do i want to be a woman

[laceyjessica]

OMG I know we all go thru this but the past few days, i look at women and there shapes and want that for myself, I love the curves, the clothes the femme part of being a woman. Will this lead to disaster if i come out to that extent with work, i know this would ruin my marraige, we live away from our hometown but i am sure i would loose old friends. How do you all keep it together. I want to shave my legs, paint my toenails, wear panties and bras(but I am sure people at wok could tell i was wearing a bra i notice all my female friends bras.

[MJ]

talk to your therapist about this , and better get a second opinion from a gender identity therapist.. and to yourself be true . ..
what if :-
you do want to become a woman ?
you lose your marriage . sometimes this happens
your wife tell everyone .. good for her she did the hard work for you ..
you do nothing and live a miserable life until you a, transition or b, take your own life .
sooner or later you have to do something you have one life to live

[pettitoes]

We are dealt the hand we must play, so just accept that you love femme things and make the best of it. It isn't worth wrecking your life over it, and six months from now you may feel differently.

You can still wear panties, polish your nails, luxuriate in pedicures and bubble baths, and not destroy your life and career. It really is more fun this way.

[laceyjessica]

this is the best advice i just hope i use it thanks for all the kind words

[jennifer41356]

Jessica, if you want to wear bras , wear heavier shirts, I wear a sleeveless cotton top under my shirts and have had no problems

It is fun be able to do girl things when I want, being alone has its good points, I can wear what I want and when I want and I dont hide anything

dont worry about what friends think, the good ones will accept you, the ones who dont werent friends, and just think of all the new friends you will make in the future

good luck, I love being a girl and wouldnt trade it for anything
:love:

[laceyjessica]

this has been the greatest day of my life i just wish i would have posted sooner. I hope i can make a descision but i feel its been 30 years i just am scared i dont know how to jump thanks for the advice i am licking it up

[kristinacd55]

Jessica, for me there's times i want to be a woman, and times i don't. (95% of the time, 5% not, LOL). Only you can decide if you want to go all the way through with it. Also, sorry to hear about all your trouble with your wife, it seems you're really being manipulated big time with your doc & her. Only YOU can decide what to do.
One other thing, love the wedding dress your wearing!
hugs,
kristina

[laceyjessica]

thanks kristina i love wearing wedding gowns, hopefully someday i will be a bride myself. i can see me wearing the whole thing thanks for the advice you all are sweet

[kristinacd55]

I adore wedding dresses too, my wife found out about my tging a couple months back & thankfully is fairly supportive. I wear panties, cami's every day & sometimes bras when i wear sweaters/turtlenecks. I hope you find someone who'll support you like this too someday. Good luck!

[vivianann]

Lacey you are going through exactly the same thing that I am going through. I really wish that I had the feminine bodyshape. Love your wedding dress, I hope one day to be a bride also.

[melissacd]

Find yourself a support group in the area, make friends with other cross dressers whom you can meet for coffee and just chat. Take little baby steps and see how it feels. Having others to talk to face to face rather than just through forums has done a world of good for me.

[Kate Simmons]

Melissa is right Hon. Nothing really substitutes for real association with like minded folks. It takes time to get a good comfort level with yourself. Most of us didn't do it overnight, that's for sure.:happy:

[Emily Ann Brown]

Conversation with sisters is a good way to get your head around what you are feeling. We all at times want to be female forever...then reality strikes.

Try wearing a vest or sleeveless sweater to help hide undergarment lines. And darker colors or multicolor print shirts camoflauge the shadowlines that can be seen.

Emily Ann

[Jilmac]

I can't even begin to count the times I fantasized about being a girl. The times I wished there was a magic pill that would transform me. The times I cursed because girls were naturally prettier, gentiler, and more in touch with their emotions. I wanted it all, I dreamed of having long beautiful hair, a curvy body, and all the pretty clothes that girls are able to wear. Then I would go back to reality and wonder just how perfect life would be as a girl.

Don't let your desire to be a girl overwhelm you. The consequences may be more than the benefits. Luv and:hugs: Jill

[MJ]

thanks kristina i love wearing wedding gowns, hopefully someday i will be a bride myself. i can see me wearing the whole thing thanks for the advice you all are sweet

That says it all right there in the bold section . you are getting great advice i hope you use it :hugs:

[Danielle Hyatt]

Hi Jessiec

I would thank that if you want to be a woman you sould thank about it long and hard because it is a big step. For me I just like to dress up and roll paly.

Plese let me know what you do!

