answering my SO

[fahrside]

greetings all! my wife and i had a preliminary talk the other night about my hidden desires, it was tough. it's embarrassing at this point because i don't want to face rejection, yet i'm frustrated at keeping things hidden. she knows i like wearing female clothes and that i want her to be more dominant in bed, but doesn't know where to begin nor what she would accept. she suggested that i find a story or article that has things that would help her understand or learn what i want. so, what is too much information? does anyone have story resources? i don't think she is as scared of the crossdressing side as she is of me being submissive to her. help...

[Michelle-NC]

Are you looking for resources, informative? Or just erotica?

[fahrside]

i'm not honestly sure at this point. information is always good, but then again perhaps a mild erotica story could help as well? i open to advice from those who have been in similar situations

[Holly]

How about the truth? Tell her what it is that YOU want. Why base your relationship on someone else's fantasy (story). None of us here have a clue as to what it is that you want your SO to do and I suspect that she doesn't as well. Communicate with her. Surely you have had some converstaions with her sinse she discovered your panties under your bed last year (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?p=1027706#post1027706).

[shenangovalleygal]

well if youre wanting erotica there are plenty of sites out there. try www.nifty.org (http://www.nifty.org) , www.literotica.com (http://www.literotica.com) , www.storysite.org (http://www.storysite.org) even i hve a story that involves crossdressing, transsexuals, feminization, makeup :p, but its mostly sex. if youre interested just give a hollar with an email to send it to.

[waspookie6]

If she is a bit of a 'research' type person the best to suggest is find various sites including Tri-Ess (http://www.tri-ess.org/), here (Loved Ones forum is a good start), this link (http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/articles/sex/xdress.html) to Self Help magazine article which is very up front and myth busting - for starts.

If she wants "stories" then those suggested would be good resources as well. :happy:

[deja true]

fahrside, don't rely on stories to get your message across. Go to the truth. Search the archives here for TRUE stories and discussions on this very subject. The info here is not just idle chat! (Though, Lord knows, there's plenty of that!) It is a monumental library of dressing, thought, advice that goes back several years!

Your wife will relate better to the truth, especially if it comes from the mouths of concerned GG's like herself. Read recent posts, find comments from GG's that you agree with, search their message histories from their profiles. Show your wife. Easier than you thought.

I think I'd tend to stay away from most T-fiction on the web , for now. Most is writen from a very selfish and self-absorbed point of view, especially the fem-dom stuff. It's mostly about the CD's pleasure and usually does'nt portray the GG's in a very flattering or complimentary light. Again, the truth is far more real to our situations and believable. The truth may actually set you free!

respect & love (for getting down to brass tacks)

deja

[docrobbysherry]

But, when u start changing things around in your bedroom, it can heat things up, or be the kiss of death!
My ex was getting pretty large after we were married awhile. I could always perform in the bedroom, as long as she kick started me first. After our last child was born, and more pounds added, she said she was tired of doing that.
Our sex life pretty much died that day!
Not a unique story, I'm sorry to say! Good luck. Hope u can make it work!

[sissystephanie]

How about the truth? Tell her what it is that YOU want. Why base your relationship on someone else's fantasy (story). None of us here have a clue as to what it is that you want your SO to do and I suspect that she doesn't as well. Communicate with her. Surely you have had some converstaions with her sinse she discovered your panties under your bed last year (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?p=1027706#post1027706).

As a long time CD, whose late wife knew from the gitgo, I definitely second what Holly has said. Add to that, have your wife join this Forum to learn what Crossdressing is all about. BTW, my wife found my panties under the bed more then once. It was because she had put them there, when I was the girl! Enough said!!

But above all, tell her what it is that like and want to do. Open honest communication is the best way to handle these situations.

Sissy/Stephanie

Girl on the outside, man underneath1

[fahrside]

so, is it normal for a cd to take a more submissive role in bed? how does a SO react to this?

[Wickanne GG]

I may be reading this wrong but it sounds a little like you may be unsure of what it is that you want also, as far a the bedroom scene.

When people "wonder" about BDSM I always suggest this site as a starter

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BDSM

because there is a lot of information and very little of the pornographic crap that gives the lifestyle the bad rap that it has.

As others have already stated...this forum is a good place for your SO to find information regarding your CD.

Best of luck to you both.

:love:
Wickanne

P.S.: NO ONE can predict how your SO will react.

[deja true]

"so, is it normal for a cd to take a more submissive role in bed? how does a SO react to this?"
----------------------

fahrside, here's a thead from last month that deals with exactly that question.

(http://crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=74420)



There are over 50 differnt answers here, from totally submissive to dominant to "switch". There are also replies (my favorites) that talk about sharing. Here's the start of your research into the depths of the archives. All good stuff...

respect & love (for research)

deja

[Ema1234 GG]

so, is it normal for a cd to take a more submissive role in bed? how does a SO react to this?

You seem to want everyone to be the same. Your relationship with your SO is about the two of you, not about what other people do in bed.

Does it matter if it's normal for other CD's? So long as it's what you want to do, and your SO enjoys then does it really matter what others are doing? Equally, if it IS the norm for CDs but you DON'T want to do it, then does that matter? Of course not, so long as you and your SO are happy then that's the important thing?

And whilst you can often get some form of an idea of the possible ways an SO may react to a particular question or issue, the variations are huge and each person is different.

Talk to your SO, talk about what you want and ask her what she wants. Hopefully you'll be able to find something that you both want to do.

[Alice B]

The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. But, tone down the dominance thing. One step at a time. Let her get used to your dressing, don't force her and see where it goes. And expect an about face or two along the way.

[O2B Barbara]

I found that the book "My Husband Betty" had a lot of information to share. Written by the wife of a CD. As with any book written from personal experience you need to sift through a bit to find those parts that make the most sense to you and your wife.

As for the bedroom roles, what is wrong with taking turns? If you want to feel feminine when in bed and have her take the lead couldn't it just be possible that she would like the same?