Crossdressing and Ended Marriages

[Sapphire]

After marital break-up many of us may want to be honest about our crossdressing only to find that this heightens the prospects of rejection by a prospective new partner. An alternative is to abandon the search and learn to more fully enjoy what it is that makes us different. I wonder at the extent to which this becomes the preferred option of divorced or separated crossdressers. I have in mind particularly crossdressers who are near or past retirement age and who have reared families. Any views?

[Jodi]

I was divorced 8 years ago after a long marriage. I am very happy living by myself and am not looking for a mate. I maintain nice friendships with a number of women. Some of these ladies know about Jodi, others do not.

I am retired and enjoy life as it is. I don't need the hassles of the dating scene.

Jodi

[darla_g]

I was going to suggest that this is a pretty significant thread since this is probably one of the most predominant issues i have heard in the CD community.

[AmandaM]

In my marriage, I dress as much as I want when the kids ain't home. If she ever kicked me out, I'm at the point now where I'd only date those who accept it from the get-go. I'm done with drama. I'd rather be alone than deal with someone who can't take it.

[Stargirl]

It's difficult for GG's to go out and FIND a crossdressing boyfriend. We would "have to" take a lot of guff from our friends, and relatives, too. "Have you lost your mind ? Go out and get a NORMAL guy". Self to the critics : "But they ARE normal".

[deja true]

I tnink I'm done with the drama, too. Though I never came out to any of my long term GF's, the stress of keeping such a big secret was enough to cast a bit of a pall over even the most copacetic relationship. Intuitive as intelligent women are, they will always know when something is wrong or if we are hiding something. I wish I had had the cojones to at least make the attempt. I'd love to come out to my present girlfriend, she's very good looking and very smart, but after a few glasses of pinot grigio, she tends to be a little indiscreet (and a lot of fun!). I guess we'll just have to remain "good friends". (She's been through several serious relationships already herself and doesn't want to get married again anyway.)

with trepidation,

respect and love

deja

[annekathleen]

During my last marriage, I would occaisionally check out the wife's closet and her dresser drawers, and try on some of the stuff that I bought for her, but she seldomly wore. The fabric felt fantastic, as all of us had already realized.
When we split up, she left some of her clothing, and I sometimes found myself trying them on while I was desperately trying to cope with the fact that she had left me. Being single, the opportunity to wear womens clothing has become more readily available. I wear panties all the time, and somedays I will put on a bra and breastforms and keep them on all day long. Sometimes I get the desire to fully dress, and I have all the articles of womens clothing to complete the task.
Here's a point to ponder..
Do you think that crossdressers tend to be more introverted?
I tend to enjoy my solitude.
I have more time to crossdress.
And, then there's that very sensitive topic as to sexual preferences...
Do you think that all panty wearing men are bi or bi curious?
Do you think that all bi guys or bi curious guys like to wear panties?

[docrobbysherry]

I'm 60, but quite not retired yet. But, I'm REAL close, and I have a kid still at home, part time. I closet dress and no one, except folks here, know I dress.

I'm dating now, and have dated the last couple years, since my divorce.
My issue is mostly sex! I'm more interested in sex with Sherry, than my dates. Including one I slept with!
This is my problem, not theirs. Because they don't know I dress!

So, to answer your question: I HAVEN'T A CLUE!
I want someone to share my life with, but I also want great sex! Do I have to meet someone hotter than Sherry? I doubt I'll find a GG, in that case. Maybe Sherry and I will be stuck with each other from now on! Hope this helped?
RS
PS: My divorce had nothing to do with my dressing.

[TGMarla]

I'd rather be alone than deal with someone who can't take it. I've often thought that way. And even though I've been married for 13 years, and I value my alone time a great deal, and even though my wife isn't down with the crossdressing thing, we still value each other as husband and wife. I have a very wonderful wife. The fact that she doesn't like me crossdressing doesn't really diminish that. She's a very special person, and I'm fortunate to have her as my wife.

We almost divorced a few times, and the dressing thing was only a secondary reason at best behind our difficulties. But we have stayed together (miracles!) anyway. And at present we have a pretty good relationship. She has often said that she would never get married again. I can't help but think that I would not, either. Heck, who'd want me? I'm getting older, balder, and fatter as time goes on.

But imagining being alone, and actually being alone are two different things. And I remember how lonely it was for me when I was single. So I wouldn't make up my mind on permanently being alone. Instead, I'd take every day one at a time and see what (or who) the world sends my way.

[Mitzi]

As many of you know, I came very close to breaking up with my wife of 50+ years over my dressing.

My feeling during that time was a bit of relief that I wouldn't have to sneak around her back anymore, but I wanted much more to stay with her, but not if I had to keep lying to her about the dressing.

As to future relationships, I wasn't interested in remarrying, but would be open to other situations should they arise. As to divulging the dressing, only if the relationship became serious. At least that was my thinking then.

Happily, she decided it was better to stay together and accept my dressing, as long as it remained out of her consciousness. She no longer looks to find signs of my having dressed. Life is good...

Mitzi

[teresa jeen]

fortunate for me my wife had been previously married to a dresser. when she found some of my ex gf's left overs she wasnt suprised. well, my ex and i wore almost the same size so they had become mine!!! after a few months she asked if i needed to get rid of those memories in the panty drawer. i said no id rather they stay. she is so understanding.now we go,on occasion and get our clothes togther. god i love thrift stores!!!

[Danille]

annekathleen has some excellet questions;

Do you think that crossdressers tend to be more introverted?
I tend to enjoy my solitude.
I have more time to crossdress.
And, then there's that very sensitive topic as to sexual preferences...

Answers in order, my personal experiance:

Yes. I was often accused by my ex of spending too much time "in my head". at that time my "daydreaming" consisted of work, family, money and the house. Now its something different on my mind.

Its quiet here. I like it. The solitude is very peacefull and relaxing after a hard day of work.

Plenty, and its still not enough.Another reason to love long weekends!

So far, men.Giving pleasure to a man is only exceeded by receiving it from him. I've been with only one CD, lets just say the results were a LITTLE dissapointing. Still looking though,
d

[Jilmac]

I'm almost 63, been dressing since I was 15, told first and second wives about dressing before we got married. First marriage lasted ten years and ended in divorce, she blamed it on my dressing, but there were other issues as well. Second marriage lasted 26 years and ended with death of spouse. Neither wife approved of, or supported my dressing so I stayed in the closet.
I guess in a way I could sat that dressing ended my first marriage because it contributed to the breakup.

In my second marriage, even though I made promise after promise to quit, it never happened. I was never caught outright by my kids but they found evidence that they knew didn't belong to my wife. They never confronted mebut I believe they suspected I was doing something which was socially unacceptable.

I have two new lady friends that I met after my wife died and I told them both that I dressed and niether one ran for the hills. They're both very much my friends, (one platonic, One intimate), and although neither one said they approved, they don't disapprove, and I take that as a positive sign. I don't intend to marry a third time but if romance turns to something more serious, both women know thak I'm a package deal, dressing and all. Luv and :hugs: Jill

[Celeste]

I've been divorced for 3 years now,I always ask myself if I'm ready for someone new in my life again although I have a bad habit of allowing the mental abuse of past relationships to cloud my judgment.I like my life and privacy more now than i have in a long time.To sacrifice that and remarry,also have to put up with someones evaluating game as to whether or not they approve of my cding,I just can't play control with anyone anymore.I'm open to dating though or even living together in order to find out about each other but it would have to be a woman very comfortable with her own sexuality and 100 percent accepting of cding.I am not likely to curb my interest a second time in life.

[KatrinaAshley]

I have chosen long ago to skip the relationship game. Sounds much too difficult with our lifestyle. I too enjoy the reward of peace and quiet.

[darla_g]

First I would like to thank Stargirl for lending this thread a female perspective and would like to invite other GGs for their opinion.
__________________________________
I posted this response on another board but I think this is very applicable here:

Does your CDing make your wife feel like a lesbian?

We were discussing why some wives were very unsupportive of their SO CD interests. My wife tried to explain to me once that this is why some women are turned off by a spouses CDing. If they have absolutely no feelings towards women then being with a woman may be repulsive to them.

I don't know if that is always true, but I rarely if ever hear anyone acknowledge that this might be the case with their wife whenever there is a problem. I think sometimes when we are dressing we may be somewhat selfish about how we are feeling (guilty here) and would love the participation of our SO without regards to how they are feeling. If we don't learn anything from our dressing and learning about our feminine persona its that we need to listen better too, (more like a woman!). I'm not saying don't dress or anything, but if there is resistance you need to find out why. Its maybe a way to kick off the conversation.

Just a thought.........

