battybattybats
02-18-2008, 09:48 PM
Whew. I can't believe I had the guts.
So my birthday was a couple of days ago and I'd been pondering having a little party. Well I've been unwell for the last week so I had nothing organised but at the last minute I bit the bullet. I sent an sms to my friends n town inviting them to a party at my place, fancy dress... the theme.. the films of Ed Wood!!!
So with some help and encouragement from one friend I got some cheap plastic bowls, painted them very roughly silver, glued them together and hung them up as 'flying saucers'.
I was alternating between courage and cowardise even on the day then I gritted my teeth and dressed.
I didn't dress as anyone in particular (I had been planning on getting a dress close to the Vampira outfit on ebay but didn't get organised in time to do so) so I just gothed up a little in female mode.
Well most of my close local friends made it. Everyone was friendly and supportive. We spent the evening chatting, watching select scenes from Ed's films and Burton's film about him interspersed with some bits of Hammer Vampire films (Twins of Evil and Vampire Circus) played some appropriate playstation games (Destroy all Humans 1 and 2 and War of the Monsters) eating junk food and having a good time.
I didn't try and pass in my voice and manerisms but just relaxed and felt natural. It was wonderful! We took some (bad, really really aweful in fact) photos but they are trapped in my camera at the moment after a recent virus got into my kodak software and removing the virus broke the program and I haven't got it fixed yet.
So there I was for hours with friends all of whom I've known for between 7 and 12 years, all of whom I have only come out to in the last 3-4 months and for most the first time they had seen me dressed. One, a straight guy, even crashed on my couch overnight and everyone was calm and comfortable and happy.
One of my presents was even a (2nd hand in theory) purple corset (the simple pseudo-corset ones not a real corset) with black lace panels that had turned out to be too small and short for the owner though I'll have to get it altered to fit, taken in a little, as it's just a little bit too big for me.
Most of the others managed a bit of costuming despite the short notice. The straight guy who crashed on my couch considered crossdressing himself for the night till he realised the only clothes he could get access to was his mums or his brothers fiance and so instead dressed as a detective. One of the girls wore pants a shirt and tie (though this was far from the first time for her).
So why was I so worried? The same reason that I was fine being an effeminate goth guy but had trouble admitting to others and myself about my crossdressing. Somehow despite my always being different and always being proud of being different somehow I subconciously picked up rubbish from society and developed a problem with this part of myself.
But I have been reminded that good friends aren't phased by such things. They are comfortable with me as an individual whether I'm in lipstick, a skirt and fishnets or not. And when those around me are comfortable I a comfortable too.
It wasn't as if I wasn't in a skirt etc. It was just that it didn't matter that I was. It was comfortable, natural. A really wonderful experience.
So my birthday was a couple of days ago and I'd been pondering having a little party. Well I've been unwell for the last week so I had nothing organised but at the last minute I bit the bullet. I sent an sms to my friends n town inviting them to a party at my place, fancy dress... the theme.. the films of Ed Wood!!!
So with some help and encouragement from one friend I got some cheap plastic bowls, painted them very roughly silver, glued them together and hung them up as 'flying saucers'.
I was alternating between courage and cowardise even on the day then I gritted my teeth and dressed.
I didn't dress as anyone in particular (I had been planning on getting a dress close to the Vampira outfit on ebay but didn't get organised in time to do so) so I just gothed up a little in female mode.
Well most of my close local friends made it. Everyone was friendly and supportive. We spent the evening chatting, watching select scenes from Ed's films and Burton's film about him interspersed with some bits of Hammer Vampire films (Twins of Evil and Vampire Circus) played some appropriate playstation games (Destroy all Humans 1 and 2 and War of the Monsters) eating junk food and having a good time.
I didn't try and pass in my voice and manerisms but just relaxed and felt natural. It was wonderful! We took some (bad, really really aweful in fact) photos but they are trapped in my camera at the moment after a recent virus got into my kodak software and removing the virus broke the program and I haven't got it fixed yet.
So there I was for hours with friends all of whom I've known for between 7 and 12 years, all of whom I have only come out to in the last 3-4 months and for most the first time they had seen me dressed. One, a straight guy, even crashed on my couch overnight and everyone was calm and comfortable and happy.
One of my presents was even a (2nd hand in theory) purple corset (the simple pseudo-corset ones not a real corset) with black lace panels that had turned out to be too small and short for the owner though I'll have to get it altered to fit, taken in a little, as it's just a little bit too big for me.
Most of the others managed a bit of costuming despite the short notice. The straight guy who crashed on my couch considered crossdressing himself for the night till he realised the only clothes he could get access to was his mums or his brothers fiance and so instead dressed as a detective. One of the girls wore pants a shirt and tie (though this was far from the first time for her).
So why was I so worried? The same reason that I was fine being an effeminate goth guy but had trouble admitting to others and myself about my crossdressing. Somehow despite my always being different and always being proud of being different somehow I subconciously picked up rubbish from society and developed a problem with this part of myself.
But I have been reminded that good friends aren't phased by such things. They are comfortable with me as an individual whether I'm in lipstick, a skirt and fishnets or not. And when those around me are comfortable I a comfortable too.
It wasn't as if I wasn't in a skirt etc. It was just that it didn't matter that I was. It was comfortable, natural. A really wonderful experience.