The Tao of She

[Patrice]

Ok, here goes. It's always tricky trying to translate a free-form idea in your head into concrete words, let's see how well I do.

When I began Crossdressing I just knew it was something I wanted to do. But being the inquisitive person I am I couldnt help trying to figure it out, I wish I could be content with 'I do it because I do' but it wasnt enough. I should have been a dental hygienist for gift horses. What I finally came up with is a little zen, a bit shamanistic, and I leave the judgement of its ultimate validity to you.

I realized I do what I do to evoke an Aspect of the Feminine spirit in myself, to grow past the cultural limitations of my imposed gender identity, to get closer to the balance of the Yin-Yang if you will. A pretty basic explanation, Ive seen many versions of it here in these forums, but when I looked closer I noticed that we seem to be trying to evoke different feminine Aspects when we dress. Its a very personal thing. Here are descriptions of a few different feminine Aspects, Im just curious which you identify with and why. Could be one, could be a combination - maybe I missed some, if so please feel free to add your own.

Nurturer - Also known as the Mother. I think we all understand what that means

Temptress - We've all seen her on TV or the dance floor, radiating sexual magnetism like an aircraft landing beacon

Trickster - Capricious but not cruel, the eternal tease and flirt

Communicator - Hate to use a potentially derogatory stereotype, but the talker - celphone always in hand, gabbing with girlfriends about everything and nothing - and perfectly happy

Empath - Feelings, its all about Feelings, getting in touch with your own and becoming more sensitive to others

and my favorite . . . . . . .
Kitten - Relaxed like only a cat can do perfectly, soft and sensuous, wrapped in silk and satin reclining on the couch after a hot bath, fragrant and perfumed. Not about sex specifically (although it can be) just about letting all go and being totally in the (soft,still and serene) moment.


Like I said, I know I missed some and I left one out intentionally (we all know the strong woman, and that word she always seems to be called) but Im worried about writing Moby Dick here. Not good at keeping things brief apparently.

There it is, for your perusal and criticism

[Kate Simmons]

Funny you should post this Patrice, I was thinking of something similar. It's apparent to me that we tap into some kind of feminine "energy" when we do this. It can be scary and overwhelming for some and indeed that old "pink fog" can take over very easily if we let it. I've learned to go beyond that however and utilize the energies and the feelings to become a better person. I've fulfilled all of the roles you listed and still can. My strong suits however are my quest for adventure and my interest in people. In that respect I've settled into more of a Lara Croft type with a pragmatic outlook and this balances me more than anything else. While being a "girly girl" may be good for some, it just doesn't fit me and I gotta be myself.:happy:

[deja true]

Okay, Patrice, I kind of like it as a start and can't wait till it gets expanded upon in this thread.

As you've said, it's easy to see each of these Aspects (as you call them) in the many posts in the Forum, including 'she who cannot be named'. But,to attain a well rounded personality, it's not a matter of identifying with any particular one of them, or any combination . Many of us can recognize elements of all of these within our wish lists of femme attributes, either one at a time,or in combination. We see one predominate maybe, but want to present others, too.

They're not so different from the Aspects of masculinity, either. Categorize them as Warrior, Handyman, Thinker, Stud, whatever.

And, many here mix and match and combine the female and male aspects together to make even more combinations than can be imagined.

As I type along here,though, I'm still a little bothered by the 'pigeonholing' idea that this 'theory' brings to my mind. I see pigeonholing as a distinctly male trait and,maybe worse, the kind of thinking that gets us into the mindset of prejudice. For everyone who picks an 'Aspect' to emulate will also feel that's it's superior to the others. (I sure don't want to be identified as the chick on the cellphone all the time, talking about inconsequentials). See! I just did it there!

I ramble a bit, but these are the points that popped into my head on first read. Gotta go win some bread, but I'll be back...

respect & love,

deja

(needs more caffeine, too)

[Kate Simmons]

I agree Deja. Most of these aspects with regard to myself came about naturally as the result of allowing the feelings and energy to flow. In reality, all human beings have them, as well as all male aspects. It's just as a result of conditioning, social or otherwise that we sometimes limit or restrict ourselves to certain sets of aspects or feelings that we believe will help us fulfill a particular role. It doesn't necessarily have to be that way. The difference I have found in allowing the feelings to naturally develop versus trying to put on an
"act" or fulfill some kind of "image" we may have in mind, is that they become more real to us and are long lasting and actually become a part of us to express and cherish.

Like anything else, it's a learning process and at 60 years of age, I've realized that we have barely touched the surface of the true human condition and we are so much more capable of attaining true values than we see in the world today. In many ways, we are the forerunner of a new and better human being by being who we are and understanding others, but discovering who we really are takes a lot of honest effort.:happy:

[Littlej10]

Just a quick teaspoon from me.
Aren't we all a mix of those feminine and masculine "traits" that our two wise sisters have outlined? It seems possible to bring out or suppress whatever we perceive as most appropriate for our well being at any given time.

[Wickanne GG]

Good posts :hugs: I am going to tap into Salandra’s post and touch on the “otherwise”. Otherwise tends to be ourselves. We are our own worst enemies.

I have always found it quite interesting how “Yin” is the passive, dark, feminine, negative, downward-seeking, consuming element and “Yang” is the active, light, masculine, positive, upward-seeking, producing element. Prehaps a sign of the times?…a predominately male mentality back then.

We, as a condition of being human, tend to want only the best aspects of live. It’s that tendency to grasp what we see as a positive aspect and hold onto it for dear life. In doing so one may sometimes become self absorbed or become isolated thereby knocking off the balance of Yin~Yang…think of “Pink Fog” being a perfect example of this. But the duality of Yin~Yang brings about balance, afterall, those elements are there for a reason and should be utilized. Life is not all warm and fuzzy so Yin allows one to bring forth those elements one may need to protect themselves or their neighbour. There is nothing wrong with feeling anger, providing it is not used in a destructive manner…utilize Yang. There is nothing wrong with feeling upset, providing you draw upon Yang to work towards a solution, to bring about an answer.

It’s all a very delicate balance and I am, definitely, no expert in this subject. I have been know to partake in the seven sins (lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, anger, envy, and pride) which, when looked at for what they are, can be incorporated into the Yin~Yang…the balance…because they have seven opposing forces (chastity, abstinence, temperance, diligence, patience, kindness, and humility).

Ultimately, the balance is in your hands, whether you apply it to your day-to-day life or your working life or your gender spirit or your overall well being. You make the choice to be consumed by one of the elements or work to find the balance. Dang! It is difficult work no matter which you choose.

:love:
Wickanne

[Karla_CD]

I think all I really want is to just cuddle up and appreciate the warmth, love and affection, my gf shows me" Trickster because I can be a a right little tease at times>:):2c:

[Patrice]

To clarify what I am trying to say (didnt choose my words well before, my fault) I need to define wher Im coming from a bit and use a metaphor or two about what these aspects are to me.

Salandra had a post in another thread about the hats we wear in life, the roles we play. My life had devolved to the point where my existence WAS just these hats, like a certain president in the cartoon Doonesbury, just a disembodied voice coming from under various hats. I was defining myself solely based on what others expected me to be, and in those quiet moments of alone time there was literally noone there. Im working on trying to figure me out again, rebuild my ID in a sense, and these Aspects are just a few of a Legion im trying out to see if they fit, Im not limiting myself to just the feminine ones either. I see these Aspects as fragments, puzzle pieces - or if the computer metaphors work better - software patches to my core OS. I try various fragemnts and if the feel 'right' rather than just 'good', a feeling you can never mistake, I upload them if you will. It wasnt meant to be about pigeonholing or labeling,too much of that in the world already. I see us all doing this to some degree or another, and as we are different people we assimilate different fragments, we all need different things.

I hope that makes more sense

[Sarah Doepner]

I get the feeling that we, as crossdressers, are going to be a bit more prone to searching for our identity. We are not comfortable with the one we are born with and through experimentation begin to find something that is very different from where we may have thought we would go. We struggle alone for a long time until our search discovers others traveling the same path. Until that time we are lost and living without the support of our feminine side, but it must be strong because we end up here. The need to identify the archetypes is a valid and long standing psychological process. We have ours and in understanding them we better understand ourselves.

So what has this exhaustive search for meaning and roles taught me? Basically, I really like open-toed shoes so I can see my pedicure. Well, that and I like skirts better than slacks most of the time. See, the more we know, the better off we are.

[Kate Simmons]

Ah, that's the "rub" and Sarah touched on it. The whole thing is ridiculously as simple as it is complex. The way I see it, we all have certain expectations in life, not to mention the expectations others may have of us because of who we are and this was always my whole point of contention. People tend to see the "hats" we are wearing and not we ourselves and equate them with who we are. One day I woke up to this fact and said:"Not so, I'm much more than that."

Having these feelings is not easy to deal with and having the gnawing feeling inside of incompleteness because of not allowing myself to express and embrace my full range of feelings was counterproductive and I knew that had to change. This required complete honesty with myself and the need to express those feelings in a very real way. This manifested itself as the need to live as my femme self as much as possible. Scary prospect indeed, was I up to it? As they say:"No pain, no gain." Looking the part was only a part of it, feeling the part was the main thing and eventually it put me in touch with who I really was inside. The feedback from actually having this part of myself accepted was incredible and proved to me that I was so much more than just a "hat' or a "wig", I was a living, breathing, feeling person and that was the real "payoff" for me. As Sarah said, it looks pretty but now I knew why it did.

In short, I realized I was no less real or valid in femme mode than guy mode and this began the process of integration of feelings and the balance of them. While it may not be evident on the surface, a great deal is changed every time one of us finds this balance point. Balance is necessary for the Universe to function properly and the "good" and the "bad" needs to exist harmoniously as Wickanne pointed out. We see what happens when things go off balance one way or the other, human history is a graphic example of that. The premise of the old "Knight Rider" TV show is very true: "One man (or person) can make a difference." If we think not, think again.:happy:

[lestiforget]

I keep being reminded that black and white are not colours, they are shades. And so, if this is true, then there must be white in black and black in white, yes? (I am going somewhere with this.)

As was mentioned earlier, black is feminine, white is masculine. With this in mind, wouldn't it follow that crossdressers are more balanced than anyone?

Cheers,
Linda
GG, Taoist

[Alyla]

Oh my!!! Hats, aspects, archtypes, tao, and sins and charities. May I be flaky here? I have been riding the oscilloscope for a while now. Ebbing and flowing, turning like yin and yang, in the perpetual motion of the circle. looking for the constant in this equation. I think maybe it might be found on the flatline. From point A to point B. Sometimes I wonder if there is a unification theory. There must be! Like the word "Eureka" spouted in the bath tub. Mario Vargas Llosa said in his book "The Storyteller", 'Keep on walking.' And I will, into and through myself, left will become right, and up will become down. I can not hold my evolution back as I learn to accept myself and others. It, my evolution, will take time it will not be created in a day or a week. I must be patient. It would be unfair to expect others to come running to my aid or jump on the bus with me. It is not a road less travelled, or the beaten path that Frost refers to; it is my own meandering through the wilds I am looking for. I have forsaken the easy way, but I will go in hope, love, and kindness, but not defenseless. I will keep on walking, embracing all that I am and keeping my loved ones in sight.

Now that I have completely made no sense, I beg your pardon for my over indulgence. We must let the profiling agenda go, and look past what our eyes see.

Ducks head and runs for the jungle.

Alyla