something that's always bothered me

[Rayna]

I started dressing when i was about 10 or 11. I dont think my parents ever realised it. When I was in my teens, I would gather up clothes from the lost and found at school and i had a nice collection going.. some leotards, tights, panties, and i can't remember what else. I kept them all in the back of this filing cabinet i had in my room. It was filled with magazines that i thought nobody would EVER care about. Well, I guess i was wrong. I remember one day i went to pull out some clothes to dress up, and i found they were GONE. I found them in the trash can in the garage!!! (obviously i grabbed them out and washed them and put them back where they belong!). My parents never said a WORD to me. Obvioulsy they must know, but have never talked about it.

I really dont think i WANT them to know, but i'm curious if they do know.

agh, so frustrating... still bothers me to this day!

[DonnaT]

Pert near the same thing happened with me. One day the clothes are under the mattress, and then poof, gone.

I figure my mother knows, but my wife doesn't want me to bring it up with my mom. No real point in it really, but I would like her to see my pictures.

[eileen1969]

"meet the fockers..." lol I for one knew that my whole family was aware of my desire to dress up for many years! Today, now that the kats out of the bag! "moew! :eek: " they are gradually adjusting! My mom thought!? where did I go wrong? at 1st she thought "omg does
he have multiple personalities too?" For myself I love my fam! and I am being patient with them and mostly myself! ~meet the fockers! lol take care n stay sexy! :p

[Ashley in Virginia]

When I was 15 my mother confronted me about it. She found the itrems I had hidden and she wanted to talk. We talked for a while and she seemed very supportive. Not mad or upset, just curious. Well being a moron, I clammed up and diddn't say a word. just stared at her and cried while inside I was shouting for help.

The next year she died of a heart attack. I wish I would have took her up on her offers for help. I would have probably transitioned. But instead I live in misery, and guilt over hiding who I am.

[Rayna]

When I was 15 my mother confronted me about it. She found the itrems I had hidden and she wanted to talk. We talked for a while and she seemed very supportive. Not mad or upset, just curious. Well being a moron, I clammed up and diddn't say a word. just stared at her and cried while inside I was shouting for help.

The next year she died of a heart attack. I wish I would have took her up on her offers for help. I would have probably transitioned. But instead I live in misery, and guilt over hiding who I am.

That's horrible, ashley. I'm sorry to hear that. I don't know if i can offer consolation, but I can at the very least offer a word of advice. Don't let things in the past eat you up! I let so much from my past eat away at my soul, that I have managed to give myself a plethora of stressed induced health problems.

[Wendy me]

see my post in your outher thread......

[Priscilla1018]

When I was 15 my mother confronted me about it. She found the itrems I had hidden and she wanted to talk. We talked for a while and she seemed very supportive. Not mad or upset, just curious. Well being a moron, I clammed up and diddn't say a word. just stared at her and cried while inside I was shouting for help.

The next year she died of a heart attack. I wish I would have took her up on her offers for help. I would have probably transitioned. But instead I live in misery, and guilt over hiding who I am.

Hi Ashley,

I am so sorry for your loss.My own Mother can be a real pain in the butt,but she is my Mother and I love her.I would hate to have anything happen to her without my being able to say good bye.Even though she has seldom had anything good to say about me,and is the main reason I am so screwed up now.Family is family.

Love and Hugs,
Priscilla

[connie rotten]

several times I have tossed out all of my girl stuff during emotional panic over being a crossdresser . it seems many of us find dressing to be extreemly difficult to come to grips with as teens.
if no one ever let on they knew you were dressing . never said any thing about it or the clothes . do you think you could have tossed them yourself and blocked out doing it. enough girls have talked with me about purging their girl stuff too for me to think it is quite common.
well that's my 2cents worth on 5 cents worth of space. :eek:

[Keri_T]

several times I have tossed out all of my girl stuff during emotional panic over being a crossdresser . it seems many of us find dressing to be extreemly difficult to come to grips with as teens.
if no one ever let on they knew you were dressing . never said any thing about it or the clothes . do you think you could have tossed them yourself and blocked out doing it. enough girls have talked with me about purging their girl stuff too for me to think it is quite common.
well that's my 2cents worth on 5 cents worth of space. :eek:


Yea I have *SO* done this many times...I wish I'd have kept it all, I would have quite a collection. :(

[derminator]

My first real big stash of clothes was hidden in a garage at my nan's house... i was staying there for a few days and didn't want to leave my stash at home whilst i was away.... and bugger me dead..... they simply vanished.... I have a feeling it was my cousin who stole them but i never got the courage to ask him

[Kimberly]

The next year she died of a heart attack. I wish I would have took her up on her offers for help. I would have probably transitioned. But instead I live in misery, and guilt over hiding who I am.
Sorry to hear that!!!

