Coming Out

[Wynter Skye]

I've been crossdressing off and on for 16 years now and am now 25. I've been extremely private and tried to change many many times in the past. I had natural breasts at a young age and got a reduction hoping that my self image would change. Of course now I know that I can't change. I've been repressed and in denial for a long time even to the extent of my sexuality which I would only indulge on occasion and very discretely. My denial led to my evenutual marriage and now I have a son. I've tried since then to talk myself out of my desires but to no avail. I've gone out many times dressed and had a good time but usually it felt like yet another secret I was hiding from the world. Well recently I went to a party full of other transgirls and "straight" guys and realized I was home. I felt more free than I've ever felt in my life. Talking to all my sisters and comparing stories of pain and growth was one of the first times I've felt understood. I've never been so confident and comfortable in my own skin. Since then, I've been compelled to come out to a few people. I've told a close friend since High School, and another friend who has been openly gay for a number of years but is just realizing that she's trans. After all this and finally opening up about my lifelong secret that's defined my entire life, I couldn't continue to deceive my wife. I just told her last night and she is still finding her reaction. I feel horrible having deceived her for 4 years although I couldn't be open and honest with her until I accepted myself for who I am. I've felt physically ill since then and I'm just worried because no matter what, I love her. I don't know where to go now, because I want my son to have a [male] father, a benefit in life that I wasn't fortunate enough to have. Coming to grips with my sexuality I find that I'm no longer sexually attracted to my wife. I have no idea which way to go although I am relieved that I can somewhat come out of hiding. Any input especially from married/divorced transpeople with kids is appreciated. Thanks guys and gals!

btw,

[DebsD]

it`s hard sometimes to face the truth, but for your own sanity you have to look after yourself first, the one`s who love you will come back in the end, I`m in the same boat as you I can remember crossdressing clearly at 4 years old!!,I now have two young sons, married and only just realised that when i see an attractive woman out i don`t fancy her, I`m jealous!! Be truthful to yourself, ther will be a lot of pain to start but it will get better.
Love Debs

[GypsyKaren]

You have to decide how much you're willing to lose if you go forward with this, and you'll have to decide who gets the most pain, you or your family. It's possible she'll stay with you because not all wives run for the hills, but I'm afraid that most of them do. My marriage remained intact and is stronger than ever, but we've been together a lot longer than you, and my kids are all grown.

Whatever you do, you'd better be sure of it. Have you talked to anyone about this? Counseling doesn't always help, but I do think it's a step that should be taken before transitioning. I wish I had any kind of answer for you, but this is something you'll have to answer for yourself...Door #1, or Door #2?

Karen Starlene :star:

[Scotty]

You never really get to know your spouse until you divorce them.

Don't divorce if you can help it, especially if you love her.

I have a child, and she is first and foremost - and it may be that she is the one that keeps me planted on terra firma in my two spirited self rather than transitioning.
I'm good with that as my love for her overrides my own selfish desires.

[Wendi {LI NY}]

WOW. I know what you are going though, only you can make that choice.
I knew since i was 4 yr old that there was something diffrent with me . I try to hide it with doing macho things .It didn't work ! I been married for 35 wonderful yrs and 3 children that are grow,but not out of the house yet.[sigh] My wife doesnt want me to fully transition :sad: for fear of family and the kids . MY kids know about me ,but it is a don't ask , Don't tell policy!
So I live my life in two genders which does drive me crazy at times .
My wife is very supported of me ,but in a crossdressers way.
I have long redhair that i get dye and style in the beauty shop .I had electrosis on my face ,Facial femmine surgury .[twice] Been on hormones for four yrs now . [ I have full 38 b] I go out 3 to 4 times a week in femme and make the best of it .
So in closeing it is what you can live with and your family is ok with too.
HUgs,Wendi

[Felix]

It isn't an easy one by any means Hun I knew from about the age of 8 there was something very different about me. It took me till the age of 35 to come out fully as lesbian and through that alone I lost my eldest son but thats a long story. The marriage had been dying for various reasons for two years. I have had the happiest six years of my life with my ex but this whole thing was too much for her and confused the hell out of her which I can understand cos its confusing for us never mind them. Now Like I've said in other posts I am treating this with kid gloves with my youngest son cos couldn't bare to loose him or to go through loosing my parents again so everything is in small steps. Its a decision like the others said which only you can take in the end. I agree also that a lot of women would run to the hills but there are always exceptions to the rule.I see that here :hugs: I think also there are two mind sets one which would say its selfish and the other which says ya gotta look after yourself. You are the only one who will know how you feel about this deep down. So good luck Hun and lets know how ya gettin on xx Felix :hugs:

[Wynter Skye]

Thanks everyone for the support! I'm on my way for my first therapy session in a few so I'm pretty excited about actually digging into issues that I've run from for so long. I have no idea what's going to happen so we'll see what develops over time and I will definitely keep you guys updated as I know I'll need your support no matter the decision.

As it stands, she has admitted that she can't handle me going full-time. There's still information that I have yet to give her because when she asks me questions, its like she already judges me for the answer before I say anything. She doesn't know that I've gone out in public many many times during our marriage and I know if she knows she'll feel even more betrayed and everytime we're together and a man comes around, she gives me this look like, "so do you wanna sleep with him?".

Anyway thanks again guys for all the support and I know the road ahead will be a difficult one no matter what.

[Wynter Skye]

okay so, after much thought and consideration, I have some direction. I have been growing in leaps and bounds; too much so to continue to stifle my social development. I have now had 3 therapist appointments and she has referred me to a TG friendly clinic for a new primary care physician and to begin HRT. while I'm really torn about my decision, I have to do what in the end is best for all parties concerned. I realize that by giving my true self to no one, I'm robbing my close friends and family of the benefit of knowing who I truly am. Things will change, and my wife will most likely move on, but the way it seems, we will remain close friends and I'll still have a lot of time with our son. Its been a difficult road, but I'm happy and optimistic about the future for the first time in my life (with the exception of thoughts about my son; he's the best thing in my life and will continue to be). I hope to update the group as to my progress and continued growth throughout my transition.

[Violetgray]

I'm very glad that you've found some sort of release from these issues, and though painful, the truth has indeed set you free...

Btw, that is a fantastic avatar picture..

[CaptLex]

I hope to update the group as to my progress and continued growth throughout my transition.
Yes, please do. Good luck to you, and I hope you and your wife can stay friends for the sake of your son. May all the doors open for you from today on. :hugs:

[Wynter Skye]

Thanks so much for all the support guys. I'm confident that all will be well. I actually feel so free for the first time in a long time. Thanks for the compliment Vi and I think I might go out with u to the club this weekend if ur going. send me a msg on myspace when u get a chance.