A minor asking me for advice, what should I do?

[Avsblues19]

Hello,
I recently had a 15 years old send me an e-mail asking for advice on what to wear and other crossdressing questions. What should I do? I wouldn't mind helping but I don't want to get in trouble since he is a minor.

[Tracy_Victoria]

Although it is good to help others in need, sadly in this day and age I would make minimal contact and just explain that due to there age, people may take any advice given in totally the wrong way!

Personally if this was me, I would avoid contact bar a quick reply to explain it is nothing they have done, nor what they do, but sadly the age, that has to hold you back. I know your help would be just advice, but at 15 some will view even good advice, as wrong, and therefore, you could get yourself in to unwanted problems, for no fault of your own!

I personally would advise him, if he is unable to talk to a close family member he speaks to a trained councilor who is a member of a help organisatiion. Sadly in todays world of child grooming and more, you need to be extra, extra careful. specially with children and what can be viewed as a sexual related perversion (to some)

Be careful out there. my :2c:

[Dalece]

Becareful on the internet first it could be a trap set up by police or could be a person looking to find you, well we want you around not on the local news or read of your obituary.:2c:

[Joy Carter]

Although it is good to help others in need, sadly in this day and age I would make minimal contact and just explain that due to there age, people may take any advice given in totally the wrong way!

Personally if this was me, I would avoid contact bar a quick reply to explain it is nothing they have done, nor what they do, but sadly the age, that has to hold you back. I know your help would be just advice, but at 15 some will view even good advice, as wrong, and therefore, you could get yourself in to unwanted problems, for no fault of your own!

I personally would advise him, if he is unable to talk to a close family member he speaks to a trained councilor who is a member of a help organisatiion. Sadly in todays world of child grooming and more, you need to be extra, extra careful. specially with children and what can be viewed as a sexual related perversion (to some)

Be careful out there. my :2c:

Ditto's !

In Ohio it maybe con strewed as corruption of a minor. Cut it off with out another word. There are law enforcement officers on line, fishing for child molesters. CD.com requires you to be eighteen to be here, and there is a reason for it.

[Tamara Croft]

He is 15, you are in the states, you could get into all kinds of trouble discussing what is classed as an 'adult' topic, hence the reason only over 18yr olds are allowed on this forum. I have some forums you can pass on to him, these are legit forums and can help him properly.

http://crossdressers-forum.com/forums/index.php and tell them to PM Sharon(SO)

http://www.lauras-playground.com/teens.htm - website for teens

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TransgenderedTeens - yahoo group for teens

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tgteens - another yahoo group for teens

[Avsblues19]

Thanks for the help everyone!

[Mollyanne]

Since the person in question has said that he is 15 yrs old DON'T and I MEAN DON"T give any type of advice whatsoever!!!! As a matter of fact do not even answer this person again. I realize the intention(s) are good but it could get you in a peck of trouble, this is just my:2c:

:love: Mollyanne

[Nicki B]

Since the person in question has said that he is 15 yrs old DON'T and I MEAN DON"T give any type of advice whatsoever!!!!

You do need to cut the communication off, but there's no reason you can't do it gently - forward Tamara's links and explain why you can't be a friend for them now?

I think on no account should you arrange any f2f meetings..

[Nicole Erin]

Yeah, cops love doing this type of thing, claiming to be a teen...

You could send a PM back to the person saying "Nice try, copper!"

You will never hear from him again.

But just explain "I don't know if you are some police officer trying to catch predators for Dateline, have a nice life".

[Nicki B]

Yeah, cops love doing this type of thing, claiming to be a teen...

You could send a PM back to the person saying "Nice try, copper!"

You will never hear from him again.

But just explain "I don't know if you are some police officer trying to catch predators for Dateline, have a nice life".

And if somebody had done that to you, when you were fifteen? :strugglin

The problem is, we don't know either way, so compassion can't hurt?

[Angie G]

I'm going with Tracys advice on thie one hun :hugs:
Angie

[Tamara Croft]

TxKimberly - I really think the advice you have given is not appropriate at all. 15 years old, in the states, they are minors and under the US minor law, Avs could get into a lot of trouble just talking to her, nevermind meeting her.

