Restriction for Cross Dressing

[Snigdha]

Recently my wife started restricting me to do cross dressing. Ususally I am an indoor crossdresser. I have a 5.5 yrs of son. He does not react while I am dressed. But last couple of days my wife started restriction in my crossdressing. She says that she does not like me dressed and she seems to be quite mad about the issue. Previously I was cross dressing, she was never so happy about it but accepted my cross dressing. Probably last couple of days I used to dress up and cooked food in kitchen while our house keeper was in our house doing some work in kitchen. Actually this is why my wife got annoyed. My wife was saying that the housekeeper will tell everyone about my crossdressing and she will feel embarassed. I understand her feeling. But at the same time I am eager to dress up and do household work. Dressing up while our housekeeper is present gives me more femine feeling. Its not the housekeeper if I can dressed up infront of others I would feel great. Its only dressing up, I do not see any harm. But still the society thinks differently.

Can anyone suggest me how to convience my wife?

[Shelly Preston]

I would not even try to convince your wife

She is suportive of your dressing and you want to push it further

You know how society thinks so please show some consideration for your wife and her feelings

[deja true]

I agree with Shelly. It's not your wife that needs convincing. It's you! You are getting way out of the bounds of what is comfortable with your wife. That's a prime consideration for most of us here.

From your English language usage , I'm also assuming that you may be well out of the bounds of your culture, too.

With a chatty housekeeper and an angry wife , you'd probably be better off modifying your desires a bit to make home life a little more pleasant. The only other option for you is trouble and more trouble.

We wish you the best, dear, but we think you're a little out of line.

deja


And stop dressing around your son! He's at the age to be able to remember this in later years.

[Snigdha]

Dear Shelly & Deja,

Both of you have given me good suggestion. Thanks to both of you. You are right, specially Deja u have a point there, not to dress up infront of my son. He will remember my CD.

I do not know weather I will be able to give away CD, but I promise from today I will try my best.

Thanks again.

[deja true]

You don't have to give it up, dear. You won't be able to. None of us can.

Just be more discreet and more sympathetic to your wife and child's needs, too.

It's not all about you.

respect & love

deja

[Sharon B.]

I know what I am about to suggest will have ripple effect.
Why not get rid of the housekeeper and do everything yourself in feminine attire.
Maybe your wife might enjoy having you as the housekeeper and she can have fun with the extra money.

[Samantha43]

Deja nailed it. You should be more sensitive to your wife's requests, and search for some middle ground. It is not something you will ever be able to stop. The desire will always be there. Talk with her to find ways that you can satisfy your needs without upsetting her or negatively effecting your son.

[waspookie6]

If it were made very clear the wife gets to spend the money on herself saved from paying a housekeeper, it could be a compromise.

The only issue again is dressing up in front of their son. It sounds like she was tolerating it up to a point, then a line got crossed.

Snigdha needs to spend a little time talking to his wife instead cleaning for awhile then see where it goes from there.

[Amy Hepker]

Just talk to your wife and find out for sure what is bothering her. It is probably both the housekeeper and your son. Wives get that way and she just might be getting tired of your dressing too. Find your bounds with her and respect them. If she is going to let you do it at all them count your blessings, most want you to stop cold turkey and we all know here that is not going to happen, or if it does will not be a permenant thing.

[annekathleen]

Each "significant other" has their own "levels of acceptance".
Some dont mind if youre wearing panties under your pants.
Some dont mind if you limit your crossdressing to inside the home.
Some don't want you crossdressing around the children.
Some want you to limit it to the bedroom.
What ever they are willing to accept,
You have to respect their opinion
as to what they're comfortable with it.
If you push it too far,
Can you say "divorce"?

[waspookie6]

Divorce is a pretty broad brush to be painting with. It isn't just cross dressing that can lead to a divorce and usually it is everything but that. No one knows until they spend some time talking to their spouse what the true issue is.

[TerriM]

Two key words are needed here in my opinion. Balance and Communication

Terri

[TxKimberly]

I would have to be honest here - I think I'm with your wife. You have a wife who tolerates it and for this you should be grateful. I don't think it is unreasonable for her to wish you not to spread the news to everyone in your community, and doing it in front of the housekeeper is just about assuring that the word will get out.
Your wife has taken the huge leap of accepting this part of you - show her some gratitude and respect her feelings on this.

[Sandi jo]

I have to agree here,its best to consider the views of the wife and how far she is willing to go.

[TSchapes]

Salandra started a wonderful thread here:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=77533

We've all gone over our boundaries with our family and friends. Sometimes we are just so in the CD zone, that we don't see or understand how it affects our most supportive people. When we keep going over those boundaries frequently is when we get into trouble.

Snigdha, all the girls have very good advice here. You must work with your partner as part of that whole marriage deal. And that cuts across all cultures!

Hugs and Kisses:hugs:

[RobertaFermina]

Well, I think you understand your wife, but I'm not so sure that you EMPATHIZE with her.

Her life is more dependent upon the emotional qualities within her relationships than yours are likely to be. You may not fully realize the emotional impact of her feeling ridicule, or being ridiculed by others for having chosen to become married to a crossdresser.

As Shelly P. said "don't even try" to convince her.

Try listening to her again and again, and put yourself in her place and really feel what she is experiencing, or afraid of experiencing if the word gets out about your crossdressing.

That would be an exercise in feeling feminine, really relating to her from a feminine perspective. Amazingly, you don't have to even put on women's clothes to do this.

Hugs!

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[victoriamwilliams1]

I cut back when my child was born and could not handle the fem me and before my child began talking. I think the problem may be that she does not want your son to tell everyone about your dressing.

My suggestion is to keep the peace in the home. I am in the closet with my wife and many people ask how! One day I will answer that. I an say she would not accept it at all!

[Kristen Marie]

There's a balance in what we can do and when. I think your wife's comments are appropriate. Cherish the time you can dress and share those great times with your wife, but don't push boundaries that cause her to have legitimate worries.

[Angie G]

Don't press the issue hun take what you've got and be happy with that .Your wife has feeling and fears and you should respect them. She is giving a lot. :hugs:
Angie

[lucya_od]

Each "significant other" has their own "levels of acceptance".
Some dont mind if youre wearing panties under your pants.
Some dont mind if you limit your crossdressing to inside the home.
Some don't want you crossdressing around the children.
Some want you to limit it to the bedroom.
What ever they are willing to accept,
You have to respect their opinion
as to what they're comfortable with it.
If you push it too far,
Can you say "divorce"?

i would have to agree to annekathleen in some way, but last year i was in the same boat too. my ex said that she was ok about it, then bit by bit she didn't want me to dress up anymore, the last few weeks of the realationship she diden't want me to dress up anymore. so instead i dressed up at work. after work i stop about half way home, parked my car in a car park, then got dressed into mans stuff. my ex was very controling on what i do and things like that. one day my ex followed me home from work one night. and she came up to my car as i was taking off my bra. she went mad. she smashed up my car. later that night she wanted me to chose. her or me being a cd, at first i chose her. during the last week of the realationship, i was very angery all the time. thats when i noitce that cd and the woman inside me is apart of me. so if you stop cd you will get angery. now that i am on my own, i am finding who i really am. i wouldnt let your kids see what cd is all about. it might mess with their heads abit. love from your sister lucya, xxxxxx

[Melissa A.]

In a relationship both people's opinions count. Compromises can work. Restrictions usually do not. The word itself implies that the restrictor counts more. If ya can't, talk, and agree, Then it won't last, or there will be alot of unhappiness.

Kids are another issue entirely. One I've never had to deal with. I have spoken to people who have been very open with their gender issues with their kids from the start, and from what I can tell, their kids are no less emotionally healthy than others. It's about love and being comfortable with who you are. If you're not, Kids will know, somehow, and carry that with them. I admit it can be a tricky issue, and one I'm probably not qualified to comment on. But I certainly wouldnt condemn anyone for being completely open with their kids, if it's within their capabilities to handle it in a comfortable, honest way. It probably takes a very happy, centered person to do that right.

Hugs,

Melissa:)