It doesn't hurt anyone right? Think twice.

[Ria]

I see that it's very possible for a CD to spend more time with themselves CDing and on this forum when they should be out meeting women, getting things done, setting goals and objectives and reaching them aside from CDing. If your CDing is interfering with your productivity or your potential as a human being you need to take actions to curb your CDing activities.

I have caught myself too many times staying home in recluse in order to enjoy some CD time. Guilty of it myself, but sometimes enough is enough. It's all too easy to slip into the warm bathwater of acceptance here at this forum taking comfort in our commonalities but one needs to keep things in perspective. I say enjoy it, it's what makes us unique, just don't let it control you. Control it. My apologies for sounding righteous. I just thought it should be said considering a recent post I read.

Acceptance and support is good but you are responsible for your life. Make sure you are in charge of it. CDing is powerful and can hold you back, it has an extremely strong grasp no matter how much you enjoy the hold it has. I mention this to you from my own experience. I do love it but it is an indulgence. For me anyways.

When I get back from a month long vacation, I freshly shave my legs, the experience is new all over again. Try holding out for a bit, don't CD. get your mind on other things. Then dress up again. Awesome!

I'm NOT sugesting that you make yourself feel guilty in order to curb it, not that at all. Just get busy doing other things.

All that being said. If the Shoe fits wear it. If doesn't, don't.

[Alice B]

Point well taken. It is often too easy to skip or put off what you need to get done, just so you can dress. I'm as guilty as anyone and have to remind myself to set things in their proper order. But, when I can dress it is bliss.:hugs:

[docrobbysherry]

Not only does the shoe fit, it's becoming TOO comfortable!

I've just GOT to do some laundry, wash dishes, and vacuum the living room this weekend. Let's see, that will take about 2 hours. What the heck will I do with the OTHER 46 hours? Hmmmm.
RS

[Kristen Marie]

I think I'm more guilty of spending too much time on the internet period. I am on-line a lot because of work and by keeping certain sites open, that's a time waster I'm sure.

You bring up a good point though, and I think the hours spent on CDing can certainly get out of control. An important part of the journey is to be able to balance the time. I am beginning to accomplish more things as Kristen, or do them in a "Kristen like" mode so that it's not an either/or activity anymore. For example, doing housework in a simple skirt, cami and wig, but virtually no make-up. For me, an easy way to be Kristen and easy to change back if needed. Driving time can be done in heels by bringing a simple bag with me. I think there are lots of options....

[Deborah Jane]

I guess some of us just need a shove back to reality sometimes!! I guess i,m starting to spend way too much time as Debs [much to the detriment of everything else] as living alone i have the choice to dress whenever i like, which seems to be all the time lately.
You are right, i should be doing more with my life than this.
Maybe starting tomorrow i,ll start on other things too..Like meeting a woman and fixing my cars up!!...Now if i could only do everything else as Debs things would be perfect:D

[Kate Simmons]

Depends on your situation I guess. Since I'm retired my productivity and goals are set by me and there is really no hurry. Still I have plenty of personal projects that keep me busy. Even so, CDing does not run my life as I control it and not vice versa. It's totally my choice who I want to be and I have just as much fun as Rich as I do as Sal. Doesn't get any better than this for me my friend.:happy:

[Kathleen Ann Trees]

Thanks for starting a great thread. This is right at my core. The more I CD, the more I want to do. I can be a great procrastinator anyway. Dressing and thinking about dressing is a HUGE distraction to the many things I should be doing (too?). Although my wife is not active, she does give me some alone time occasionally. (I appreciate that, honey.) But she will quickly comment about how once it starts, it seems to take over.

Oh, well. Time to do the taxes. Last year I bought a green dress to do them in. Harmony, right? Unfortunately, it probably took me 3 times as long (counting he shopping) and I spent 1/4th of my rebate anyway.

Kathleen Ann

[KarenEdwards]

Very good point, Fastchanger! I know this forum is primarily concerned with crossdressing, but your advice applies to other things we might do, too. As for myself, I play bluegrass guitar (I love it) and, if I don't really watch it, I will find myself playing and/or practicing for hours on end...every single day! I will often forget to eat if I'm working on some particularly wicked new run or a new medley. It can, and has, become obsessive!

