My Son said,"Do you want to be a man?"

[Felix]

Well this last week has been good for me in the sense that my son has been here for the whole week. He brought love, life and joy back into my home which has been lacking since well ya all know what!! Anyways he was talking to me about sex changes and said that he had seen an operation were a man became a woman. I asked him what he thought, he thought it was like really hard for the woman. So he started asking questions about trans people and I explained as best as I could about the spectrum and what the differences are. He knows I am very much a Tomboy and this is how I am comfortable. He sees me dressed and his friends do to. I don't think he is 100% comfortable with it but I know cos he loves me he accepts my difference. I bring him up to be accepting of difference and he does in fact see himself as different.
Anyways he said to me 'Do you wanna be a man?' Lol I was like what do I say now :eek: so I just looked at him and he was like its ok I know ya don't. I had explained to him that some trans people just like to become more masculine, take hormones to help them but not fully transition so I guess thats why he assumed that about me. He knows that most of my friends call me Felix and he knows I like it very much :happy: I left it there cos I think the conversation had gone far enough. I wonder if he will ever bring it up again. I love him very much and I am treating this with kid gloves cos I know what happened when his father told my boys I was gay I haven't seen the eldest one in 6 nearly 7 years so I am not risking that again. Well thats it for now peeps, what ya think?? xx Felix :hugs:

[CaptLex]

I left it there cos I think the conversation had gone far enough. I wonder if he will ever bring it up again. I love him very much and I am treating this with kid gloves cos I know what happened when his father told my boys I was gay I haven't seen the eldest one in 6 nearly 7 years so I am not risking that again. Well thats it for now peeps, what ya think?? xx Felix :hugs:
I think we shouldn't tell kids more than they can handle at one time, but I also think they should hear it from us before they're subject to rumors and gossip. Do you think your son was asking about how you want to be seen by others (using male name, male pronouns, etc.)? Or do you think he was asking about whether you intend to have surgeries like the operation he mentioned he saw?

[SirTrey]

It's very hard when it comes to kids....and taking it slow and letting them accept it a little at a time is the best way, in My opinion....Every situation is different and since you know your kids better than anyone else does, you have to do what YOU think is best and handle it the way that you feel will be the best thing for you and for them....My kids all know I am trans now, and are all, to differing degrees, accepting that I am going to start T at the end of the month....The funniest part is that sometimes kids are hard to read (even as adult children)....When the process first began, I tried to figure out in My head who was going to take it the best and who was going to handle it the worst....and was totally WRONG....The one who I thought would definitely be the most accepting turned out to be the LEAST accepting.....and vice versa....This is such a unique situation for kids when it involves a parent and we all need to be really sensitive to it....It's such a significant emotional thing for them to see you change because you ARE their mother....and in a kid's head Mom=Female....Slow and steady seems to be the best....It's often one thing for them to view transgendered people positively, but sometimes they see it a whole lot differently when it's THEIR parent who IS the trans person....This is what happened with one of Mine....but we are working on it....Only you know when and how to say it....or if you even should.... because only YOU pay the price if it goes wrong....or gains the benefits if it goes right....Just keep in mind that an across the board doesn't work when it comes to more than one child....I have three....and each one took it quite differently....and I have handled it differently with each, as a result of that....Best of luck, this is where it gets hard....but Mom is Mom, regardless and I'm sure that they DO love you very much....which helps a lot! **Hugs** **Trey**

[Emily Ann Brown]

Ex used my fear of losing my kids if they found out to keep me in line for a long time. In the end the youngest took me clubbing and shopping. Other two operate on a "don't ask don't tell" relationship. Go slow with information, but don't just assume your kids don't love you or can't understand and accept who you are.

Emily Ann

[Felix]

Thanx Emily good advice :hugs: xx

Hi Trey and thank you so much for sharing your experience with me :hugs: You and Emily are both right and I will be taking it slow after all it's not something that I am finding easy let alone my sons. They are both very different kids my youngest 14.5 being the most mature and well rounded he is the one asking questions and my eldest 18 who is intelligent but lacking maturity and who I don't see :sad:

Hi Lex well he did ask about operations and whether a female to male would get to have private parts down below. He asked me a while ago about my male name and I told him it was my nickname but I did prefer it. I explained that a lot of my friends call me Felix and are cool with it. He asked if I chose it because I loved cats I said yeah it had a lot to do with it but I felt it fitted. I did explain that not all trans men have surgery to get a penis and I explained how they do that if a trans man wanted one. Basically I told him what he wanted to know and no more. I think ya can tell with kids when a topic has come to it's natural end and I knew this one had. Maybe he will ask me more who knows but I'll deal with that when it comes I guess. Thanx Lex :hugs: xx Felix

[Nicki B]

It crosses my mind that 'Felix' is the standard (UK at least) radio callsign for a bomb disposal operator... :D

[Felix]

:rofl: Thanx Nicki Maybe thats where Felix the brave comes from as well :heehee: xx Felix :hugs:

[ZenFrost]

I'm glad he seems okay with it so far, and I think you did the right thing by broaching the subject carefully like you did. Like the others said, I also agree that going slow with this would be good.

[Felix]

Thanx Zen :hugs: xx Felix

[Lora Olivia]

sounds like you handled it great....wtg felix

[Felix]

Thanx Lora Hun :hugs::hugs: xx Felix

[ladyEileen]

You're doing it right, just take it slow and one step at a time. And most of all, follow your heart.

[Charleen]

Hi Felix, sorry to jump in late, but I feel you handled it great. With my son, I'm not at the point I feel he can handle "Lily" right now. He's had alot of problems in his life, and in treatment for depression now. I'm just waiting for that "right time" to come around. He's 24, and like your oldest, immature for his age. I'm going to come out to him, but to me it's not as important as getting him on firm ground to handle life first which is where his difficulty lies right now.
Love and xxxx, Lily

[Sonia Kiss]

...
Basically I told him what he wanted to know and no more.

This is one of my favorite rules and I think this is the best rule to follow with children this age. For every little piece of information, if they indicate they want to know (usually by coming right out and asking!) then yes, you have to jump at the opportunity. If they are not displaying awareness of something yet, then you risk troubling them with thoughts they're not ready for.

Sonia

[gennee]

I thought you handled it well Felix. There may be a day that your son will ask more questions. You were wise to keep it short.

Gennee


:thumbsup: