Should I consider Divorce or Embrace Jessica

[laceyjessica]

I hope everyone doesn’t start to hate me but I really just don’t know where else to turn. I know I ramble but the truth is I am scared. Late night per my last blog I went shopping unknown to my wife she thought I was working late. This was the first time that I have actually asked to try on clothes at Cato and Fashion Bug, it was awesome, I also went into 3 shoe stores and in front of SA’s and customers just tried on women’s shoes. Everyone was so nice. While shopping I received two text messages that my wife wants to go to marriage counseling, which I have gone to counseling twice, because before she said it was me not her that needed it. So I called her she, said the past month she has been mentally seeing if she could handle the day to day thing with the kids. Her comment to me was she could do this on her own. I agreed to seek counseling with her, I just don’t know what I want out of it. I am in a cross dressing high right now and I start to think about the freedoms to crossdress and explore Jessica and in my mind I get excited. Then reality hits being alone and all the stuff that goes along with it. I haven’t had sex with my wife for over 6 years, she found out about Jessica, I am 41 am I really going to thrive as Jessica, let me tell you trying on those dresses and shoes last night I felt like a kid in a toy store. Has anyone experienced what I am going thru? I want to go try on clothes again tonight I just feel this is going to catch up with me

[lynn27]

sounds to me like you need to separate your feeling for your wife from your feeling toward dressing. Your next step with her should not be based solely on the need to dress. Do you love her? How important is she in your life?

Would you put dressing ahead of your job? Would you risk losing your job over it?
I hope everyone doesn’t start to hate me but I really just don’t know where else to turn. I know I ramble but the truth is I am scared. Late night per my last blog I went shopping unknown to my wife she thought I was working late. This was the first time that I have actually asked to try on clothes at Cato and Fashion Bug, it was awesome, I also went into 3 shoe stores and in front of SA’s and customers just tried on women’s shoes. Everyone was so nice. While shopping I received two text messages that my wife wants to go to marriage counseling, which I have gone to counseling twice, because before she said it was me not her that needed it. So I called her she, said the past month she has been mentally seeing if she could handle the day to day thing with the kids. Her comment to me was she could do this on her own. I agreed to seek counseling with her, I just don’t know what I want out of it. I am in a cross dressing high right now and I start to think about the freedoms to crossdress and explore Jessica and in my mind I get excited. Then reality hits being alone and all the stuff that goes along with it. I haven’t had sex with my wife for over 6 years, she found out about Jessica, I am 41 am I really going to thrive as Jessica, let me tell you trying on those dresses and shoes last night I felt like a kid in a toy store. Has anyone experienced what I am going thru? I want to go try on clothes again tonight I just feel this is going to catch up with meThis feeling you are going thru is temporary, this 'pink fog' will pass and if you are not careful it'll destroy the rest of your life.

[yms]

I understand where you are at right now.

I too was convinced (with help from my ex-wife) that all our marital problems were because of me. My self-esteem was low enough to believe it. Fortunately, I went to a psychologist who wouldn't accept my belief that I was solely to blame for the failure of my marriage.

My first marriage was 13 years of pure hell to a woman who had so much emotional baggage she could have started her own airline. Sexually molested by her uncle, physically abused by her father, emotionally abused by white-trash boyfriends. So naturally everything was my fault, right?!

She left me - for another woman!!! How great is that. Like I could possibly hope for a healthy marriage to a woman who is not attracted to men. Must have been my fault for being born male. Like that would have been my preference. I don't remember being asked.

I didn't get a divorce. I got out of jail. My death sentence was commuted to time served. For me, divorce was a second chance. If I was still married to her, I'd have killed myself by now.

Yvonne

[Daintre]

You and your wife have bigger problems than just your dressing. You said in another post that the two of you haven't been intimate in 6 years, but she only knows of the dressing for 2 years. What caused the lack of sex in the first place.

You have finally said your wife has gone to counciling with you and had her Doctor set you up with a therapist. That sounds like a wife trying to hold on to the marriage....why, I don't know

This is not a game here, you face losing your family and you go shopping. Doesn't your family mean anything? Keep going the way you are and you will be single in no time.

