a personal problem

[stayfrosty55]

I know this is supposed to be tg related....but I cant help it. I really have no where else to go. Im so hurt now I just don't know what to do...my younger brother seems to cheat and hurt as many girls around him as possible. He stole my last gf away from me and she has hated me ever since when I revealed to her that he cheated on her multiple times...they can still laugh and smile and act ok around each other but she wont even give me the time of day...I actually cared for her and she hates me! what is wrong with me? What am I doing that is so wrong?

[Like2BAspen]

You care to much. Don't worry about the B''''!!. Are you a cd or tg

[eileen1969]

Hello! one of the biggest things happen with people is lack of love for oneself! This opens a gate of way too much doubt of ones ways of seeing, controling others is nil. I can only suggest that let go of them both and give yourself a chance in life. Thiers so much one can miss out on by watching or being consumed by someone or something beyond thier control, then ya miss the bus to the biggest picture of what life has to offer my freind! I hope that things get better for you! I really do! take care of you n stay sexy Ronxxxooo :)

[Wendy me]

as far as the girlfreind goes well if she left you for your brouther ..... was she realy worth your time?????? be glade she was not your wife......them two just might like belong together......what you can change ...change....all outher let it be ...and move on ...

[Melissa A.]

Very Simple: You told someone something that they didn't want to know. Don't you know we always kill the messenger? She probably thinks you told her just to get back at your brother, as well.

Hugs,

Melissa :)

[Akyra]

dont think theres much you can do now sugar.......

you did your best and some people just can not be pleased......

melissas prolly right.....

it hurts to care but youd do better to let this one go.....

my two pence......

[Summer]

Don't give them a second thought, People that treat people like this aren't worth the sweat off of a ants ass.
I know it you brother, however if and when he grows up maybe you can have a relationship with him. I know it took some 30 years for me and my brother to come to an understanding.
Find a women that will love you for you, if she truly does she won't hate you for very long after an argument. Remember making up is the best part of a relationship.
Summer :D

[Marianne]

What Summer said.

Did you do the 'right' thing by telling her?

Don't ask me. Only you can judge that ( or god).

Think through the consequences. Did you do more harm now, or would more harm have been caused if, say, they had gotten married, had kids and *then* she had found out he was cheating?

Just based on what you said, I'd back you on what you did. Your bro sounds like an a-hole, and is probably overdue for an ass-whuppin.

Part of 'growing up' is making tough decisions, you made one.

Part of making those tough decisions is the 'fallout'. Her 'hatred' of you is part of that 'fallout.

Shit happens.

Now ask yourself, did you do the 'right' thing?

[ChristineRenee]

She sounds like she has self-esteem issues, and your brother needs to grow up bigtime. Chalk this one up to experience and a life lesson learned and move on with your life. They are not worth the time and energy to get yourself mentally bunged up over, IMO.

Love,
Chrissie:)

[Ophelia D'Void]

I had a similar situation with my first girlfriend. She left me for my best friend, I cared alot about her, she being my first girlfriend, and I told her about him cheating on her with two other girls.

The thing was, that although I really loved her, she really loved my friend, and my friend in turn only loved himself. She shot the messenger in some ways, in that perhaps subconsciously I brought to the forefront something that she may had suspected, and she hated me for forcing the situation to come to fruition. It's not logical, but people seldom are. She and he got along well, because she still loved him, and he was always down with free nookie. On the other hand, whenever she saw me I was a constant reminder of their bad times, whereas when she looked at him she saw their good times. I guess it's like the one time I got frustrated with my computer and punched the monitor instead of the cpu.

That was years and years ago, and when I look back on it, it was a rocky time in my life, but I've moved on (everyone has their catalyst... mine was watching "Swingers"). All I can suggest is that you move on with your life, and maybe put some space between you and your brother if you can. And whatever you do, try to stay away from her for a few months, just so you can get your head straight. Focus on something else, and believe it or not time heals all wounds.

Best of luck to you,
Moi

[stayfrosty55]

Thank you, I really appreciate all the answers. I do plan on moving on, but the problem is that we both see each other many times a day because of classes. Everytime I see them smiling I just feel...like I have been cheated. What makes the situation even worse is that he has decided he is going to try and sweet talk one of my oldest and dearest friends to be another one of his floozies. I just have to hold out for another 2 months, then he will be going to a school all the way in Singapore and I will never have to worry about it ever again. I thank you all for trying to help me move on, but I will try my hardest to salvage my friendship's in the meantime.

[DonnaT]

If you're intentions were honorable (so she wouldn't get hurt as opposed to you'd win her back) in tellling her, then that's all you can do. Now's the time to move on with your own life.

Note that some girls like "bad boys" so telling them something that they probably already know puts you in a bad spotlight.


What makes the situation even worse is that he has decided he is going to try and sweet talk one of my oldest and dearest friends to be another one of his floozies.

If she is that close a friend, you should already know what she thinks of your brother or whether or not you think she'll fall for his sweet talk. I would have thought that by now, you'd have already discussed with her what an a**hole he was with regard to his relationships with girls.

Now, if he hasn't made a move on your friend yet, then warn her in a roundabout way. Ask her opinion on how you handled telling your ex-girlfriend, and ask he how she would have handled it. In so doing, she'll know your opinion of your brother, and you won't have any need to warn her further. A further warning would make it appear that, in her eyes, you think she's dumb enough to fall for his lines.

I would suggest that, if she does do out with him, you be there to pick up the pieces, if there are any.

[stayfrosty55]

its more complicated then that...you see I didnt know this until a few weeks ago, but they already were close a couple of years before. When she was dating my brother's best friend, he hung out alot with her. When she broke up with his bf he swooped in and took her. They stopped things then and she even told me that part of the reason was because she didn't see my brother as having only one woman...but now recently all of a sudden hes making his move again and now she is going for it all. I did tell her everything, I even told her about his past relationship....and she couldn't have sounded more bored. she wouldn't even say she believed me when I said how he broke up with his last ex! it was aweful to hear her not care..

[Ophelia D'Void]

Hmm, howzabout this....

Since you're leaving for Singapore in a little while (don't chew gum, and don't spray paint Mercedes Benzes), tell both your ex, and your close friend everything that they need to know. Don't be preachy or put them on the defensive, just something along the lines of "listen, I know that you're really infatuated with my brother, but just for future reference he has a history of cheating, and he doesn't seem to care about anybody except for himself. You have your own opinions, but I just wanted to tell you mine. I'm just letting you know since I care about you and don't want you to be hurt. If things don't turn out well and you need a shoulder to lean on, I'll still be around". And leave it at that.

If they do turn out to be happy, just be happy for them and move on. If not, maybe it'll stick out in their minds that you were the voice of reason. Either way take comfort in the fact that you tried your best, and stuck to your guns without being too much of a stalker.