What happens to your stuff when your gone?

[TSchapes]

This has hit me this week because a close relative died and I had to clean out their room. I've thought about it before, but now it seems real and I want to deal with it.

Say out of the blue, you're no longer here, and someone (pick one, friend, wife, child) opens up your closet and has the biggest wtf moment of their lives.

I'm half tempted to leave a note with my stuff to the effect of: "I know this looks bad, but..."

I mean it won't affect me 'cause I'm dead, but wow, is this what I want to leave behind?

Anybody else have this thought? I've searched the threads, and what I find is stuff like "everyone is dying to have their nails done". Maybe this is just too maudlin a subject for everyone.

Love Tracy.

[KandisTX]

I used to think about this before I outed myself to family and such. Since my spouse knows all about me, she'll know just what to do with all my stuff. one of my biggest fears was people finding out but then realized "Wait a second.. I'll be dead so it wont' matter what they find out about me." and that pretty much ended that worry.

I think many people do not think about their own mortality until they are faced with it in a more "real" situation. Myself, I have begun to think about it as I get older and want to make sure all is done that can be to ensure my family is taken care of in my absence.

Kandis:love:

[annekathleen]

Maybe some other family member will put it to good use, start wearing it, and follow in your footsteps!
( even if they were in high heels!:heehee:)

[ChristineRenee]

Heyyyy...it's not just when I'm gone. My wife has told me numerous times that if I should develop Alzheimer's disease, like my mother has, that she will 86 ALL of my stuff. :(

Then it will be...Chrissie...I hardly knew ye! :p

[RobertaFermina]

Plenty of folks know what I'm up to, including all of my family.
Not an Issue.

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[melissaK]

My wife worries about that, I don't. I said that since I underdress all the time, accidentally torn clothes or being forced into an improptu clothes change (spilled food, slip in puddle, who knows) is more likely to be a problem. And after I'm gone, I won't care. I said it might be an "Aha, I knew it!" moment for some.

hugs,
'lissa

[Tamara Croft]

I think you should spend less time worrying about that sort of thing and live your life, be happy, have fun... stop worrying about what if's... besides... if you do leave stuff behind when you're gone, the biggest 'wtf' won't be when they find it, it will be when they meet you again (up there, or w/e) ... and you'll get bitch slapped :tongueout

[Nicole Erin]

Once in a while people have posted similar things to this.
Yeah you could leave a note.

Thing is, death is the ultimate invasion of someone's privacy.

But yeah you should worry more about living than passing.

[StayceeCD]

Honey don't think of it as a problem, think of it as a sure way that you won't be forgotten! :heehee: Realistically, you'll be gone!! Why worry about it? :2c:

[Christina Nicole]

If one is married, leave a note for her. Your wife may not be alone when she goes though your things. Letting her know that you keep some women's thing hidden somewhere will allow her to clean out those items privately and without embarrassment to herself.

Warm regards,
Christina Nicole

[Eugenie]

My wife and my children (37 and 35 respectively) know about my x-dressing.
They would not be surprised. Actually they would probably be the only one to know thes clothes and other women things were mine: my "stuff" is a simple closet, like any women clothes. So it is undistinguishable from any women wardrobe...

Of course I tend to dress rather conservatively since my X-dressing style is to look like a woman about my age, size and social group... So the clothes in there are what any one would expect in a woman closet...

But I think that what's most important is that I don't really care... And I don't think any one would care... If some were to notice, as someone said, at least they will remember me for something...

:hugs:
Eugenie

[TSchapes]

Thanks, for your answers, and thanks to some of you for keeping this light hearted. :love:

I can see those that are not concerned about it, are more out there about their CDing. This is a point of contention between my SO and me. I'd rather be out there and let the chips fall where they may. I hate the sneaking around and trying to remember who I've told and who I haven't. If someone withdraws from me after finding out, they weren't a true friend to begin with. But, I know my SO is afraid of how it reflects on her and our son. And so therefore it is something we both have to come to an agreement on.

And, yes, I will push this out of my mind and try and live for the day. Life is too short.

Love Tracy

[Deborah Jane]

Who cares? I,ll be dead!!:tongueout

[Mary Morgan]

If you decide to leave a note, consider saying " I'm sorry that you never knew the real me. I had so much more to offer yet I was afraid that you would not understand and I allowed it to close me off from you, All my love, ..."

[slamddoger]

maybe you can sit dowen with your wife and have a understand whit to do with your stuff after you gone

[ChristineRenee]

I think you should spend less time worrying about that sort of thing and live your life, be happy, have fun... stop worrying about what if's... besides... if you do leave stuff behind when you're gone, the biggest 'wtf' won't be when they find it, it will be when they meet you again (up there, or w/e) ... and you'll get bitch slapped :tongueoutSomeone is in some serious need of bitch slap therapy. Isn't someone? :tongueout

:hiding:

[Erica Lauren James]

My kids would clean out everything with the help of my sister.
All 3 know about Erica and my daughter, although would be devastated that I was gone sure would enjoy all of my stuff!!!

She can't wait until she gets bigger and we can share everything!!

Erica

[Wendy me]

easy some one opens a used women's clothing store and makes a fortune.............

[Daintre]

I will make sure I leave a box of sales tags and such so they can hold a great clothing yard sale. I use to worry about this all the time, but knowing that my family also knows about me, no need for the WTF :eek:

[Paula G]

Only person who knows is my wife, who will just get rid of what doesn't fit her. Besides, no one will remember after a hundred years.

[shirley1]

to be honest that would be the least of my worries when i'm dead - i'd be more worried if i ended up say in a coma for a few months - and my family would probably go round to my flat and find the stuff - i come around and have to answer some tough questions - would they just be glad your still alive - somehow i think my family would be just gratefull they still had me in this world - i dont think they would care about the stuff !

[CharleneCD]

Since all our family is aware of my dressing, that is not a worry. Now as for all our sex toys and bondage gear......Thank god we would be dead and not be around for their reaction. :eek:

[Tedi]

If were to go to that big Lane Bryant's in the sky, I suspect that my local older brother would be elected to come clean out my place. I'm secure in the thought that it would prove I had a more interesting life than him.

[sandra-leigh]

Just yesterday my wife was joking with me, asking me whether I wanted to be buried dressed and with my "fake boobs". I replied back that I should be buried with a skirt, but that the forms, being silicon, would smell too much when they were cremated, so not to put those in.

(This level of kidding around with my wife is pretty recent, and much appreciated.)

[linnea]

Of course, as the one dead, you won't have to worry about it. However, I think that a note to your spouse would be a nice touch and possibly save some embarassment.
I don't worry about it as much as I used to, but I think that it might be hard on some people. Consequently, I'm trying to get the courage to tell others while I'm still alive and--I hope--I can enjoy the CDing with them.




If one is married, leave a note for her. Your wife may not be alone when she goes though your things. Letting her know that you keep some women's thing hidden somewhere will allow her to clean out those items privately and without embarrassment to herself.

Warm regards,
Christina Nicole

[Joy Carter]

In my case, it's all in garments bags, gym bags and drawers. She will just bag it and toss it. I asked her to do the same with my remains, but she has this thing about funerals.

[Hermina]

I just left a note there. This certainly would be a big surprise for all those who know me. I explained well in the letter, I think they will understand. Thanks for this topic. :drink:

[Sandi jo]

My wife and I have talked about this but wondering if we would pass on at the same time,we really have no answer for that

[wannabie]

What happens to your clothes when your gone?

I've thought about it and I always came up with same answer.

Goodwill, thrift shops.

Haven't you thought about it? Most of them belong to dead people that's why their there. :devil:

[VtVicky]

I have a couple of locked trunks with notes taped to the outside saying that the trunks are to be burned without being opened. The note says that the contents were not valuable to anyone else. They were just memorbilia, some of which might be embarrassing to other very nice people.

My current SO, although not interested in participating, at least knows about my CDing. I expect her to be discrete and cover my tracks.

I strongly disagree with the notion that, just because we are dead, we needent be concerned with the tracks we leave behind. This is the same thinking that says that suicide is only between the victim and God. Let's be realistic. We do have a responsibility to our loved ones. If we think that knowing about our crossdressing will be so difficult for them that we don't want to tell them while we are alive to see their reaction, why in Hell should we inflict that kind of pain on them while they are mourning our demise?

I would suggest not "pushing it out of your mind" until you have devised a way to deal with it. Life may be short, but our impact on others goes on well after we are gone.

If any of you are familiar with Maritime law as it applies to inland waters, you know that legally any vessel is responsible for its' wake. I would suggest that that principle applies to us all.

[TSchapes]

If any of you are familiar with Maritime law as it applies to inland waters, you know that legally any vessel is responsible for its' wake. I would suggest that that principle applies to us all.

I find that metaphor beautiful Vicky. I'm still mulling this one over. Again, my SO knows, my mom and brother knows, his wife knows. The kids do not. I'm hoping that there will be a time when I can tell them. But in the mean time. it will take just a little time to compose a note, and hopefully ease their minds. I guess it's the very least I can do. Maybe I can put in there to log on to crossdressers.com and get support.