[Margot]

:2c:Think with your head not with your heart. You have to decide for yourself if you want to give up everything for Jessica and move on. You have a complete family which is always worth saving. Counselling can be just for one person at first but it sounds like you'll both need to attend. Know your therapist. When my first wife and I went together, after two sessions he told my wife that if she wanted to stay in the marriage she might have to accept a lesbian type of relationship. As if the crossdressing husband wasn't enough!
She said she could never accept that lifestyle and we parted. But like people say, crossdressing is not the only reason the relationship failed. We were married young and grew apart. We had two children and she has kept my crossdressing from them for the past 27 yrs. Another odd thing is that through all this time we have remained good friends. Our friendship is accepted by her new spouse and my own.
I wish you luck,hon.
:hugs:
Margot

[Holly]

There is not a single person here that can answer that question for you. You need to step away from this forum and cross dressing for awhile and figure out what is really important to you. You are so immersed in the "pink fog" that you can't see 2" in front of your face. Look at the title of your thread... "Should I Consider Divorce or Embrace Jessica"; that's no choice, it's the same question. Even your sub-conscience is clouded by the fog. Right now you are acting very selfishly and if you keep it up, you stand to lose everything you have. The real question that you have to face, is a little satin and lace worth losing it all.

[Emily Ann Brown]

I will sound like a broken record, but.......... hit the brake pedal for a minute sister !!! We are not being critical, we have all been here before. This is the voice of experience talking.....SLOW DOWN. THINK. THINK SOME MORE.

My sister got it right.....no sex in 6 years? There is more than CDing at work here dear. Voice to yourself what started this train wreck. That's where the rebuilding starts.

From my own experience, give it your best shot at salvaging your marriage and family. You'll hate yourself later if you don't...not to mention the financial ramifications of divorce.

The pink fog is overwhelming sometimes, last weekend was my first in a year or more, and OMGosh my mind was racing out of control. You can break the grip, but it takes intentional effort to get clear headed again.


Emily Ann

[tommi]

I am in couciling and I am embracing the couciling as a way to maintain my marriage. The biggest question is do you love your wife?
I do love mine and outside of the dressing we do get along an occasional mis understanding but what marriage doesn't.
Lack of sex in a marriage, what caused that?
Does she want to stay married?
Staying married for the kids isn't the worst thing but may not be the best either.
But don't let pink fog rule the way we all get caught up in the dressing I get
a rush out of clothes shopping even if its just window shopping.
Think things thru its to hard to find love.

[melissacd]

Jessica,

It is so easy to get lost in the haze and so difficult to find your way out. You need to give yourself some distance so that you can gain perspective. While divorce may be the ultimate outcome, it will certainly be the outcome if you continue on the course that you are on right now.

You need to talk to your wife and be prepared to listen and understand her truth before you can ever expect her to listen and hopefully understand yours. If you can start the lines of communication with her then you move forward with negotiating hard (non-negotiable) and soft (negotiable) limits that will work for both of you. If you can get through that stage then talking to others, therapy, books, articles...there are many resources to help if both of you are willing to work at and through it.

It sounds like there are other issues going on here besides the cross dressing, but this also sounds like a cry for help. You are in one hand wanting to be yourself (who can blame you for wanting that) and on the other hand wondering if you want to or even can save your marriage. These are both big issues and you have to consider all of it very carefully because exiting a long term relationship is fraught with many painful obstacles.

You have to find a solution that will work for you, of that I am sure. You cannot bury this need within, I and so many here do really get that part. But and this is a big but (not a big butt) you must consider everything else around this part of who you are - your wife, your kids, your siblings, your parents, your friends - you have to do what is right for your happiness and you need to be sure of what that is - it is difficult to achieve that in a dress shop.

Step back and survey the landscape, get to really understand what you want your life to be, do not make a hasty decision on something this important and seek the counsel of others.

Huggs
Melissa

[MJ]

divorce is a messy issue . what about your children ? child support and support for your ex wife ? . the dirt and when the crap hit's the fan are you ready for the fall out. it will effect every aspect of your life .

if you ask me and you have . it's a bad idea . better get your head out of the pink fog and you both need serious counseling . try everything possible . it's not over till it's over .

trust me you don't want to be a unhappy single divorced broke either cd'r or trans woman with nothing . it's not a life you want to live ..

keep talking find a balance you both can live with ..

[Sarah Plumber]

I think I'm going with the flow on this one.

Stop and think !

I went through a similar experience with my first wife. No wife....lots of shopping and wearing what I liked (well nearly). I even considered going all the way. We had a lot of issues in our lives. She had a pretty heavy past and serious family problems which still remain I believe, and thats over 18 years ago now. Marrage is a combination of things not just sex. The whole freindship/ sharing thing and that only just touches the surface.

A few months after my divorce I realised dressing wasn't everything. I found a new life and a new wife who means the world to me.

Dressing and shopping is exciting. But so is sky diving ! Unless you are TS then it's just another activity in your life. Not your whole life!

What would be the ideal for you? I guess an ample sex life with the opertuntiy to dress and shop when you like? And a wife to look after you?

Think about it. Be patient. Consider those involved. I pretty much lost two children although we get along fine now they're adult. I did miss most of their childhood. Maybe not entirely to dressing but it was the spark that set the fire!

Be carefull of the pink fog..................I know it gets to me sometimes...well OK a lot....

[docrobbysherry]

It sounds like your marriage may be over. Your CDing not withstanding.
I believe, from my experience, u have one chance to save your marriage. And that will ONLY HAPPEN if u both want to, bad enough.

U both need therapy from a qualified therapist. More than that, u both must want to do what he/she says.

My ex and I tried seeing an experienced counselor to save our marriage. When the therapist was lecturing me about my mistakes and what I needed to do to correct my errors, my ex was all, " Oh yeah!".
When the counselor moved on to what she needed to do, she was all, " I'm NOT doing that!". And we all knew our marriage was over, rite then.

I continued seeing the counselor who spent less than 30 minutes dealing with my CDing. Said it wasn't a problem.

And, " Yes", I still get very excited, 9 years after beginning CDing, shopping, dressing, and thinking about new looks and outfits for Sherry. And after years of no sex with my ex, Sherry has restored my sex life, more than I could ever have imagined.

[RikkiOfLA]

The other girls here have given you good advice. So if you want advice, take it and follow it. I'm taking a different approach. I'm going to give you a little counseling. It's hard to give on a written forum. But simply repeating the good, sound advice the others have given would be no help.

Let's start with some questions that only you can answer.

1. Is being Jessica something you CAN give up to save your marriage? Or do you NEED to crossdress?

2.Can your wife accept SOME crossdressing? If so, what are her limits?

3. What are the other issues separating you? Why did your lovemaking end six years ago?

I know these are hard questions. If you don't know the answers to any of them, it seems to me you need to learn the answers by asking your wife and listening to her answers, before you can truly decide what to do here.

You are in my prayers, Jessica. Let us know what happens next.

Blessings,
Rikki

[Raquel June]

I don't really understand what's going on here. Take a step back and try to look past the thrill of your current CD kick and see what the actual problem is.


I haven’t had sex with my wife for over 6 years, she found out about Jessica

Hold the phone! You're talking about crossdressing, then you just happen to throw in that you haven't had sex with your wife in six years. Were things good, then she found out about your crossdressing, and things became bad, and now you haven't had sex in 6 years? Sex isn't everything. Sex isn't really that important at all in itself, but it's a huge indicator of other problems. You can't just gloss over it. So at what point in the timeline did she find out, and how were things before and after that?




My first marriage was 13 years of pure hell to a woman who had so much emotional baggage she could have started her own airline.

CDs seem so much more likely to be married to crazy women... I know to an outsider it seems like the CD is obviously the crazy one, but I've talked to so many who totally repressed the CD thing and were actually happy guys until a psycho wife got ahold of them. Then many years later they realize the relationship is terrible, and when they finally get out of it and feel like they can breathe, coming out as a CD just kinda goes along with that.

[JessieB]

Since you asked ...

There are children's hearts and lives at stake here. If you didn't intend to honor that commitment you shouldn't have had them, but now that you have, you have a clear responsibility that is more important than your own self-absorption. Get real and grow up.

[KandisTX]

Wow, if this isn't a "sticky wicket" (for my UK sisters).

I have had three marriages of my own fail and while the ex's involved would swear up and down that it was my CDing that caused it, I can assure you there was more to it than just Kandis.

You and your wife need counseling together and you both MUST TALK and be a part of the counceling. You have to think about more than just yourself if there are children involved. While I never recommend staying together for the sake of children (always ends up worse for the kids).

Your CDing is a part of you, yes this is true, HOWEVER, you must be able to find the balance necessary for your entire life to be in harmony. While I would love nothing more than to be able to dress en femme every day, I know that is not even a remote possibility. I have had to find the balance, as many of our sisters have had to do. You cannot be selfish and think of only yourself.

Best of luck to you.

Kandis:love:

[Kate Simmons]

I have to agree with everyone else Hon. You need to gain perspective. Although CDing is sometimes a personal thing, it's not just about us, especially when we have a family. We are responsible for our family. Take it from someone who learned that lesson the hard way. Oh sure, it's nice to be able to dress whenever you want and take it as far as you want but the feminine person we become or create is no substitute for the real thing, not by a long shot. Don't throw something this precious away without seriously thinking it over.

[RobertaFermina]

Laceyjessica,

Where is the Love, Laceyjessica?

How are you being loving to your wife and child ?

How can there be a balance of love in your household when your thoughts are preferring to race towards "passing or not" or you are reaching out (in another post) for "an accepting GG."

If I want Love, I have to give Love. If I want someone to be flexible in their judgments, be tolerant, and sacrafice to ease my difficulties, I need to do the same for them.

Life and Love are a two way street. Are you on that street, or in some other Neighborhood ?

How much of your day-dreaming about "passing or not passing" and "trying on dresses" is about doing something you like, and avoiding uncomfortable and complicated matters, like your marital difficulties.

Like someone said, do the math, no sex for 6 years, yet she's only known for 2 years. The fire seems to have gone out of your marriage long ago. The fire goes out when one or both of you choose to hide from the other. Who withhdrew? You or her? Both of you ?

I don't ask these questions to get your answers written down. Even if I had your answers, I couldn't fix you. I write them to encourage you to think (and feel) deeply about what really matters, and who.

Can you remember being thoroughly in Love with your wife. Can you feel your love for your child in every cell of your body? If you can't now, when was the last time your could? What changed that?

Divorce, or not divorce ? Which is the most Loving and Life-Affirming choice? It doesn't really matter which choice is easier or more comfortable. When we lay down to die and look backwards after a long life, it is the pain in our hearts that hurt the most, the pain in our backsides won't matter then.

:Hugs:

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[Christina Louise]

The only thing I have in common with you is that I am on a rollercoster of a ride of crossdressing right now. I don't have anyone else to consider when I make any decisions - BUT YOU DO. Think about how you were just a few weeks ago before it became the obsession it now seems to be. This high won't last forever and it's not just you who may get hurt as a result of what you decide. The elation you are experiencing now is wonderful, but the price you will pay for ignoring the other people in your life is too much for them and for you. The bottom line is that it's up to you, only you know all the thoughts going through your mind right now.

[Daintre]

Laceyjessica, I have to admit that I am perplexed that you haven't replied to this thread, I noticed you were here at 11:24, I would have thought with all the responses you might have something to add or say.

[deja true]

There you have it. All these folks have said to you what I did a few days ago, when I noticed you were puting up thread after thread about how miserable your life was but how you'd just bought 6 dresses and had a great time!!!

Pink Fog? You're in a PINK HURRICANE and need to slow down and get ahold of yourself.

Listen this time, willya?

IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU!!!

deja

[Kiera]

Jessica,

I am truely sorry to hear of your troubles.

I have been thru a very different situation, but am now divorced. I now live alone have lost all of my former friends do to crossdressing.

I do not blame them, they did not become friends with kiera, but rather my male counterpart.

I cannot say that the same will happen to you, but I do know that it is not an easy choice to make. I came clean with everyone because I felt that I had to be true to myself.... whatever I may be... I am still currently trying to figure it all out.

I guess what I am trying to say is that in my humble opinion, How can you possiblely fix your marrage when you yourself are not ok with who you are?

If you want it my advice is this... Work on your own mental well being first and foremost. Go to a counselor for you. If you cannot learn to like yourself it will permeate not only your marrage, but the lives of your children, family, and your friends. It will be your downfall. Just like it was mine.

I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do.
:bighug:
Kiera

[slamddoger]

both of you need to set down and talk it out were both of you are at this time.

[Kieroney]

Well, six years no sex, my god girl, run, run, and keep running, I am going threw emotions with my wife, but sex is still going on, how does anyone go that long, honestly, I would have been gone if she was my wife after a month without sex, that's just wrong, I say find yourself, love your children, and be true to yourself, you've been giving up enough these past six years.

[laceyjessica]

first and foremost thank you all so much for your advice, where have all of you been or i guess where have i been not doing his sooner. I apologize for not answering the threads sooner but I took a big chance even pulling this site up at work to read the responses. I had to wait until I got home to read and respond. To answer some of the questions, I am not sure i still ove my wife, 6-7 years ago she found out i crossdress and wants nothing to do with me as Jessica. Her limitations are panties and that is all no negotiation. THe last time we had sex in order to complete the deed I had to dress in my babydoll, bra panties garter and hose and that is all my wife had to see to never want to do that again. Yes thank you for the "pink fog" definition I did not know what that was,lol and I truely think that is what I am in. But I also cant tell you how exilerating it was last night to take 6 gowns to the sales associate and ask her if i can try them on. I did this at fashion bug and cato and also when i went into 4 shoe stores just picked out heels and put them on in from of SA's and customers and it was incredible. I have been watching treangendered date on tv and I have to say it would be lovely to be a TS bt In reality I dont know if I have the balls to go thru with it. thank you all for you advice and I am sorry i didnt answer back sooner.. love jessica

[PeggySue]

Jessica, I can only give you one more perspective which comes from my experience. I had a wife who believed I needed counseling, not her. Of course she was the one who told me one night she wanted to kill me and our daughters. And nothing had gone down to provoked it. The counseling was her way of controlling me since she felt she had lost control over me and needed some outside help. Two kids were involved and I stuck it out in the marriage doing what I could to be a father. CDing was not a factor.

It is 8 years now since the kids are grown and I'm divorced. After sticking it out in the marriage for the kids, my reward is that they no longer speak to me. In stead, they keep up the relationship with the one who long ago threatened to kill them. Some justice.

I think you do need to be careful not to operate on emotion, especially since you are FEELING high right now on CDing. But, after all the expert advice I got on what to do, I lost the kids. Don't think it is best for them to stay in the reationship. Think of yourself. My kids were suppose to be angels. I hope these two are not what real angels are like! Just my :2c:

[Daintre]

laceyjessica, thank you for your reply, I am pleased you decided to read through all the posts. I was very sad when I read your response as it seems that the "pink fog" has consumed you. I wish you well, but I don't see a happily ever after here.

[sandra-leigh]

how does anyone go that long, honestly, I would have been gone if she was my wife after a month without sex,

:sb:
If you'd taken out a long term contract with one of the local in-call agencies, you probably could have gotten bulk discounts.

[teresa jeen]

lacey, i feel your in this to garner attention to you. you need to step back and get a grip on everything going on with you. there are many more things going on that your not letting us into. if your not comfortable with yourself then you cannot be the same with others.

[TxKimberly]

Dresses aren't going to hug you and say "I love you".
Dresses aren't going to give you children that can love and adore.
Dresses aren't going to hold you when your lonely.
Dresses aren't going to smile, laugh, and cry with you.
Dresses aren't going to need your help or help you as you grow older.
I'd say that you should consider your priorities Jessica - the wife and children should be the top of you list.
One more thing - your title states it as an either/or, a one or the other thing. Are you quite sure that you can't keep the wife AND still embrace Jessica? Is it at all possible you and your wife might reach some sort of compromise?
I wish you all the best! :-)

[Vicky_Scot]

I think you should read what Kimberly posted and have a good think about what you really want.

[lynn27]

lacey, couple of comments.

Do NOT assume a quick peek onto this website from work is safe. Most IT departments can AND do track and log every website you visit. In addition, the computer terminal you use keeps a history of where you visit and ANYONE with access to your computer can view where you go. If you can NOT afford to lose your job do NOT continue viewing this site from work.

From what I read, you have an extremely dysfunctional relationship with your wife and it is hard to figure why she has not left you already. Instead of exploring your 'pink fog' you should really be exploring whether there is a way to salvage your marriage. If I was you I'd suck it up, put my toys away, have a long series of discussions with my wife and if things go well get a third party [therapist] involved at some point.

Sounds as if she has made her thoughts on your CD'ing clear. It appears that the path you are going down will lead to a break up. Just be careful you don't take out your job, too.
first and foremost thank you all so much for your advice, where have all of you been or i guess where have i been not doing his sooner. I apologize for not answering the threads sooner but I took a big chance even pulling this site up at work to read the responses. I had to wait until I got home to read and respond. To answer some of the questions, I am not sure i still ove my wife, 6-7 years ago she found out i crossdress and wants nothing to do with me as Jessica. Her limitations are panties and that is all no negotiation. THe last time we had sex in order to complete the deed I had to dress in my babydoll, bra panties garter and hose and that is all my wife had to see to never want to do that again. Yes thank you for the "pink fog" definition I did not know what that was,lol and I truely think that is what I am in. But I also cant tell you how exilerating it was last night to take 6 gowns to the sales associate and ask her if i can try them on. I did this at fashion bug and cato and also when i went into 4 shoe stores just picked out heels and put them on in from of SA's and customers and it was incredible. I have been watching treangendered date on tv and I have to say it would be lovely to be a TS bt In reality I dont know if I have the balls to go thru with it. thank you all for you advice and I am sorry i didnt answer back sooner.. love jessicaI hear that heroin is incredible, too... what you are doing could have the same consequences...

[Raquel June]

:sb:
If you'd taken out a long term contract with one of the local in-call agencies, you probably could have gotten bulk discounts.

No need to go there. People have needs, and not having sex for even a month usually means there are serious problems with the relationship. I'm not saying you should blame a woman if there's no sex in a relationship for a month, but if you're going to equate regular sex with prostitution, you have issues yourself.

In this case, the OP couldn't even have sex with the wife without being fully en femme, and the wife said she wasn't interested in ever doing that again, so they're definitely at an impass. I have to agree that it sounds like crossdressing has become an unreasonably high priority for the OP, and there is absolutely no hope of being in a stable relationship with anyone.

[Fab Karen]

To answer some of the questions, I am not sure i still love my wife, 6-7 years ago she found out i crossdress and wants nothing to do with me as Jessica. Her limitations are panties and that is all no negotiation. THe last time we had sex in order to complete the deed I had to dress in my babydoll, bra panties garter and hose and that is all my wife had to see to never want to do that again.
Your description sounds like a relationship that is bound to end. Lack of love as well as sexual desire indicates a big change. If you want to try & see if the relationship could be saved & renewed, then go to couples therapy.

[sandra-leigh]

No need to go there. People have needs, and not having sex for even a month usually means there are serious problems with the relationship.


Or that there are medical conditions involved, or that one of the partners is away for work or vacation or family requirements. Soldiers marry, sailors marry, people have accidents, people get sick, people take blood pressure medication, people go to care for sick relatives.


I'm not saying you should blame a woman if there's no sex in a relationship for a month, but if you're going to equate regular sex with prostitution, you have issues yourself.


:OMG: more nebulous "issues" that I should be dealing with. :rolleyes: Might I suggest that you re-read my remark for context?

[Raquel June]

Or that there are medical conditions involved, or that one of the partners is away for work or vacation or family requirements. Soldiers marry, sailors marry, people have accidents, people get sick, people take blood pressure medication, people go to care for sick relatives.

Give me a break. Obviously those are extenuating circumstances. I was talking about when people aren't having sex strictly because they're not in a place in their relationship where they want to have sex, not because one person is on the other side of the globe or paralyzed. :rolleyes:




:OMG: more nebulous "issues" that I should be dealing with. :rolleyes: Might I suggest that you re-read my remark for context?

Your remark was a smart-ass comment about hookers. Was there something I missed? Were you just being cranky because you were responding to someone who doesn't know what it's like to be in a sexless relationship?

I've been in a relationship where I didn't have sex for a year, and had it less than 20 times in 8 years. Not having sex was a symptom of 100 other things that were wrong with the relationship, but that's not the point. Plenty people are in decent relationships that only have it every two weeks, but except for medical reasons and temporary out-of-town situations, long term lack of sex means it's not a good marriage. It's not a good relationship. When you get out of a sexless relationship you look back on it as a painful experience that went on far too long.

[kay2]

I agree strongly with Kimberly - with one caveat. The children are a HIGHER priority than the spouse. That subtle point can have great ramifications. Given your marriage sounds loveless (and not just physically so), you must also consider the model you create for your children. It might be better to divorce and give the children the opportunity to see their parents in loving relationships.

[laceyjessica]

You all have helped more that you could possibly imagine. i want to find out who Jessica really is and I am sorry but i am left without feeling for my wife. I would rather be jessica than have sex with her but I feel like such a heel for saying that. You all have been great to me please keep the coments coming they are helping more than you could ever imagine

[brendaisagirl]

You may want to consider professional help, this website may not be enough, picking self over wife and kids is screaming I need help.

[sandra-leigh]

Give me a break. Obviously those are extenuating circumstances. I was talking about when people aren't having sex strictly because they're not in a place in their relationship where they want to have sex, not because one person is on the other side of the globe or paralyzed.


What you call "extenuating circumstances" happen all over the world every day, and are permanent facts of life for some people. Has Viagra proven to be a small-market novelty or a massive best seller?





Your remark was a smart-ass comment about hookers.

No it wasn't. It was a smart-ass comment about people who would throw over their marriage because they didn't get sex for a month. It's a statement that to them sex is very nearly the most important factor in their relationship; if that is the case for them, they would reduce their risk of not having having regular sex by buying it wholesale. And if that doesn't sound reasonable, then it is because we know that sex is not the most important factor in a relationship, and thus that placing a time limit on it of a small number of weeks is not a response that we would consider acceptable in a mature relationship.

Several years is a different matter.

http://www.indiana.edu/~kinsey/resources/FAQ.html
(Kinsey Institute FAQ)


13% of married couples reported having sex a few times per year, 45% reported a few times per month, 34% reported 2-3 times per week, and 7% reported 4 or more times per week

Now you could argue that those 13% were in bad relationships (not testable with the available data), but 13% is not exactly "rare".

[Raquel June]

tess-leigh:

I do agree with most of what you're saying, but I think ... well, at least if you're under 60 ... that a month is long enough to go without sex before you can say there's a problem with the relationship. Maybe if both of you legitimately aren't interested in it that's fine, but I would still argue that your relationship would be better and your life would be better if you had more of a physical connection.

[Daintre]

i want to find out who Jessica really is and I am sorry but i am left without feeling for my wife. I would rather be jessica than have sex with her but I feel like such a heel for saying that.

Seems to me that you have made your mind up......I hear what you are saying, but I never heard a word about your kids, that's it for them also?

You say that all these posts help, help what? You have already decided to split and let Jessica out full time.

[laceyjessica]

I am going to try to be jessica in every way for a full weekend to see what it is like, Wish me luck

[Danielle Hyatt]

Before you start your journey to womanhood I thank you sould talk to you with your kids and maybe your wife and tell them what you going through maybe not in so many words but just touch on the bases!!!!

Plese PM me back


Your Friend
Dan:D

[marny]

Kandis. You must be quite a chameleon that you tricked three women down the isle and none of them knew you were a girl before D day, Question. When did you figure out that you are a girl ?

[KatrinaAshley]

I'm going with the other side. Dump her if that's what she wants. You can still visit the kids, but there's no reason for you to be miserable or to let her make you be that way. Sometimes you do need to focus on yourself. Increased or continued stress hasn't helped anybody. Early on I realized the risks involved and have chosen to ignore the family and relationships issues so many people get into. Since you've taken further steps than I ever will the answer may not be so easy to find. Good luck on whatever your choice may be.

[Rebecca03038]

I can only speak from experience. Divorce was the best thing that could have ever happened to Rebecca and to myself. No more making excuses, no more lying, no more denying who I am. I am free to be me whenever and however I please. Yes, I miss my kids and yes I miss what my ex and I had but this is a new chapter in my life and I am going to enjoy it. You should too.

[KandisTX]

Kandis. You must be quite a chameleon that you tricked three women down the isle and none of them knew you were a girl before D day, Question. When did you figure out that you are a girl ?

I am a man who just happens to be a CD. ;) I didn't have to trick anybody down the aisle as they were in love with ME as a person. While the first one did not know about Kandis before marriage, wife's number 2 and 3 both knew almost immediately after we started dating. Wife #4 (GlitterGG here on this forum) has known since almost the day we met.

While I do sometimes refer to myself as "girl", I know that genetically I AM A MAN. I just happen to have great fashion sense. ;) ~giggles~

Kandis:love:

[the new guy]

Maybe I shouldn't post because I am not a Crossdresser...but I just read this thread and I feel I need to add my 2 cents:

I feel that while crossdressing is a "symptom" of your marital problems, it may not be "the disease" which is really hurting your relationship. There will always be "hot button" issues that people focus on...but in reality there is always much more behind that said issue. Hypothetically, if you stop doing something that you enjoy, who is to say that:

A) She doesn't find something else about you/or that you do that she wants stopped
B) that you don't resent her for the rest of your life
C) that the relationship fails anyway

A couple of years ago my wife and I had problems and we went to a counselor. She was upset because I played on so many sports teams and I was out of the house so much. She wanted me to help more around the house. I was upset at her because she wanted me to stop playing sports...even though she knew I was an athlete when she married me...and because my job was so stressful I felt I needed it to calm down.

None of those things turned out to be the "disease" that plagued us. I didn't communicate well with her. I communicated the way I knew how, and she communicated the way SHE knew how...and the two didn't meet up.

I would get upset at her because I felt I was working three times as hard at work than she was doing to support our household...but I never said anything. I would bottle it up until it exploded out. When it did explode out...even though it all made perfecr sence to me...she was always blindsided.

She would get upset with me NOT BECAUSE I played on so many sports teams...but because she felt as if I was shutting her out of my life...which I was.

I still play on the same amount of teams...she still has the same job she did 2 years ago...but we communicate better.

Crossdressing may be "an issue" but, and take this from someone who did not believe in therapy, there is always a bigger issue at hand. Go to therapy, tell your wife everything in your heart...even the dark and scary stuff. If she is still there at the end of the sessions...great. If not, then maybe she really didn't mean the "For better or Worse" part of her commitment.

[Raquel June]

I feel that while crossdressing is a "symptom" of your marital problems, it may not be "the disease" which is really hurting your relationship.

That sounded kinda like the good Dr. Furter...

But maybe the rain, is really to blame, so I'll remove the cause... but not the symptom.

And of course the sweet transvestite would never have anything bad to say about crossdressing.

[laceyjessica]

i am going to do the makeover april 11th and i will finally purchase a really nice wig hopefully that will help. The lady at the salon said she may have a friend that would love to go shopping with me afterwards, the salon lady fears for my safety. She said this is either going to work or it isnt, I am not the first CD she has done so she has experience. she did ssay I would be considered a big boned girl,lol I am sooo excited and extremely scared at the same time. I am going to do this in wilmington delaware so hopefully no one will know me. What do I wear???

[annekathleen]

I would give up every article of female clothing just to have another woman, significant other, girlfriend, wife, living with me again!
Honestly!
Besides, I could still check out her stuff!:heehee: