How did you become comfortable with crossdressing?

[Brynna M]

The title pretty much says it all. Many people seem very comforatable and very accomplished with their dressing. How did you become comfortable with your desire to crossdress?

I think I've got a handle on accepting myself but I am sill still worried about what people around me would think if I "came out" or was outed (via shaving etc.) People I consider good friends I'm sure would be tolerant of it if not outright supportive but coworkers and casual aquaintances at my hobbies might not.

On a related note; how did you discover what degree of crossdressing was right for you? Did you ever go to far and regret it?

Thanks for any inights and for a great place to be.

B

[annekathleen]

I love the feeling of womens clothing, but I dont always like what I see in the mirror when I am dressed. I'm sitting here wearing a bra, breastforms, and one of the ex wifes tank tops. Looking down to see a pair of breasts and my bra strap occasionally slipping off my shoulder is fun and exciting, but I dont care to venture out of my home fully dressed. We all have our different comfort levels.

[Dee Jay]

I've been comfortable with my desires since day one.
My wife took some time, 20+ years, but she's fully accepting and support these days.

Others?... Some of my close friends now and it doesn't bother them, though they haven't seen me dressed.

Work... Some might suspect it, but they know I'm weird, and have strange ways, so again, I doubt if they would be negative.

DJ

[Nicki B]

Three words -

Practice, practice, practice..... :)

[DAVIDA]

Actually, it was Jean, my wife , who helped me understand that this is a part of me. It is nothing to be ashamed of, and that it is why I am who I am.
It was this forum and the people here that made me realize that I am not alone.

[bridget thronton]

Lots of reading, lots of time on the Internet (reading forums like this one), and several outings wearing skirts with no unpleasant consequences.

[Cheryl Ann]

I am not yet comfortable with my crossdressing but crossdressers.com is giving me hope!

[Samantha43]

I have been cross dressing for so long (30+ years) it just seems part of who I am now. My wife is very supportive, so that helps. She has known since before we were married. I am not comfortable with going out (tried it a few times), so I am happily in the closet. It is something that I find totally relaxing and satisfying.

[Amy Hepker]

Although I am still in the closet as per say, I do enjoy dressing all the time, I wear female underwear 24/7 and I am working toward dressing 24/7 in all my splender. I feel so much better when dressed as a female and know that I should have been born Female. I feel as though I have been crossdressing as a guy all my life and feel at home in my feminine attire. It is all about what you want and how you feel, if you are trulely female inside you will feel at home in girls clothing and will not care what other think. It does not matter what they think anyway as long as you are happy with yourself.

[Patrice]

This sounds so doggone simplistic, but Im comfortable with my crossdressing because I chose to be. Its something I do for me, noone else, and thus needs noones approval or consent but mine. I discovered there is a tremendous amount of freedom in finally not caring what other people think about me, my basic philosophy is folks who cant accept me are not really worth my time or effort. I dont broadcast my underdressing at work, what is under my clothes is my business, but im not terrified about people noticing either. Some wont understand what they see, some wont believe it and just assume they saw wrong, others just wont care. And if they do decide to hassle me, my employers discrimination policies are on my side.

As for my comfort levels? Admittedly somedays it takes a bit more to top off my 'Femzoil' levels than others, but cant that be said about all things in life?

[EllenTheWonderGirl]

and I mean always.

However, the comfort level is often different for others who share our space in this world, so have been discreet for their benefit.

Personally speaking, though, I was more than comfortable since I can remember, and I'm talking the age of 5.

[TGMarla]

I'm not sure just what "comfortable" means here. I physically and emotionally have always enjoyed crossdressing. That's why I do it. And I do it quite often, so I guess you could say I'm comfortable with it. So whereas I'm completely comfortable with it, I'm sure others aren't. So I don't venture out anywhere, and dress only to please myself. I'm sure a lot of people would suggest that I go out, but It's outside my comfort zone.

[EllenTheWonderGirl]

do not ever go outside your comfort zone.

Sure, push the envelope if you wish and test the waters, but don't go outside your comfort zone.

A comfort zone, to me, is not just where one is, but where one is able to go without creating negativity internally to the extent that it causes hurtful emotions.

[jennifer41356]

when I decided I wanted to explore my fem side, I enjoyed it so much I decided I would enjoy it and embrace, for life is short and I already had wasted 30 years of being fem

[Sally24]

How did you become comfortable with your desire to crossdress?
Lots of time......I've dwelt on this most of my life. Only got active over the last 3 or 4 years. In that time my idea of just what this part of me is has changed. Most days I'm pretty comfortable with who I am. I keep the balance between my male and female lives most times, with the occasional stumble.


On a related note; how did you discover what degree of crossdressing was right for you? Did you ever go too far and regret it? I've read and talked with TS friends and explored my desires in my mind. By getting out more and more and going to different venues and doing different things. Sometimes I'm a GG, sometimes a T-girl. Sometimes I go mainstream and blended in. Sometimes I go alternate clubbing and wear miniskirts! I'm still exploring and finding out just who I am (or who I might have been?). Never gone too far, just thought about it, then thought better of it.

[Stephanie-L]

Becoming comfortable with my CDing has been a long process. It has been helped by input from many sources, starting with the CD columnist in the old magazine "Nugget" to this forum, to my therapist. My level of CDing has likewise changed over the years, to the point that I am seriously considering going full time, with my therapists support. I see myself in the past in many of the fine people posting here, and hopefully see myself in the future in others. To all, thank you and keep it up.....Stephanie

[Stephanie Anne]

Well since I am a tad bit more than a crossdresser, I stop thinking of it as crossdressing and started realizing it is the appearance I relate to. Makes wearing a dress less of a "thing" and more of "why oh why am I in hose again, this stuff i not comfortable!"

[TxKimberly]

Hmmm. . . none of these questions is as simple as you make them sound.
Pretty much you get comfortable when you get comfortable. I don't think there is a lot of rhyme or reason to it. I think for a lot of us it is related to our age. As you get older your tolerance for Bull Sh$# declines. You get to the point where you say to yourself "This is what I am, I'm not ashamed of it, and I really don't give a care what anyone thinks about it." I think that as a general rule, younger folks these days were not brought up with it being such a stigma so maybe they reach this point earlier in their lives than my generation did.
Gone too far? Yes - guilty. I shared it with some ladies I work with. All but one was cool. The one that wasn't decided to share it with others that I wouldn't have wanted to know. While I'm not ashamed of what I am, I do have enough common sense that I know it is not good for my career for this to be widely known. So the moral of the story is, i wish I had never let on to anyone at work - I don't need or want that complication

[black leotards]

I've been CDing for a long time (over 40 years now!). As a child I was confused but knew that I liked dressing up. It wasn't until I was in my late 20s and dating my first wife that I started to become more open. I took up ballet lessons, partially because i got to dress in public. While I usually wore a t-shirt and tights, i would wear a leotard on occasion.

It was a couple of years later that I started to visit a therapist to learn more about myself. I decided that if I was ever going to be comfortable with CDing, I would have to learn to accept myself. By visiting a therapist, i felt i could share that side of me and not risk a close friendship.

She helped me out enormously, not because she gave me any magic answers, but more because she accepted me for myself and helped me to learn to do the same thing. I would dress up for each session and it felt great. We even had some sessions in a local church, which seemed a bit weird but kind of a thrill too.

I have dressed up in public a couple of times, but not so much over the last few years. I currently live in a small town and it's difficult to get the privacy. However, having said that, because I'm comfortable with myself, I don't seem to need to dress up as much.

I still wear female underwear (at least panties) everyday and of course, tights most of the year. I don't own any male underwear and not too many socks either :happy:.

That's my story. Cheers!

[Celeste]

Hi brad,I like your question,I'm always trying to gage whether or not its finally comfortable for me.My answer is that it fluctuates,for instance, last month I thought I might want to try and go out(CLOSET STILL),and now this month I'm like "thank god I didn't do that".Next month I'll probably want to go out again,meaning my comfort level will have risen again.Then I might say"well I'll just stay inside",then I get that feeling of not being assertive enough or allowing others to curb my decisions.So I'm always bouncing around with the comfort zone and it really does depend a whole lot on how well the preparation went.some days there is no zone,like spending 2 or 3 hours getting fixed up and nothing works then realizing my heart just wasn't in it.I always know that I'll be back with a better effort though.

[michellebesweet]

You are the only one that can make that decision. In your mind and heart, you will truly know when you feel comfortable. With me, it was when I never felt nervous around the house, went out in public and never worried about who was staring at me, and when men started opening doors for me walking into a building or store, yes that really happened, and it felt great.

[docrobbysherry]

However, I've become much more accepting of my new, hobby since I found this site 5 months ago.

I now have a certain comfortability with Sherry and me in our closet. Still think I am weirder than a bag full of eels for enjoying CDing so much. I also worry my CD desires will move on to where I will NOT be comfortable at all!
RS

[Meg East]

I became comfortable with myself when I came out of the closet to my wife. Being in the closet is a lonely place.

[Kate Simmons]

I am comfortable with who I am if that is what you mean. The dressing is merely a reflection of part of that.:happy:

[ravens_roost2004]

Mine started with my wife introducing panties when love making. Then it grew from there. It did go further than she planned, but for the most part she is supportive. I am sitting here in my nightie and panties and it feel right.:happy:

[Daintre]

When you live on your own, you become comfortable with what you wear and how you live with your dressing. I can wear what I want from basic boy to glam girl. When I go out i tend to be conservative in my dress, but on occasion try and push my limit. Like having my nails polished when I know my hands will be seen, getting a brow wax and eyelash tint.

[Sally2005]

Hard question to answer. The first step is posting messages on this forum, then posting your photo. Also learning a lot about it and discover that lots of other people do it. Realizing that CDing is just a part of me and like it or not it is probably here to stay.

[TerriM]

About 10 or 15 yrs ago I just stopped asking myself " WHY ". That made a big difference in my life. I realized that even if I found the reason I love to dress what would it change? I am lucky that there are a lot of people like me in the metro area. There are always places to go and people to go with. My wife, though still wants nothing to do with my femme side, puts up with my dressing. I know that this sounds simplistic, but it makes sense to me.

Terri

[Carly D.]

I echo Patrice's sentiments to the letter.. I dress for myself, and am not at all into a "shock" statement should anyone ever catch me dressed up.. I'm not going to look like a **** or whatever.. I'm more interested in the feel of the clothing on my body as well as how that feeling makes me feel mentally.. I don't think I feel like a girl when dressed because I don't know how a girl feels.. moreover I just feel like, I feel.. how do I explain how I feel should someone who has never worn or doesn't get why I dress up, sees me for the first time... I am still in the closet to any family or friends seeing me dressed up.. they may have their suspicions about whether I dress or not (they have at different times found my "stash" in my room when I was a lil' dude).. if I have my way they won't see me in my clothes of choice, it is a private thing that I do.. I know that I have written entries here as well as other sites about the wanting or longing to go out in the world dressed as Carly but realistcly I have a fear of being ridiculed to the point of throwing everything Carly away... I'm not thinking that I would be accepted readily by family and friends, that they might act like they are ok but they might have reservations about being around me, even though nothing would have changed except for the fact that they now know what I am truly like for the past nearly forty years...

[RobertaFermina]

I was always comfortable about crossdressing, except when it came to doing it in public...then I was too angry about being uncomfortable, so I just did it until I became comfortable with the fact that I enjoyed myself greatly, regardless whether all my fears about what others thought were true.

That is good for me, since after spending a day with my extended family, I am reminded that some of my fears are true.


:rose: Roberta :rose:

[joann07]

Three words -

Practice, practice, practice..... :)

You took the words right out of my mouth. :heehee:
In a years time, I went from never fully dressing to going out, comfortably, wherever whenever.
The more you do it, the more experienced and confident you'll be.
Before I started fully dressing, I never would've thought I'd be doing the things I do now.
I practiced so much on my mannersisms and presentation until I felt ready to go out.
Now, I can go pretty much anywhere without feeling nervous because I'm so confident that I present myself appropriately in public.
Rarely do I ever notice anyone staring, but if they are I just continue on with my business.

Hugs!

[Eugenie]

In my case I became comfortable with x-dressing as I started to meet othe x-dressers, first virtually on firums like this one, then in real life.

But the thing that made me really feel comfortable was my coming out to a few GGs whom I highly respected and who accepted me.

The rest is a question oe experience. Like for the famous joke:

In a taxi, the customer asks "How do I get to Carnegy Hall?"

"Practice, Practice..." answered the cab driver... :D

:hugs:
Eugenie

[Mitch23]

getting out in the world and being accepted.doing it and refining till it became second nature. being around others and learning from their experience. convincing myself that i belong.

mitch

[june58]

I became comfortable with it after I came out to my wife and we worked through the issues. However for a while I still felt guilty, but when she made the comment one time that that is just part of me and it could be worse that really helped me accept it and become comfortable with it.

[Genifer Teal]

Going out frequently. I started with CD meetings that were relatively private. Then I went out with the girls after the meetings. Then I ventured into the city and met more friends. Then I just kept going out. The more I went out the more confidence I gained. My look has also progressed. I was recently thinking if I would be able to go out now looking as I did in the beginning? The fact that I look better now makes it much easier to go to some of the places I frequent. Even riding the train. That took a few years to have the confidence. Now there is little that scares me. A big factor is hearing other peoples compliments even just from friends. The more you hear it the more you believe it. Withouth going out and making friends, I'd be nowhere.

Gen

[charlie]

At first I was deep in the closet and felt perverted and quite strange..............but I enjoyed it so! I then fortunately found this forum and all the great people on it. My simple dressing went to gradually I would putting outfits together and take an hour or so putting on makeup. I bought a wig or two. I really did not want to just scrape everything off after getting all dressed up, so I started going out to TG bars. I was accepted and made friends and talked to GG, CD, TG, even straight men everytime. From there I have started venturing out buying things at thrift stores, walking a mall and skirting the outsides of public places. I don't want any confrontations, but I'm getting more comfortable with dressing and trying to be myself as I do it.

[JamieDP]

It's like a 2nd adolescense to me.

[Sarah Doepner]

It took a long time for me to become comfortable and accept myself as a crossdresser. For a very long time I was confused and ashamed of what I did, thinking I was the only one and basing my thoughts on what was available in the media of the time. When I found out there were not only others out there, but there was a "community", I began to understand there was something deeper than I recognized at the time. With more reading I slowly moved toward accepting this side of my life. When I became frustrated with how lipstick looked under my mustache and shaved the darn thing off, I must have been comfortable. Still in the closet, but comfortable.
That meant I could dress a little more and I must of been comfortable enough to go to a local wig store and buy my first wig and to walmart to get my first dress. I just found the photos of that first session the other day and I looked ghastly!!! But I wasn't about to turn back.
I was still in the closet, but wanted more. So I was no longer comfortable. I needed more. I practiced and eventually started going out, just a little at a time. My first real trip past the front door of the motel was a disaster, but I loved it anyway and it allowed me to become comfortable at a new level.
Now I can look back at shopping trips and spending time with others in public, but I wasn't comfortable enough to let my S.O. know. She caught me one day and I was VERY uncomfortable for a few weeks until it worked out that she understood me and still loved me and would be supportive. Am I comfortable now? I only go out when I visit other cities and no one else in my home town knows this about me. So no, I'm not comfortable. Not yet, but I'm working on it, step by step, stage by stage.

[LA CINDY LOVE]

I feel you got all the answer you need right here, just read what all have to say I wish I know about this site when I got into crossdressing.

Every thing you need to know someone has done it, been through it, is going through it or has done it. and like every thing in life you have to work on it to get better at it, and yes you will always be looking over your shoulder.

LA CINDY LOVE

[Wynter Skye]

I've been dressing now for more years than I haven't, so the comfort level was always there to an extent.

Feeling comfortable in public? completely different story. I think the hardest thing is learning how to make makeup look good and relearning how to walk especially in heels. People aren't usually as scary as they seem in your head at least in my experiences.

But, when you go out make sure you are done to the T. You will be scrutinized even by other CD's if they're around sometimes. Eyebrows, nails/cuticles, feet, hair, makeup; if they all look good, the fact that you're a man underneath somewhere on some level will be an afterthought.

[Seville]

Post #18 says it all for me.:thumbsup:

[alter_3]

Comfortable? Do you mean that this will eventually become comfortable? Great, can't wait!! I've only been dressing for about 30 years, when does this happen? lol. For me it is exciting and exhilerating, but not sure it is ever really comfortable.