Thanks again everybody :love:

[obsessedwithpantyhose]

as i has said b4,,Life as a crossdresser is sooooo much easyer when everyone knows ur a cd...

(the "toys" on the other hand might be a shock to some) :heehee:

[Jilmac]

My wife just passed away in august '07. None of her clothes fit me so I cleaned out the closet, gave all her clothes to a local charity, and hung all my girl clothes on the empty hangers. When I die it won't really matter what anybody finds in my closet, and it won't matter how shocked they might be to find it. What does matter is that I can dress whenever I want and I don't have to be concerned about offending anyone. Whatever is thought or said after I'm gone will have no effect on me. Luv and :hugs: Jill

[victoriamwilliams1]

I thought about it myself also I thought about all the DVD's &CD with my photos on them and what to do wit them. I am not out to my family.

[raleighbelle]

I think this is a very good topic, and a concern I have had for a very long time as well, and I still have not adequately addressed it.

I am not married, so if I pass away, my mother and siblings would likely have to deal with it, and it would be very shocking and I believe disturbing to them to see all this, especially during a period when I assume they would be mourning. Though I will be dead then and it won't matter to me, I really don't want to cause them any more pain or difficulties than I have to. So I do feel a responsibility, as some others have mentioned above.

I think the letter suggestion some have made is a good one, though to say to just burn or dispose of bags without opening them is a guarantee that they will be opened. Could you pass that up if you were the one dealing with someone else's things?

Having said all that, I do believe I need to live my life, and not suppress things further for the 'just in case I die' situation.

[Veronica 1]

I picked up most of my stuff from Goodwill so they can have it all back, except for the dress that I am buried in.

[Kate Simmons]

I'm hoping it will all be put to good use Tracy. My wife mentioned before that perhaps the wigs could go to chemo patients.:happy:

[Laurelanne]

Someon told me a long time ago that I couldn't take it with me... so "I AIN'T GOING':heehee:

[Suzy Harrison]

It's bad enough worrying about it when you're alive - let alone worrying about it when you're dead.

I only worry about having an accident en-femme - and I get to the ER room - and the nurses see me and say "OMG - those shoes don't go with that outfit!" -

I'd feel awful :heehee:

[waspookie6]

We have an 'estate' as opposed to a 'will' and having chose people that know us best, the first thought would be: "I wonder if it fits me..." :heehee:

Seriously, we had to chose a first and second person other than our spouse to handle such a thing for either or both of us. Makes it so much easier for family and children when you think about it.

Ever so practical :rolleyes: :D

[Kristen Marie]

I have a decent stash of clothes and wonder about this as well. I recently had to close out an estate and know exactly what you are talking about and it got me to thinking about a lot of things I could do better.

My first thought is a well written note. Maybe something like, this is not the first time I have written this note and then explain my journey and leave some photos. Hey, maybe it won't help, but it is sure a lot better than having my brother showing up and finding the stuff should both my wife and I go in a car crash.

I do not worry about it, but I do think about it.

[DAVIDA]

Anyone who really matters knows about me, so it is not a concern.
I don't want people walking around in my shoes though. So I will be haunting whoever does!:devil:

[TSchapes]

I've written a "Surprise Letter". I've posted it out on my blog and printed up copies to be stored. Again, thanks for all the thoughtful ideas. This is a first draft and I may add to it later as it warrants. But, at least I feel I gave it a first try.

Love, Tracy

[lisalove]

I will be dead, I couldn't care anyless what anybody will find. If they don't know about me already, they will when they come to clean out my house. As for all my stuff, I hope it all goes back to the thrift shops where I bought it all. But knowing my friends, they will sell it all and have a great party.

[trannie T]

One of the reasons I came out to my brother last year was so he would not be surprised when he went through my stuff after my demise. I figured, why wait until I'm dead to mess withn his head, do it now.

[Joann0830]

I have to say Tamara Croft says it all as she always does, Love her thoughts.
I dont ever think about the clothes thing as my Youngest Daughter knows all about me and would dispose of the hidden world of me but will tell everybody its from one of the woman I have been with and she never picked it up. My Daughter, My Confidant, as she says gotta love her she is the Baby. Joann0830:battingeyelashes::heehee::love:

[harmony]

my problem is not realy what it is but how much!!having to imflict that burden on someone bothers me some.may be i should pinn a g note on my best dress?

[marny]

I think Susy Harrison hit the nail on the head! God forbid they figure out your tacky mistakes. Admit it .We have all made afew! :o