Well, at the moment, I will be going to London for the whole summer, to Stage manage at the National Youth theatre. (YAY!) But I'm afraid my mum may find my clothes. University is also a worry: will i take stuff with me? how? would people find it?

Ah well... I think we've just gotta take chances as they present themselves in life. If someone finds out: I say confront them about it!

[RachelDenise]

My mom once found my "hidden secret" and left me a note that said to get rid of that stuff, Halloween is over! :mad: Nothing like a little understanding. I think I was about 15 years old when that happened. Just made me hide my things in a better place. Unfortunately, still hiding Rachel even today!

[Nyx]

My clothes are not hidden and my mom knows about it :D I'm not getting rid of them either. I'm glad she is somewhat acceptive of this.

Okay, I still did "hide" things, in a way. It took me 14 years to get the courage to tell my mom about my feelings. But oh well, at least she knows now.

[gender_blender]

My parents walked in on me crossdressing many many times when I was young. Father is highly unaccepting but mother is coming around to the whole transgender thing. My parents had my grandmother make a little skirt for me, in a feeble attempt to rid me of this "phase". I have a picture of me at age 4 in a skirt that I hold close to my heart as it most accurately represents my life. I never purged my clothing and therefore have a fairly large female wardrobe as of now. I stopped pointlessly hiding everything near the end of high school and now I cross gender express however I want, whenever I want, where ever I want. It's a wonderful gift that I am grateful to have been given.


Charlie

[LindaLeeColby]

When I was 15 my mother confronted me about it. She found the itrems I had hidden and she wanted to talk. We talked for a while and she seemed very supportive. Not mad or upset, just curious. Well being a moron, I clammed up and diddn't say a word. just stared at her and cried while inside I was shouting for help.

The next year she died of a heart attack. I wish I would have took her up on her offers for help. I would have probably transitioned. But instead I live in misery, and guilt over hiding who I am.

Painful a loss like that but I found it very heartwarming, reading it again as you should if it helps. Take comfort in nowing she was there even for that brief time and clearly willing to help. So few have even that. As short as it might seem that time she gave you, it is a memory ever lasting and you should take hold of it above all others in this. You're mother sounded wonderful. So do you as I think on it.

Hugs
Linda Lee

[Ashley in Virginia]

Thanks to everyone for the kind words. I have good days and bad days with all of this. I don't have any family left. Everyone is dead. Ya'll should hold on to those that are close, and try to pull in those who are further away. :)

[melissacd]

Well in my case it was easy to know how my parents felt. My mother was cleaning my room one day and found my stash. She laid it all out on the family room table for everyone to see and confronted me about it.

Later my Dad took me out for a drive to talk to me about it. Basically he said I was to stop, that there was not to be another word about it and that no son of his was going to be a homosexual. He was very angry. Neither one of my parents would talk about it any further. They never even asked if I was a homosexual, which I wasn't, they just jumped to the conclusion that I was and that by telling me to stop that would be the end of it.

But of course it wasn't. And then both my wives have also had a total lack of understanding or appreciation for this. For much of my life I was tortured by the desire and plagued by all the guilt that was heaped onto me by supposed loved ones.

Now I am just beginning to re-emerge and try to reconnect with who I really am. It is amazing how so much damage can be done to one;s psyche over this.

Melissa Eh!

[Melissa A.]

The first time I got "caught" was stealing my Dad's girlfriend's clothes. Wrong, wrong, wrong, I know. This was years ago. caused alot of problems, especially since I kept doing it! Stupid, stupid, stupid, I know. I was a young, broke cd, and all that stuff was just there. I buy my own stuff now, have for years.

Ashley, take some heart in the fact that you had her support and love, even though you were not ready to accept it yet. When it became common knowledge in my family that I was a crossdresser, my mom tried to talk to me about it, and I just clammed up. I was mortified!

Now my mom and I occasionally talk about it and all is good. She was concerned in the years between that I might be a transexual, and was relieved when I told her I was not. Only because she knows it can be a tough road. Now her biggest concern is my safety when I go out. She doesn't like that I do and worries. That's what mom's do. I love her so much.

Melissa eh!-(love that!)- I know, the scars don't completely go away, but they don't have to stop you from being comfortable and happy with all of who you are, and can even be what helps you get there. You sound like you are in a similar place as me not all that long ago at all. Rise above, honey. I'll be thinking of you.

Hugs,

Melissa :)

[melissacd]

Melissa,

Thanks as always for your kind and warm words. This community is helping me to start accepting myself, but I can tell from some of my recent posts that there is an anger in me about all of the rejection and all of the hiding that I have done all my life.

I have a ways to go yet...

Melissa Eh!