Where's this train going??

[KeriB]

So, I recently joined a local Yahoo group to meet others, share some gab and all that. Got a mail from someone who introduced herself, offered some very kind words of encouragement to get me moving along (or thinking about it anyways..), and we've had a couple very nice and instructive exchanges.

Got a mail this morning in response to mine, which basically stated that from what I've been stating about my CD'g interests and all that, that I'm more than just a crossdresser. My statement had been, and I've kind of touched on this here a bit though very subtly, that if I were about 20 years younger and more importantly, had nobody depending directly upon me, Selene might exist 24/7... (but then I guess she does anyways...).

So, after reading that, and yes, realizing what it has been that I've been saying, and feeling, I'm just a tad (LOL) confused this morning about where this will eventually take me. And that is frightening.

By my very nature, I tend to suck things up fully - why so something half-hearted? And contemplating other threads that have appeared the past few days, particularly the questions about liking your male aspect, hating the drab clothes, etc.... I sit here and cannot honestly think of anything male-specific that is real excitement - I've done lots, from training racehorses to flying, mountaineering, ice hockey.... But - are those male-endemic by nature? Nope.

I've always known there was something different about me in my perspective of things, how I relate to things, emotional responses, etc.. All of my closest friends throughout my life have been women. So I sit here contemplating these thoughts - am I a CD, a TG.. what? I'm not categorizing myself, but simply thinking it all through. To the point that should I continue to CD.. where will it lead me?

Nobody can answer these questions, I know that, and this post is more of a therapeudic one than searching for answers. Anyway, thanks for listening as always, and my apologies for being so maudlin today.

~ hugs all and have a positive day.....

[Bobby Anne]

You are truly confused.
Take the journey as see where it leads, otherwise you will never know. In the end you will discover enlightenment.

[Emma DVS]

...well, Ive only been dressing up for about 3 years, and only at this site for less than a week, the more I read, the less I understand myself ...I love it, I dont know why ...not really a good answer, its just I ask myself the same question ...Emma xXx

[StacyCD]

Since life is a journey--not a destination, I hope you enjoy the ride. Unfortunately, life is too short to live trying to seek approval of others, etc. Just as it's impossible not to be confused on occasions. Be open to the journey--you'll see lots of wonderful things along the way!

[Kate Simmons]

As you move forward my friend, you will find as the old song goes:"The answer my friend is blowin, in the wind". It's not just that , however. When we finally see all the colors of the wind as Pocahontas (Judy Kuhn) sang, we will know we are finally there. Crossdressing is just the tip of the iceberg for those who are truely explorers and seek their purpose.:happy:

[sara-jean]

well salene i know exactly how you feel.if i was only 20 years younger and had no dependents i`m sure i would have ben sara-jean fulltime back then.maybe even a few transplants too.lol.i love everything about being a woman.i was always the one who cried at happy endings.was alway the emotional one in the family of all but one boy.however i do realize that i`m older enjoy dressing as a woman ,but i know i`m not.wonder what life could have been?

[Jill]

I agree with Stacy, life is a journey, not a destination and I don't like to think of my life or things in my life as a train, which would suggest that you have really no control over which direction it goes and where it ends up. I do believe we are masters of our own destiny. There are things in life and even about ourself that we have more control over then others, crossdressing is one of those things what we seem to have less control over but that doesn't mean that it's has to write your life for you. Be who and what you want to be.

[JessieB]

I don't think you should get hung up on the confusion thing -- you're simply in the middle of self-discovery. And don't beat yourself up over the "too late" thing either -- many of us wish we'd started at a young age and transitioned, but that comes with its own set of problems. So, just relax and trust that your fem identity and expression will find its own equilibrium, hopefully in balance with other aspects of your life.

Don't worry, be happy. It's a choice.

[Emily Ann Brown]

Clarksville.....this is the last train to Clarksville.


Now down to serious business. From your post you sound like you have responsibilities and you take them very seriously. You don't sound like you are "OMGosh !!!!" going nutz or anything. The "train" as you call it will go where you want it to when you tell it to IMHO. Sounds like you might have chosen a different train earlier in your life, but you didn't. You may chose to get off at some later station should things become "different" in your life. That we do not know at this point in the journey.

I remember those vacation trips with my now grown children. They missed tons of enjoyment along the trip to and from because all they cared about was "when are we gonna get there?". Don't let this journey lose all it's pleasure worrying about that final destination....there will be plenty of fun along the way if you take it one hour and one day at a time.

Emily Ann

[deja true]

Golly Hun! Every girl on this forum who came of age and took on life-long responsibilities, like kids and career and mortgages, before the blessed intra-webs feels the same way. We were almost all isolated in our own little guilt worlds, especially small town folks. To see the open and obvious gender options available to young people today makes me sad and jealous for my own "wasted youth" but also makes my heart soar that so many young people will not have to face the years of hiding and paranoia that we all did.

Take heart, beauty! We may have missed the train we really wanted in the first place, but the train we're on now is an express and, if we're lucky, some of the stops we can get off at are just as interesting as the one's we've passed.

Damn, that made me cry...

Respect and Love,

deja

[charlie]

So take a walk on the wild side. For me it wan't what I wanted, but I tried just to find out. I'm sure from what you have written that you are no different!

[gennee]

I don't know where this journey will take me but I'm compelling to follow. It's been pleasant in the neraly three years I have been dressing. I believe that I am blooming as a complete person.

Gennee

:gorgeous:

[melissacd]

It is an interesting journey and there are no simple answers, no magic bullets. All there is is trying new things, contemplating on the experience and using that new found knowledge to help you decide the next step. Along the way you can ask many questions and make many new friends.

In my case I am now out on my own and I am trying to understand better where cross dressing fits in my life. So far dressing up on a daily basis feels as natural as breathing. I am also going through a process of thinking about how far I want to take this. There are so many questions to answer.

I find that I enjoy dressing so much at this stage that I could easily see myself dressing 7/24. The challenge of course is family and friends and work most of whom do not know about this side of me. To move to the 7/24 stage takes an even bigger change and leap of courage than where I am at this point and I am not ready for that...yet. Also going 7/24 means I cross dress all the time, however, it does not mean that I want to become a woman in the SRS sense. If I went that route however I can see how it could complicate my dating women and it has also challenged me to question my sexuality as well.

At this point pretty much anything and everything is on the table for review and evaluation. So where does the train go, wherever you feel comfortable and courageous enough to take it.

Huggs
Melissa

[Jennaie]

As long as no one sees your pantie lines before you decide to go 24/7, you'll be just fine. If you decide not to. You will be just fine as well. :hugs:

[bgirl]

I am sitting right along side of you on this one. All the ifs included. I just try to accept the here and now, even though I don't understand it and I don't know where its going, I can sure enough take the time to enjoy this part of my life, however as much a part of my life it is.

[Angie G]

Well I hope you find yout way hun :hugs:
Angie

[KeriB]

Thanks everyone for the encouragement. I picked the "train" title without really thinking about it, but perhaps that was subliminal! But yes, I do believe taht we drive our own destinies, and we are responsible for our actions. I have been seriously thinking this all through all day long, its been raining all day as well so, wow... nice day off lol!. I've very seriously contemplated walking away from it all, but I know it will just be there still...

But I hear all my girlfriends here... I intend to move along and see where things go. As I said, Selene has always been a part of me, and just how much she gets to express herself will be my voyage of further self-discovery. Being relatively isolated in not having RL friends to talk things out with, thank goodness we have this site!

[Jennaie]

Thanks everyone for the encouragement. Being relatively isolated in not having RL friends to talk things out with, thank goodness we have this site!

I'll second that! :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

[Nikki A.]

It is a long journey and everyone reaches their own stop. I've gone through the whole gamut of feelings and thoughts. From denial, is a just a fetish , am I gay, am I woman trapped in a man's body. Only with time and introspection can you come up with what your level is, don't be rash. You who are younger may have an easier time in that society is changing slowly and you have forums like this that did not exist 20-30 years ago.
You can't make someone else happy if you aren't happy yourself. Find your own peace.

[docrobbysherry]

It is a long journey and everyone reaches their own stop. I've gone through the whole gamut of feelings and thoughts. From denial, is a just a fetish , am I gay, am I woman trapped in a man's body. Only with time and introspection can you come up with what your level is, don't be rash. You who are younger may have an easier time in that society is changing slowly and you have forums like this that did not exist 20-30 years ago.
You can't make someone else happy if you aren't happy yourself. Find your own peace.

U said beautifully, and in a few succinct words, exactly what I have/am experiencing, as I travel the CD train to---------?
RS

[Jazzmine]

Isn't it interesting that many of us are still pondering the "why" of it all?
I suppose if we ask the question often enough, the answer will appear.
But if we knew the answer would it change anything?
Would we be full steam ahead once knowing? Full steam to where/what, anyway? We'd still have choices/decisions to make which would still cause individuals to meander.

I don't think the answer will shape your destiny.

You'll still have to discover your life's purpose and how you will satisfy that purpose. It'd be like discovering you like e.g. Jazz music - You can devote your life to it if that is your life's decision, or you can just enjoy listening to it whenever you can, while you get on with your true life's purpose elswhere. The reasons you like Jazz music will individually vary but it will not by itself change your destiny. Your passion (or lack thereof) will decide your destiny.

So while it's good to ask the questions about the journey and why we are on it, we cannot wait for that definitive answer - life goes on without us! We would be better to set about uncovering our passions and follow them. Our destiny and purpose will unfold naturally as our passions are realeased.

Hugs Jazzmine

[Kayla_CD]

I've been having a similar, although smaller scale, internal debate. For me, I have an amazing gf who knows nothing of my dressing and who I don't want to tell about it. I wonder if I should be with her and keep Kayla away or dedicate myself to a wonderful woman. I think we all struggle with these issues and have to draw the lines for ourselves.

[docrobbysherry]

Isn't it interesting that many of us are still pondering the "why" of it all?
I suppose if we ask the question often enough, the answer will appear.
But if we knew the answer would it change anything?
Would we be full steam ahead once knowing? Full steam to where/what, anyway? We'd still have choices/decisions to make which would still cause individuals to meander.

I don't think the answer will shape your destiny.

You'll still have to discover your life's purpose and how you will satisfy that purpose. It'd be like discovering you like e.g. Jazz music - You can devote your life to it if that is your life's decision, or you can just enjoy listening to it whenever you can, while you get on with your true life's purpose elswhere. The reasons you like Jazz music will individually vary but it will not by itself change your destiny. Your passion (or lack thereof) will decide your destiny.

So while it's good to ask the questions about the journey and why we are on it, we cannot wait for that definitive answer - life goes on without us! We would be better to set about uncovering our passions and follow them. Our destiny and purpose will unfold naturally as our passions are realeased.

Hugs Jazzmine

Jazzmine, What a lovely, incitefull post! U Kiwi's know a lot more about life than just sheep and Rings! I appreciate ALL of your posts, by the by!
RS