Faggot...

[Marla151]

Thats all I heard last night as a man in a blazer drove away from a stoplight where me and my SO were waiting to cross the street. He didn't yell it, just said kind of nasty and drove off. We were leaving a club where we had been dancing and I was already a little out of sorts as the wind had blown my umbrella inside out and my new pair of heels, that had fit well at the beginning of the night, were slipping off my heels when I was walking making it hard to be exactly feminine in composure ( I could still dance in them fine oddly enough). I calmly flipped him the bird and stared him down as he drove away then continued walking. My SO says "oh great, he's turning, maybe he'll come back around so I can kick his a**, or help you do it at least." Apparently he was just turning the corner though so no further interactions.

Why do people have to be so stupid, and why does it bother me even the littlest bit. It's not like I've never been called that before, God knows I heard it and worse growing up, and that was before I could dress the way I wanted to whether in drab or drag. It didn't bother me greatly but it was a nagging in the back of my head. It angered me more that he had any impact on me and my life at all than what he had said. He isn't worth the time and he probably only wanted to make himself feel better about his crappy life by trying to take someone else down. But it spurned thoughts in my head that tried to pick at my self confidence that took me so long to build. It wasn't very effective, but like I say, it bothers me that it had any affect at all.

Oh well, it didn't ruin my evening, my So and I still had a great intimate rest of the evening, and it won't stop me from going out dressed. It may encourage a little more doubt than I had before, but hopefully not.

For those of you that have a lot of confidence, do you ever get to the point that these ignorant little F'ers don't bother you anymore?

I think it just bothers me that people are so stupid, and that he could have had an even more negative effect on someone else (what it it was someones first night out and they weren't that confident). :mad: Oh well, it had to happen sometime, unfortunately you can't always get complements from strangers, it would be nice though. Sorry for the long rant.


Cheers,
Marla

[Joy Carter]

Marla don't even respond like you did. Your only lowering your self to his level. :2c:

[Vicky_Scot]

There are a lot of stupid people out there in general Marla.

Just remember one thing Marla even in a frock you are still more of a man than the he will ever be. :thumbsup:

Xx Vicky xX

[erickka]

Marla, There are a**holes everywhere. This is a free country, so hold your head high and enjoy being you. As for that guy, He probably has a real crappy day as soon as he gets out of bed!! Karma will catch up with him someday.

[Kate Simmons]

Doesn't faze me in the least Hon. Just one's person's opinion. Opinions are like anuses, everyone has one. My response probably would have been:"Thank you." The point is you were acknowledged, the negative aspect being the least of it. With more direct confrontations, I'm prepared to answer such comments with"Thank you or Your point?", or some innoculous comment with a smile, the object being to convey the thought:" okay yeah I heard you but don't really care" without actually saying it. This shows self assurance and somewhat depowers the negativity. It really always depends on the situation though so sometimes it's maybe best to tread lightly, say nothing and just go about our business.:happy:

[KathrynTX]

Marla don't even respond like you did. Your only lowering your self to his level. :2c:

I agree. No good can come from a response like that. If he had stopped and wanted to start something, you probably would have been in a world of trouble. Besides the possibility of getting beat up, there would be the likely arrest for disorderly conduct or assault. You're better off just letting stuff like that slide.

:2c:

[Celeste]

The guy probably saw you as a gg ,then got his ego bruised when he got closer and shouted that in an effort to re groom his male ego.It's "like let me shout something stupid to reconfirm the fact that I'm all male and really didn't just find that cd attractive".

[Lidia_tv]

There are morons in this world, and nobody can do anything about it. Just ignore him. I've been called names sometimes, but never cared too much about that. I believe that makes me a better person then the one calling me - or anybody - names.

[Mary Jane1]

I agree with Joy, Marla. Don't lower yourself to his level. Feeling anger and frustration is normal. Recognizing that his opinion means anything is just validating him.

[sexotik]

What a jerk! At least as u put it he didn't ruin your evening.
You're rite: what if it had happened to sb who was going out for the firs time. If that had ocurred to me, I 'd still be down.
The only solution I can come up with rite now is: ignore this kind of people, but if sb like this dumb@ss approaches, to solution is to stand up to him.


There are so much people who are as stupid or stupidder as him. Just check what happens to gay people in Jamaica.


http://www.bbc.co.uk/1xtra/tx/documentaries/gayinja.shtml

[Susancd]

The guy probably saw you as a gg ,then got his ego bruised when he got closer and shouted that in an effort to re groom his male ego.It's "like let me shout something stupid to reconfirm the fact that I'm all male and really didn't just find that cd attractive".

