Kate Simmons
02-26-2008, 05:45 PM
I'm sitting here looking at the Forum with a day and a half worth of beard growth and the question dawned on me:"What if my friends here could see me now?" I lost water pressure yesterday, so have been trouble shooting the system, so haven't taken the time to shave or even get dressed today (Horrors!). I'm sure most of you know me well enough from here where it wouldn't make a difference as I'm always the same in either mode. I'm not sure everyone has it like that however.
When I first decided to come out, I felt the need to always look my femme best when I went to TG meeings and it seemed like it was expected. A few of the gals would come drab sometimes and get looked at crosseyed as if others were saying:"Hey whaddya trying to do, make us look bad?" That kind of thinking kept me in tow for awhile, then one night I was running late and really wanted to go , so decided to forego the dressing. To my surprise nobody took the initiative to talk to me at all as if I were a big bug eyed ET or something. When I talked to a few myself, they acted as if they did not care if I was there or not and one gal even asked me:"If you're a crossdresser, why aren't you dressed for the meeting?" and was kind of snippy about it. So much for support I guess. I asked myself if I really wanted to be there if they could not accept me as is, as me.
What I had noticed was that in addition to supporting others, some actually thought newbies were their "disciples" and taught them how to do this and that and expected to be treated as some kind of "authority". Of course the "hierarchy premise" was firmly entrenched as well and I eventually decided I could not make any real progress discovering who I was or being myself in this scenerio and went out on my own.
I started hanging out at the LGBT club near me and slowly gained respect and acceptance for who I was and I was never pretentious at all. I also developed my particular appearance and style of doing things. I felt real freedom of expression and made a lot of new friends who accepted me for who I was. This worked well for me and I was an individual and my own person and really created myself and who I am today.
When other CD's come to me for advice, I will not tell them what they "have" to do to pass or whatever, I figure that is a personal adventure discovering who they are and really has to be custom tailored by that person for themself. This helps to create a person that is truely themself and I celebrate that with them. This is the only real way to do it in my estimation. If they are really stuck, I will just say:"Well, this is what I do". I do still learn from others as I sure don't have all the answers and never will and really don't care because for myself it's all about having a good time being myself and not worrying about "perfection".
The bottom line is that what I put into being Salandra is truely myself and that is evident to the folks who know me. This is true in either mode and I really no longer am asked why I didn't dress when I come to the club as Rich. People know when they see me that what they see is what they get in either mode and that is truely myself and that is what really makes me happy.:happy:
When I first decided to come out, I felt the need to always look my femme best when I went to TG meeings and it seemed like it was expected. A few of the gals would come drab sometimes and get looked at crosseyed as if others were saying:"Hey whaddya trying to do, make us look bad?" That kind of thinking kept me in tow for awhile, then one night I was running late and really wanted to go , so decided to forego the dressing. To my surprise nobody took the initiative to talk to me at all as if I were a big bug eyed ET or something. When I talked to a few myself, they acted as if they did not care if I was there or not and one gal even asked me:"If you're a crossdresser, why aren't you dressed for the meeting?" and was kind of snippy about it. So much for support I guess. I asked myself if I really wanted to be there if they could not accept me as is, as me.
What I had noticed was that in addition to supporting others, some actually thought newbies were their "disciples" and taught them how to do this and that and expected to be treated as some kind of "authority". Of course the "hierarchy premise" was firmly entrenched as well and I eventually decided I could not make any real progress discovering who I was or being myself in this scenerio and went out on my own.
I started hanging out at the LGBT club near me and slowly gained respect and acceptance for who I was and I was never pretentious at all. I also developed my particular appearance and style of doing things. I felt real freedom of expression and made a lot of new friends who accepted me for who I was. This worked well for me and I was an individual and my own person and really created myself and who I am today.
When other CD's come to me for advice, I will not tell them what they "have" to do to pass or whatever, I figure that is a personal adventure discovering who they are and really has to be custom tailored by that person for themself. This helps to create a person that is truely themself and I celebrate that with them. This is the only real way to do it in my estimation. If they are really stuck, I will just say:"Well, this is what I do". I do still learn from others as I sure don't have all the answers and never will and really don't care because for myself it's all about having a good time being myself and not worrying about "perfection".
The bottom line is that what I put into being Salandra is truely myself and that is evident to the folks who know me. This is true in either mode and I really no longer am asked why I didn't dress when I come to the club as Rich. People know when they see me that what they see is what they get in either mode and that is truely myself and that is what really makes me happy.:happy: