Understanding "Passing"

[docrobbysherry]

In my CD journey, like other fantasies I've had, I've wondered what it would be like to pass in the outside world. Sherry can't, and I've decided passing is NOT a strong need for me as a CD. I would only like to see if I could "get away with it".
But how about u?

If u r TS, and u wish to live as a woman, U probably wish to pass all the time. I've included u in my poll.

However, what about all the other CD's here?
ASSUMING U COULD PASS TODAY, WHERE WOULD U GO? AND WHAT WOULD U USE YOUR PASSING ABILITY FOR?
If u can't decide which one to pick, pick as many as apply to u.

I REALLY wondered about this, because passing is such an issue here!
RS

[Angie G]

I don't care about passing If I could maybe I'd think differently about it I love to dress and if I get out that's all I need :hugs:
Angie

[trannie T]

I enjoy going out, I don't pass, if I did I would be out a lot more.

[Tracy_Victoria]

As I have said here a couple of times Passing can not just be defined to one word, ie passing as a female is totally diferent to walking round a busy town centre, as is talking and reacting with someone to the extent they fully believe your female.

I'm quite fortunate in that I seem to pass with ease (or maybe it the years of effort I have put in) but that is only to a look, Ie I have walked through busy towns and places without bad reaction. (im a big girls so that does draw attention occationally) but I'm confident those that do look look see me as a large female, over a large guy in a dress) I've even had people that got to know me, tell me they really thought I was a GG, I've even been told that on this board, so I think my look works for me.

Why i pass is just down to the fact I love dressing up as tracy, as much as I enjoy being male. I'm not looking for any gain in going out dressed, nor do I do it to decieve people in to thinking I'm female. I just like being out and not sitting within four walls wondering what to do next? I fully believe people see me as a woman, when in fact all I'm really doing is dressing how I want to for that period of time.

hope that makes sence.

[Kate Simmons]

Great question RS. I was thinking of asking something in a similar vein. Some seem to put a lot of elaborate prep work into passing and hone every detail down to a gnat's rear end. So, let's say one is the "ultimate passing" CD, what do you do with that and what is your purpose? Some have supposed lofty goals, saying that they do it to further the acceptance of CDing for the public. Okay, I get that but If one passes well, I still have a problem seeing just exactly how that is accomplished. There HAS to be some kind of personal satisfaction in it, otherwise why go through all of that prep and I'm still not totally "buying" the being a good ambassador bit. Even if I'm a nice person, no one is going to invite me to their home for tea.

My purpose for going out is not necessarily to pass but to associate with my friends and have some fun being myself and expressing myself, freedom to do that being the main idea. I spend most of my en femme time with like minded (LGBT) folks rather than using my energy walking on eggshells to try and pass muster with a bunch of strangers, who for all intents and purposes could give two hoots about me and who would probably think I'm some kind of freak with a fetish if I'm "exposed". Nothing wrong with going out to stores to buy stuff if that is your thing but it does precious little for me these days. To myself, the people are where it's at and I honestly get more bang for my en femme "buck" when I spend time with my friends. That is my thinking on it anyway.:happy:

[Nadia-Maria]

Honestly, I can't answer your question.
If I could pass, I think I would not do something very different from now.
Maybe I would do just the same.

As a rule, in my freetime, I do what I like to do.
I certainly wouldn't like to go out just for the sake of showing to me or to others that I may go out.

Briefly speaking, I can go out where I want to go, without the need of passing.

Hugs

Nadia

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

"Closets are for clothes, and passing is for footballs". Lacey Leigh :happy:


OMG!!! Lacey Leigh!! Is she still out there??? Not trying to hijack the thread but I used to talk endlessley with her many years ago!

I'd love to know if there is a way to contact her

*hugs*

Zara

[Carlacd]

OMG!!! Lacey Leigh!! Is she still out there??? Not trying to hijack the thread but I used to talk endlessley with her many years ago!

I'd love to know if there is a way to contact her

*hugs*

Zara

Try www.LaceyLeigh.com

[Teresa Amina]

Passing is a funny thing- if you are you have no way to be sure. I go around about half the time now casually dressed (any time I don't need to present as my "legal" self) and I very seldom notice any reaction. Am I passing or are people just polite? You'll never know....

[Lilith Moon]

Ideally, I would want to be perceived as female in everyday life, shopping, out&about,etc. and so would like to pass. Why ? I haven't a clue. It certainly isn't to attract men, although I do get a buzz on those rare occasions when I get attention from men who think I look good, just as I like it when women seem to accept me as female...which is even rarer.

Wondering why some of us like to pass is as productive as wondering why we prefer to dress like the opposite gender in the first place.:strugglin

[Holly]

I would respecrtfully suggest that it is less about "passing" and more about being "accepted" by people as who you know yourself to be on the inside.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

In my case the major obstacles for passing is my broad shoulders, the way I walk, hands etc. If I could pass I would start out with baby steps such as going to clubs and meetings. Longterm I would be tempted to gradually go full time.

[Mitch23]

I go everywhere and anywhere that a real girl would go

Mitch

[Dawn D.]

At this point I am not really too concerned about "passing". However, I think for me, that will be a prominent issue in the future. If I enter into full transition, then, being out in the public becomes something other than a hobby, so to speak, and I feel I would need more general acceptance from strangers around me in order to function in everyday life. Fortunately for me I think I do pass fairly well right now without any hormone help, albeit a lot of help from makeup. Those in my life that know of me think so as well (or they are just being kind, lol). As for "promoting the cause", I think even if I enter into a stealthy everyday existence, that I could still openly show support for all our efforts. I am not afraid of people knowing who or what I am. I will just need to be able to function in a capacity that does not detract from my ability to live a peaceful life.This is just how I am thinking at the moment and those thoughts could change. Now for my disclaimer since this seems to be a bit of a touchy subject here at times: I mean no offense to anyone here if what i have said is taken to mean that passing should or shouldn't be important to them.




Dawn

[Carol A]

I am pulled between to things, first I used to go out with no problem but since we retired and moved to a very small country town my wife saids NO!.

Now I can understand where she is coming from but, I have slipped out behind her back and had no problems what so ever.

Now the other side is when she passes I will go full time and the hell with what everyone thinks and she knows it but has said when she is gone she doesn't care.:love:

[M'Lisa]

I have yet top come out to anyone as a crossdresser, but I know I would absolutely love to go out and pass as a woman. I go out now in women's non-specific clothing, but to go all out would be stupendous!

[Ellie]

I love to dress as Ellie but in the end I am still me, with all my original equipment and truthfully I'm just to lazy to be girly all the time.

When I do dress up I go for as complete of a look as possible ( w/concessions to keep the GF happy such has arm and hand hair) just as if I was playing a character on film.

That being said I don't always go for the passable "average office girl" look, sometimes I get a little Dragqueenish in which case I'm expecting to be recognized as one.

[SandyR]

I would like to head out with other CD's, etc.....Maybe go to a nice club.

SandyR

[cindybarnes]

I have been out many times with friends, a group of 6 or 10 cd's is not easy to just overlook ! Had fun every single time anyway .
I have also been out a few times alone to prove I could do it.
Its been a couple years now but I have the urge again to go out alone and try my older more reserved look in the mainstream everyday shopping thing.
Its just gonna take the right moment or special outfit Im looking for but Im sure I will make an0ther outing soon
:)
Cindy

Adding : "going out is no longer a big concern with my dressing but I would not be as happy inside if I had never tried it at all !"

[linnea]

For me it's about being accepted and about being comfortable en femme in the "ordinary world."

[SweetCaroline]

While I like to present myself as well as possible, I hardly ever worry about passing since I usually go out with groups of T-Girls, and I hardly think anyone looks at us and thinks we were actually born female.

With that said, I have been out by myself, and felt I blended in pretty well, but I didn't care if anyone classified me as genetic male.

Passing is over-rated.
Having fun is where it's at!

[Sinthia]

I could never pass, and that does not bother me. I am happy dressing whenever I want and going out dressed whenever I want. Fortunately, no one has ever had a negative thing to say about my dressing except my EX. But that is her problem.

[KateSpade83]

I guess I pass 95% of the time and it's very important to me. I don't want to get laughed at, and I use it for shopping for womens clothes so I don't get a gay reputation and so that I can try on the clothes before I buy it.

[Nicki B]

Perhaps there are two reasons for trying to pass - for some, the idea of 'being that woman' is desperately important? For many, many more, it's about personal safety - they fear they will be endangered if people see them as not 'born female'?

That second reason is vastly over-rated, IME.

Remember, too, WE CAN ALL PASS - as trans? :strugglin

[charlie]

After taking all the time it takes to find a proper dress to wear, shower, shave, put on makeup and then get fully fressed I just can't get the cold cream out and wipe it all away. I want to go out and look my best. With my mug though, I go to TG bars and have fun. I know I will be accepted and not have a hard time! It would be great to go anywhere though.

[VtVicky]

Passing is an intrinsically 'other oriented' position. I dress for myself. There is no internal drive for me to try to get a particular reaction from someone else. I believe the fetishistic position is 'self oriented'. (You could say selfish. But that suggests a distinction from someone else.)

Since 'gender' is often seen in contrast with, or to, another person, does someone who is gender disphoric see his or her situation as uncomfortable in the context of how his or her gender is seen by others? ("I want to be seen and accepted in the opposite gender.") Or, how it feels inside regardless of the external presentation. If one listens to the writings on this forum, one could sometimes assume that the reaction a CDer gets from others defines the success of his CDing.

A transvestic fetishist, on the other hand, I believe, derives validation, (and therefore "success"), not from other people but from how he sees himself in the mirror of his own experience.

The recent discussion, on this forum, about RS's use of latex face masks could be enlightening if we see it in the context of someone trying to "pass" as a female vs, someone who is trying to "portray" a female for his own satisfaction.


But,....I could be wrong.

[Kate Simmons]

Perhaps there are two reasons for trying to pass - for some, the idea of 'being that woman' is desperately important? For many, many more, it's about personal safety - they fear they will be endangered if people see them as not 'born female'?

That second reason is vastly over-rated, IME.

Remember, too, WE CAN ALL PASS - as trans? :strugglinVery true Nicki. I've realized I would be myself regardless of the physical equipment. The only thing that truely limits us is between our ears.;):happy:

[docrobbysherry]

Passing is an intrinsically 'other oriented' position. I dress for myself. There is no internal drive for me to try to get a particular reaction from someone else. I believe the fetishistic position is 'self oriented'. (You could say selfish. But that suggests a distinction from someone else.)

Since 'gender' is often seen in contrast with, or to, another person, does someone who is gender disphoric see his or her situation as uncomfortable in the context of how his or her gender is seen by others? ("I want to be seen and accepted in the opposite gender.") Or, how it feels inside regardless of the external presentation. If one listens to the writings on this forum, one could sometimes assume that the reaction a CDer gets from others defines the success of his CDing.

A transvestic fetishist, on the other hand, I believe, derives validation, (and therefore "success"), not from other people but from how he sees himself in the mirror of his own experience.

The recent discussion, on this forum, about RS's use of latex face masks could be enlightening if we see it in the context of someone trying to "pass" as a female vs, someone who is trying to "portray" a female for his own satisfaction.


But,....I could be wrong.

U hit the nail on the head! That IS why I dress and why I started this thread. I couldn't understand why everyone wants to pass so badly. And what they would do if they could? I can't pass outside, but I DO pass quite well in my mirror. And that works for me!
RS

[KimberlyS]

From my first time out looking very much like a guy dresses very poorly in womans clothes my goal was and has never been to pass. Just to be out in the world in femme clothes.

kimberlys-cd
joe in a skirt

[Shelly Preston]

U hit the nail on the head! That IS why I dress and why I started this thread. I couldn't understand why everyone wants to pass so badly. And what they would do if they could? I can't pass outside, but I DO pass quite well in my mirror. And that works for me!
RS

Reasons for wanting to pass well not everyone wants to keep there dressing inside a house or a specific cd venue

If you happy with a mirror then thats fine

But as has been said before personal safety is an issue

not to mention verbal abuse and ridicule

So passing enough to be accepted is the main requirement of those venturing outside

[Nicki B]

I can't pass outside, but I DO pass quite well in my mirror. And that works for me!
RS

If someone waved a magic wand, and you could pass - what would you do? :idontknow:

[docrobbysherry]

If someone waved a magic wand, and you could pass - what would you do? :idontknow:

U OFTEN get rite to the heart of the matter don't u? And u will want an honest answer, too. Not BS! My quick answer is; I don't know.

I'm straight. So, Sherry couldn't go to CD, TS meetings and/or clubs, OR out in the general population. I get hit on enough on line! I don't think I could handle getting hit on live, by men of any ilk, all the time!
If I looked like an ordinary looking woman, I would probably go to meetings, clubs and out in general, just because I could. Or, that may be just another of my fantasies!
I really don't know!
RS

[LA CINDY LOVE]

I am not sure if I get this, if you feel you could pass then you can go any were you want I say and then there are some who say they can not pass, but they still go out any were they want....know that is game, cool yes.

To many of us feel that passing is all about how you look, I say it is your confidence and your attitude that helps you to pass, I know lots of Cd's who feel that they can pass because of how they look......but they have no confidence and they have no attitude .......and they got no game.

I do know some who can get read, but they have confidence and they have a killer attitude that helps them pass and...... yes they do have game.

And there are some that go out and do not give A s**t about what people think, and they got confidence attitude and game , and those are the ones that CINDY loves and respect the most.


LA CINDY LOVE

[kathy001]

I geuss each of us has their own personal goals, limits and challenges. For me my goal is to pass again as i did 15 years ago. Back then i had no problem going to malls and browsing, theatres, women's restrooms, got called maam more times than i can remember, etc. Sure i got 'red' a few times but figured out why and worked on solutions.

One 'memorable' read which i quickly learned from was when i set out to go to the mall one day with my new bright pink skirt suit complete with 4 inch matching pink pumps. Never made inside as a group of teen girls start starring at me as i approached them and start asking "are you a guy"? In addition to that inapproprate outfit, those heels made me a bright pink 6'2" tall pseudo women which was sure to draw scrutiny and it did.
I musta stood out like a pink sore thumb to those girls!:o
Women just don't go to the mall dressed that way even way back then.

At 180lbs, wrinkles, bags, bad skin from my beard of the last 10 years all which come with neglect and age, those 'close encounter' adventures would scare the @#$% outa me today. My recent public outings are of a limited nature such as fueling my car up, washing my car at those self-service car washes, etc.

So far i've gotten no rubber-necked stares and i've been 'out and about' plenty in the last couple months. But i've taken to wearing jeans and sensible but feminine flats instead of skirts 'n heels in an effort to blend and minimize any suspicions.
Just the other day while i was fueling my car 'another' woman pulled up to the adjacent pump, got out of her car, glanced at me and gave me one of those sweet smiles....encouraging validation?...i'll take it! Taking baby steps as i loose the weight.
One thing i plan on doing this time around is to try and participate in some of the groups which is something i've never done. That is if everything goes according to plan.

In my particular case i personally don't get nothing out of dressing and sitting home. If i'm not able to pass at least somewhat in the near future i'm gonna grow my beard back and re-evaluate the whole thing again once more.
I've got plenty of male-oriented hobbies and pursuits, never ending chores and maintenance to keep up my 20 acre property and equipment where i live out in the boondocks not to mention my 3 dogs to keep me occupied.

Sorry for the long reply, probably more than you all wanted to know!