I agree with Celeste, don't let it get to you!

[Lissa Stevens]

People like him do this because putting you down makes him feel better about himself. Stupid reason? You bet but that's the way some jacks%$es are.

[MJ]

i just don't bother with them anymore. i am very comfortable with who i am . why bring your self down to there level . and you never know who is watching you . do you gain there respect or lose it buy what you respond with ?

[MsJanGG]

I think you nailed it on the head.... there are just stupid people out there... no different than some jerk calling someone fat or ugly... some people just don't know what to do with the good sense that God gave them... just remember karma takes care of all of that in the end... :-)

hugs... sorry someone had to be mean to you... :-(

[Chari]

Remember the little kids rhyme "sticks and stones may break my bones"? This low life was trying to get a reaction to his less than intelligent comment. IMO, best not to do anything but smile. Why can't we all just accept each other for who we are, rather than put labels on everyone that enjoys being different? Continue to keep your confidence high and your attitude strong!


Hugs2U, Chari

[Cai]

With more direct confrontations, I'm prepared to answer such comments with"Thank you or Your point?", or some innoculous comment with a smile, the object being to convey the thought:" okay yeah I heard you but don't really care" without actually saying it.

I think that's probably the best response, Sal. I've been called a dyke here at school probably 5 or 6 times (what amuses me about the comment is that I make no secret of my attraction to men). The first time I was so taken aback that I didn't even respond, but now, I basically go with your method and say "And?" or "So?" Throws them a little - I think I'm supposed to get offended.:heehee:

Marla - I'm glad you're not letting it get to you. Some people are just small-minded, and can't allow others to express themselves.

[tommi]

There are A**holes in this world I know it's tough to ignore but in most cases
that is the best course of action. Don't let it ruin the night out it sounds like
you had fun. I can't even imagine my wife dancing with me dressed.:hugs:

[CaptLex]

The guy probably saw you as a gg ,then got his ego bruised when he got closer and shouted that in an effort to re groom his male ego.It's "like let me shout something stupid to reconfirm the fact that I'm all male and really didn't just find that cd attractive".
Bingo! :thumbsup:

[Angie G]

I'd be mad also maybe he's jealous that he don. have the nerve to wear a dress. and I do dislike rude a&% holes :hugs:
Angie

[insearchofme]

Someone on this forum has a tag line that says, "It's takes a real man to wear a dress!" That is so true, you're more of a "man" than he'll ever be!

Also be careful when giving the "bird" to a stranger. you never can tell if they're a "nut job" with a gun! Please be careful.

[Nicki B]

Marla,

Why do you want to take his problem and make it yours? Leave it for him to deal with.. :)

[Stargirl]

Mr. Ahoal could walk into a room full of "the girls" and they wouldn't disrespect HIM in the least. (Unless his a-holed - ness was out of control, and he made them angry. Then, they would show him the door.)

[lottarosie70]

as i found myself saying more than once when i went to work fully dressed on halloween, whenever someone had something derogatory to say, "you're just upset because i'm more man than you'll ever be AND more woman than you'll ever have, all in the same package!"

you can't help but get annoyed sometimes, but it is important to not let it rule your life. try to give it as little space in your thoughts as possible. to paraphrase a quote i read once, "if you let them live rent free in your head, they'll trash the place."

[docrobbysherry]

Marla,

Why do you want to take his problem and make it yours? Leave it for him to deal with.. :)

We run into a lot of "road rage" idiots here in SoCal. I have, on rare occasions, engaged them with gesture or by matching their driving. Ultimately, I always wave and smile at them! Realising I've been stupid!

This type of person creates problems for themselves where ever they go. They will soon forget me, as they take on their new "adversary"!
RS

[susiej]

A few years ago a couple friends and I were at a Renaissance Faire, wearing kilts -- the closest I've come so far to wearing a skirt in public. A bunch of teenagers drove by and yelled something about us being f*gs. We all gave them the devastating digit -- and drew our swords threateningly at the same time!

Yes, I suppose it could have been stupid if one of the jerks was carrying a gun, but it sure felt good at the time!

Hugs,
Susie

[Cristi]

Strangely enough, the ONLY time I've gotten any kind of negative reaction has been on Halloween, when you'd think people would be the most willing to let things pass (pun intended).

I'd always thought it had to do with the fact that people feel more free to say whatever comes to mind on Halloween, but on other days are a bit more conditioned to 'live and let live'.

Even then, the worst thing that was ever actually SAID to me at ANY time was when I heard 'Nice Tits!' yelled from the window of a passing car after I had walked in front of it at a crosswalk.

I decided to take it as a compliment. :)

[joann07]

Good for you!
I think you handled yourself well and didn't let that idiot affect you in any way.
What you should've done was put it right back in his face by licking your lips, blowning him a ****ty kiss, and said "Right back at ya sweetie!"
That would've been funny sight to see. :laughing:

When I was a kid growing up, I wasn't into CD at the time, but being Asian and living in a small redneck town I had to deal with the slurs, such as chinc, china man, import, etc, etc., although I'm Filipino, from ignorant people at school so I could feel what you felt.
Well, I didn't let them get to me and put it back in their faces and so that did wonders for my confidence.
As I got through HS, nobody ever bothered me because they knew they couldn't phase me and also because they thought I could kick their a$$es.

Hugs!

[Littlej10]

It happened, I smiled, bobbed a small curtsy and blew a kiss. Unfortunately I fell apart after he was out of sight. I hope it doesn't happen again but I expect it will.

[amber 07]

Thank you ladies for all your comments on the subject of harassment. You've given me the courage to finally go out in public dressed to the "nines". After 3 failed marriages I now have a fiance' who enjoys my dressing up as much as I do. Without her understanding and encouragement I wouldn't be where I am right now, happier than I've ever been. Please accept my heart-felt gratitude. Sincerely, Amber

[kerrianna]

The fact that it bothered you so much to feel compelled to respond is a good sign Marla.

You recognized it was about him and that you didn't need to own it... yet when you reacted that way you later admonished yourself because you know better.

That's a good sign. It just takes more practice and reinforcement and self talk to get past that point of caring what other people think.

Don't give people the finger. Well, not unless you're looking for a good old fashioned scrap... which is hardly ladylike.

Next time I bet you handle it better just because you recognized you could have.

No reaction is the best, but I know it's hard to get your mind off of being 'dissed' and not responding. But let it go and pump yourself up immediately with something positive.

The truth is...it's not about your shortcomings - it's about his. Just be glad you're not him carrying all that hate and animosity inside. Yuck.

"Never wrestle with a pig, because you both get dirty and the pig LIKES it!"

[RobertaFermina]

...[snip]...
Why do people have to be so stupid, and why does it bother me even the littlest bit. It's not like I've never been called that before, God knows I heard it and worse growing up, and that was before I could dress the way I wanted to whether in drab or drag. It didn't bother me greatly but it was a nagging in the back of my head. It angered me more that he had any impact on me and my life at all than what he had said. He isn't worth the time and he probably only wanted to make himself feel better about his crappy life by trying to take someone else down. But it spurned thoughts in my head that tried to pick at my self confidence that took me so long to build. It wasn't very effective, but like I say, it bothers me that it had any affect at all.

...[snip]...

For those of you that have a lot of confidence, do you ever get to the point that these ignorant little F'ers don't bother you anymore?

...[snip]...

Cheers,
Marla

Dearest Marla,

We are all walking miracles....like the blazingest souls with the most fabulous bodies...beautiful when it is all in harmony.

You are working to bring yourself into complete harmony, and this guy is just looking for distractions from the fact that he is NOT, and is clueless as to which direction to go in order to find it for himself....potentially the same direction you have chosen ?

It works for me to see him as another example of the miracle of existence with some inharmonious programming. Seperating the sinner from the sin, as some would say. I feel sad for the process he went through, in order to acquire his programming, and for the harm he will deal out as he acts on his programming, and for his deeper needs that are going unmet as he "acts out" rather than "looks inward", or "invites others inward".

Compassion is the cure for anger and irritation. The irritations are always about something that is lost/about-to-be-lost. Anger and irritation is good to act on, when something helpful can be done about it. When not, time for acceptance and compassion for self and others.

His sick programming is not worth much of your time. Though I would always be on my toes that his actions might cross over from insults to physical threats, or worse. At the same time, I know he is suffering as much as I might choose to suffer, should I take his insults personal.

The insults always hurt a little. I go into anger [well, the edge of murderous rage, actually], when I feel I might have to defend myself. It calms and goes away when the threat passes and I remember that "but for the grace of <your-higher-power-here>, there go I."

