Sales Associates

[susan2010]

Do any of you find it almost impossible to buy clothes etc. from males? I can only go to a checkout with or ask for help from a female.
I've also found it really hard to discuss cding with a male therapist, but considerably easier (but stll hard) with a female. The obvious exception is when I'm at a Rennaisance meeting, or on this forum.
Is it because we still want to appear manly in front of other men, or expect there disapproval?

[Adrienne Heels]

I am a very avid shopper, but am still uncomfortable dealing with guys, when I am either dressed or in drab, while shopping.

[Stephanie-L]

I have a slight preference for female SAs, but will deal with either. I have not had any problem with male SAs, in fact the manager at one of the shoe stores I love is male and very helpful to CDs. I think my preference is due to the fact that I want to present as female and I want another womans acceptance of this. Also, most of the places I shop are stores which cater to women and 99% + of the staff are women. Anyway, thats my take on it....Stephanie

[Helen MC]

Yes. I prefer to purchase my female clothing by Internet but when I have bought panties etc in a store I have had almost no embarrassment with women assistants.

Once at Xmas a local store thought it was doing men a favour by putting male assistants on one evening as they thought it would make it easier for them to purchase Lingerie as presents for their wives, girlfriends etc.

It was disaster! Not only did non-TV men find it embarrassing to buy panties , bras etc from other men who smirked and made jokes about it , but when I went to buy some panties, (dressed externally in drab but with panties under my trousers), I found that the young bloke behind the counter blushed himself and was awkward. He also tried to sell me some fancier "sexier" knickers than the Sloggi Maxi Briefs I wanted. Now I have probably forgotten more about knickers and panties having worn them since I was 12, that's 43 years now, than he will ever learn. Needless to say that store went back to women only assistants in the Lingerie Dept, Xmas or not, and the male customers were happier with that!

[susan2010]

Maybe that's part of. I've only ever shopped in drab. I suppose if I was dressed, and thought I could pass, it wouldn't make a difference.

[TxKimberly]

Do any of you find it almost impossible to buy clothes etc. from males? I can only go to a checkout with or ask for help from a female.
I've also found it really hard to discuss cding with a male therapist, but considerably easier (but stll hard) with a female. The obvious exception is when I'm at a Rennaisance meeting, or on this forum.
Is it because we still want to appear manly in front of other men, or expect there disapproval?

. . . I DO prefer to deal with women. It has nothing to do with what he will think of me. I just think your average woman will probably treat you better and I also think SHE is going to offer me better advice on womens things than HE is. :)

[lauraabdl]

TxKimberly has summed it up for me. women are much nicer in general and I have been treated much better in drab purchasing lingere or panties for my self. I for one will always chose a female SA over a male.:2c:
Laura

[kathy001]

Women SA's, always! :thumbup:

Going one step further, when at one of the big 'Marts' and ready to check out, i always scope out each and every SA for their demeanor.
I only go to female SA's that look extremely bored almost robot like and wished they were somewhere else. And if possible i'll tend to choose a bored ethnic SA as they tend to be the safest in my experience.

The worst SA's male or female are the friendly ones that seem to carry on a conversation with each and every customer. You know the one's, they appear to love their job and love to interact with people. They'll almost always make some kind of comment or ask questions in my experience.

Bored pimply-faced teenaged boys are OK too in a bind but teenaged girls, NO, they're the primary 'readers' for the CD community! If they don't ask questions or make comments they'll at least give you the good once over and then give you that 'LOOK'.
I agree with the earlier comments, middle aged men SA's are a 'red-faced' disaster waiting to happen. I know if i was a SA, i'd probably make smart- assed comments myself and i should know better!

The good news, the more i buy this stuff the easier it gets.

[SusanMarie]

Women, women, women...for all the reasons already mentioned, for all the reasons that will be mentioned and for all the reasons that are in my fickle, femme, subconscious mind.:o

[Sinthia]

I have to agree with KimberlyTX that women assistants know more about womens clothing and would be able to give better advice, especially when it comes to color matching. Most males do not do a very good job at color-coordinating. I am lousy at it. As for feeling comfortable with a SA, I usually go to a female assistant, if one is available, but if only male assistants are there and I really want that dress, then I will use him. They do not know that I am going to wear the dress, so why should I not buy it just because a woman isn't helping me.

[Jamie001]

I will never understand why Nordstrom hires all male shoe sales clerks. It just doesn't make sense to me. I believe that if these male sales clerks are going to recommend women's shoes, then they should wear them!! They should make the male sales clerks wear different styles of women's shoes so that they understand how the shoes look and feel. Why would I take advice when buying a product from someone that has never used the product?

It doesn't make sense to me.





I have to agree with KimberlyTX that women assistants know more about womens clothing and would be able to give better advice, especially when it comes to color matching. Most males do not do a very good job at color-coordinating. I am lousy at it. As for feeling comfortable with a SA, I usually go to a female assistant, if one is available, but if only male assistants are there and I really want that dress, then I will use him. They do not know that I am going to wear the dress, so why should I not buy it just because a woman isn't helping me.

[angelfire]

The gender doesn't make a difference to me as much as the age & nationality does. I find the older the person is, the more experience they likely have, and the less likely they are to gossip about it or even make mention of it.

People my age (20s) I am less comfortable buying from, because I know a lot of people, and worry about "what if this person is a friend of a friend, and I see them at a party later and it gets mentioned or they ask about it?"

[Laurie909]

I will never understand why Nordstrom hires all male shoe sales clerks.

It's the same thing with Macy's. They have some women working in shoes but most of the time I've been waited on by a male.

[Geneva Lake]

I sell women's shoes at a major dept. store and I DO try them on all the time!

[Nicki B]

Susan, doesn't this reaction say more about you and your attitudes, than about anyone else?

Are you happy with it, or do you want to be able to interract with men the way other women do?

[Jamie001]

Geneva,

Why not buy a pair or two in a fem but not outrageous style and wear them to work? I believe it will give you so much more credibility with the women that you are selling to.


:love: Jamie

QUOTE=Geneva Lake;1194735]I sell women's shoes at a major dept. store and I DO try them on all the time![/QUOTE]

[Kristen Marie]

Definitely women. Whether it's Payless or a clothing store.....having that fun banter with a woman when you are buying women's clothing is what is important to close the deal. I have been known to hover, waiting for the right cashier to become available.

I have not had any problems with the younger girls, in fact some of them have been the best!

[Eugenie]

I've several times gon shoppinh in drab mode in shops where the sales attendent was a male... Yes I didn't feel so comfortable, but in the end I got the strength (the motivation was very high...) to ask if I could try on the clothes I was buying... Never had any problems at that point...

More generally, while I have done a coming out to many women, friends and coleagues, I haven't come out to many men, just two.

There is certainly some truth in your interpretation of that difference in attitude. I feel far more confident with guessing at the way women will react to my coming out that in predicting the reactions of other males... Except of course my friends x-dressers...:happy:

:hugs:
Eugenie

[KateSpade83]

Sometimes I have no choice but to pay a male SA. And then it turns out to be no big deal. But one time in Atlanta, GA - the male SA said to my bra and panty purchase - "Why do you want to cramp your style?" - Never heard that slang before either!

[trannie T]

I started a similar thread several months ago. The results were the same. We prefer buying women's clothes from women. It is always an awkward experience when I buy clothes from another man.

[Nicole Erin]

Male SA's won't say a word if you buy femme clothes from them. They don't want to even imagine another man buying women's things ;)

If all I am doing is making a purchase, I have no probs if it is a man at the counter.

[kathy001]

Male SA's won't say a word if you buy femme clothes from them.
What! That sure wasn't my experience over the years.
I've had comments from male SA's like;
'you sure these are your size',
'your wife must be the same size as you...grin...grin'

or the worst one yet
'i bet you'll look good in these'
thats the one where adrenline set in instead of embaressment.
I dam near came within an inch of reaching over the GD counter and beating the sh_t outta him. Instead i just gave that F'n pip squeak an extremely loud FU, JUST PUT THE GD THING IN THE BAG A-HOLE at which point his shi_t eatin grin turned into a trembling frown.

I refuse to let any SA try to embarress me anymore!

[amy canada]

I've never bought clothes from a male SA. I'm definitely not comfy with that. Of course, most of the clothes I buy are from Walmart or Sears, and at Walmart, some of their stores have self-scan cash registers now so I don't have to interact with anyone at all. I buy clothes online from Sears, and sometimes it's a male who is at the counter when I go to pick stuff up, but maybe they might think it's for my wife or girlfriend.

[Dalece]

I always seem to get female SA'S they seem more understanding or open minded. When it comes to who we are.

[cdjenny20]

I also prefer to buy clothes from females. I do most of my shopping on business trips and tend to avoid places like WalMart simply because I can go into a Walmart anywhere and instead shop at women's clothing stores. I honestly don't recall ever seeing a male sales associate in any of these places.

I also have to admit that in my everyday life(not just for buying clothes), I prefer to deal with females. I don't know why, I just feel more comfortable with women.

[suspender]

Definitely women for me. The best advice comes from them even if they dont like the concept of you wearing the gear. I have had experience of dealing with both and up until now have only had one bad experience of dealing with a women at a checkout (posted before) who decided to make a comment to the entire queue. Women's advice is usually very accurate, particularly if they look at you for a second or two and can provide straight forward advice on sizing and suitability, they are usually nice even at the changerooms in the larger department stores. As for the men............

[Dawn Marie]

I usually tend towards female SA's but it really does'nt bother me anymore to go to a male SA's, unless I'm in the womens' department. And it seems female SA's, at least the older ones tend to be more friendly towards us and more helpful, then again I have been proved wrong before.

[Ashlee]

I walked in to The Limited recently during the early part of the day and there was no one in the store. 2 women SA's welcomed me in and said "how can we help you". I was there to buy a gift certificate but I said "I'm here to buy something for me and I need to know what size I am". They laughed and I quickly said "I'm kidding, I'm just here for a gift certificate". At the counter, I asked if they've ever had a guy want to buy clothing and they said "yes", I asked if they thought it weird and they said "no" and that at my comment they were both trying to figure out what size clothing I would've required. You may try shopping there someday, good luck!

[JenniferR771]

I was at a thrift shop and picked out a whole outfit, including dress, shoes, and earrings. I got in line with several customers at the register. It was 3 pm--SHIFT CHANGE--new cashier 18 year old man. I hated the idea, but I was trapped in line. Very nervous, so glad to be out of there.

Another time I ordered a hip-padded panty girdle from the Penny's catalog desk. Told the ladies I was a cd and they were nice. Four days later when i went to pick it up, I got a male cashier. He took my money and explained the return policy. I felt very uncomfortable.
Had to type this twice--my wife came:eek: in and insisted i close the browser.

[RikkiOfLA]

Early in my CDing career, I definitely preferred women sales associates. I was afraid of the men, and the men were often afraid of me. Some of the women too.

What they were most afraid of, was that this male customer would try on the dress, and have TOO MUCH FUN :heehee: trying it on in the fitting room. It would come back with stains or something!

So I learned to set their mind at ease from the moment they greeted me. Me: Big friendly smile, audible greeting in return. And I learned to always either dress femme, or present male while wearing at least some women's clothes. A simple tailored blouse (that obviously buttons right over left). Simple women's slacks. Women's loafers. A purse. Not necessarily all of that, but enough so that they could see right off the bat why I buy women's clothes: to wear them. Duh!

And once I did that, it made no difference to 99% of the associates (male or female). If they have the courtesy and guts to deal with me, I usually get the service I need.

How do I deal with possibly impertinent comments (such as "those will look cute on you!")? Easy! I give them the benefit of the doubt. I assume they are only trying to be nice. This forces their hand--if they really WANT to insult me, they have to come out and say it. Then I talk to the manager, or leave the store. It's only happened once or twice.

So here are some snappy combacks I've used:

Are those for you or someone else? They're for me. And I usually add a punch line that rubs it back in their face such as, I wear them all the time! or They're so comfortable!

Do you find those things [pantyhose] comfortable? I've never worn them. (This was from a young woman, who obvioiusly thought of herself as part of the proud hose-less generation.) Me: They're very comfortable. I wear them every day. If you don't find them comfortable, you're probably trying the wrong size.

Oh, that will look cute on you! Me: Thank you!

Employee calling me "Sir" when I'm dressed en femme. Me: Excuse me, I don't go to all this trouble to be called "Sir." Please call me "Miss" or "Ma'am."

Passerby: THAT'S A MAN IN A DRESS! Me: Walk quickly away and above all, DON'T TURN MY HEAD TO LOOK AT THEM!

And so it goes. Sometimes we're not treated politely. Happens to everyone. First choice: grin and bear it. Second choice, tell the authorities. Third choice, run like h#ll! :heehee:

Blessings,
Rikki

[lynda o]

I very much prefer female S/A's I was shopping at L/B for my wife at xmas, I had picked out 2 outfits and a pair of pajamas. A very nice S/A asked if I would like to try them on, which surprised me, being in drab. My response surprsed me even more, I said no thanks theese are for my wife, but I will take you up when I am shopping for myself. That was the first time I have ever made any comment about my dressing. The S/A said as long as I was there this might be a good time, trust me it was.

[lynda o]

I very much prefer female S/A's I was shopping at L/B for my wife at xmas, I had picked out 2 outfits and a pair of pajamas. A very nice S/A asked if I would like to try them on, which surprised me, being in drab. My response surprsed me even more, I said no thanks theese are for my wife, but I will take you up when I am shopping for myself. That was the first time I have ever made any comment about my dressing. The S/A said as long as I was there this might be a good time, trust me it was.

[shirley1]

i missed this post somehow mentioned it reply to another thread - yes it must be common for many of us to feel more confortable being served by ggs - i dont know really why maybe its because we see women as being less intimidating when it comes to our cding ie more likely to be understanding - not always the case i guess - or maybe you just are thinking that guys never going to understand why another guy would be buying a girly item like that ! i dont know maybe theres is a phychology behind it - i guess what it comes down to is we as cders are or feel less threatened by women than men and i guess its the same vise versa

[DemonicDaughter]

I simply have to share this with you all (hope you don't mind), but I have had numerous friends and a few partners in my life that CD and was often the "gg of choice" when it came to shopping excursions simply because I would give them the freedom of "shopping in code"! LOL! I would go out with them and we would pick out clothes together. I would always ask, "Do you think [insert their CD name here] would like this?" as if we were purchasing the item for their girlfriend. I found they appreciated the ruse to keep the sales associates at bay and allow them to purchase items without feeling as if the world was staring at them. They often told me it made it a lot easier when walking up to the register, male or female clerk attending it.

[pamela_a]

It really makes no difference to me although my preference is female SAs. I find they are usually more helpful and knowledgeable about clothing and intimates than their male counterparts. That and I really enjoy chatting with them about clothes. I've had several tell me where they shop and what they personally like or don't like about different styles or brands. I've never had a male SA or cashier tell me that he doesn't like wearing ...brand because he doesn't like how they fit him.

-Paula-

[susan2010]

Thanks for all your comments. It's only partially true that this has more to do with my attitude than anything else; note the many comments or rude behavior many have experienced. And I'm not just speaking of sales people on the floor; I couldn't go to a male at a checkout line.
Also, if I had a female doctor, I might go with panties on, but I don't think I could do that with a male doctor.
Susan