Valerie Nicole
02-11-2008, 11:00 PM
Okay guys and girls, prepare yourselves for a bit of a rant...
I recently met this girl on an online dating site, and we get along really well. We've become quite close as friends, and though she's not yet ready for a relationship, I think we both see things heading in that direction eventually. We've been extremely open with each other since we first met, so even though it hasn't been that long, I told her about this side of me today.
Well, things are weird. She's the most accepting person I've ever met when it comes to this, and yet I feel like I made a huge mistake. She's willing to let me wear her clothes and stuff, but I wish I could take it all back. I'm not sure why this is, but I have some theories.
The first is that when I think about her, and the two of us being together, I do not picture myself dressed. She is the only person where this is the case. I'm wondering if something about her actually runs counter to this part of me. I don't mean this in a bad way, but I find it strange that I don't imagine myself dressed around her, and that she's the first person I ever told my secret to where I wish I could take it back. It's especially weird because of how supportive she was.
Of course, the more logical explanation is that I reached beyond my comfort zone in telling her so soon, but something about this just doesn't seem to fit. First of all, I told my ex girlfriend when I'd known her for even less time than I've known this girl, and there was no discomfort there. Secondly, this new girl is so open with me, and I'm so open with her, that there's no reason for me to be uncomfortable with this. We've both shared things that are almost equivalent to this in terms of importance and secrecy, so I don't see why this is such a concern.
I guess I'm forced to conclude that my discomfort stems from the fact that she brings out something different in me. I think it's probably that she makes me feel a lot less feminine, and a lot less submissive than I normally do, and so my usual thoughts about being with someone simply don't work with her. With her I feel more masculine and dominant than I ever have, and I think I kind of act that way too, which I guess could generate this kind of conflict when it's combined with the idea that she knows about my submissive, feminine side.
I wish I could make this discomfort go away. I almost feel as though if she and I end up together, I won't ever feel the need to dress again. Of course, experience has taught us all that this is probably not the case, but if it's true, then it would explain why I feel so weird about her knowing.
Anyway, that's my rant for now. Talk to you all later!
I recently met this girl on an online dating site, and we get along really well. We've become quite close as friends, and though she's not yet ready for a relationship, I think we both see things heading in that direction eventually. We've been extremely open with each other since we first met, so even though it hasn't been that long, I told her about this side of me today.
Well, things are weird. She's the most accepting person I've ever met when it comes to this, and yet I feel like I made a huge mistake. She's willing to let me wear her clothes and stuff, but I wish I could take it all back. I'm not sure why this is, but I have some theories.
The first is that when I think about her, and the two of us being together, I do not picture myself dressed. She is the only person where this is the case. I'm wondering if something about her actually runs counter to this part of me. I don't mean this in a bad way, but I find it strange that I don't imagine myself dressed around her, and that she's the first person I ever told my secret to where I wish I could take it back. It's especially weird because of how supportive she was.
Of course, the more logical explanation is that I reached beyond my comfort zone in telling her so soon, but something about this just doesn't seem to fit. First of all, I told my ex girlfriend when I'd known her for even less time than I've known this girl, and there was no discomfort there. Secondly, this new girl is so open with me, and I'm so open with her, that there's no reason for me to be uncomfortable with this. We've both shared things that are almost equivalent to this in terms of importance and secrecy, so I don't see why this is such a concern.
I guess I'm forced to conclude that my discomfort stems from the fact that she brings out something different in me. I think it's probably that she makes me feel a lot less feminine, and a lot less submissive than I normally do, and so my usual thoughts about being with someone simply don't work with her. With her I feel more masculine and dominant than I ever have, and I think I kind of act that way too, which I guess could generate this kind of conflict when it's combined with the idea that she knows about my submissive, feminine side.
I wish I could make this discomfort go away. I almost feel as though if she and I end up together, I won't ever feel the need to dress again. Of course, experience has taught us all that this is probably not the case, but if it's true, then it would explain why I feel so weird about her knowing.
Anyway, that's my rant for now. Talk to you all later!