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

For those of you that have a lot of confidence, do you ever get to the point that these ignorant little F'ers don't bother you anymore?
Cheers,
Marla

The answer is yes (for me). I don't think there is anyplace out there that one can go without eventually running into this sort of behavior. We get read and some people are more vocal about it.

I know its hard to let go of such things but walk on. Its not like they are an intrinisc force in your life paying your bills, employing you etc. They don't matter in the grand scheme that is your life. Only YOU give them the power to ruin a perfectly good evening.

Hang in there ;)
Zara

[MaidInCan]

Remember the little kids rhyme "sticks and stones may break my bones"? This low life was trying to get a reaction to his less than intelligent comment. IMO, best not to do anything but smile. Why can't we all just accept each other for who we are, rather than put labels on everyone that enjoys being different? Continue to keep your confidence high and your attitude strong!


Hugs2U, Chari

Well put, Chari. I agree with you 100%. The guy was just showing his educational level, pity he hasn't got out of the gutter yet. He is probably doomed to stay there. At least, IMO, you showed your class by not reacting and avoided the consequences as others have pointed out. It was not, however, very "lady-like" to give him the finger. These days you never know whether he is packing a gun or knife so it could get dangerous quickly. The more confidence you show in going out again the more you are hitting back at him in your own way. So keep going, honey. We all support you.:hugs:

[annie gurl]

he probably went home and put his wifes undies on.

[jennifer41356]

Morons like that are few and far between, for every jackass I have run unto , I have met a 1000 who treated like a lady, so just sat F'em:2c:

[KandisTX]

If his mind were a parachute, he'd have splattered on the ground darlin'.

I have often said "If ignorance is bliss then he must be one happy mother f***er", when talking about people who make such comments.

Keep your head held high, and your heels higher ;)

Kandis:love:

[Fab Karen]

Why do such terms have such power in our society? Because it's supposed to be an insult to manhood ( as a CD, stop & think about this. Men are defined as "not being like a woman" )- being gay is unmanly. Why? Because the programming is that "a real man" wants women. Being gay( or bi ) means desiring another male, and that is "being like a woman" in simple-minded thinking. The unspoken message is that "men are superior to women" because "no man wants to be seen as a woman." To be "called a woman" is an "even worse" insult than being called "faggot" in this programming.
As Salandra was saying, what if you don't take the word/phrase as a threat? For example in the gay community, the word "queer" was once seen as derogatory. In modern times gay people turned it around and used it as their own word.

[Marla151]

You ladies are so beautiful. Thank you for sharing your opinions, stories, and encouragement. :hugs::love:

It's helped me sort things out in my own head and keep on heading in the right direction. It's hard not to react to people like that sometimes, and if I had psychic powers, believe me it'd be even harder:devil:, but the best reaction is none.

This is a short reply from what I'd like to say but I have to get back to my studies and couldn't not say anything.

[Megan (VA)]

In my experience people say hateful things like that in order to make themselves feel superior. It is also my experience that the best way to burst that bubble of theirs is to ignore them with complete confidence so they can get an idea of just how irrelevant and small they really are. But then people tell me I can be a bitch so. . . . .

Keep your head high

[Eugenie]

Yes indeed, when thinking calmly about it, we should ignore such stupid attitudes, these individuals are just not worth our consideration...

But in the real world, on the spur of the moment, it is very difficult to resist the flow of anger that reaches our most inner self. Sometimes we wish that we would have a snappy but correct answer to such stupid people. An excellent one was given in a forum for "full size" people in which I decided to participate as Eugenie...

One large women was explaining that she entered in a lift where three young and very slim girls were already there.

One of the young girl thinking it could be taken as a funny statement said "I hope the lift isn't going to breack down..." Then the large women answered: "With the weight of your brains there's no risk that this will happen."

I wish I could find such an anwser when at the occasion of going out to a restaurant with four other CDs we heard a group of youngsters call us "travelots", which is a derogatory name given to transvestites...

:hugs:
Eugenie

[trannie T]

Congratulations, you did something to irritate a halfwit! Keep up the good work!

[Katie Ashe]

:bitchslap: Fag huh, I know I hit man for hire... :Pfft: :devil:

[dakota_ann69]

For me I absolutely hate that word, almost as much a GG's don't like being called the well I better not even allude to it. LOL!! Glad to hear that it didn't spoil the evening just turn the other cheek, unfortunately we live in a world that is full of people like this. Nobody is perfect, although I am working extremely hard to be that way.

Hope the next time out for you goes a little better. Maybe the shoes were the problem........................................... .

[Dalece]

he probably went home and put his wifes undies on.

If not he might have thought he could pick up two women. Love the qoute.

[Genifer Teal]

For those of you that have a lot of confidence, do you ever get to the point that these ignorant little F'ers don't bother you anymore?

I think it just bothers me that people are so stupid, and that he could have had an even more negative effect on someone else (what it it was someones first night out and they weren't that confident).

Cheers,
Marla

I live, breathe & party in NYC. I expect comments like that. It wouldn't be NYC without them. I know I'll be appreciated wherever I'm going. The misconceptions of a stranger I pass along the way have little effect on me. The wrong response could lead to unwanted confrontation.

If I feel anything it is most likely sadness that people can have such hatred towards something they know so little about. It is a reminder how small society's acceptance really is. We've surely come along way. This puts into perspective how much further we have to go.

As someone mentioned, one comment like this could put a first timer (getting out) right back into the closet.

Gen

One time I was returning from a night out. Two guys walking off the train in front of me were debating if I was a guy or not. I could hear them go back and forth. Finally they turned around together for a second look. They said in unison - yeah, that's a man. I simply smiled and said, I kept you guessing long enough. Personally I felt great becuase I took this as an indication my look was improving.

[Alex!]

He's insecure, prolly. Guys like that are repressing something, and vocalize disapproval as a way to deflect any perceived negative attention on them.

Laugh and move on :)

[Nicole_P]

Does a lion worry what the mice are saying?....

[deja true]

What a great story about the guys on the train, Genifer. And it illustrates well what a lot of girls have said throughtout the threads. A lot of self-confidence will easily see you through those inevitable moments of fear. Well, that's sophisticated NYC. I wish it were so easy out here in the wilderness!

deja

[Cassy11]

Marla, you had a great night. Why let some nitwit take away your joy. Chalk him up to the many who don't understand us, His loss not yours. Please don't respond to nasty comments, it could lead to something you can't handle.

[Nicole Erin]

I agree. No good can come from a response like that. If he had stopped and wanted to start something, you probably would have been in a world of trouble. Besides the possibility of getting beat up, there would be the likely arrest for disorderly conduct or assault. You're better off just letting stuff like that slide.

:2c:
What if Marla had kicked that guy's butt?
People always assume it is gong to be the CD who gets beat up.
If someone confronted me, unless it was a bug ol MF'er, I would bounce his head on the sidewalk.

Anyways it is true, it never feels good to have some snide F'er make stupid comments.

I tell ya what tho, stand up to a bully ONE time and they typically never bother you again.

[Carly D.]

"FAGGOT" shows you what he knows.. why do people always assume that crossdressers are gay?? I've never understood why people think that way...

[O2B Barbara]

I believe the infamous Mr. Einstein had it very accurately with that thought provoking question:

What is the difference between genius and stupidity?

Genius has limitations!

Glad he did not ruin your night.

[Nicole Erin]

Yes indeed, when thinking calmly about it, we should ignore such stupid attitudes, these individuals are just not worth our consideration... Yeah weird thing about human psyche, we try to impress people we don't even like...

But in the real world, on the spur of the moment, it is very difficult to resist the flow of anger that reaches our most inner self. Sometimes we wish that we would have a snappy but correct answer to such stupid people. Yeah we ALWAYS say "I should have said..."An excellent one was given in a forum for "full size" people in which I decided to participate as Eugenie...

One large women was explaining that she entered in a lift where three young and very slim girls were already there.

One of the young girl thinking it could be taken as a funny statement said "I hope the lift isn't going to breack down..." Then the large women answered: "With the weight of your brains there's no risk that this will happen." The elevator would have broke if I was on it, I would have hit the floor really hard and laughing! I bet those women felt about 3 inches tall...

I wish I could find such an anwser when at the occasion of going out to a restaurant with four other CDs we heard a group of youngsters call us "travelots", which is a derogatory name given to transvestites... If there was any change they understood English, I would have said to them, "Bonsoir, Monsieur Talkshitalot"

:hugs:
Eugenie

Gyod you know if people would get to KNOW us a bit before assuming things, they might, just might like us...

They would be laughing with us [given our sense of humor] instead of at us.