For example, say my youngest daughter was 15 (she's actually 13, but kids lie) and started talking to you Kimberly via email, saying she was transgendered, wanted desperately to be a male... and you started talking to her about it... and then the next minute you are in some place meeting her... do you have any idea how I'd feel about that? In this type of situation, I wouldn't know you from adam... and I'm pretty sure I'd have you arrested for enticement and whatever else I could throw at you.

This is the advice you're giving out, telling someone to go meet someones 15 year old son is wrong, and who knows, she could be walking right into trap couldn't she, because we don't know who this kid is, if it is really a kid in the first place.

[bEEb]

Place them on your blocked address list in every email program and browswer application you have ever used. Immediately.
Never utter another word.

[Jena11]

Well, I wish I would have been able to find help when I was 15 or younger, I would just tell them that you do not want to have impropper contact because of them being a minor. and say to them, since you are seeking information please try to find a friend or family friend that you can tell. At least go to the school concelor and say you need help. :2c:

[Jilmac]

Although there is no law against wearing the clothes of the opposite sex/gender, I would proceed with caution in advising a minor on crossdressing because it could be construed as child enticemant, or myriad other offenses. What we take for granted as adults could be used against us for advising a minor, even with the best intentions. My:2c: Jill

[docrobbysherry]

I have a teen daughter, too. If I found out u and she were in contact, I'd have them throw the book at u! Syphathetic CD? Not with MY kid!
Pass on the teen websites, then, stop all contact!
RS

[Shelly Preston]

The best thing you can do it pass on the links Tamara posted

You could add a note tellling them they need to be talking with those groups and not you

This person needs to deal with those who are used to advising children

[Sinthia]

I would mark the link as spam so no others would come to you. This way there may be one, but no other link between the two email addresses.

[Nicki B]

I'm going with Tracys advice on thie one hun


..since you are seeking information please try to find a friend or family friend that you can tell.

Surely family is likely to be a very big deal (or they wouldn't be e-m'ing people)? There are websites out there, specifically for minors - see Tam's links?

[Kate Simmons]

Tamara had the best idea. No way would I be involved with someone that age. Even when older folks ask me for advice, I hesitate. I'm not and never will be any "authority" on crossdressing, so what I usually say is:"Well, here is what I do." While I know what works best for me, I also know everyone is different.:happy:

[Nicki B]

Even when older folks ask me for advice, I hesitate.

Youngster.... :tongueout

[TxKimberly]

TxKimberly - I really think the advice you have given is not appropriate at all. . .

. . . I've got news for you - I agree with you. Most of my post was my thinking out loud, but if you read it, you hopefully noted that I DID reach that conclusion and ended it with "Stick to email". I should have realized though that it wasn't a good idea to leave my thought process hanging out there and so I will go back and edit or delete it.

[Melissa A.]

I agree with all of the advice to stay away, and also to maybe foward the appropriate links to this person, without any more contact thereafter.

I also think that you should not antagonise potential law enforcement with a "nice try, copper." or even ask if this is part of a sting. If it is, you are only confirming in the mind of whoever is watching, that you are the predator that they think you are. If you want to help, be polite, but distant, explaining VERY clearly that you cannot personally help, due to the misunderstood perceptions of some out there. Be clear, consice, and leave no room for misunderstanding. You sympathise, here's some potential help, there can be no further contact between us, and I have absolutely no interest in meeting you or helping you further, I am sorry. Good luck.

Hugs,

Melissa:happy:

[Fab Karen]

I have a teen daughter, too. If I found out u and she were in contact, I'd have them throw the book at u! Syphathetic CD? Not with MY kid!
Pass on the teen websites, then, stop all contact!
RS
Tamara's advice is best. Hypothetically, if an adult was merely talking to your daughter, with nothing even related to sexual matters and they had no intent of meeting, there would be no laws broken. At best you could try to get your daughter not to talk to anyone over 18. That would still leave her open to teen predators.
A recent show on PBS dealt with teens use of the internet, and studies showed that most of them are aware of predators & ignore their attempts at contact.

