Question about things

[badkitty667]

Ok, I thought I would offer up some information before asking this question.

1st- The reason my partner doesn't post for herself is because her english is slightly lacking (I don't think so, but she does).

2nd- And this is truly mind boggling, her internet skills are even worse than my own pitiful ones.

3rd- I have a hard time referring to her as 'her'. So if you see me switching back and forth its because I haven't ever really considered what I say. To me she has and always will be 'he'.

Ok, now for some soul searching. Last night we had a few drinks and started snapping pictures. During that time she seemed very excited. It didn't really phase me because she always gets excited when she's dressed. A few things we talked about did surprise me.

1. She wants to go out in public. I'm like well.... I kinda explained the risks of being seen by people we know. I myself don't really care, but I think she would be devastated if things went badly.

2. She wants to pick out a name for herself. That was kind of a relief actually as it would make it much easier for me to reconcile the appearance with the name. Any thoughts? She wants a greek mythology name. I myself like Psyche, Pandora, or maybe Electra.

3. Here's the biggy. We actually carried this over the bedroom for the first time. She always cleaned off her face, clothes, etc before we go to bed, but this time she remained herself for the activities. She also said some things that I won't repeat here, but suffice to say its what a woman would say in bed. It was a bit un-nerving.

4. She also mentioned wanting to possibly get implants. Breast implants. That doesn't really bother me either, its just that I think it would be almost impossible to hide a change like that.

I know this was a lot of info, but what do all of you think? I'm kinda numb today.

-Speaking representative

[Nicole Erin]

So basically you are worried about friends and family?
If you live in a big town, the worst thing that would happen is you would have to maybe say good bye to old friends and make new ones. I know making friends is not easy but one must try.

Femme name - Most of us would like a femme name cause "John, Brian, Steve..." just do not fit a femme appearance. Unless one is going to legally change it, a femme name is not a huge commitment. Some do change it, I know I did once.

Implants - That is a little more of a commitment.

Bed fun - This is part of a fetish some have. As long as you are your SO's main or only lover, you shouldn't worry. Actually, you might be glad to know that since your SO is living this fantasy with you, he/she still wants you. I don't know if you are worried she might want a man or if you just are not comfy with lesiban relationships.

The only thing - when not being intimate, just talk about it. Don't belittle your SO or anything cause that would put a huge strain on yours and his love life.

[Christina Louise]

3. Here's the biggy. We actually carried this over the bedroom for the first time. She always cleaned off her face, clothes, etc before we go to bed, but this time she remained herself for the activities. She also said some things that I won't repeat here, but suffice to say its what a woman would say in bed. It was a bit un-nerving.

If you don't feel comfortable with this then you have to discuss it with her. It shouldn't all be one way, this is your relationship too.

[docrobbysherry]

Just one word of warning. If u pick the name, " Psyche". It's too easy to typo into, " Psycho".
Pick one of the others!

[Stephanie-L]

First, Badkitty, will you marry me....LOL, seriously you are a wonderful person for being so accepting.

As to your questions.
Going out....Leave that up to her if you are comfortable. As many of us girls here know, that first time out is really nerve wracking. Be as supportive as you feel able, and try not to push. And if it causes problems with friends, well, they werern't really friends, were they.
A name, definately. As others have said, some of us go through several before we settle on one. It does help the experience and helps to diferentiate the personas.
The bedroom.... That you need to talk over. If you are ok, and just need a little time to get used to it, thats one thing, but if it totally turns you off, thats another. You need to figure out how you feel about it, and discuss it with her in a calm and non-threatining manner. And not in the bedroom so there is no "performance pressure".
Lastly, breast augmentation, here I would recomend at least a bit of counselling. If you are OK with it, great, but it is a virtually permanent thing (they can be removed, but it is a hassle and she won't look the same as before). I have been seriously considering this for a few years, and have found several surgeons who would do a BA on me no questions asked, just pay the $$$ up front. I am now seeing a therapist and she supports me and will write a letter for me. I would also suggest that your partner try spending at least some time in a bra and appropriate size forms, this would only cost a few hundred dollars, and would give her an idea of what she is in for. Try wearing them both en femme and in male clothes. I personally have no problem going out in either mode with my "girls" out there for all to see, but that took several years for me to get to that point. If it weren't for the fact that my wife is much less accepting than you are, I would have mine done tomorrow.

Anyway, these are just my opinions, I hope they are of help...Stephanie

[Fab Karen]

The two of you need to TALK ABOUT IT. If your partner is unsure of of some things, then therapy is needed to figure things out.

[O2B Barbara]

I don't have anything else to add except that you both are welcome here anytime. If you keep coming back you will most likely learn a lot about the ins and outs on both sides.

