Tentative encouragement?

[jennCD]

...so my wife and I are sitting at the table after lunch yesterday just as she hung up on a telemarketer named "Karen" who just happened to sound quite um,.. manly. So she surmised that maybe "Karen" was a crossdresser and that perhaps telemarketing is a good job for someone who has gender issues.

"Do you go through withdrawal when you're not able to dress up as much?", she asked.

This kinda took me off guard since we'd not really approached the subject for a number of weeks. I told her that it really just comes and goes with me and nothing I feel too anxious about most of the time... but then she said something I don't think I'd ever expected to hear.

"Should I be giving you more private time to dress? Maybe I need to take the kids out more often?", she said.

I'm not usually easy to surprise but this was completely unexpected at this point. I've understood that since she's known about this aspect of my gender identity for only a short while now and was not necessarily completely comfortable with the idea of it all, I was very lucky that it wasn't considered something of a "dealbreaker" for us in the grand scheme of our relationship, but it almost felt like we'd gotten past a small hurdle with this offer.

Granted, I have not really pushed my TG issue at all over the past few months and in reality, it's really not at all intrusive within our marriage I think, but having her offer to give me more time to just be me, well... I was left speechless.

Acceptance is one sphere of understanding... encouragement is another. I think we're now somewhere in the middle of those areas,... and it kinda feels good here.

:)
jenn

[Michelle-NC]

That's great news Jenn! As someone who has a supportive SO, I know how special that is, and you seem to have one that is willing to be supportive!

[gretchen_love]

Thats so awesome that your SO is so supportive!!! I think you are right though that it kinda comes and goes, not really a mood swing sort of thing...

[KeriB]

That's wonderful Jenn... just take things slow and easy and enjoy!

[deja true]

Jenn, what a great little milestone! I have the feeling that maybe your wife has been doing her research... If that's the case, and she's found sites like this (or is maybe even here without you knowing) you're in luck. Yay! for you both...

deja


(Also, you're cute as heck and she'll probably be delighted to see you when you're both ready.)

[StacyCD]

Jenn,

A lot of crossdressers would be in heaven if they could trade places with you! Support from a SO is probably the biggest dream of most of us!

[Shelly Preston]

It always a good feeling when you get even the slightest encouragement :happy:

[SherriePall]

Good for you. Did you give her a big hug afterwards?

[Krystyn]

I love reading those kinds of posts. Good for you and good for your wife.

I feel terrible for the CD's that come out to thier S.O.'s only to have thier hearts ripped out and self respect destroyed.Very tragic.

I'm happy for you jenn.

Krystyn

[Eugenie]

It is indeed wonderful that your wife is understanding you and your needs so well. You are very lucky...

Let me suggest that you also make some steps in her direction...

When my wife and I finaly discussed, I came to realize that she had a far better understanding of me and my needs that I had of hers... :(

IMHO, it is very important that we also try our best to understand our wive's feelings... In fact whether they accept us or whether they reject us as x-dressers...

:hugs:
Eugenie

[Angie G]

I dont jones or anything when I can't dress but I would prefer to be dressed in a skirt hun. Glad you wife is giving you more room just keep it slow:hugs:
Angie

[TGMarla]

Well, that's kinda neat, isn't it? That took a lot of guts on her part, I think. I don't forsee my wife asking me such a question any time soon. But I'm very fortunate when it comes to having time to dress. I get enough, I guess. This little hobby can be pretty self-indulgent, and we always want more time en femme. But I think I have enough, frankly.

One question, though......

Did you take her up on it, or did you tell her that it's no big deal and that you were fine?

[BETH H]

wow great news jenn I agree with angie take it slow all the best you lucky:devil:

beth

[laceyjessica]

omg that is so cool i wish my wife was like that

[KimberlyS]

Jenn, my wife starting doing this a few years ago also. About once a month or so, either her or myself work out anywhere from a few hours to a whole weekend I can get more outwardly visible femme time. I still consider my wife as only tolerating my CDing. I would consider this a point of your wife accepting that being a CD is a part of who you are and that you need it in your life. She may still not like your CDing and only tolerate it. But IMO it is a big step on her part. Make sure she knows and you show her you appreciate her noticing and giving you time. And still take things slow. Give her something she needs in return, like some personal time for her. Like possible time away from the kids or you and the kids. A days day out with the kids. Spur of the moment is nice. But it is also nice when you let her know ahead of time so she can organize her personal time to make it better for her.

[Mary Morgan]

It is good that you let her come to you instead of pushing her. I suggest you give her an answer that works for you, but mostly I suggest that you thank her for her consideration. What a nice way for her to accommodate you.

[jennCD]

One question, though......

Did you take her up on it, or did you tell her that it's no big deal and that you were fine?

Well, regardless of the initial speechlessness I found myself standing within, I really had no answer since this aspect of my being has been fine with whatever adjustments I've set for myself over the years. I have yet to get to a point in my life were I've said 'I need more of ----- so I have to ---- '. I just do what works and I don't feel that anyone needs to work around my TGishness to accommodate me.... not that I didn't truly appreciate what I felt she's done by offering! That was simply wonderful of her.

But now the hard part,.... finding a perfect birthday gift for her! That is usually one of the hardest things I have to deal with each year..... she's almost as difficult as I am when it comes to gift-getting.

:)
jenn