transgendered only please! did you tell your wife before you got married?

[suzannecarr]

this is for tg or cd only, did you tell your spouse before you married , if so how did it go? if not why not? you dont have to answer the question if you dont want to, just submit the poll if possible!

[Deborah_UK]

I didn't tell her - that's probably one of the reasons we're no longer married!!

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

Absolutely. Being upfront and honest is a great way to start a relationship

[newtothelife]

No I did not. I wish I had. I got lucky, when I finally did she was not to freaked out by it. I had not embraced it as much back then. She and I finally talked about it a few months ago. She seems to have taken a out of sight out of mind stance. She just warned me to be carefull because of the kids. Oh and she bought me some clothes and ligerie. God I love her.

[Bravesoul]

I did not tell her, But she now knows and is fully supportive. Looking bac, maybe I should have, I think the outcome would have been the same.

[tamarav]

In my previous life I was the Director of Human Resources for a large hospital and did most of the management training. I taught a diversity class to upper management and actually had a CD, a TG, and two gays as speakers. My to-be wife and I were friends at that point and I told her my story about 3 years before we actually got married. You all know the rest, that was over 20 years ago.

Tami

[Carroll]

I told her, but in later discussions, she said that I never did tell her. She has been known to forget things said to her sometimes, so I cant fault her. Didnt matter anyways as she is completely for it:hugs:

[DAVIDA]

I felt like I had to. Although it was the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life, I felt that it was her choice to be with the real me or not. That was 17 years ago!

[Nadia-Maria]

I did not.

I have been somewhat wise no to come out to my first spouse, because she was a bad woman and she would have probably used it against me during the divorce, telling it for instance to my boss and coworkers.

However, I would have been much more wiser not to marry her...

Hugs

Nadia

[KatieC]

I didn't tell my wife before we were married, because I was in denial that I was TG. Since I refused to believe it of myself, there was nothing to tell her.

[MJ]

=Deborah_UK;1190347]I didn't tell her - that's probably one of the reasons we're no longer married!!

no i did not tell her .. i was hoping it would all go away with marriage..

[SandyR]

My wife knew nothing of Sandy, but I was not even so sure then myself. Its been 25+ years and alot has changed. She knows now and is very supportive, its awesome, bumpy at first but good now.

SandyR

[Jocelyn Quivers]

I told mine a few months before we were engaged. My wife was making some permanent changes in her life as a result of dating me such as deciding not to move to another state, employment, going back to college etc. I felt she had a right to know everything about me before deciding to spend her life with me.

[TerriM]

I told my wife after 10yrs of marriage. We are married 36. She still hasnt seen me dressed nor does she want to. I also thought it would go away, but it didnt.
Yours Terri

[Jenna1561]

No, and it is the biggest mistake of my life. I did finally tell her, after 20 years of deceiving her. If I had to do it all over again, I'd tell her before I asked her to marry me, even if it cost me the relationship.

Jenna

[Connie D50]

I to didn't tell my wife before we were married, because I was in denial that I was TG. We r still together after 30 years has not been easy however nothing is.
Connie

[Selene EV]

I didn't tell her. She found out 3 years ago after 15 years of marriage. It didn't go well. I can't blame her. We're still working things through but its a sore subject.

[susie evans]

my wife has know since our second date and i think that's one of the reasons we are still married after 35 plus years

:love: susie

[JoAnnDallas]

When my wife and I got married, it was before the Internet and I was still in denial about my TGness. I have sense come to grips with my TGness. Like many I thought that marriage would end it, but as we all learn, that is not the case. I think that my wife is open minded enough to handle it if I had told her before we got married.

[tracigirl_tv]

Well, I was young and stupid when I first got married. (I'm no longer young *smile*) So no, I didn't share it with her because I "knew" I could and would make it go away. Big surprise: it didn't go away. Divorce wasn't immediate, but it was inevitable.

When it did happen, I promised myself not to make the same mistake a second time. So I met a woman (online) and made it a point to fully disclose about my CDing, not being sure how she might take it. Being the wonderful, open person she was (and is), she embraced my whole self, special side included. She's a total blessing in my life and I'm glad I can recognize her here, especially on Valentine's Day. Thank you baby!! :hugs:

[silkenhose]

told her as soon as we got serious, however back then i just liked wearing pantyhose and it was always a sexual thing. Then it moved to more clothes over the years but with her being instep with it. Now i find myself in heels, hose, skirts, dresses, costumes etc..........

She has a phd in pyscotherapy so no hidding it from her................she has her own very successful practice, which i am happy to be her well dressed secretary....:thumbsup:

[Jilmac]

I was married twice and told each one before we ever tied the knot. The first one treated my dressing as my "problem" and didn't want to know anything about it, so consequentally I was forced to hide in shame whenever I dressed. We divorced after ten years and she blamed the breakup on my dressing.

Before my second marriage, I told her about my dressing and she was convinced that dressing would "turn me gay" because she had a brother who was gay and also a transvestite. I had to Hide from her as well but at least she knew about my dressing and didn't refer to it as a problem. My second marriage ended when my spouse passed away from breast cancer.

I have a new SO and I have told her that I dress and that it will never go away. So far she has accepted the fact that I dress although she isn't ready to see me dressed. There is no talk of marriage, but I'm glad I told her because I don't want to hide anymore. I believe that with an honest relationship, I can still dress when I want and when I'm in her presence, I can be me. Luv and :hugs: Jill

[KandisTX]

I Most definitely did tell my wife, I believe it was the day after we met that I told her. Why? Because something told me that she would understand and accept and not judge me for it. I was right. She has known about Kandis for almost 13 years now and we have been married for 6 years (in March of this year) now.

Please bear in mind that this wife is #4 and that the previous three were NOT as accepting although each was more accepting than the preceeding.

Kandis:love:

[tricia_uktv]

No, because I wasn't TG was I? Like a few others posting I honestly believed I would be magically cured - and for a couple of years I probably was (twin girls to prove it) but back it came, like it always will. Told her later but thats another story. I'm not sure I did wrong because at the time I was certain this would cure it - and I was in love. So no regrets (hmm?)

[Erica Lauren James]

Yes I Did tell her, probably 2 years before we were married. She seemed fine/OK with it. But what she really thought was that when we got married she could "fix" me.

Well I suppose after 14 years she gave up trying!! Been divorced for 2.5 years now. But hey I got to awesome open minded kids out of it!!!

Erica

[slamddoger]

yes so she can chose to stay or live. you oil that much to tale her if your plane on get marrie. to her.

[Eugenie]

this is for tg or cd only,!
First of all, when I married her, I didn't know I was a crossdresser. I also evolved over time and while I now consider myself "transgender", my x-dressing then was pretty much a form of fetishism.

if not why not?
The answer is already partly in the above paragraph: How could i tell her? I didn't know I was a crossdresser, I just liked to use women underwear and mainly as a sexual fantazy then... So I thought it would go away as I would have a regular sex life.

I told her of my desire to use women underwear as soon as the urge came back, not more than 2 years after we got married... It went well as my wife too thought that it was mainly as a sexual fantazy. The sort of games couples can have fun with...

But she became a lot less supportive when she realized that I wanted more than just "play" with women underwear...

:hugs:
Eugenie

[Nicki B]

It took me nearly twenty years after we married to really know what I was...

[TGMarla]

No. I didn't tell her. I was afraid she'd run away if I did. I knew she was special, and the fear of losing her was overwhelming.

Now here's a few thoughts on this: first of all, maybe I was too young at that time to realize just what marriage should be. I now know that it's so much more than I thought it was going into it. And any partner that I chose for myself should have been okay with this whole thing. If she wasn't okay with the dressing up, She wasn't the one for me. I realize that now, but I didn't realize that then.

Secondly, I'm more self-assured now than I was back then. Now there's a big part of me that thinks, "Who cares? It's my life; I'll live it as I see fit." I'm not so terrified of what people know or think anymore. That's not to say that I run around and advertise it to people, but now I think that it's more them with the problem than it is me with the problem.

I've been married 13 1/2 years now. Our relationship is strong, and I think that it will last. At least I hope so. Although she's not down with the dressing thing, she seems to at least tolerate it. We don't speak of it much at all, and I don't rub her nose in it at all. I dress only when she is not home, and undress long before she is due home. And I try to place her first in my priorities.

Were I to have to go through it all again, I'd be up front about it. I don't know how I'd do it, but I'd do it.

[cyancd]

I told my wife-to-be shortly after we started dating. We dated for 5 years and have been married for 35. I could not imagine not sharing something that was and has been such a large part of my life with my her. She has been most understanding all of these years and actively participates in my dressing although there are some ground rules. At home anything goes but she has never wanted me to go out fully dressed. I can happliy live with that....

[O2B Barbara]

TOld her right up front. My feminine half is so much a part of me there is no way I couldn't tell her. As it is she not only accepts but supports me. Nothing better.

[MarciManseau]

I'd been full time for 3 years before we met, so it wasn't ever an issue. In fact, she's never seen me any other way.


Hugs, Marci :hugs:

[RikkiOfLA]

When I was a senior in high school, I had my first serious girlfriend. That relationship DID "cure" me of crossdressing!!!. Ha ha ha! What I didn't understand was that I was projecting all of my crossdressing onto her. She had looks, money, and taste. She made a perfect model. Instead of dressing myself, I was dressing her, suggesting what she wear. But I didn't understand that at the time. I was dumb!

Girlfriend # 2 (in college). I actually broke up with her because this relationship didn't "cure" my crossdressing. So I thought we couldn't be in love. Dumb, dumb, dumb! In reality, she accepted my crossdressing and actually dug it. Plus we were compatible and really in love. It would have worked out fine. Dumb, dumb, dumb!

Wife # 1. I didn't tell her, because our relationship did "cure" my crossdressing. Hooray! (Still dumb!) We got married. A year later the crossdressing came back. No, I wasn't dumb enough to divorce her, thank God! I told her (I didn something smart, finally!). She became increasingly accepting over the years, even when I went full time! She passed away in 2006 from cancer.

Wife # 2 knew I was TG before we met. She has had previous relationships with TGs and actually prefers me this way. We are deeply in love. Am I blessed, or what!!!

For someone who was so dumb, I have been incredibly blessed to have had so much acceptance!

Rikki

[amber 07]

I met a lady from Australia on the internet and we seemed to hit it off very well. I decided that after 2 failed marriages (1st one didn't have a clue, and the 2nd one was a result of my CDing), I would be upfront and tell her EVERYTHING and let the cards land where they may. She was very accepting of my admission and we decided to marry. I closed out my previous life in the states and moved to Australia and married her. We were on a sheep station in southern New South Wales, a rental property. With no neighbors close, I was able to indulge my fantasy's, and maybe I did over-indulge my new found freedom at times. There is nothing better in life that standing on your veranda as the full moon comes up dressed in a red party dress with thigh-hi's suspender belt and 5" heels feeling the cool night air blow up your dress (please excuse me while I take a DEEP breath and continue). Things were wonderful for about 12 months and for whatever reason I was told I wasn't a man and I should leave. I was on a plane the next day back to the states and I'm happier now than I've ever been.

I would NEVER !!! enter into a relationship without telling your SO your fetish, habit, hobby or whatever you want to call it. Its not fair to them and its not fair to you. Only ill will come of it. I was persistent in my pursuit and because of my honesty, both to my self and to my SO, I'm happier than I ever thought possible. Don't hide something that is bound to surface later, you'll be happier and you won't waste money purging again and again. Sincerely, Amber

P.S. Its probably been mentioned in the forum before, and if it has, please forgive me. When I returned from OZ, I was in terrible shape emotionally. I found a book that answered most of my questions and read it 3 times and gave it to my SO to read. I highly recommend it. "My Husband Betty" by Helen Boyd

[sissystephanie]

Absolutely. Being upfront and honest is a great way to start a relationship

I am in total agreement with the above quote. I told my beloved prior to our marriage and we had 49+ happy years together before she passed away. We were husband and wife, best friends and best girl friends! She styled my wigs and did my makeup, so we could go out as two girls.

Open and honest communication is not the only way to start a relationship, it is also the only way to keep it going!!

Sissy/Stephanie

Girl on the outside, man underneath!

[beth ann]

We have been married 42 years and been retired 5 years and my interest in dressing didn't really get active until 4 years ago. My wife found a shoe that didn't fit anyone in the household, and I think she guessed something was up. I have never dressed in front of her and I only dress when she is not home. She did say if I did dress, I was not to use any of her things and I have been true to that request. I have my own set of bras, panties, thigh highs, etc. beth ann

[Jenn2716]

I told my wife about 3 months after we met and started dating and she quickly became very accepting of my femme side. After 4 years together I proposed to her, but made it clear that this side of me was always going to be a part of me and that I understood if she didn't want have to deal with this for the rest of her life.

But I got lucky and she said that she wanted all of me and went into our marriage together as well informed as she could possibly be. In my opinion you have to totally up front with your future spouse so that she can make a fair decision.

[Carla4Guage]

I couldn’t vote in the poll as I transgendered after marriage. (Not blaming any of this on her, mind you). I was married for 25+ years before I discovered the joy of X-Dressing. Late bloomer, or is that late into the bloomers, LOL

[Debutante]

Yes, I told her, being truthful is all important.
She is a therapist, and identified as a Lesbian for many years (she's actually Bi). But lest you think I hit the jack pot -- she demands from me a
healthy masculinity, while accepting my femme self. She has helped me dress, bought me clothes, listened deeply to my inner concerns.
But it is a process, looked at in deeper psychic dimensions, aiming at
resolving younger developmental issues.
She had done her work, and continues to do so.... She had left a Lesbian relationship for me, because she saw my inner feminine side... in a Man!
I couldn't be more fortunate......................

[suzannecarr]

it seems as if its about even numbers who told is is gonna tell as opposed to who didnt tell or doesnt plan on telling, to me from my experiences on this forum i thought there were more that told , much more, but it seems when people are honest that there are a good number who didnt tell or arent planning on it! i plan on writing most of my posts transgendered only from this point on, after all i didnt really come here to talk to ggs, i came here to talk and listen to those that have or are gonna have the same type experiences as i ! it sure is funny though how without doing this poll one would assume that at least 75% or more told their spouses before marriage, just goes to show you that things can be skewed in directions of peoples choice! there are alot of reasons why to tell, and there are just as many reasons not to tell, i didnt plan on being a cd all my life, somehow i thought i could figure out a way out of it! and as for finding a woman that accepts it, you can look at it two different ways( maybe more) if a woman accepts it, then she may have vices, or fetishes of her own therefore you might be buying into a totally different lifestyle than even you thought you were! i am however for my part glad that my wife doesnt completely accept it, where i live ( redneck ville) that might not be a good thing, she might want me to wear a nurses outfit to go get the mail or something( just kidding) or she might demand that i dress more often than cared for, suzanne

[Dawn D.]

I said yes, I told her. However, at the time (29 years ago), I didn't even know of the term transgendered. I did tell her that I liked to wear panties and eventually told her that there was more to it than just panties. Now, in the present day we are going through the changes that are coming, from me understanding about myself being transgendered and quite possibly transsexual. She is struggling to accept this part of me. But she is strong and wonderful. We'll see if she can stay with me. I know it has to be terribly hard for her.



Dawn

[TSchapes]

Our first date was on Halloween, and she went as a sexy devil, and I went as Elvira. We had a lot of fun. I told her on the next date exactly what I was into, and she loved me anyway! A few years later we were married. 18 years and still married.

I think it's best to be up front. Saves a lot of grief.

So you unmarried girls, don't hide it, find someone you can trust and share it with them.

:love: Tracey

[Suzy Harrison]

I got married when I was quite young (on my 20th birthday). I didn't tell my wife beforehand because I honestly felt that with married life I would loose all of my CD desires.

6 months later it was clear to me that nothing had changed so I told her. She took it okay, but was worried for years I might want to have a sex change - which was out of the question as far as I was concerned, but it took a long time to convince her.

The thing is, now the idea of changing sex is often in my mind .......

[melissaK]

Wife 1 - no - 2 yr marriage- she never knew.
Wife 2 - not at first, about a year before divorce - 14 yr marriage. Divorce had a lot to do with my MTF issues and her FTM issues. . . . it is all so obvious in hind sight. . .
Wife 3 - yes -15 years and still going . . .

[Laura B.]

Me too,

Wife #1 no - ended in divorce.
Wife #2 yes - it was one of the things that attracted her to me.

From the hard school of knocks, honesty is the best policy.

[Katie Ashe]

No I didn't tell her, should have, tried too, didn't understand what the heck was wrong with me anyways, now lone and familyless, wife is still with me and going through therapy... things are looking good. Yes we are still together... for 18 years...

[Florence Tidji]

The first one: no
The second one: yes

;-)

[mikecd999]

I told her before we got maried and before we were intimate the first time. Only fair I think, since the previous marriage ended because of my cding.