[TxKimberly]

Hmmm . . . if you ask me, this is awesome advice for many things in life. NOTHING should control us to the exclusion of all else, including crossdressing. No question in my mind that I am guilty as charged.
This was well thought out and good advice. :-)

[TGMarla]

I certainly can relate. Often I find that things that should get done get put on hold while I spend time CDing. I have to force myself to cut time away from dressing in order to concentrate on other priorities. This is akin to what I was trying to say in the monkey thread. This becomes habit-forming, obsessive, and addictive, to the detriment of other necessary activities. Gotta watch it! That said, since it's Saturday morning, I'm going to spend several hours en femme. Then I have some stuff I just have to attend to.

[Billie1]

Because right now, I should be doing taxes. But, what fun is that?:D

[MJ]

but you are right balance is the key . unless like me you are full time . but still finding a balance is hard i have to fight this apathy or not :straightface:

[Glenda]

Accept your CD'ing and make up your mind to take care of the task at hand. When I began to crossdress, I would squirrel away for the whole weekend. If I didn't have what I needed at home, it could wait until Monday. I was able to justify sacrificing for my need to dress. It soon began to wear on me. I decided if this was an important part of who I was that I should not allow it to control my productivity.

I began to go out as Glenda and do normal things in life. Groceries, drug store, letting a friend visit or going out to eat with a friend. I just began to do it. It was a little scary at first, but I found that I wasn't rejected. I'm definitely not 24/7, but you never know whether Glen or Glenda will answer the door or show up at yours. It is good to have accepting friends and now I don't have to hide for the weekend.

[bobi jean]

I don't mind the spot light so much but did you have to use the 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 watt light?
Thank you for this thread, I will bet it hits home with nearly all of use.

[sandra-leigh]

when they should be out meeting women

LOL. I don't think my wife would appreciate me going out and meeting women :heehee:

[susie evans]

no mater how you look at it ,it is a chalenge to keep all the things in life balanced

:hugs: susie

[JessieB]

Wow, I must confess that I anticipated that your post would evoke some rather strenuous defensive reactions, but there is a lot of maturity evidenced in this thread. I'm impressed.

[bimini1]

Why can't we get all dolled up AND handle our business.

Oops I forgot we can't do that, afterall this is the real world.

[Rachel Morley]

It depends I guess ..... IMHO it's no different from any other activity that might take control your life and make you a recluse (constant gaming all day and night, or perhaps you're an uncontrolable shop-aholic). It's a case of if the shoe fits, then wear it. If you like it and it's something that you totally want to immerse yourself in then I say go for it .... but not to the detriment of everything else in your life.

Staying at home alone, not going out and meeting women, and spending all my time posting on TG forums is where I met my wife! :D It's personal preference, although I do take your point about not having it be so addictive that it ruins your life, and if time away from it enhances it more when you come back to it, then that right there, is reason enough to take a break if it works for you. :happy:

[waspookie6]

Thank you for your own insight Fastchanger.
As the wife of a CD'er, we still have to get things done in "normal" mode when we are anything but "normal", both of us have learned how to do that and this too, in balance.

[Sinthia]

I guess that I will have to plead guilty to letting my CD control my life too much. Like needing to go to the store, in drab, and not wanting to take off my dress. Sometimes I feel so comfortable being Sinthia that I do not want to change for the day. Living alone allows that but it occasionally causes me to not share my time as a 'boy'. My only guilty feeling is sometimes putting off doing things that I know should be done sooner. And sometimes Sinthia does these things anyway, like going out to the mail box, or washing my car. That is when I am the happiest.

[Stargirl]

I think that many cd'ers are quite comfortable with the time spent dressing, and a few are doing it happily FULL time. They don't seem especially hard pressed in the guilt department. Or neurotic. (no more than the rest of us). As long as the daily grind, and obligations get a fair shake, why should it matter if gender variable people wish to wear women's/men's clothing all the time ?

[tinadcd]

they should be out meeting women

But CDing IS how I meet women! :love:


getting things done

I do my best housework in my maid's uniform!

I can simpathize with the possibility of overdoing it, but my "life" intrudes on my CDing much more than my CDing intrudes on my "life".

Moderation in all things; bah!
"Anything worth doing is worth overdoing!" Travis W. Redfish

[Deborah Jane]

"Anything worth doing is worth overdoing!" Travis W. Redfish

I like that, it sounds like it was written for me. Can i use it Tina..Please!!

[Tasha T]

I see that it's very possible for a CD to spend more time with themselves CDing and on this forum when they should be out...

That's where I'm at right now. I've pretty much become a total recluse and everything I do revolves around crossdressing in one way or another. I think I'm making up for lost time and lost privacy, but I really need to get out of this routine and start doing other things with my life. I'm not working right now and almost don't even care. I will of course when my money runs out, but I don't want it to get to that point. I need to make some changes and the sooner the better.

[jaina]

I have caught myself too many times staying home in recluse in order to enjoy some CD time.

That seems to be your problem, CD doesn't have keep you home.

[Butterfly Bill]

I don't have to be a recluse in order to crossdress since I am out. I'm gonna be wearing a dress at church and then at renaissance faire dance rehearsal tomorrow.

[tinadcd]

I like that, it sounds like it was written for me. Can i use it Tina..Please!!
Be my guest, sweetie! You're a gurl after my own heart (besides looking ab fab in a vinyl skirt)

61596

[TGMarla]

That seems to be your problem, CD doesn't have keep you home.Let's not go pushing people out the door who are uncomfortable with it.

[Deborah Jane]

Be my guest, sweetie! You're a gurl after my own heart (besides looking ab fab in a vinyl skirt)

61596

Thank you Tina:hugs:

[Eugenie]

I see that it's very possible for a CD to spend more time with themselves CDing and on this forum when they should be out meeting women, getting things done, setting goals and objectives and reaching them aside from CDing.

Yes indeed... That was exactly some of the things that did bother my wife about my X-dressing... She felt that I was wasting too much time on forums and that X-dressing had become almost my only goal in life.

I was completely immersed into it.

You make another good point... When we talk here on this forum, we tend to "preach to the choir" so there is a mutual reinforcement and self serving advices...

In quite a lot of posts the complain is that our wives/SOs arent understanding us, don't respect our right to be different... I am also guilty of doing that type of complaint...

Rarely does one ask the question "Do I understand my wife/SO? Do I respect her right to feel differently that I do?

I had to face that reality when we discussed my X-dressing, sufficiently in depth, with my wife...


If your CDing is interfering with your productivity or your potential as a human being you need to take actions to curb your CDing activities.

Yes, that was part of the aggreement my wife and I arrived at...

So I rarely participate to CD forums during the day... My occupation with advocacy for people with disabilities, which I had been neglecting, are now back to their expected level. I have also taken back some activities in my other centers of interest and in my workshop.

Thanks for having brought this subject forward...

:hugs:
Eugenie

[Ria]

Great points Eugenie, you understand. I noticed a few people have tried to wear the shoe that doesn't fit. My post wasn't for everyone. If you don't think my original post applies to you then disregard it. It's valid for me, and being made aware of it helps me guard against it.

Some of you said it perfectly. Anything can be a vice. Whether you CD, drink too much, smoke weed too much, serf for porn to often, spend too much time playing guitar or watching TV...the list goes on and on. It doesn’t matter whether the activity is negative or not (it's all subjective anyways) Whatever your "thing" may be (CDing for us) it can interfere with the bigger picture if it's left unchecked.

In the short time that I have joined this forum, I have read some posts that suggest that CDing may have been left unchecked and has run amuck in few member's lives.

For many, the answers for these troubled ladies wont be found in more CDing, or acceptance of it, or discussing its merits further. The answer is to get your rear end out the door and experience some other things in your life. Meeting women was an example. The more you do this and step away from it the sweeter the experience of CDing is (personal experience) I write this to help those to which this advice may apply, not to ridicule.

By the way, How the heck do you quote other posts using the blue box feature on a new post. CAn't seem to figure that out. Thanks

The FastChanger

[janet1234]

spending too much time on CD and internet, but darn it, I am retired and will do it and enjoy it! I can spend a dozen hours or more a day dressed and loving it. Happy Happy Happy.

[Sallee]

I couldn't agree more taking breaks from all things for a while always renews the thrill. I usually get tired of CDing after 3 or 4 days of constant girl.Then a getting in a dress again after a week or more of being drab is a blast..:drink:

[Angie G]

First thing after my wife Learned of my CDing and was OK with it it seemed that's all I wanted to do to the point I didn't even want to go to see the Grand kids I guess I was in that pink fog. Well she let me know what I was doing and I realized what I was doing I wanted all my extra time for Angie. well I'm not doing that now and I'm a better grandpa for it. she won't see this but THANKS HUN. :hugs:
Angie

[shirley1]

i get where your comin from - as a singleton at the moment i am just making the most of my freedom to cd again when i want - as much as i'd like to meet an accepting gg and be able to have both worlds - the likelyhood is i will eventually settle down with a gg that doesnt know about it and therefore i will have to refrain from this lifestyle and subdue it - so i dont mind being on this forum and dressing up regulary even going to a tg meeting - do it while i can - i would sooner have the experience forever - but failing that having it now while i can is better than never having it at all ! as far as hurting peoples concerned well i'm not hurting anyone at the moment least of all myself !

[Suzy Harrison]

Very sound advice ........... however

It's a great little hobby and it's got to be better than:

Drinking, smoking, taking drugs, robbing banks, assualting people.

The way I see it, if this is 'the worse thing' I ever do then I can't be too bad !



with apologies to people who Drink, smoke, take drugs, rob banks,

[Andine]

Now that I have gotten home and posted my stuff above, about my outing ... I'l get undressed, de made up, and get into my skin tight lycra gear ..... and head out to my favourite mountain bike venue for about 30 ks of thrashing in the bushes.

Monday stuff can wait till monday eh?

Regards

[obsessedwithpantyhose]

i hate bein cooped up inside,,the only reason im inside is because i hate bein cold more than bein cooped up........sure im in Phoenix,,for the past 3 months the outside temp has not been abofe 68 in the day time,,,im cold if its below 75

i cd out in public,,im not hiding from anyone or anything........

[RikkiOfLA]

Well, let's see. I drink a little now and then (don't like to get drunk), don't smoke (lost two parents and a spouse to smoking relatued illnesses), don't do drugs, sure don't rob banks.

Does crossdressing hurt other people? That's something to be evaluated very carefully. I think the best answer depends on your situation.

If your desire to crossdress leads to drinking too much (I've heard of that happening), drugs, etc. that's a problem. I've never heard of the crossdressing leading to these things, tho. Rather, the desire to dress, not accepted by the person with the desire.

If you're married to someone who doesn't accept, cannot accept, and is not going to accept, that can be called causing harm. Especially if you know you need to CD and married her anyway. Ouch! So I would strongly recommend against doing that. There are women who will accept. I've known lots of them, and am married to one. My late first wife was very accepting as well.

If you spend all your money on clothing and other CD items, to the neglect of your family, bills, etc. that's not good either. I fell into that early in my CD career. But I wised up and realized that just being a CD didn't equal a raise in pay, rather one more thing to put discretionary spending into. However if you can't control your spending, or spend compulsively on other things as well, you have a problem. I don't think it's fair to blame the CDing for that, however.

I have known some CDs who cheat on their wives or girlfriends. Some of them blame their dressing for this, by saying they're not attracted to men unless they're dressed, etc. I personally don't think that it's fair to blame the dressing. These sisters are bisexual. That's not wrong, but it's no excuse to cheat. I know; I'm bisexual myself. I'm aound some mighty attractive men, women, and transgendered people in my life. But I'm faithful to my wife; the promises we made to each other mean a whole lot more to me than looks. I believe it's time for these "down low" sisters to start being honest and responsible.

Outside of issues like these, I don't believe crossdressing hurts anyone. Do single people have a responsibility to find someone nice and get married? Do we really believe that crossdressing is evil or against God's will somehow? Do employers or neighbors have a right to dictate how we live our private lives? I personally believe these kinds of "issues" are non-issues. We're not harming others by being ourselves, any more than we might be considered harmful if we were a different race or religion. Diversity is part of human life, and part of that diversity is us.

That's my two cents' worth, anyway.

Sincerely,
Rikki

ps. I also believe that if we truly accept ourselves, that makes us more interesting, lively people, who other people find more interesting to meet. Since I have accepted myself, I have no shortage of friends. And when my first wife passed away, no shortage of possible new partners. Rather, I chose the person I admired the most and we fell in love with each other, and we're happily married now.

[CarrieAnneEvers]

Not only does CDing take up more of my time than it should, it takes a big chunk of my budget.

[daviolin]

I am so guilty of not Getting it Done! I wish the world would be more excepting of our desires. Great Thread:love:Daviolin