Dazed and confused

[christid66]

Is there such a thing as 'mental purging'?

When I really got into this site in the 3rd qtr 2007, I almost became addicted to it. I spent every spare minute on this site and I was corresponding with people and really enjoying myself.

This site encouraged me to bring out a part of me that I thought I'd never see and Christ evolved - I was actually able to look at myself in the mirror whilst putting on make-up and even take & post pictures of myself.....things I thought I'd never be able to do. I even made contact with some girls on here and looked into the possibility of speaking on the phone or even meeting in person.

Then for some unexplainable reason, the urge to dress vanished and I felt ashamed of what I was doing.

As a result, Christi went back into her box in the basement. Even the days off that I craved as I became Christi - right through to full make-up and even photo sessions were spent en drab.....I'd lost the will to dress. I didn't even log on to any site related to dressing.

Then for yet another inexplicable reason, I slowly started to want to look at sites again - then I started looking at and even buying articles of clothing and finally today (Tadahhhh!!!!), I'm sitting here typing this dressed on a cream sweater, new plaid mini, black opaques and black suede pumps (Can't go 'the whole hog' as my daughter and her friend will be back soon).

Why am I writing this? Is my story much different from others that have been through something similar? I doubt it. Maybe it's a type of therapy or an attempt to understand what happened.....I have no idea but whenever I read it, I still don't understand why it happened. However, when I think back to the purging that I used to do in my teenage/early 20's, maybe this is comparable...only this time, I threw nothing out - Perhaps because I've spent too much money on clothes/shoes etc to throw them away!

Where I go from here....who knows. However, I know that I'd rather have 'Christi' than be without her - even if it is difficult at times and hopefully, she's back for good.

Anyway for those of you who are still reading - Thank You....and to those of you that were kind enough to correspond with me before I vanished without explanation - I am so sorry and hope that you will understand :sorry:.

Best Wishes

[Deborah Jane]

Hiya Christi welcome back:hugs:...Wondered where you had gone. In answer to your statement/question, i think a lot of us go through a sort of mental purging at times. I guess it serves to bring us back to reality and allows us to keep this in perspective. Anyway, glad you,re back, pop in "The Ark" sometime and say "Hi" to your old friends...There,ll be a cold one waiting for you:drink:

[Kate Simmons]

Things happen Christi. Some days when I wake up, for no apparant reason, I have no desire to be Sal whatsoever, just can't get into it. I used to question this. You'd think as long as I've been doing this, it would never happen, especially since becoming Sal is as easy for me as falling off a log and I have the opportunity to do it, so why would I want to be Rich? I've just come to the conclusion that that is who I need to be at that particular time and have stopped trying to figure it out. Besides, since I've combined the two "personas" into one, they overlap anyway, so I basically always have the best of both worlds regardless.

Some days I will dress all day but if it's a night I normally go to the club, I find may myself going drab for some reason, not that it really matters. This "CD mystique " stuff is pretty funky sometimes. Who really knows?:happy:

[deja true]

Christi, I am where you were a few months ago,I think. I registered only a few days ago and cannot keep away from the forum. But, no doubt, I'll go sotto voce for a while, too.

As you suspect, I think it's the same kind of roller-coaster emotions that we brought into this fantastic endeavor in our younger years.

Keep in mind that in many posts that talk about dressing as stress relief, almost everybody here ranks that aspect of dressing higher than any other, even sexual gratification. Could it be that when you're less stressed, when things are going well at home and at work, you may have less a tendency to need the "stress relief" aspect? In writing this I sorta come to the realization that, for me, this indeed may be the case.

Whatever the reason for our occasional breaks in the gender role-playing game of our lives, we know that we'll never, ever give it up. It just ain't possible. The calm, gentle woman-spirit will always win. I'm so glad for all of us and for you.

Respect and Love

deja

[Angie G]

Some times things just gt to be to much and we must back off of course we forgive you we are family hun :hugs:
Angie

[teresa jeen]

i feel that there are times in everyones lives we feel the being of the other gender. its how we "deal"with it that makes a difference. i myself deal with it being as fem as i can in the situation. women for some odd reason tend to have a sense of the goings on we as men dont feel. maybe thats the holy grail???

[christid66]

Thanks Everyone for your understanding. That's what makes this site - but more importantly - the people on it so great

[Shelley-Anne]

Does seem a little strange doesn't it and have absolutely no idea why that should happen. The only thought that did spring to mind is that perhaps, in some way, the male side of you wanted to reestablish your masculinity. At the end of the day day we are guys who get one hell of a kick (for whatever reason) of becoming 'all woman' (well except for one or two things) and, I would think, far more of a kick than any woman would get dressing the same way. Is this making sense. But at some point our minds need to reestablish our 'true identity' and rebel against what we usually find exciting. Don't know and problem a thousand miles off th mark but the main thing is you are back and enjoying it again. My advice, for what it is worth, don't try and analyse it, just enjoy it.