Hugs and love to both

[sandra-leigh]

4. She also mentioned wanting to possibly get implants. Breast implants. That doesn't really bother me either, its just that I think it would be almost impossible to hide a change like that.


That's a pretty common fantasy, seriously considered by many, but not so many go through with it. Personally, I'm somewhere in the land of "I'd sure like to have some magic pixie dust that allowed me to painlessly try it!". I have the bug badly enough that I've spent a number of hours going through (ahem) pictures, trying to decide how I'd like my My Very Own Breasts (TM) to look -- but I'm not ready to risk my health on herbs or hormones or surgery.

I recommend starting with forms. A good set of forms feels amazingly *Right* to wear, and that might be enough. The advantage of forms is that you can take them off; as you have clearly realized, you cannot do that with implants.

If your SO still talks seriously about implants after getting forms, then you could have him try a variation of the Real Life Test: have him put on forms the size of the implants he wants, and make him wear the forms for (say) a month solid, except for long enough for basic hygenine (but put them on again as soon as possible afterwards.) If he wants anything bigger than a medium B cup, have him try adhesive (e.g., Hollisters), and have him try bras; with a medium B cup or below, he could go just for adhesive instead of bras.

And for the duration of the test, have him do all kinds of things that he would be wanting to do after implants. For example, having supper at both of your respective parents -- if he can't do that with forms, then he won't be able to do it with implants. Going to work wearing whatever style of clothes is required by his workplace, but with his forms underneath. If he works out at the gym, then during the test, he would have to go to the gym with his forms, right into the change room. Adaptation is allowed, such as being allowed to already have his gym shirt on underneath his outside clothes, but if he's usually sweat-drenched after his workout, he has to figure out how to take a shower... especially if he would be going to work after his workout. And if his sweat renders his gym-shirt translucent enough that his bra becomes visible, he'll just have to Deal With It. Is he the type to go swimming in public, whether for exercise or at camp, or even in your backyard pool that can be seen into by the neighbours looking out of their back windows on their upper floor? If so, then during the test he has to go swimming, either with his forms uncovered or while wearing some kind of swimming top [T-shirts would not be accepted at public pools] (amazing, isn't it, how swimming tops tend to plaster themselves to show off the shape of breasts...)

The above might sound like "punishment", but it is just a test of dedication before undertaking what would be hard to reverse. If there is anything that he hesitates at, that he says, "That would be too embarrassing!" or "The guys could see right through my gym shirt to my bra -- I've never been so embarrased!", then ask him "Are you prepared to give that activity up for the rest of your life??"

Don't get me wrong, some of the crossdressers or transsexuals on here have had implants, or have substantial breasts naturally or due to medical conditions, and many of them love it or accept it as part of their life. I have read some postings from crossdressers saying that they are considering reductions, but few indeed of those say that they want to go flat-chested. A number who have had implants have said that they wished they had had them even earlier, or wished they had gone a size larger. The majority of people here who post about having had implants are overall pleased to have gotten them... but some of them regret, for example, not being able to go swimming with their children for fear of what will be said in the locker rooms, or said by nearby parents who might get it into their minds that a guy with breasts is a sexual deviant who cannot be trusted around children. I've seen a couple of postings here from guys with natural breasts or implants, whose single biggest regret expressed is that they (feel that) they cannot play catch with their sons. I haven't figured out quite what obstacle they see in that situation, but it is a very real regret to them.

[badkitty667]

Thanks ladies. I haven't really posted much on any of the GG forums, but that's because I don't really have any acceptance issues or need of support. I'm pretty self-reliant. So I hope you all don't mind that I come here and quiz you. I just want an idea of what she's thinking, etc...

Well, it wasn't so much that it turned me off. It was just odd for me. I felt like I was well, I don't know what I felt really. I didn't know what to say. And let me just say that when I feel that way I become very matter of fact and sort of clinical. Its my way of dealing with things that have thrown me a bit. She picked up on it and kept asking me if I was ok and I said yes although, I don't know that it was entirely 'ok'.

On going out, I'm ok with it. I just feel very protective of her.

On the implants, I'm 50/50. I would enjoy her happiness. However, we have children and the thought occurs that its permanent. There wouldn't ever be a return to the man because they would always be part of the image. Also, his family is very old school. They are macho men and flowery women. Its the culture. He is close with them and I can't imagine what would happen if they knew any of this.

At any rate, I'm going to ponder my feelings on this. I think with time I will be able to reconcile the bedroom thing, it was just new to me. Also, the vocalization was kinda hard to absorb kwim.

Anyhow, thanks again for your kind replies. I love 'her' so much and I want our lives to be as happy as possible because as far as I know, we only get one. So I try not to sweat anything small. I hope you all are well and having a good Sunday evening.