Late starter - missed a lot of life!

[O2B Barbara]

For almost my entire life I have worn panties as well as other items of undergarments whenever possible. For years I thought this was a bit perverted and had a lot of emotional problems with it. I just knew I felt better in womens undergarments. Even slept better in a nightie or such. I eventually came to grips with wearing the underwear, enough so that it no longer bothered me, just accepted me as I am .

A couple of years ago I visited my childhood neighborhood in Indiana and was hit with a lot of memories that I had supressed for years. A year or so later I spent some time with a sister that I had not seen in quite a few years. Life in Indiana did not come up, nor was there opportunity. Shortly after this time with the sister my wife & I were shopping, her for a new top and me along for the trip. During this shopping trip I just knew I wanted a skirt. New feeling as I had never thought along this line before. Fortunately I am blessed with a wife that accepts and supports my crossdressing. While she did not understand the sudden jump to a skirt she was open and supportive.

I quickly progressed to wanting, and needing, full outfits including a wig. It was a hard step for me to admit that I am a crossdresser as I was always dressed under drab prior to this and did not consider myself to be a crossdresser.

I was able to spend some time with my sister last summer and we, including my wife, talked about things when we were kids. Answered a lot of questions, as well as explaining a lot of things. Turns out this was something we both needed.

To get to the point, I supressed a lot of things for many years. This also explains why I never felt to fit in with the guys. I am not into sports at all, fishing & hunting is not for me either. Drinking at the bars, fast cars, racing.... not for me. I can now say that I am understanding myself much better, and looking forward to the rest of the journey. My problem is that at the age of 53 I feel I lost many years of learning and growing the feminine side of myself. This is very frustrating as I feel the need to catch up as it is, on all things feminine. I am not fond of the idea of coming out as an "older woman" as I want to experience the progression from teen on.

This late bloom as it is, is more of a problem than crossdressing ever has been. I feel cheated from a big part of what my life could have been. Please don't take this as complaining I just needed to share it.

Are there other late starters that feel this way?

[StephanieC]

Boy, talk about timing. I only joined this forum in the last few days and your post shows up.

You are NOT the only one in this situation. However, the fact that you've been able to discuss this to your SO and others is a BIGGGGG advantage.

I think sometimes opportunities come our ways BECAUSE of our experiences, not despite them. The fact that you've been drab for so long means you can really appreciate this side of your life. Perhaps your life to this point has been spent in developing other aspects of your personality (or, you've been instrumental in developing other people's lives).

I don't think life is a race. And I don't think we really waste our lives: sometimes we make choices but some choices we don't see until the opportunity presents itself.

Enjoy the journey.


...in the deep freeze of Ozaukee county

[bEEb]

Barb and Steph... I am 100% sympatico
By no means a "late" starter here having dabbled for 30 years or so. But due to a number of circumstances, I never really could develop any real momentum to get totally dolled up. Hence it has become more of an occasional private release more than an attempt to be pretty or heaven forbid, go out.
Everything at it's own time and pace is the way I see it.
As W.C. Fields used to say: "Somethin'll turn up"

[deja true]

O2B, Do not regret those years! As Stephanie says, you've, no doubt been 'developing' differently, sub-consciously. (You already realize that...you don't fit in with the rest of the guys!) That's a good thing! If I were you I'd consider myself lucky that I haven't had to go through the years, the deades, of guilt an self-recrimination that so many of us have, as you'll read in thousands(!) of posts in the archives.

Yeah, girl, you're lucky. You don't have closets full of clothes that don't fit anymore. You never went through a painful purge. You've saved thousands of dollars not buying unsuitable styles and them dumping them. Done that, been there...

Go through the growing up process vicariously right here through the stories of all the members. They run the gamut in ages from late teens to grandmas.

If you wanna dress, you still have a stylish and hot option! You're a bit younger than me, but I'm running with COUGAR style! You know, those gorgeous women of a certain age (mmmm...Sharon Stone, Mariska Hargitay, etc...) that project the class and style and independence and poise of women that you would die to be with. Their beauty comes from ATTITUDE as much as good looks.

You can dress your age, but still feel the power of the growing spirit. Enjoy, don't obsess!

(belated) respect & love

deja

[Alice B]

Your post got me to thinking about my past and indications that I might be a cross dresser that I ignored or just pushed back. I openly started to accept that I love to dress only in the past few years and to have open discussions with my wife in the past two years. Yet I now remember trying on some of my mothers things when I was young and clothing of past wifes over the years. Now I can dress fully at home when my wife is not present, have a couple of female friends that know and can go out when wife away. She knows and it is OK. I even when to Gina for a make over once. I don't feel that I was cheated or even repressed. I just needed to reach a point in life where I was ready and removed from the very macho life style that I was involved in.:hugs:

[annekathleen]

When I was a teen and started wearing panties.
It was like a forbidden taboo.
I wasnt supposed to wear girls panties, but I was curious
to see what they felt like and looked like.
Then I realized how nice the different fabrics felt and they
were a form of sexual arousal.
Ive been wearing them for so long, that the sexual arousal
part has diminished over the years, but I still like wearing
them under my jeans.The different styles and fabrics feel so
different.
And when I'm out in public, and I look at a pretty woman,
I wonder if I'm wearing sexier panties than she might be wearing.

[docrobbysherry]

My problem is that at the age of 53 I feel I lost many years of learning and growing the feminine side of myself. This is very frustrating as I feel the need to catch up as it is, on all things feminine. I am not fond of the idea of coming out as an "older woman" as I want to experience the progression from teen on.
Are there other late starters that feel this way?

I started at just about your age. Unlike u, I had NO desire to try on ladies things before then. Like u, I stated dressing modestly. I only got into SERIOUS dressing up about 5 years ago.

I'm here to tell u, u can re-live the teen and young woman years u missed. Just as I do/am!
That is, if u don't need to go out dressed, if u have a slim figure, and if your SO doesn't go nuts!

The LAST thing on my mind, is to look a 60 year old woman, even tho I am that age! It's your life Barb, live it the way u like!
RS

[Janet_W]

Wore panties and nighties in my teens. Put all the clothes in the incinerator just before I married. Suppressed my wanting to wear womens undies for fifteen years until one day found my wifes panties on the bedroom floor and couldn't resist to try them on. After divorce I dressed a lot on the weekends but after dressing and sitting around for about an hour thought it was silly and undressed and took a shower. Found Tri-Ess and was relived that there were others like myself and dressed more than ever and went out in public around 60 years of age. :p

[Nicole Erin]

...My problem is that at the age of 53 I feel I lost many years of learning and growing the feminine side of myself. This is very frustrating as I feel the need to catch up as it is, on all things feminine. I am not fond of the idea of coming out as an "older woman" as I want to experience the progression from teen on.

This late bloom as it is, is more of a problem than crossdressing ever has been. I feel cheated from a big part of what my life could have been....
Are there other late starters that feel this way?

OK, here is the thing - You look back and wish, that is normal for anyone over 21 [yes even some folks that age have regrets.] We ALL wish that we had done whatever. I wish I would have done a few things different.
However, MY experience of being CD has taught me that at first it is a fun journey. The first time shopping for femme things, the learning process, the first outing, meeting other CD's and maybe making friends...

As one settles into being comfortable with who one is, the fun kind of fades and it just becomes seemingly normal to be en femme.

What I am saying is you need to have fun with this new found life. If you had been doing this for 30 or 40 something years, it would not be as exciting.
Plus, now that you are more mature and wiser, AND you have the web to research things, you are very-well equipped to navigate your personal CD journey. The mature wisdom is a great advantage that younger folks don't have yet. The web is a tool we didn't have even a few short years ago,

Some might disagree and say it is still a blast after so many years but regardless, the start of this journey is most exciting.

All that aside, never forget - today is the first day of the rest of your life, so start enjoying it ;)

[O2B Barbara]

Thanks to all for the support and kind words. While it may sound strange, the only regret with the late awakening is the difficulty in growing my own breasts! I have taken herbs only as I am not sure I like the possible side effects of hormones and have had a little success. This may be a delusion on my part and may be only the middle age spread. Do need to loose a few pounds. Either way I am enjoying the progression, and my wife as well I think. She loves to have me go shopping with her and not complain about hitting the womans departments!

While the incidence of crossdressing is more prevelant than most would believe, I am relieved that there are others here that live nearby. Steph, we are only a few miles apart, I am in Walworth county, and bEEb, we are probably as near. Perhaps we can arrange a girls day shopping or such?

[Nicole Erin]

If the sex drive is what bothers you about hrt, well the thing is, one doesn't even think about sex a whole lot once starting hrt. The climax becomes really weak also.

[akaCathy]

I'm a late bloomer too. I started dressing at 57 and found it so liberating. I felt I was finally able to be the person I always knew, yet supressed, I was inside.

Now that I've found me, I like me even more.

aka Cathy

[susan2010]

Wow. Me too. I started with slips, nightgowns when very young. Never tried a dress or shoes until in my 40's (strictly in the closet). Even panties didn't appeal to me until recently, Now it's mid-50's: I just joined the forum, went to a couple of Renaissance meetings, dressed at the meeting, got a bra, wig, pantyhose, and someday, I'll probably try some make-up. I thought I'd never go this far; it was just a sensual thing, and I wasn't REALLY a crossdresser. (Those guys are gay and wear dresses all the time.) But here I am, still exploring and finding out more about myself.

[debbeelee1]

Barb, I started dressing 2 years ago at the age of 53 too. At first I wanted everything, but then learned to slow down and enjoy one step at a time. The kids are grown and my SO is fantastic about my dressing. Just relax and enjoy!

[Seville]

O2B, Do not regret those years! As Stephanie says, you've, no doubt been 'developing' differently, sub-consciously. (You already realize that...you don't fit in with the rest of the guys!) That's a good thing! If I were you I'd consider myself lucky that I haven't had to go through the years, the deades, of guilt an self-recrimination that so many of us have, as you'll read in thousands(!) of posts in the archives.

Yeah, girl, you're lucky. You don't have closets full of clothes that don't fit anymore. You never went through a painful purge. You've saved thousands of dollars not buying unsuitable styles and them dumping them. Done that, been there...

Go through the growing up process vicariously right here through the stories of all the members. They run the gamut in ages from late teens to grandmas...
You can dress your age, but still feel the power of the growing spirit. Enjoy, don't obsess! deja

This says it ALL!!! Read and reread Deja's post again and again!!!
How true...and how sad!

Enjoy your life and don't obsess! :)

[PatriciaT]

Hi Barbara,

I too feel the same way. I had felt the CD urge ever since I could remember. I a strong female aspect in that I shared few what would be considered typically made interests, such as sports, cars, and the like. I always felt a bit odd about these things and felt I was perhaps even perverted, As the desire to CD increased, I did this in closet. Eventually I started androgynous dressing but that just didn’t do or me so I started to go out and about en femme.
For years my conscious bothered me and I tried to stop several times, but most people on this forum know, this just doesn’t work. I then just gave in to the desire a few years ago and have simply continued. I was able to rationalize to a great extent as except for this CD aspect and a lack of a lot of male interests, I was a normal heterosexual, with a good education and always holding responsible jobs. I felt a bit better about CD bit the feelings of guilt remained, just lessening.
About a year ago, I started to do some surfing on the Internet and reading about CD and was astonished at what I found. There was nothing wrong or perverted about it but a very normal aspect of some people. This was reinforced by participating in CD forums and a CD chat room. The main difference I found between CDs and the rest was that CDs were far more sensitive and feeling, and had a more open minded view of the world. They were not in the least bit odd but avery rational, deep thinking group. I finally became proud to be a CD. Unfortunately this happened far later than it should have, and I suffered needlessly from guilt for decades.

This leads to another comment you made which I can really identify with:

“My problem is that at the age of 53 I feel I lost many years of learning and growing the feminine side of myself. This is very frustrating as I feel the need to catch up as it is, on all things feminine. I am not fond of the idea of coming out as an "older woman" as I want to experience the progression from teen on.”

I have always been interested in the clothes of the younger set and not to feel that dressing age appropriate was so important. You might want to look at the thread I started on this. Your comment has given me some food for thought as to way I feel this way and the need to make up for lost time. I don’t dress near my chronological age. Since I have the small physic of a younger person, I can actually pull this off. This is a bit embarrassing for me to state but by far one of my most successful outfits is that of a schoolgirl! I live in Japan and at times wear the sailor suit type. :heehee: Speaking of being accepted!

Anyway, I do share your thoughts and I’m sure you’ll find a lot of postings with experiences similar to yours.


All the best,

Patricia.
The hard core CD

[Deanna2]

Hey Barbara, what's with the regrets about the past?

This is the first day of the rest of your life. Get on with it!

[Angie G]

I have dressed from the time I was about 11 or 12 had some gaps of not dressing .Got Married in 1968 dressed here and there for years Just over 2 years ago I came out to my wife now I dress 5 day a week Full dress bra pantie hose skirts tops dresses some makeup heels pierced ears I'll be 60 in 9 days I just thank my lucky stars I had what I did and what I have now. So just be happy in the fact that you have what you have so meny don't. :hugs:
Angie

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

I am 51 and wish my life had taken another path as well but it didn't so I'll live with the life I have now. I have been crossdressing off and on for 40 plus years, much more on for the last 5 since I told my wife of 22 years. Count me in on the shopping spree, I live in Northwest Illinois and would be happy to meet you girls up in Wisconsin for a "girls day out".

[Amy Hepker]

On the contrary your life is just beginning!!!