[Mary Morgan]

Sapphire, This is such a complex situation. Surely there are a variety of outcomes possible. I lost my wife of twenty-eight years about ten years ago. She was a wonderful person and I loved her with all my heart. She knew of my dressing and was tolerant, if not accepting. After she died, I emersed myself in my dressing and going out in public, I suppose part of me no longer cared about what others thought, and part of me just wanted to escape from my pain and it did help. At one point, I even considered GRS but decided I didn't need to spend the money or go through the pain. I was in counseling throughout this period. Several years later I re-married, convinced myself I would never dress again and didn't for five years only to desire to dress more than ever. Today I dress almost daily, my wife is tolerant and even supportive to a point. She does resent the fact that I didn't tell her until four years into our marriage. I was a coward. In any case, if we were to separate, I have no doubt that I would probably dress all the time, but will hope that it doesn't happen, that she continues to love me, for that is a greater gift and a greater need.

[DawnRodgers]

Been married 42 years. Wife knows I dress - has for over 35 years. Doesn't understand, isn't happy about it. Still hopes it goes away.
We will stay together at this level.
If something ever did happen though, I would definitely consider being Dawn full time. If it was affoedable, SRS is not out of the question. Likely try to hook up with a man interested ion being with a T-girl too.
Seems like it would be different, fun - and interesting.

[Kristiania]

Hiya, ive been a member for a few years now, i always feel really sad when i read about other peoples problems like those above, i told my partner before we got serious that i crossdress. She wasnt bothered, i did it more and more and she enjoyed certain night time aspects more. Makes me more attentive to certain thingys instead of being all about the end result, then rolling over and sleeping. Since we first met, a few years ago (she will prob kill me cos i cant remember the date) weve had a kid together aged 2 now and we are married! I thank god that i am so lucky, we went shopping last night and she brought me some more lingerie for being a fantastic husband! I dont want to sound like im rubbing anything in, but after pervious failed relationships, ive found honesty to be the best policy.

xXKXx

[Suzy Harrison]

It's odd that my marriage is close to being on the rocks, but the reasons have nothing to do with crossdressing at all.
So it doesn't always mean that the marriage is doomed just because of the way we are.

[Margot]

I am now retired and have had one failied marriage 25 yrs ago partly involving crossdressing. However; I told my current wife while we dated once I knew she was the one for me. I took a risk becuase I knew I could not hide it after marriage.
It was a big risk but I could not contemplate being by myself in later years. I've seen too many unhappy, lonely, retired people.
Today my wife is very accepting. We have become empty nesters in the last 6 months and I dress more or less 24/7. We are very happy together.
Remember; in later years you don't go out clubbing as a young chick. Being at home dressed by yourself does not do anything for me.
:hugs:
Margot

[Emily Ann Brown]

My EX of 38+ years said either it went totally or she did. I really miss her sometimes!!!

(Seriously now, when asked what it would take for her to be happy again she stated "I will only be happy when upon thinking about even TOUCHING a piece of women's clothing you become violently ill and throw up." I was hoping for a simple "don't ask don't tell" compromise.)


Will I stay single? Who knows. But I have found a wonderful lady who has known about Em from day one, and likes having a BF and GF all rolled into one. She is wonderful company and fills that void in my life.


Emily Ann

[susiej]

Girls,

My marriage of almost thirty years came apart late last year, when my wife had an affair. Near as I can tell, she knows nothing about Susie. We're apparently splitting up, although this is rather fresh news and might change.

I never expected to see this happen, except for the possibility that she might have caught me en femme and freaked out over it. But now that it's happened, I'm determined to have a second chance at love with a woman who understands (second prize; first prize is *enjoys*) having a girlfriend as well as a boyfriend in the same person.

Yes, the idea of living alone and being able to dress whenever I want is appealing -- but living with someone I love, and who loves me, and being able to dress whenever I want is so much more. I want it all and won't settle for being alone without making the attempt.

Hugs,
Susie

[flacindycd]

I have been waiting for the "RIGHT TIME TO COME OUT " withmy wife but she is currently going thru menapause ,,,so.....Right now I am dealing with her mutiple personalites, if any of you have been thru this with your wife you know what I mean,, so i am afraid to even bring it up at this point.

[Deborah Jane]

Coming out to my wife ended our marriage, she hated the idea of me crossdressing although she never saw me as Debs. It,s been 16 months since i moved out and i,ve grown to accept myself in that time [previously i used to dress, then hate myself after]. I,ve had a few casual relationships in the last 6 months, but never allow them to develope because i know i can,t give this up now and would hate the rejection if i told someone i,d started developing feelings for and she rejected me because of it. I guess i,ll have to accept staying single now because i can,t see a way through this situation....BTW I,d love to find a woman to love who accepted me, but how do i tell her without losing her??

[Tamara Croft]

My issue is mostly sex! I'm more interested in sex with Sherry, than my dates.You know, I was joking on that other thread about what I said... but after reading this, maybe I was actually nearer to the truth!?!?!

Do I have to meet someone hotter than Sherry? I doubt I'll find a GG, in that case.Words cannot describe right now what I think to that... ok maybe I do have a few, vain? I won't say the rest, they would all be :censor: I can't believe you think you and your souped up Halloween masks (you said they were, not my words) think you're hotter than any GG. How insulting... If you ever do find someone, I feel sorry for them, knowing that they are competing with a Halloween mask that thinks she's hot... really, get a clue :rolleyes:

[Kate Simmons]

I honestly never wanted things to work out this way and tried my best to come to terms with the CDing with regard to my wife. My feelings for her have never changed even though we are now apart, partly due to the dressing but there are other factors as well. Since things did work out this way, I took advantage of the opportunity to get in touch with my feelings and work through them. I have amalgamated them into my overall self and I am comfortable either way and while I still have fun with the dressing, it is really a "nice to have" but not really necessary for me to be me.

I am somewhat hopeful that we can work things out and re-kindle our relationship. If that does not happen however and we do end up splitting for good I will not necessarily "fail" to being Salandra. If I ever found someone I cared for I would do what was necessary to have a good relationship because in all honesty my femme self is NOT and never will be a substitute for sharing my life with someone I truely love.

[Sheila]

My issue is mostly sex! I'm more interested in sex with Sherry, than my dates. Including one I slept with!
This is my problem, not theirs. Because they don't know I dress!

So, to answer your question: I HAVEN'T A CLUE!
I want someone to share my life with, but I also want great sex! Do I have to meet someone hotter than Sherry? I doubt I'll find a GG, in that case. Maybe Sherry and I will be stuck with each other from now on! Hope this helped?
RS
PS: My divorce had nothing to do with my dressing.

Well give me a man in a dress any day over a male in a mask !!!!

[mylilsecret8]

My wife knows I wear panties but she dosn't like it. At first she said it was weird and if I wanted to do it then she didn't want to know about it. Then later she said it bothered her and wanted me to stop. I'd promise to do it to save our marriage but eventually would start buying panties again and every now and then she would catch me and be upset. It would be heaven if she supported me but I don't want to divorce and split up the family, even though I now know I could never give it up. She has no idea I sometimes wear dresses and skirts and I'm sure she certainly would divorce me if I did.

I used to think if we did divorce I would openly look for a GG who accepted my femme side but my experience has been very few GG accept it and those who do, mostly just tolerate it. I'm sure there really are GG who do, but I have never found any. Are there any GG's on here who find it interesting that guys dress femme?

[Nikki A.]

Being recently widowed and with two teens still at home, I have started to ponder what and where do I go from here.
My first priority is getting the kids off to college (one this year and the other two years later).
At this point I really don't feel that I need to have a SO or get involved, this may change down the road. However , if I do I will be upfront about dressing and if she has any hesitations about it then I don't think I would consider her as a long term relationship.
I don't particularly want to be alone but I don't want to hide anymore even more.

[Daintre]

I have been divorced now for over 20 years, at first my ex was accepting...grudgingly because we had moved into a very small town and we were our own best friends. When we returned to the big city, things changed rapidly, she found a sympathetic psychiatrist who told her that she would be best off divorcing me, I did see this witch once...my goodness ...what an opinionated person. My ex did kick me to the side of the road and outed me to family and friends...just trying for weekend visits was hell.

I never sought another partner strangely because I felt and still do that my ex was/is my soul mate. The funny thing here is that since the break up, my ex has educated herself on cross dressing and she understands more and accepts it now.....what a loss.

When I was younger the being alone was great, dress anytime and so on...today, being alone is just that, a lonely life, I wish, I truly do that there was a way out.

[MJ]

for me I'm done with drama.. should i get lucky and find a gg thats can accept me as i am then great I'll be happy . but i like my space , and well then there is the fear factor . staying single and unattached is probably a good idea

[skirting]

I was married for about 3 years and we were watching Aerosmiths Living on the Edge video. At the end there looks like a sexy shot of a woman putting on pantyhose and heels. Then you see it is the teenage boy from the video.

My wife (who had no idea at that point) looked over and asked 'did you ever do that growing up?' and I said yes.

Then she asked more hesitantly 'do you still do it?' and I said yes again and was literally shaking because I was so scared.

After the long talk and questions like 'are you gay' (no), she is fine with it. She's bought me things, I've done various levels of dressing around her. It's all good.

We're coming up on 20 years married now and I know I have THE GREATEST WIFE IN THE WORLD!

:)

[charlie]

I'm 60, but quite not retired yet. But, I'm REAL close, and I have a kid still at home, part time. I closet dress and no one, except folks here, know I dress.

I'm dating now, and have dated the last couple years, since my divorce.
My issue is mostly sex! I'm more interested in sex with Sherry, than my dates. Including one I slept with!
This is my problem, not theirs. Because they don't know I dress!

So, to answer your question: I HAVEN'T A CLUE!
I want someone to share my life with, but I also want great sex! Do I have to meet someone hotter than Sherry? I doubt I'll find a GG, in that case. Maybe Sherry and I will be stuck with each other from now on! Hope this helped?
RS
PS: My divorce had nothing to do with my dressing.

I think the problem that the women you are dating have is that Sherry is a compilation of exactly what you want to see. Your dates are a compilation of who they are. They may like flat shoes where Sherry likes 5' plus heels. Sherry likes tight dresses, where your date likes jeans. It is a competition. One that they are bound to lose lots of time.

[Alaceann]

My SO caught me 2 yr's ago dressed and it was the same questions, are you gay? NO. She said I understand that it makes you feel better then nothing else was said. She has noticed sometimes that I have a nightie under my bathrobe and just said pull down your robe. She hasn't left or anything after 19 yr's together and she still talks about getting married in the next year when she retires. I think when she brings up marrage again I'll have to have a good talk about my dressing, and shaving of my beard which she likes.:straightface:

[stormrider]

I have accepted the fact that Michelle will age gracefully alone. Not that I enjoy being single, in fact quite the contrary. I enjoyrd being married and taking care of my loved ones. I have just had to accept the fact that I can not be myself and be married, as most women will not accept my femmininity. As for men, well, so far I have not found that a relationship with a man(not that I have had one mind you) would bring me any more peace and purpose than I have right now. Men tend to be more selfish I have found.

Michelle

[Joni T]

My first wife didn't know about my dressing urges and I kept them in the closet. I knew I needed to tell my 2nd wife (to be) because I didn't want it in the closet any more. Fortunately her response was a positive one and we've had 21 years of wedded bliss. I don't know why she stays with me. She coulda' done better than me, she deserves better but we're together for better or (usually) worse. I like being married but if something were to happen to her and I wound up un attached, I'm convinced that I'd remain un attached. If I were single I'd definately dress more often, undoubtedly every day and I'd be seriously looking into growing my boobs a la Nature Day or something akin to it.
Anyway, just my $.02 worth.
Luv Ya'
Joni

[Tee]

well, i am most afraid when she is not happy about it...though she accepts it.
i guess the other parts of the relationship really keeps her feeling loved, happy and blessed that she tolerates and occasionally give me "treats".

i cannot really stand loneliness very well and i can imagine that if our marriage did not work out, i might be back into the dating game pretty fast.
but it would be really very tough to find some one like her.
she's really the angel in my heart.

there are many moments when i truly enjoy being the man for her.
meanwhile there are moments when she likes to be the man for me, like putting her hand over my shoulder, her thumb over mine when we hold hands.

[bluiezz]

My marriage broke up 4 years ago. My ex used my crossdressing as an excuse to cover up an affair. I told her I crossdressed before we got married and she acepted it and even made clothes for me. She phoned my mother and told her that she just came home and found me dressed and my mum told my sister. My mum was a bit old and could not cope with the news. Over time
she mellowed and my sis was very cool about it. I stopped crossdressing for about a year. I never thought I would ever trust a woman again. But lifes a funny thing. I have since remarried and my wife accepts my crossdressing. I do not do it so often but I have a wife who does not judge me for crossdressing. She loves me, all of me , warts and all.