[waspookie6]

Unfortunately there is a need for great caution in this situation. The only two sound choices are sending the links with a short note those would be more suitable for a teen. The other is to not respond at all.

Just for the sake of being careful, make sure you either save and print every single email or IM from this person. It will show the date, time and actual words said just in case there is a frustrated parent/authority figure/teevee guy that couldn't get a story out of you :(

[Stargirl]

Tell him that when he reaches 18, a whole new social world will be available to him in life, but in the meanwhile, advise an "age appropriate" research into the matter, and wish him good luck.

[deja true]

Yes indeedy waspookie, Document, Document, Document. That's the only way to make your word stand up against a crying (or lying) child. If it ever comes to that. Hope not.

deja

[waspookie6]

Yes indeedy waspookie, Document, Document, Document. That's the only way to make your word stand up against a crying (or lying) child. If it ever comes to that. Hope not.

deja

I would so hate to see anything untoward happen at all but we know it has. Sometimes parents just don't want to know when they say they do. It's a no win situation and someone has to be the scapegoat, we all know it wouldn't be the underage kid.

/rant because it is a rant for me

[Cristi]

I'm going to have to go against the grain on this one. I think that if we are really living in a society where we become AFRAID to help other people just because of what MIGHT happen in the future... then we are really in trouble.

In this same way, we adult males are now AFRAID to even talk to a minor in public just because of the paranoia we all live with now.

While I think that it would certainly be wise to tread carefully (NO conversation of a sexual nature in any sense, no face-to-face contact, just 'support' and letting the person know that he/she isn't alone). I would also keep all contact public (messages in a public forum, no private messages).

If somebody underage contacted me, I don't think I would worry about if it could be a police officer 'posing' as a minor or not, since I wouldn't be doing ANYTHING even remotely illegal or questionable by guiding the person toward resources they could use... and letting them know that they are not alone. Just a few friendly words to a confused person giving them tips on ways to tell their parents, how to find help and most importantly that they are NOT alone could make a HUGE difference to a young person, and I'm not going to deny somebody that help just because of some vague sense that somebody just might be out there ready to pounce on me for it!

If I were afraid of the situation, it would be in some sense admitting that the contact was in some way sexual or dangerous. In reality, it would be no more inappropriate than me lending advice and support in some other forum, for instance a depression support group.

Yes, my attitude could be naive... but I think this society has swung WAY too far to the 'cold' and 'paranoid' and needs to take a chance and come back to the 'open' and 'supportive' even if it means taking on a bit of risk. In the REAL world, we Americans have gotten way too paranoid about 'stranger danger'. The real numbers show that it is a very rare thing. Even when kids do get molested, it is usually by family members or friends of the family. One of the real enemies is the media, which teaches kids to fear every unknown adult, which makes this a sad world.

Finally, ask yourself this. If we are NOT here to support and help our most needy members... the lost and confused young people just starting to discover themselves... then what ARE we really here for, yet more threads about what kind of panties you wear??

[sexotik]

That's a big quandary. I know you must have the best intentions cuz u must be remembering how it all started to you and perhaps no one was around to assist you. On the other hand,it's a minor, and as some girls said sb might be trying to set you up or it might be a prank. My advice tell this person to surf the web, to lurk around websites on cd and to read. But would this be considered a crime? a felony?. I keep wondering.


Don't forget to tell us what u did

[Samantha B L]

Hi Avsblues,You don't have to be harsh about it but I'm sure you know you can't be buddies with this person. If I were you I would just tell her that you understand how they feel at that age with no one to talk to about crossdressing. But tell her the truth. There's nothing you can do about it and not to try to contact you over and over again! Several people who have posted have suggested that this could be a trap. Maybe some police force trying to bust you for "contributing to the deliquency of a minor" or maybe something to do with kiddie porn!

[Joann0830]

As former Law enforcement, I would not advise this child at all, in that you may be dealing with someone who is trying to bait you and you have no idea what they might be doing with this information. I know that you are probably thinking of when you first experienced your inner self but times have changed and so has many laws regarding children. How they knew about you or how they got your Email address leads me to believe that there is something questionable. The questions asked to you may be simple but like in the State of New York in some cases in can be seen as "Contributing to the delinquency of a minor" or "Endangering the welfare of a minor" (You can check at your local library for books such as Criminal Procedure Law or Penal law) in that you have no knowledge as to where this email will go from here. I would recommend as someone did before to Block the sender and address. We all here try to help one another, but in this case I would be very careful.
This site as in most sites require that you must be 18 or in some cases 21. Please be careful. Joann0830:straightface:

[darla_g]

how did this teen get a hold of your email in the first place?

[Carly D.]

send him the crossdressers.com link.. enough said..

[Emily Ann Brown]

As a former Children's Minister with a conservative denomination let me add wise counsel........this is a no win situation, trust me. Only way this can turn out is you in HUGE trouble. Think for a minute please.....let's say parent is homophobe, wants a pound of flesh for you having any contact with their kid. You are screwed. Police sting and you reply....you are screwed. Almost any senario in between....you are screwed. If this happened under my ministry I would be in contact so fast with the parents, would not tell much I was told by child, but I would sure be covering my tracks as far as professionalism.

Nobody wants to help children more than me, but it would have to be a relative for me to risk being heavily involved in this potential disaster.

Emily Ann

[KandisTX]

He is 15 years old, therefore a minor, therefore the following equation comes into play. You + 15 year old + discussion of anything "out of ordinary" = JAIL TIME. Block the emails, do not discuss anything with this kid, at the very least advise him to talk to his parents. Do NOT get any further involved. You do not want to end up on the wrong side of some strange internet child stalking law.

Kandis:love:

[Tamara Croft]

. . . I've got news for you - I agree with you. Most of my post was my thinking out loud, but if you read it, you hopefully noted that I DID reach that conclusion and ended it with "Stick to email". I should have realized though that it wasn't a good idea to leave my thought process hanging out there and so I will go back and edit or delete it.Aww dammit... I wish you hadn't deleted your post, it shows so much empathy for this kid :( I know just how you feel, we (staff) deal with this everyday, not just the odd email. We have so many that we turn away every week and it is gut wrenching, but we don't have that choice, we are bound by US Law on this forum.. all we can do is pass on the information. Imagine how that feels, especially for me, because I have children that age, so yes, it is horrible :(

[suzannecarr]

He is 15, you are in the states, you could get into all kinds of trouble discussing what is classed as an 'adult' topic, hence the reason only over 18yr olds are allowed on this forum. I have some forums you can pass on to him, these are legit forums and can help him properly.

http://crossdressers-forum.com/forums/index.php and tell them to PM Sharon(SO)

http://www.lauras-playground.com/teens.htm - website for teens

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TransgenderedTeens - yahoo group for teens

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tgteens - another yahoo group for teens
for your own safety and out of respect for the parents of this child, many of us had to deal with these things on our own and this person needs to learn to be strong for themself , not including the trouble you could get into!, come on people lets sit back and think before we give advice!, suz:straightface:

[Emily Ann Brown]

Tamara,


I have a very good idea of how you feel every day. If I could keep kids 8 to 17 from feeling like I did for so long I would. Unfortunately we as a society are up to our elbows in pervs and the parents ,many, take no responsibility for raising healthy, balanced kids....just set them loose and then demand that law enforcement does their job for them. Kids are the big losers.

Oh if we only had more parents like that dad a while back that asked us for help with his son's request to dress on the Disneyworld vacation....


Emily Ann

[RobertaFermina]

Direct the youngster to resources on the net.

There are blogs by teenage crossdressers, transsexuals, etc.

Encourage him to involve parents, counselors in his quest for self-expression and understanding..realizing that he may not have access to sympathetic parents/counselors.....

Suggest he arrange for a chat sessions that are attended by a parent.
Suggest he take a parent/counselor to a support group meeting ?

Once you get your mind on these tracks, your positive and well-intended creativity should come up with further suggestions.


:rose: Roberta :rose:

[Eugenie]

I've read all the answers to that thread carelully,

Indeed there is a risk giving any advice to that young person. As has been said, we wouldn't want others interfere with our children lives. It could also be a trap to see if you are trying to establish an unlawful relationship with that person.

So Yes the risk is real...

But aren't there other risks for this young man? (assuming his e-mail is genuine)

What if he goes seek advice in far less well intentionned sources as you are?

What if he is depressed because nobody wants to talk to him and does something silly?

What if he runs away from home and gets into trouble?

Of course I aggree that no direct x-dressing advice should be sent to him, but perhaps, and this is only perhaps, yu could be sending him a message with :
1/ a clear statement that you cannot discuss with him because he is legally too young.

2/ that he should talk to his parents or at least to get advice from a social worker

3/ Send him a reliable support group website such as proposed by Tamara (but that last one may be a bit to directly x-dressing oriented and considered as en encouragement, so I it may be less advisable)

Then, cut any possibilities of contact.

All the best wishes to you with getting out of this situation. It is indeed a very difficult one...

Eugenie

[Tamara Croft]

Eugine, I know what you're saying and I do agree in theory... but if you check out the links I've provided, the majority of members here are members on those forums, so they can 'legally' talk to him there, without fear of repercussions... At the end of the day, it is up to the OP what she wants to do, we can only advise can't we?

[Wendy me]

all i can add here is send the links and step away.... one might be open to being helpful .... one might think it's the right thing to do ..... but the INTERNET can be a dangerous place to try to help some who says they are under age ...... could be some kind of set up who knows????.........you might even have the person's mom and dad find out and who knows were that might go????.......

if your not out to the world abought your dressing .... this step might just do it for you in a bad way..... or you might meet some screw ball that claims to be a under age CD and get you butt kicked or worse .... sorry this is not a place you want to go...........

[TxKimberly]

Aww dammit... I wish you hadn't deleted your post, it shows so much empathy for this kid :( . . .

As you know from the PM's we exchanged, I am VERY conflicted about this. In the end I decided I did not want to risk being any part of something that might hurt someone here or hurt the young one we are speaking of.
All I know for sure is that if we find out something bad has happened to this young one because we were all afraid to speak to her, I think I will stay away from ALL forums. I just don't think I could handle the guilt. . .

[Tamara Croft]

I know Kimberly, believe me I know... like I said in a previous post, the admins here deal with this on almost a daily basis. All we can do is pass on advice that we hope will help, it's hard.

You know what's worse, having a underaged member here, that told porkies about their age and then we find out... we have to pull all their posts, their profiles, everything for fear of liability :( That is the hardest thing I've had to do here personally and not just once either... it's horrible :(

[TaylorAB]

Hello,
I recently had a 15 years old send me an e-mail asking for advice on what to wear and other crossdressing questions. What should I do? I wouldn't mind helping but I don't want to get in trouble since he is a minor.

Hun, there are only two important facts here.

1. You don't know who this person is.
2. You don't know what you are getting yourself involved in.

Err on the side of caution. No more contact. :love:

[lovelingerie6]

run & run fast stay away you never know who is on the other end of the emails:p

[corrinediane]

Send her to the teen forums Suzanne listed. Don't do anything more then that. No advice, do nothing. Be smart and very careful.

[Tamara Croft]

Send her to the teen forums Suzanne listed. Don't do anything more then that. No advice, do nothing. Be smart and very careful.Uhm, Suzanne didn't list them... I did.. that was a quote :slap:

[Joy Carter]

Yeah, cops love doing this type of thing, claiming to be a teen...

You could send a PM back to the person saying "Nice try, copper!"

You will never hear from him again.

But just explain "I don't know if you are some police officer trying to catch predators for Dateline, have a nice life".

And just how many bad actors, that may have killed for their predatory ways that the cops have caught, would make you belive, this is a good idea to protect children ? :Angry3: