SO confuses me..............

[janelle]

Hi all,
We kind of got into it today as I am starting a depressing stage because I am falling short of losing the weight I need to, but thats something else.
My wife tells me she does not want to do anything that could put me in danger when we are out yet she will call me by my male name or say talk to him, take his order & so on. So today I asked her about that & she said she doesn't want anything to happen but I am her husband & will "never call you Janelle or her or she".
She seems to stand by me with everything else but can not make this change. I know this has to be the hardest thing for any spouse to do. Yet why say you don't want someone harmed & really by not using the proper terms are throwing fuel on the pile that could start a fire.
All this is really taking me down fast & then you add my job to it & I almost wish a big truck would hit me on the way to work or one of our overhead cranes break & drop something on me. My transition has been going good, with the exception that work only allows me to use a restroom by the offices(been doing it for 14 months now). Guess I feel road blocks popping up & stopping me from get all of me out of my shell so the beauty can start growing .
Guess maybe this would be called a old fashion pity party, sorry for venting but this is my family here so........... Thanks for reading & if you do have advice please post or send me a PM.
Thanks ladies your the greatest.
P.S. you men can post too as I am sure you have some of the same things going on, thanks.
Hugs, Janelle

[kerrianna]

So Janelle, I went back and updated myself re: where you are in transition and it seems you have already done lots of things. I'm not sure why your SO has this disconnect with the rest of what is going on. Are you presenting fulltime as female? Because if you are, then you're right, your SO is making things more confusing to people by addressing you with male pronouns. If you're not totally passing, and others are seeing you as male, then I could understand why she might do that (I don't agree with it, but I could see how she would think).

But you have a legal name change don't you?

It sounds to me that for whatever reason, your partner hasn't got her head completely around what it is you are doing. I think you guys need to have a good long talk about what the reality is becoming, because if she refuses to acknowledge you as a woman when you fully transition (and really, by the sounds of it she should be already) then you guys have a major major breakdown in communication.

I really can't give you any other advice. All I can say is from reading some of your threads and then this one it seems like there's something wrong here. Without actually knowing you guys or your lives I couldn't say what's up.

If you are presenting 24-7 as a woman and are committed to completing transitioning, then there's no way her using any other pronouns but female could be construed as being supportive and onside with your life. You guys have a gap you need to close before you carry on any further. If nothing else, you need to know where her limits are so you can make your decisions properly. Sounds a bit late for that, actually. I do hope it's just a misunderstanding between you two. Good luck.

[Mean Green Irene]

I have a similar situation but for my wife it just took some time. She now calls out Irene in a store or to a clerk. BUT at first I was getting mad (which didn't help) until I found myself telling a clerk to talk to my wife. In private and with friends I am still referred to as her husband.

Have patience, being outed is not the end of the world.

With Love, Irene

[janelle]

Thanks all for listening.

Kerrianna: Yes I am full time. I have been the last 14 months. Yes the downfall is my beard shows a bit & I am over weight which both things are being worked on. Also as of the end of Dec., the 21st to be exact is when my name was changed. My drivers lic. is changed & also shows an "F" on it along with most everything.

My wifes big hang up with this whole thing is "It is against God" plain & simple. I have tryed to explain that the old testament does don't cover us anymore. Also the thread that stated Acts 15 clears us from it, no go. She did want to split at first but now says she will stay, go figure. Yes I see trouble coming & I keep trying to talk with her. Guess we both are pig headed but I need to be me. By that I mean I need to go all the way if the Dr.'s allow it. I have never been happier, well maybe the day I got married, but about myself, never. Its like I found this lost sole & everything is starting to turn out how life should be, A JOY.

I will keep trying, & keep asking her to come here. To talk with others here & in my town or even go with me to my appointments in the Cities. Food for thought; she made the comment awhile back. We could still get together for our 30th annverisry.( sorry about spelling). I asked what would be different than, than doing it now. Her answer was,"well I guess none".

Thanks again & I am always open for help if someone comes up with something. Hope you all stay warm & dry. tata.
Hugs, Janelle

[Kieron Andrew]

I know what you mean Janelle, my mother has known of my male name for well over 18mths now and flatly refuses to call me he, kieron or anything remotely male, ive not yet been in a situation where i have had to be in public with her, but i have always wondered what would happen if someone nasty overheard it and i was say sporting a beard (post T)

[Genifer Teal]

I am sure it is not easy for her. She has to understand that it is like punching you in the stomache every time she says it. She might as well refer to you as the freak in a dress. It accomplishes the same thing and makes you feel like sh*t. It reminds you no matter have far you have come you are still a man. That sucks. Now is not the time in your life to be surrounded by negative people. Myabe you need a break from each other. Maybe she needs time to think about what she wants. If she can't come on board and fully support this, it may be time to move on. Not many wives stick around after transition.

Gen