I'm acting a part either way. I have brought some traits into my personality that are more associated with women, but not exclusively associated with them.
I mostly act the same no matter how I am dressed.
There are times when the compulsion to wear female clothes becomes very strong and could be considered a desire to be rid of the male side, but it is just appearance.

[Samantha43]

I don't really have "guy" and "girl" sides. I am 100% guy. I like being a guy. I have no female traits. The things I enjoy and my hobbies are all "guy things".....except for one. Dressing is very rewarding for me, and is a tremendous release. I value that part of my life very much, but it is only a small part of my life.

[vikki2020]

Great question, Salandra.I really enjoy both sides of me---but let's face it,I'm a guy 99% of the time. Husband and father 100% of the time.When I dress, it's strictly for fun, and it always is fun! I'd like to dress more,and someday will, but for now, there's a lot of things I can only do in guy mode.And most of them are fun also.I feel blessed being able to bounce back and forth---keeps both sides balanced.

[joann07]

I don't really have "guy" and "girl" sides. I am 100% guy. I like being a guy. I have no female traits. The things I enjoy and my hobbies are all "guy things".....except for one. Dressing is very rewarding for me, and is a tremendous release. I value that part of my life very much, but it is only a small part of my life.

I'm with Samantha.
I guess crossdressing has also become sort of a new hobby for me, its just that it's totally different from my usual guy side hobbies (i.e. car clubs, guns, comics, computers, militaria collecting, etc, etc.)

Hugs!

[RobertaFermina]

I feel like I'm on a similar path with Salandra, however, not so far along.

Recently, I have been doing the Guy thing for about two months with precious few outings Enfemme.

Well, the part I HATE is that I LOVE being a Guy, and being a Guy has never been so much FUN as building a life with my sweetheart!

The part that I *hate* is, missing Roberta while confident that it is OK for now. Sad and acheing, and Content and Happy all in the same soul......gotta love the complexities of Life.

:rose: Roberta Who? :rose:

[Brenda79135]

I have a great time as a guy. But then again I also have a great time as a gal. I don't think of myself as having 2 sides. When I dress I see it as expanding my entire personality. It does make me feel better to break down the feeling barrier that is put around me in guy mode. I have found that my understanding o people in general (both female and male) has improved. I now can understand both better.:2c:

[Nicole Erin]

I don't "hate" my male self, but honestly, if it were feasible, I would be en femme all the time.

The only time I enjoy my male side is when I am turning wrenches on my car but that is quite seldom [Not a word out of you either, DanaJ :heehee: ]

It is just that Erin is more attractive, less obnoxious, and people seem to like her more.

So the male side is a necessary evil, I don't hate him but Erin is better.

[Genifer Teal]

I absolutely hate it! Wait . . . what are we talking about?

Seriously, I do not dislike my male side. I could take it or leave it. My female side of me is more outgoing. I meet more interesting people and usually have more fun as Genifer. That is all a good reason to rather be Genifer. Since I don't hate my male side, there is no convincing argument for transitioning. Life is fine the way it is, but as I say in my tag line, it's more fun in heels.

Gen

[CharleneCD]

I never did well as a guy for most of my life. But since discovering and embracing my fem side, I have noticed that I am so much more comfortable in Guy mode also. Actually I have been spending some time lately enjoying some time as just a guy. My fem side is still there and influencing things, but not letting me feel any conflict.

[teresa jeen]

no im not hateful toward my guy side im just jealous as h*** cause fems get to wear all the pretty stuff!!! it would be nice to be treated as a lady. of course theres aspects of being fem i wouldnt desire.

[Jilmac]

Well said Salandra, From one "old broad" (and I say that with tongue in cheek) to another, I couldn't agree with you more. I like my girl side and my guy side equally as well. In fact, there are some things that I more comfortable doing as a guy such as my woodworking hobby, (I would hate to get all that sawdust in my wig and other places, yuk). Also I still wouldn't feel comfortable going to the va hospital for my medical checkups en femme.

I wouldn't trade my dressing experiences for anything, and like you I'm retired now and can dress any time I please with no body to answer to but moi. And when my time comes to check out I want to have the very last laugh on everybody and be buried en femme. Luv and :hugs: Jill

[Rachel Morley]

I don't hate my guy self because he's not much different to Rachel. He wears more unisex clothes at work but other than that he's the spitting image of Rachel but with much less hair :heehee:

His personality is very similar to hers too, and the things he likes to do (outside of work) are all very girly. Hate my guy self? ... no, I quite like him really .... but I prefer Rachel better! :D

[Echo Logical]

What I hate is that we have to put up with gender roles mandated by society.

I like being male, physically. I think like a "male" for the most part. I do a bunch of things that society says are "Male" things. I am a combat veteran, and through my service have done some pretty cool things that society says is ok for guys and not ok for girls, like get to blow things up. I just hate that general society seems to think that I have to do certain things or I am not a real man. I won't hunt, because I can't justify killing a wild animal when I don't need it for survival, I like to fish on occasion, hate watching sports on TV, and think that a lot supposed guy stuff is just a bunch of macho crap. I do my best to stand up for those that can't stand up for themselves, I don't believe I have to be in charge.

I also like the feel of a lot of womens clothes, the feel of stockings, walking in heels, skirts, makeup. I have an appreciation for fashion and beauty, cry at sad movies, love shopping, and used to avidly watch soaps in high school.

I hate the fact that just because I want to wear garters and stockings every now and then causes some to think that I am not the same man who has willingly fought for his country and the things he believes in.

I love being a man, I love waking up in the morning next to my beautiful wife, scratching once, doing a sniff check on my clothes, and getting ready for the day. I just want to occasionally spend my day in a nice knee length skirt and high heel boots. I hate the fact that "Normal" society would judge me for that.

[heidi99]

It's interesting the evolution we seem to go through. As several others have said, I'm a much better person (more outgoing, able to see things from different points of view, etc.) There are things that are easier done while in "male mode", things that are just as much a part of my identity as dressing is. Given a chance to change sexes, I don't think I would.

Maybe off topic, but anyone played this game. If a genie gave you three wishes, what would you wish for? I've never had any trouble with the first two: be the single winner for a powerball jackpot, and be able to switch/transmute (kind of like the blue lady in the X-Men movies.) Hmmmm, third wish. World peace perhaps. Make people stop being so ugly to each other.

So, rather than chose, I prefer both sides of my identity. :D

[Jennaie]

I see a lot of comments here about how much some seem to dislike being their guy self and just cannot wait until the next time they can get all dolled up. While I can relate to that, I no longer think it's such a big deal. I had my "pink fog" period like everyone else when I felt I had to "prove" to myself and others I was 'feminine", yadda, yadda. The truth is, now that I'm retired and have the freedom to do anything I damn well please whenever I want, I feel I have nothing more to "prove", especially to myself.

I've done a lot of things with the CDing that many would only dream of and feel a lot of satisfaction really. For me it's all "matter of fact" and I take it all in stride. I'm not getting any younger though and while I still have a lot of fun with it, the old "grey mare", she ain't what she used to be :heehee:. That being the case, I've been "re-discovering" my guy side lately and kind of like it. There are just some basic pleasures to being a guy that cannot be denied, in my mind anyway.

The other thing is that for me, it's less about appearance and presentation and more about spirituality. I've amalgamated my male and female feelings into one overall person that is pretty solid and unshakable and will stand up to many trials and tribulations. The truth is, I'm in touch with my core self and my essense (which is genderless) and that is my default when things get tough.

Sure, I still enjoy the feminine stuff but the masculine stuff isn't half bad either and I certainly don't "hate it". Doesn't get any better than this really and truely is the "best of both worlds";).:happy:

Yep, I agree, but yet, you have to admit Sal, would it not be nice to crawl out of bed do nothing but silp on your shoes, walk out to the porch to get your paper and hear your neighbor call to you, "good morning Salandra, you look nice this morning", and yet, you have done nothing to yourself.

My point is this: GG's are gg's without all the work. They are beautiful without all the makeup, dress etc... We have to put a tremendous amount of effort forth to present ourselves.

If it took no effort to be female and be received as female, would you feel differently? Imagine how difficult it must be for the ftm's to present and how easy it is for them just to present the body they were born with.

[flacindycd]

being 54 years young ,in the past 3 years or so I enjoy being Cindy more and more ... I enjoy some guy things bit I am more at ease with myselef as Cindy, I'd say I'm 60% Cindy and 40% guy and slowly approaching 70% Cindy,, kinda weird but I guess I' just tired of being a guy and having to put up with all the pressure from society and family of being the "GO TO GUY" for everything and not having time for myself.... guess thats why for the first time in my life I have actually started thinking of seperation/divorce just so I can live MY LIFE ,MY WAY ,sounds selfish but... hey after all it IS MY LIFE ,not someone elses..

[Kate Simmons]

Well, responses to this thread have really surprised me. I guess all those that hate their guy side are only about 1% of the 5% of society that are CD's (or whatever it is, I always hated math). Anyway, seems like most of the gals here actually like being a guy, which is good. I will say this though. As long as I've been doing this, I have come to the realization that it's a lot about perception. I can be dressed up as Sal but still think and act like Rich. I can also do the opposite. The point is I have a very good comfort level with myself and that was my goal really.

As far as society "dictating" how we should act because of our "equipment", I lovingly defer them to what Flo said:"Kiss mah grits." Genuine people are real people who are in touch with their feelings and what we look like has very little to do with it.:happy:

[tommi]

I enjoy my guy side but I get enjoyment out of being dressed even when it's
just around the house.
This is an area women can come and go and society accepts it but not so much with men.
I enjoy coaching and fixing things but I also enjoy dooling myself up just to
relax.

[Megan (VA)]

I don't feel I really have a "guy-self," I just have me and what I have overwhelmingly trends towards the feminine. I do have a guy life though and I have worked at making it as enjoyable as possible. As far as behavior goes I just be myself. If people have a problem with that it's their problem because I think I am a pretty nice person. As far as presentation I see no reason why I can't integrate my taste into a male wardrobe - a lavender shirt with black slacks, or a pink pocket square in my blazer.

But, there are some traditional guy things I do like. I love shooting shotguns for example. I'm pretty good at it too.:D

[Raquel June]

I don't really have "guy" and "girl" sides. I am 100% guy. I like being a guy. I have no female traits. The things I enjoy and my hobbies are all "guy things".....except for one. Dressing is very rewarding for me, and is a tremendous release. I value that part of my life very much, but it is only a small part of my life.

Maybe your opinion is only semantically different from what most CDs feel, but that's a strange way to put it. If you have no female traits, what exactly are you expressing when you dress up like a woman? Unless you're a drag queen just doing it to put on a show, you must feel something feminine, even if it's just before and during dressing. Otherwise, what's the "very rewarding" part, and where's the "tremendous release" come from? Most who would describe themselves as 100% guys with 100% guy hobbies would have a philosophical problem with the whole "except I love dressing up like a girl" part.




I'm with Samantha.
I guess crossdressing has also become sort of a new hobby for me, its just that it's totally different from my usual guy side hobbies (i.e. car clubs, guns, comics, computers, militaria collecting, etc, etc.)

Hugs!

I guess if that was Samantha's point, it's very healthy. Being happy as a guy and not obsessing over crossdressing is certainly a good thing.

I like cars/guns/computers/movies as much as the next guy. Actually, I'm a software engineer, and I know a lot more about cars, own a lot more guns, and can quote a lot more movie lines than most guys -- so I guess in that respect I'm 100% guy, but I don't really feel like it's 100%. I can certainly act 100% masculine, and I'm definitely attracted to women, but I just love to be sparkly and get all pretty. That doesn't seem 100% guy...

I mean, come on, girls! You can't say you're 100% guy then end a post with "Hugs!" -- it's just too cute! ;)




Well, responses to this thread have really surprised me. I guess all those that hate their guy side are only about 1% of the 5% of society that are CD's

This thread certainly isn't a random sample of CDs. People who agree with you will be glad to chime in with, "Wow! I feel just like that!" but I don't think many CDs are going to post and say, "I hate my guy self!" It sounds very depressing and bad. If that's the way they feel, they might not say much because it's hard to not feel like you're being pathetic or negative or cranky or looking for sympathy.

On the other hand, if you make a thread titled, "What would you do if you woke up 100% female tomorrow?" your responses will look like 95% of CDs would give anything to be a real woman.




I have come to the realization that it's a lot about perception. I can be dressed up as Sal but still think and act like Rich. I can also do the opposite. The point is I have a very good comfort level with myself and that was my goal really.

I think you're getting to the heart of this duality that we all have to some degree but have trouble explaining even to ourselves. I hate people who use logically flawed figures like "give 110%" ... so forgive me ... but I really think what many of us are looking for is to be 100% girl without giving up being 100% guy.

[HalloweenDragon]

I don't hate being a man, but men can be disgusting at times. I hate being associated with the gender. I'd prefer to be a woman, but I'm content with the set-up I have!

Also, I can NOT watch/play a sports game in drag! There are times when I will do lawn work in my back yard while CD, but if I need to do any of what my love calls "manly work", for some reason I have to be dressed like a man. It's dumb, I know, but I can't help the feeling. Plant a flower in a mini, but have to saw wood in jeans! :p

[Khriss]

I believe I'm rather pretty , dressed in My favorite Ways ?
though the truth .. of being 6'4" tall .. break's certain realities ..
of My wishes to pass ..as a Woman .. ?
While there are tall Women .. I might of given up ...on passing ...
No tears realy ... Hopeing to improve ! xx"K"

[Brynna M]

I havn't explored my female side as much as most but this duality is interesting. I like parts of my life that are guy things. Karate, judo, camping, engineering etc. But I wonder if I would be happier as a woman. Women can camp do karate or be engineers but guy really can't(in the sense of being socially acceptable) try to be pretty.

I don't hate being a guy at all, I just wonder...

Peace and love.

B

[Tee]

i love sports like many man likes it! I am terrible upset that injuries prevent me from playing football!
i love it when my friends come over to do gaming! all the slaughtering and shooting.
I love to watch war movies and my wife always wonder why i have to buy those gory shows.
so really, i cannot figure out why i still like the touch of a dress against my skin...

[Dalece]

I do guy things as well and like to do them vetern stuff mostly. Sorry keeping our freedom Jusat a patriotic moment. But love to pamper myself as well being a girl.my body feels better I love going out as agirl`. But then there are the guy things too. As Tee says War movies Sci Fi Played football. So why is it that I'm so femine. But still can shut up a Marine D.I. with sailor language. And Still again love to wear dresses.