I knew it would happen.

[Jennifer Brooks]

Well it looks like my drive to dress has run out of gas. I think since I have been home from work (injury), I really went all out and hit a wall. I know I really tired to make up for lost time and for some odd and twisted reason, I tried to compete with some of the lovely girls here. I even pounded it in my head that since I do dress then this is the way is should be so I should act a certain way and my life style should be that of a female. Well, I am more male than female and so my guy things will be a bigger part of me than my girl things. I'm still dressing but not as hardcore as I had been the last three months. No more buying outfits other than lingerie (That's what I like) and no more photo-shoots. I had even bought all sorts of makeup and have not even tried any of it. It'll keep. I remember one of my first posts that asked if it (The feeling of dressing) ever goes away. I do believe it does go away but comes back slowly and then hits you like a freight train (With a General Electric engine, LOL). I know I ruined it by forcing myself to act a certain way and look a certain way because a few people made a few requests. I'll always be a CD but not like most of the beautiful gals here who can go out in public to clubs with friends and conventions and seminars while dressed. For me it has has to be in one of those time frames and when the window closes, well that's it, the situation missed it's chance. I'm not leaving or purging or anything like that, I just thought I'd step up and share some personal thoughts with you, the forum family. Hugs and kisses always!!!

[Stephanie Anne]

Took me about a dozen or so purges and many years to realize that this is cyclic and just like anything else we get burnt out.

One thing that has helped me transition is to find gender neutral clothing to wear on a daily basis. You still get to be feminine in your own right but don't have to worry about hiding your dirtly little secret from the world ;)

I say just take a vacation from dressing for as long as you feel. Forcing it just brings the guilt we all have faced in our time.

[Amanda Shaft]

Hi Jen, I'm with you on this sort of. Yesterday I had all day to dress and a TG social thing to go to in the evening, but I just couldn't be asked. Normally I'd jump at the chance and be frustrated if I missed it. Yesterday I was into a 'what's the point' mood: I'm never going to be all woman, I can't look like one without alsorts of stuffing, tucking and padding and no one will accept me for one anyway. I'm trying to be something I'm just not meant to be.
Today I'm focusing on this thought: I can only play the cards life has delt me, but it is up to me to choose which game I play and when I play it.
Amanda
ps. Tonight I'm going out en femme, sometimes you need to push through the barriers you build yourself.

[SatinDoll00]

I do believe it does go away but comes back slowly and then hits you like a freight train

Sometimes, it creeps upon you, like a thief in the night, And before you realize what has happened, you are ... her.

Good luck to you!!!
No matter what you do...do not forget, she is part of you.

Morgan <-------- tried to forget, but remembered!!!

Our fem side, is our best side.

[Jennifer Brooks]

Yesterday I had all day to dress and a TG social thing to go to in the evening

Yeah, I had a chance to go to another Transgender meeting on Monday (Every 3rd. Monday of the month) but didn't bother to go. Last time it was cancelled due to the weather and this time I do not know if it was on or off due to the weather. I just didn't care about going. My guy things were more important this time around and so I stayed home. Though I was curious about what happened but not hearing from a certain contact made me believe nothing happened or she has nothing to do with me because of my declining feelings of dressing or weird first impression I made. I still dress the days I am still home but those days are coming to an end so maybe before I go back to work, I'll get all dolled up again and take a few personal snapshots. :chatterbox:

[Janice Ann]

Jennifer---
Just do what ever blows your skirt, take break from it all, DO NOT PURGE !
Then just be you- Time will tell, no matter what I do or did the urge to dress just never completly goes away--- :2c:
Hugs G/F

[Mitzi]

I think wanting to dress all the time is a fantasy when we don't get to dress whenever we want.

But the simple fact, at least for many of us, is that we're guys first with our guy interests, and CDing, while absorbing a huge part of our consciousness, is not the exclusive interest in our lives.

So, when we have the opportunity to indulge without restrictions, after the initial rush, the guy part starts intruding. But rest assured, the desire will reappear full force when you no longer are able to dress at will.

This is a post of awhile back relating to this very subject

Mitzi

[Deborah Jane]

Hiya Jennifer. Like a lot of the others say it comes and goes for a lot of us. At the moment i,m dressing a lot but i,ve no doubt in a few weeks/months time i,ll be back out there doing guy things and all my girly things will be ignored until the next time this hits me!!

[Nicole Erin]

The need comes and goes.
But yeah just hang on to your stuff unless it gets too old [and outdated] and you just need new things. Don't "purge" thinking this will go away.

I think when someone comes to grips with being CD, that is when the "pink fog" is strongest. As time goes by, being CD is just another part of life.

By the way, from what I can see, you look very pretty.

[KandisTX]

I would like to say "We all go through this", but since I cannot speak for everyone I cannot say that :)

I know there are periods of time when I do not dress at all, but it is not for a lack of desire, it is more for a lack of motivation. I ALWAYS want to dress, but just sometimes cannot motivate myself to do so. ;) I still owe some GG friends pics of the new boots I was given back in November.

Kandis:love:

[SherriePall]

First, don't feel bad because of the way you feel. And don't close all the doors all the way. Leave some open, even part-way because you never know what is ahead for you. Just enjoy yourself. That's the most important thing.

[joann07]

Hi Jennifer,

It's ok.
We all need to take a break every now and then.
I've been doing a lot in the past year, as well as this year, so I'm sure I may feel like burning out, but I know I'll need to slow it down a bit now that I'm comfortable going out.

It doesn't matter whether you pass very well or not, its how you feel comfortable with yourself.
For me, I don't think anyone on this site is grading or treating "passing" as if it's some kind of contest to see who's better looking.
Everyone is so supportive of one another and that's why I, personally, enjoy this site so much.
Give yourself some time hun.
We're only human. :)

Hugs! :hugs:

[Julie York]

I know exactly what you mean. It's like living with some demented lodger who keeps leaving their stuff behind and then turning up unexpectedly.

You daren't throw it out because the lodger might come back one day and be really pissed off.


But when you are in that mood when it has "nothing to do with me" it is a strange situation. You understand the logic of having all these 'things' hidden in drawers because you know why they are there.....but another part of your brain is thinking....."wtf am I doing"



It's nuts.

[christid66]

Jennifer,
I happened to me too between last October and three weeks ago. Even though I'm back, I've come to terms with the fact that I'll never look good or passable so am just trying to be me.
Hang in there :hugs:

[kateyliz]

Just don't try to force yourself into a particular mold , Hon. Well maybe a nice corset. Just be your self whoever you are at the moment. Hugs, Kathy

[Jennifer Brooks]

By no means am I going to throw anything I bought out. You know how expensive the stuff I bought was? OMG! And the stress I went through shopping and sometimes admitting to the sales woman that the garment was for me! OMG! NO, NO, NO! I'm not going to purge at all. All my stuff goes right in my special hiding place as usual. :heehee:

[laceyjessica]

I have been in this pink hurricane for two weeks now with all the clearance sales going on. I evern found a makupartist to do makup as well and purchase a wig of great quality so i can see if i can pass. I have you in my thoughts and prayers hope everything works out

[charlie]

I wish Sal had answered you again. Her line dreally hit me where it counts. She said " I can go out as Sal or Rich, but both are really just me". Passing, not passing, how to look...it is all just you. You won't make anyone else happy with what you wear or act like (you never will be pretty enough, feminine enough or dressed well enough), so go out and just make you happy.

[scherylnmke]

Hi Jennifer, Don't give up the ship! I think most of us feel this way from time to time. I was like that for the last two months!! Then, last weekend- IIMM BAAAACCCCKKK!!!! During that two months the only thing I did was look at this site and my yahoo page as well as others. I had ZERO motivation to do anything else, other things occupied my time. So what I'm trying to say is hang in there, and take care.
Scheryl

[bimini1]

The longest consecutive period I have gone w/o dressing in the past 20 years is about a month. I did that twice. I was really struggling with acceptance issues and boxed all of my femme things up.

I have been dressing for several days in a row as it is very strong when the moon is full. It may taper this weekend. Then again. It is a cycle for sure.

[Princess29]

Jennifer, I am feeling basically the same at the moment. Because of my living situation, I cant get to be Melissa without a lot of lying and stress and despite my efforts to change my situation, it hasnt amounted to anything really so at the moment I am in the "what's the point" stage myself.
For much of this week I have had the house to myself and still didnt dress. A few nights ago while watching tv, I just thought "what the hell am I doing, I am a crossdresser why am I denying that side of me?" but then I remembered why I got in that bad mood to begin with and now am more confused than ever

[shirley1]

Well it looks like my drive to dress has run out of gas. I think since I have been home from work (injury), I really went all out and hit a wall. I know I really tired to make up for lost time and for some odd and twisted reason, I tried to compete with some of the lovely girls here. I even pounded it in my head that since I do dress then this is the way is should be so I should act a certain way and my life style should be that of a female. Well, I am more male than female and so my guy things will be a bigger part of me than my girl things. I'm still dressing but not as hardcore as I had been the last three months. No more buying outfits other than lingerie (That's what I like) and no more photo-shoots. I had even bought all sorts of makeup and have not even tried any of it. It'll keep. I remember one of my first posts that asked if it (The feeling of dressing) ever goes away. I do believe it does go away but comes back slowly and then hits you like a freight train (With a General Electric engine, LOL). I know I ruined it by forcing myself to act a certain way and look a certain way because a few people made a few requests. I'll always be a CD but not like most of the beautiful gals here who can go out in public to clubs with friends and conventions and seminars while dressed. For me it has has to be in one of those time frames and when the window closes, well that's it, the situation missed it's chance. I'm not leaving or purging or anything like that, I just thought I'd step up and share some personal thoughts with you, the forum family. Hugs and kisses always!!!

hi its a shame you dont live in england - i would like to meet you - totaly identifyl with where your comin from - i dress when the mood takes me - not as often as many do - i still think i am more male than female - just like the alter ego side of it - you look good in your avter by the way - dont purge unless you have to - these clothes cost money and its not cheap buying ggs clothes as well as mens - you can garentee you get rid of an item and you will wish you hadnt at a later date !