Kate Simmons
02-12-2008, 01:37 PM
In the early days of my CDing, there wasn't the benefit of the Internet or Forums like this one where we can compare notes, get advice and share adventures, so I was pretty much left to my own devices and kind of had to make it up as I went along. There wasn't really much around my area and pretty much the only things I had to refer to were maybe some seedy magizines or tabloids with articles about tranvestites or female impersonators as we were known in those days. The term crossdresser hadn't come into wide usage yet.
I did somewhat get into the "basics" before I got married and when I was living with my Grand parents. I used to go buy my stuff and pretty much had privacy in my own room. Even so, I wanted to go out and at least drive around dressed and what I would do is find a secluded spot and change in the car. I did feel a bit funny about buying makeup though, so early on I made my own by using talcum powder and soaking up the various colored pigments from El Marko markers. You get kind of inventive in this game sometimes but that is how I learned clean up techniques also, usually with a very slim time frame. That fear quickly faded though and I was buying everything from wigs to makeup.
I thought I was pretty clever because I would keep my stuff in two suitcases under my bed and keep them locked. If one happened to have similar suitcases though, the keys were pretty generic and I'm not sure I fooled my Grandmother really. If she did know anything, she never mentioned it. This went on until I got married and moved out. I purged of course thinking that being married would keep it away. We all know how that works though.
Within a year of having our first baby and buying a new house, I was building up my stash again secretly. I had more opportunities than one would think to dress and go out and took full advantage of the opportunities, usually just driving around the back roads and interstates. I would get nervous though when it would dawn on me what would happen if I had car trouble and someone stopped to help? What if a cop pulled me over? Was I nuts? Any number of things would cross my mind and I was living on the edge. At that point I would usually just put it out of my mind and head back home, my adventure having been accomplished.
After I told my wife, it calmed down for awhile but it seemed I was always plotting the perfect femme adventure in the back of my mind whether I could actually follow through or not. This is how much this stuff can dominate a person's thinking. My wife was baffled by my actions. Why would a supposedly manly man such as myself want to dress up like a woman and go out that way? It didn't make sense. It rarely does. Even though she tolerated my little femme "escapades" in the ensuing years, she certainly did not like it and we could never come to any kind of understanding, so the subject hardly ever came up even though she knew I was doing it. Even so, I always fulfilled my obligations with her and the family and never had a problem with that.
I had lots of adventures, some laughable, some pathetic, some downright silly. I kind of miss those "old days" in a way, the narrow escapes, the crazy situations, the "cliffhangers" made life interesting sometimes. I was learning about myself even back then, even though I didn't realize it. Those days I thought it was just some crazy thing I did but I learned later I was getting in touch with my feelings, feelings I had suppressed most of my life that had to come out and be addressed.
I've matured a lot since those early days and have come to realize it's mostly about the feelings and less about the clothes for myself. I still "wing it" sometimes but mostly with respect to getting to know people for who they are as people. A lot of it is still terra incognita.It's about accepting myself for who I am and accepting others and the way I see it the goal of life is simply being and it's not so much if you "pass" or "fail", it's how you play the "game".:happy:
I did somewhat get into the "basics" before I got married and when I was living with my Grand parents. I used to go buy my stuff and pretty much had privacy in my own room. Even so, I wanted to go out and at least drive around dressed and what I would do is find a secluded spot and change in the car. I did feel a bit funny about buying makeup though, so early on I made my own by using talcum powder and soaking up the various colored pigments from El Marko markers. You get kind of inventive in this game sometimes but that is how I learned clean up techniques also, usually with a very slim time frame. That fear quickly faded though and I was buying everything from wigs to makeup.
I thought I was pretty clever because I would keep my stuff in two suitcases under my bed and keep them locked. If one happened to have similar suitcases though, the keys were pretty generic and I'm not sure I fooled my Grandmother really. If she did know anything, she never mentioned it. This went on until I got married and moved out. I purged of course thinking that being married would keep it away. We all know how that works though.
Within a year of having our first baby and buying a new house, I was building up my stash again secretly. I had more opportunities than one would think to dress and go out and took full advantage of the opportunities, usually just driving around the back roads and interstates. I would get nervous though when it would dawn on me what would happen if I had car trouble and someone stopped to help? What if a cop pulled me over? Was I nuts? Any number of things would cross my mind and I was living on the edge. At that point I would usually just put it out of my mind and head back home, my adventure having been accomplished.
After I told my wife, it calmed down for awhile but it seemed I was always plotting the perfect femme adventure in the back of my mind whether I could actually follow through or not. This is how much this stuff can dominate a person's thinking. My wife was baffled by my actions. Why would a supposedly manly man such as myself want to dress up like a woman and go out that way? It didn't make sense. It rarely does. Even though she tolerated my little femme "escapades" in the ensuing years, she certainly did not like it and we could never come to any kind of understanding, so the subject hardly ever came up even though she knew I was doing it. Even so, I always fulfilled my obligations with her and the family and never had a problem with that.
I had lots of adventures, some laughable, some pathetic, some downright silly. I kind of miss those "old days" in a way, the narrow escapes, the crazy situations, the "cliffhangers" made life interesting sometimes. I was learning about myself even back then, even though I didn't realize it. Those days I thought it was just some crazy thing I did but I learned later I was getting in touch with my feelings, feelings I had suppressed most of my life that had to come out and be addressed.
I've matured a lot since those early days and have come to realize it's mostly about the feelings and less about the clothes for myself. I still "wing it" sometimes but mostly with respect to getting to know people for who they are as people. A lot of it is still terra incognita.It's about accepting myself for who I am and accepting others and the way I see it the goal of life is simply being and it's not so much if you "pass" or "fail", it's how you play the "game".:happy: