Crossposting ?

[jill s]

The sexual orientation thread got me thinking about another difference I think I see in FTM and MTF . It seems like you guys mostly start dealing with your gender earlier than many of us do. I see lots of 40ish CDs popping up for the first time here like we just suddenly woke up from a daze and said "hey why do I have a dress on? " Maybe GMs are better at self deception? Rum? Where's the GIN ?

[CaptLex]

Most of the guys here are young, but there are some of us who "woke up" to it in middle age. In my case, it's not that I didn't know there was something "different" about me, it's that I didn't think there was anything I could do about it. So I accepted my fate and lived invisibly. :sad:

I credit the internet with bringing us the information necessary to put 2 and 2 together and make informed decisions regarding our situation. If it had existed 20-25 years ago and if more correct information about trans people had been available then, I know I would have transitioned then. Back then info about FtMs was so rare, people thought we were a myth. :rolleyes:

But better late than never. :happy:

[SirTrey]

Hi Jill....I think that is because most cd's (as opposed to ts/tg's) still identify as men....The vast majority of ftm's identify as men, because that's what we are....I have heard many cd's say that although they like to FEEL like women when they are dressed, they know that they are NOT really women....Different story for mtf transgirls...They know that they ARE women, and feel like women even in drab....because it's what they are.....now, I'm sure there are mtf's who have felt like women, but didn't understand it, and thought they were cd's when they actually are trans....and it wouldn't surprise Me that they don't realize it until they are older...some ftm's experience that, as well....Before doing a lot of internet research, I spent many years of My life not knowing that there WERE ftm transguys...even though I AM one....I have always felt like a man....but had no idea why....and kept it primarily My little secret because I thought that transsexuals were all mtf....I had NO idea what that made ME.....being trans is a confusing thing, and sometimes it takes a long time for people of either bio sex to realize that is the problem....that it's the reason you feel so uncomfortable in your own skin....Glad you asked the question, Jill.....I think we have some gin on the ship, but you will have to ask the Captain (he has a stash, he keeps it pretty well hidden)....:drink: **Trey**

[kerrianna]

....now, I'm sure there are mtf's who have felt like women, but didn't understand it, and thought they were cd's when they actually are trans....and it wouldn't surprise Me that they don't realize it until they are older...

*puts her hand up*

But I agree that the internet has changed things a LOT!

I see many young (like teens and early twenties) FTMs and MTFs on the net. I'm sure if the net had been available to me when I was that age things would have been MUCH different for me. I used CDing as a way to express something I had no idea of how to deal with in any other way. I think younger MTFs probably suss that out right away and get out of the closet sooner because of all the information now available to them.

Because this site is predominately a CD site I think the MTF demographic tends to be older than some other sites I visit. A few of those CDers (me me me) arrive here and start developing a language for things they've always felt but couldn't put a finger on.

On LiveJournal the demographic is primarily 15-35 and I'd say the MTFs and FTMs are about the same in age of discovery and intensity of their transness, and in their numbers. Which makes sense.



*waits for Lex and Trey to bring her a drink*

- and no Trey I am NOT bringing YOU a drink, no matter how much you glower at me...oh, okay. Would like some ice with that?
Lex? Need a refill?


I'm such a let down to my sisters.:p

[O2B Barbara]

Is it that we woke up one day or just kept it hidden? There are many items of womens clothing that are labeled "Mens Look", everything from panties to suits. The accepted hair styles for women is basically whatever they want from very short to at the waist. For a woman to wear a mans shirt, or jeans is no big deal. Let a man wear a dress, or lipstick, of lots of lace let the hair grow long & have it styled just might get a bit of attention.

I am not in any way trying to indicate that a FtM has it any easier than a MtF, just that it is easier to dress without ridicule. Also, at least in my mind, there are very few males that would make a big deal about a woman using the mens room. I am not so sure about the other direction and am not ready to put it to the test.

To get back on thread, I always knew I needed to underdress, just didn't know entirely why and maybe still don't. I was very afraid of having anyone find out and the possible problems that can come from that. Things like this forum have helped a great deal. While I always figured I was not alone it is nice to have a safe place to go and be accepted and find support to sooth my fears rather than add to them.

[Anna the Dub]

With me it was like waking up one day, but waking up from hiding everything. I always knew as a child that I was different from the lads. I didn't like the same things, didn't do sports, didn't like rough games, and really wanted to wear dresses. Did I think I was a girl? No. I knew I was a boy, I just had to look down to confirm that. I never spoke to anyone, ever, about my crossdressing until I was in my 30's. It was all focused inwards, and I was absolutely miserable. I could even go months with even thinking about it. To all appearances I seemed like a nice young man, quiet perhaps, a bit intense, very introverted and obviously suffering from depression. Eventually though I couldn't continue hiding everything, as I couldn't function in society anymore. I came out to my best friend after months of prevaricating. Once I did, though, everything changed. My friend and I had multiple discussions about my need to dress (she wasn't in the least bit bothered about it In fact, she organised shopping expeditions and nights out for us). And what I found through these discussions was that I no longer felt the need to be done up to the nines all the time. However, I did feel the need to express a 'femaleness' that I never needed to before. By that I mean being emotional, empathic, a gentleness, etc. These feeling grew stronger and stronger and my depression worsened, and the rest, as they say, is history. Went to GP, then cd counselling, then gender therapist. So, yes, I joined the party late, but here I am anyway.

[mylilsecret8]

I've had an interest in dressing like a girl for most of my life. I secretly dressed and would later feel guilty and promise myself that I needed to stop and would throw everything away (purged). But it never lasted and I would begin to accumulate things and mostly just wore panties under my regular clothes. I am still mostly in the closet but do go to malls away from home usually wearing womens low rise jeans and a unisex top so I don't stand out. The only times I wear a dress or skirt out of the house is to an occassional gay bar or on Halloween.

It is very acceptable for FTM crossdressers to be out and as others have noted, it has always been acceptable for a female (even girlie girls) to wear mens clothing and unless they do it every day, no one would think twice about it. If you go to a sporting event see how many girlie girls wear mens jerseys, although some do wear the pink femme ones. Could you imagine the stares if a male wore a tennis skirt to a tennis match? I mean, outside of my fantasies! :heehee:

Maybe I am not paying very much attention but I don't see other MTF crossdressers in public or maybe they are so passable I don't notice. I go to malls in major cities like the Mall of America in Minnesota and just don't see it being excepted and fear getting arrested if I wore a skirt or dress to the mall.

Forgive me if I got off subject but for me it has never felt safe to dress the way I would like so I have tried to suppress it for a long time which gives the appearance that I "just woke up and realized I'm a crossdresser".

[CaptLex]

It is very acceptable for FTM crossdressers to be out and as others have noted,
I'll agree that it's more acceptable, Allie, but we run into trouble too. Ever heard of Brandon Teena? It's the one case most people have heard of because his story was the subject of a major motion picture and Hilary Swank won the Oscar for her portrayal, but there are many more out there we don't hear about. :werd:

Even here in the big, diverse city there are problems sometimes. I personally know a transman from Brooklyn who was beat up by people in his neighborhood because they had issues with his transitioning. :Angry3:


it has always been acceptable for a female (even girlie girls) to wear mens clothing and unless they do it every day, no one would think twice about it.
Generally, when women wear male clothing or male-inspired clothing, they're not trying to pass as men, so people think it's cute. A pretty girl in a baseball jersey and cap who still acts feminine will probably get positive attention, but if that same girl put on a binder to hide her breasts and adopted a male stance, she'd probably get strange and disapproving looks. :sad:

But like you said, it's more acceptable for us than for you. It's a two-edged sword, however. Most people don't "see" us because we tend to blend in with women who wear plaid shirts and baseball caps. It would be good to stand out like some of you ladies do sometimes. :happy:

[ZenFrost]

The Captain basically said what I was going to, but just one other thing I'd like to note...


it has always been acceptable for a female (even girlie girls) to wear mens clothing

It has not always been acceptable, in fact it's a very recent thing. Not even a hundred years ago a woman wearing pants was considered completely unacceptable. It's pretty acceptable in most places today, but not everywhere, and it certainly hasn't always been this way. And like the captain said, wearing mens clothes may be acceptable, but not when trying to actually pass as a man. Just thought I should note that.