Your Friend
Dan:D

[Vicky_Scot]

OMG I know we all go thru this but the past few days, i look at women and there shapes and want that for myself, I love the curves, the clothes the femme part of being a woman. Will this lead to disaster if i come out to that extent with work, i know this would ruin my marriage, we live away from our hometown but i am sure i would loose old friends. How do you all keep it together. I want to shave my legs, paint my toenails, wear panties and bras(but I am sure people at work could tell i was wearing a bra i notice all my female friends bras.

i know this would ruin my marriage - Are you willing to sacrifice your marriage so you can live full time as a woman? Is dressing more important to you than your wife?

If you answer Yes to any of the above then I think you have to do the right thing and tell your wife that her marriage is over. You do not say how long you have been married or if kids are involved.

Do you consider yourself TS?

i am sure i would loose old friends. - This indeed may very well be the case. You are the one who knows your friends and how they would accept you if you went full time. Some friends view of you will change immediately and tell you to beat it as you are a weirdo etc etc, some friends will say thats ok but will gradually dissappear and real friends will stay friends and support you.

I am sure people at work could tell i was wearing a bra - I am sure someone will eventually and then you will most probably have to deal with all kinds of grief.

I do not want to sound cold but I find it a bit concerning with your post that you seem more concerned about your works response to your dressing rather than the most important thing .....your wife. You seem just to accept that your marriage would be over and that would be that.

I really think you need to talk to a professional before doing something you may very well regret.

Xx Vicky xX

[KeriB]

Find yourself a support group in the area, make friends with other cross dressers whom you can meet for coffee and just chat. Take little baby steps and see how it feels. Having others to talk to face to face rather than just through forums has done a world of good for me.

Absolutely, making and having close personal friends who share your thoughts in this regard can make the world of difference. I am just now going through some serious thought processes myself as to just how far I want to carry this (see my prior "train" post lol..), and it has helped to have someone to bounce these ideas off of, versus the forums. Nothing against the forums or anyone here - we're all simply trying to help each other face the difficulties of our reality.

But, these choices are indeed serious, and they are definitely oh so personal. I could not advise either "yes, go for it," or "no, are you crazy?" because I believe it is sooo much a personal decision, such a consequential one indeed. I've recently discovered Jenn Boylan and her story, and I wonder how a transition would go for me. My wife is way beyond understanding with my gender issues and very accommodating and encouraging, which has been a breath of fresh air for us both these past couple of months. But, as she explores more online, she reads about all of this, and the questions get more and more serious - like the other day's about the different acronyms - I told her flat out I consider myself TG - and "you don't want to be a woman do you?"

So, would I transition blindly? Not likely, as frankly too many people rely on me at this point in my life. Would I like to? The thoughts get more formative each and every day - it's funny/sad but I told my friend the other day that if we were to hit MegaMillions, well all bets are off! I understand the risks, and as I contemplate the rewards, I am left to ponder the very questions raised in several posts here recently. My point in all this is that while we can, and should, offer the pros and cons, and suggestions, passing judgment seems to just foster the kind of issues we as a community try to avoid.

[laceyjessica]

i have descided when my wife goes away witht the kids for a weekend i want to be jessica. I am scheduled for a full transformaton, wig makeup dress the whole thing shopping all day and hope for the best. The girl at the salon said she may even have a date for me for the day she doesnt want me going out by myself. WOW, i will have to wait and see though either I will pass or I wont is my impression, thanks again to everyone for your words kind or otherwise

[Angie G]

If it's not in your best interest don't do it hun or you could be really sorry :hugs:
Angie

[laceyjessica]

please elaborate I am not sure I understand Why???

[charlie]

Jessica!
Have you spoken about this plan with your wife at all? It could be that you will charge forward with your transformation and not like being Jessica 24/7 at all. This type of radical departure I would think requires lots of planning. If it is worth it to you to leave your wife and kids to become a woman perhaps you could have a separation time first to see if this is really what you want.

[Melora]

I have wanted to be a woman Soo many times in my life.. I like to dress as one in private.
It is all about YOU and your Life and the ones who depend upon and center around YOU. What are the consequences? (spelling??).
If I were to do what I REALLY wished for, then I would hurt Soo many people right now and in the forseeable future. There fore I am a closeted CD by choice and life decesions.
Just remember.. Work .. Is something that you can Change without much reprocussion, usually.
Marrage is quite the opposite!, As Marrage concernes those who LOVE you..
So please choose wise and study everything. Dont ever hurt the ones that you love. If you do choose to change, then proceed Slowly with much thought, because you WILL CHANGE peoples lives.
Melora

[Bexles]

From my point of view it's a case of:

If friends cant accept you for who you truly are then they're not really friends. Of course we all treasure our friends and in some cases we don't want to risk something that we've been accustomed to for many years. It all comes down to what you want more, keep yourself in the closet and keep your friends or come out, get to be yourself and risk losing many dear friends.

It's a scary leap, one I haven't fully made yet but I've told a few people (the ones I feel that really matter) and they've accepted me for who I truly am. Others I know have had suspicions for many years but I want to tell them in my own time. My mother's due to be staying later this month and I'm am fully intent on telling her (I know she'll tell my brother + sister) but that saves me having to and I don't overly talk to them anyway.

It comes down to what you really want for yourself, life is full of compromises and sometimes the compromises we make are a bad choice but it's a choice we all have to make for ourselves.

I hope that helps.

[FanciJewel]

All journeys start with a single step and this journey is no different. Your weekend make over is a good first step. If you are successful with that first step go for 2 days as Jessica, then 3, then 4. Pretty soon you will get to experience what life would be as Jessica 24/7. All along the way you will need professional therapist help as will as support from those around you. We all do. If all hurddles are over come and Jessica is who you are at the end of that day, then that is who you need to be. It is a process not an impulse. Get started time flies. Fanci

[Michelle PJ]

I think what Jessica is feeling goes to the core of what is means to be a transgendered male (female?). I have had periods of strong longing to take hormones (with wife's permission of course) to have my very own hips and breasts. I truly feel I wouldn't go any further and would not live as a woman because to do so would have profound consequences. There have been times when fully dressed and feeling feminine (whatever that means to a male) that I declared "God I want to be a woman!" This can definitely be a personal struggle for us.

[Melissa-M]

Hi it is hard Iam going throw it now i wake up thinking that i wish i could be a girl i am Lucky th-ow I have always remove body hair and wear a lot of girls casual Clothes That I wear at home and out I have shoulder length hair and earing and belly ring so that helps but i still would like to have the looks and figure my gp has asked me to see a therapist which may help YES these fillings never go away for me they just go up and down

[laceyjessica]

april 11th I am scheduled for my makeover hair and makup and a full day of shopping. The salon owner has a supprise for me, she has a client that is interested in transvestites/crossdressers and she has left her a message to get in contact with me to go out with me on the day of my transformation so that I am not alone. OMG how wonderful would that be, you know what they say be careful what you wish for. Again I know I have been a pain and I hope you all dont dispize me but i really do appreciate all of the advice good or bad. Love Jessica

[Megan70]

We are dealt the hand we must play, so just accept that you love femme things and make the best of it. It isn't worth wrecking your life over it, and six months from now you may feel differently.

You can still wear panties, polish your nails, luxuriate in pedicures and bubble baths, and not destroy your life and career. It really is more fun this way.
What you are going through is referred to in our world as Gender Euphoria and as the old saying goes" this too will pass". 6 months from now we may read an exact opposite thread of yours with your head and thoughs completely reversed when you write, OMG that thread I wrote in February , "what the hell was I thinking"??? I wasn't considering anyone but myself. Yes I am selfish and narcisstic, I've got to change my ways for the sake of my family and myself"... or then again you may still feel the same way.

I go through mood gender swings like that all the time, half dozen times a year when I think, this is stupid, I don't look act speak like a woamn, I'm emabarrased and ashamed of myself; i don't want to talk about it, forget I'm a TV.

Then the next week I'll get all dolled up go out to a symphany concert and feel esctatic... totally different. Go Figure.
Believe me we ALL go through Gender euphoria and mood swings.
Hang in there.:hugs:

[FanciJewel]

Cycling? Once a month? OMG, we're closer than we think? :happy:
Fanci

[laceyjessica]

I am going to have my first day out as jessica on april 11th in wilmington de anyone want to join me

[Jenn2716]

I think what Jessica is feeling goes to the core of what is means to be a transgendered male (female?). I have had periods of strong longing to take hormones (with wife's permission of course) to have my very own hips and breasts. I truly feel I wouldn't go any further and would not live as a woman because to do so would have profound consequences. There have been times when fully dressed and feeling feminine (whatever that means to a male) that I declared "God I want to be a woman!" This can definitely be a personal struggle for us.


Michelle, I can totally related to what you are saying here. I also have very strong feelings about changing my body to be more feminine. It's not just about the clothes for me, and hasn't been for many years now. I just feel better when I present myself as woman, no matter how well or poorly I pass.

I too am married and have had this discussion with my wife. She knows my feelings and has been totally supportive of my crossdressing. But anything more than clothes and make-up is beyond her comfort level. She has made it very clear that she cannot stay with me if I ever decided to move further down the transition path.

So no matter how much I feel like I should live my life as a woman, I love my wife and will honor my committment to her. I may not be entirely happy as a male, but I don't think I would be any happier as a female if I didn't have my wife by my side.