Opinion

[Barbra_in_Tulsa]

My first time posting and I wanted some opinions on this, the last thing I would ever want to do was offend the community. I am 6'0", 205 pounds and love to work out, I have a (natural i.e. non-steroid) bodybuilder's physique. I also love to dress, there's no way in hell I'd ever pass but it doesn't bother me. The fact that I look the way I do (and being a former police officer) I don't have any worries about myself going out and about and being who I am. My question is this: Does/would the fact that I look the way I do, far removed from passable, offend anyone? Does anyone feel like I am somehow not doing justice for other CDers? It would kill me to learn that it does but it would be even more devastating to me to know that I was continuing to do it, so I thought I'd ask.

Thanks,

Barbra

(when I say far removed from passable, I mean from the neck down, just a little clarification)

[pamela_a]

Barbara, firstly I'd like to welcome you, you are among friends here. To you question, my answer is no. Reading through the threads here you will find there are many of us who don't pass and love getting dressed up and going out. For some people passing is the "holy grail" and for others it doesn't matter at all. Be confident in whatever you chose to wear.

-Paula-

[Sharon]

It would offend me if you didn't do something you care about because of other people's opinions. Do what you feel is right, behave in a honorable fashion, and enjoy yourself. :happy:

[Kate Simmons]

No problem here my friend. It makes me happy knowing you are happy being yourself. That is what it is all about as far as I'm concerned, appearance being the least of it in my opinion. Welcome to the Forum.:happy:

[Claire3]

You are who you are.Im by no means perfect to pass as Claire,if i was i wouldnt be cd.Good luck to you and enjoy life en femme

[Michelle-NC]

You are perfectly welcomed here. You don't have to pass, or even want to pass to be considered a CDer.

[Deborah Jane]

Hiya Barbra, of course your welcome here if you enjoy "dressing"!! Working out and being passable makes no differance. Just do what you enjoy and welcome to the forum:happy:

[Tamara Croft]

As long as you are happy, enjoying life, does it really matter what other people think? We only get one chance at being happy, don't waste it. I look at it like this, if people don't like the way I look (and I'm a GG.. not a CD), well that's not really my problem, it's theirs... so go out and have some fun :dance:

[KandisTX]

Crossdressers come in all shapes and sizes. We have all differant physiques and facial, skeletal, and muscular structures. There is no one "Right-way" for a cder to look. We are who and what we are. The important thing is that we are honest with ourselves and enjoy our lives to the fullest.

Kandis:love:

[Sonia Kiss]

Yay Tamara! I like your answer a lot.

Barbra, it matters not how you look, what you do, who you are. You could be a supermodel, and still you WILL offend someone. Like Tamara said, that's their problem! I don't subscribe to any ideas that we must yield to pressure to conform to standards of appearance.

Anyway, I'm not so sure that muscles are a problem. I have a number of stories on this I could tell. Here's one of my best: I was out on the town with a group of my CD friends and I was talking with one of my friends who happens to be very tall, have a rather square jaw, and is a dedicated body builder. Her presentation--clothes, hair, makeup, poise, is really good. I think she's beautiful. Most people most places we go think so too. So this one night she was wearing a low cut top and we were talking and I was about to fall into her cleavage because I was having trouble concentrating on anything else, so what could I do but comment on how great it looked. "What, this?" she snorted, "it's hard as rock. Feel it!" I lightly pressed her bare skin above the neckline of her top and yes, it was a little freaky. I mean, consciously I could have answered questions correctly that I already knew it was muscle, I knew my friend was a body builder, I knew um, that she's a CD. But gosh, you can't talk sense with my male subconscious sometimes!

Sonia :)

[falulah]

Whilst a lot of us do try to look femme, cd/tv is not always about that, its what you feel make you good inside and how you like to be. I sometimes just put on a skirt and top and do stuff in the home, sometimes its about grabbing what time you can to be who you want to be aswell. But I must admit I am at my least stressed when fully femmed up.

Falulah x

LIFE IS SHORT BUT DEATH IS FOREVER SO BE WHO YOU WANT TO BE NOW

[joann07]

Welcome to the forum.
The great thing about the ladies on this site is that they accept you for who you are.
Everyone here supports each other and as long as you're happy then everything is good.

Hugs!

[Daintre]

Hey Barbra, welcome to the Forum...are you welcome, you better believe it sister. Whether you pass or not is not relevant here. I value members who are true to themselves, all of our situations are different, that is what makes this group so great. Settle in my friend and join in with us, who knows, you may make some good friends here.

[Butterfly Bill]

I not only have a construction worker's physique but a full beard, and I have found that rather than offending people by being unabashedly male in women's clothes, I turn some people on with my liberated maleness, more so than if I were trying to disguise myself as a woman..

(The last time I was out and about in your hometown was at Oktoberfest last year. I live in Muskogee.)

[MJ]

Hey Barbra, welcome to the Forum. you are who you are . just relax be yourself ..

[Sandra]

It doesn't matter to anyone else, so long as you're happy with what you do then enjoy it to it's fullest extent.

[Cindi Johnson]

I won't speak for all CD'ers, but I suspect most of us would welcome a world with more of us in it. Maybe then we wouldn't stand out quite so much in a crowd. Were we common, perhaps more people would just mentally note, upon seeing one of us, "Oh, just another one of those transgender people" and continue on with what they were doing.

But, aside from the TG community, it does seem to matter somewhat. People in general, female and male, seem to treat me better the closer I am to passing. I don't know why. Maybe they think that a guy who closely approximates a woman in appearance, and who takes the time to go 100% (nice clothes, earrings, bracelets, purse, full make-up, etc.), has crossed some kind of invisible gender line, that he has crossed over to the other side in some fundamental way and has become in substance -if not form- a female.

Anyway, that's just been my perception: the more feminine I appear and act, the better I'm accepted, whereas the more I look like the "guy in a dress" joke so prevalent in movies and sit-coms, the less kindly I'm treated by everyone I encounter.

Cindi Johnson

[JoAnnDallas]

Welcome to the forum.....there are many female body builders out there and they roam around all the time. So just be yourself and go out and have fun.
You know not many will want to tackle with a body builder anyway. LOL

[RobertaFermina]

You will always remind someone about something they don't want to face or remember....they will be offended by the things they have stuffed under stones and in the nooks and crannies of the riverbeds and prison-cells of their minds.

Your living "as you are" may lead them to trip over those stones, or breathe a fresh breeze that dislodges the contents of those nooks and crannies....they will confuse the unpleasant remembrances, or breaks in their own denial as your fault, since you played a role (however innocent) in bringing them to mind.

It is their actions of shaming and hiding and living "as if" the out-of-sight is out-of-mind that is truly the source of their irritation.

So you will play a part in folks being offended. You can't help it, as long as humans spend considerable energy shaming and hiding from themselves.

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[Eugenie]

There is an infinite number of ways to be a x-dresser... Yours is as good as any one else's...

The way you chose to crossdress and the resulting look is your own freedom.

:hugs:
Eugenie

[Nicki B]

Barbra, I'm 6'3", 200lbs and I don't pass as a natal-born woman - but I can pass as a trans one? Surely, so can you... :winking:

I learnt the hard way that you only have one life - it's up to you to sieze the moments you can and fill it with what you wish you could. You never know what's round the corner, or how long you have, so get out there and darned well live it good? :)

[insearchofme]

Barbra

I'm 6'2" 225lbs (well probably a bit more now but am working on getting down) and I still weight train a lot. You've gotten some great advise here. One thing you may want to do is when you go out wear 3/4 sleeve tops. These kind of hide the size of your arms.

My avatar is me wearing one and my profile pic is me wearing a sleeveless dress. My arms aren't cut like a body builders (I'm a hard gainer) but they are quite big. I'm sure you can tell the difference.

Hope this gives you some dressing ideas.

[linnea]

Crossdressers come in all shapes and sizes. We have all differant physiques and facial, skeletal, and muscular structures. There is no one "Right-way" for a cder to look. We are who and what we are. The important thing is that we are honest with ourselves and enjoy our lives to the fullest.

Kandis:love:

That's right--all shapes and all sizes, even more varied than women (although they come in many shapes and sizes). There's no right look, regardless of what the fashion mags or any other medium will espouse. I'm 6'0" and weigh 240; I've been a powerlifter (non-steroid also) and have very broad shoulders. When I was actively competing, I didn't have time to crossdress, but after I stopped, atrophy couldn't do enough to bring back to a feminine form--It did matter; it doesn't matter; it will never matter. I enjoy how I look and how I feel when I'm dressed. That matters. That's all that you need to care about.

[AmandaM]

Well, I would say that someone is always offended by us. And some CDers could be offended too. Some think you shouldn't go out with muscles. Some think you're a bitch if you look better than them. If it's not one thing, it's another. Do what you want. If they don't like it, put them in a headlock! :devil:

BTW, welcome, it's Code 4 for you here. :happy:

[Mary Jane1]

Like you, at 225, 6'3" my physique is not helping my 'en femme' desires. I think we should all be able to wear any or all of the feminine clothing / accessories available without being judged, but such is not the case. I won't or can't because of my situation re: family, career etc. I envy you your conviction and desire to do so. Best of luck and welcome.

[Nicole Erin]

My first time posting and I wanted some opinions on this, the last thing I would ever want to do was offend the community. I am 6'0", 205 pounds and love to work out, I have a (natural i.e. non-steroid) bodybuilder's physique. I also love to dress, there's no way in hell I'd ever pass but it doesn't bother me. The fact that I look the way I do (and being a former police officer) I don't have any worries about myself going out and about and being who I am. My question is this: Does/would the fact that I look the way I do, far removed from passable, offend anyone? No matter what someone does or how they look, someone else is going to have a problem with it. Does anyone feel like I am somehow not doing justice for other CDers? It would kill me to learn that it does but it would be even more devastating to me to know that I was continuing to do it, so I thought I'd ask.



CD's don't really judge each other a whole lot. I honestly think of all the gender spectrum, we are the most laid back. As a CD myself, I will say that when I see even the most horrid looking "girl", it doesn't bother me cause I figure "we are one-more stronger..."