help please

[Brooke H]

Hi girls

i have posted only a couple of times before but anyways i am still in the closet but like to dress and love the thrill and would like to go out in public but firstly discretely. Just wondering what things i could wear and where i should go and things like that, just some helpful hints.

thanx

[michellemc]

hi, i'm feeling the same way,now getting dareing underdressing when i go to work or just going to the store. always wanting to go somewhere safe all dress up. i hope you can fine the answer so maybe i could do the same.

[Cyndie]

I don't go out very often but when I do:

Plan in advance, select a place where there will be people, but avoid teenagers, they will out you in a second.

Go there in advance and see how the GG's dress. Try to dress in the same style. My guess is that it would not be mini skirts and high heels. Dressing out of the norm is a quick give away.

Most of us feel more comfortable going out after dark. Just don't make it too late. For safety you want to have lots of people around.

I enjoy going to upscale shopping areas. I avoid areas were there are clubs and drinking. Drunks are not the kindest group to be around, especially when one is trying to impress his buddies with how tough he is.

Don't forget to buy a purse. You will need some where to put your ID, a credit card, a little cash, your lipstick and you keys.

Finally walk proud and don't be too nervous, you will be. Remember that ,most people are kind, if they do read you, they won't say anything to you. They may talk about you at dinner, but you will never know.

Try it, if you plan and are careful it loads of fun.

TTFN
Cyndie

[Shelly Preston]

The first thing you should both do is take your time

There is a big wide world out there but its not going anywhere so there is no need to rush things

Do a lot of reading here as there is a lot of good advice available before you even consider stepping outside

[angelfire]

I've never been out, but common places for a first time could be even just around the block. Alot of people like to go shopping, or a gay bar from what I've heard is generally pretty safe for CDers. Or you could join a local group and go to the meetings dressed.

[RikkiOfLA]

My first time out worked so well, I just want to share with you what I learned.

(If you're curious, my wife and I went to the Halloween street fair in West Hollywood, CA twelve years ago this coming Halloween. It was an amazing evening. I looked at the world with new eyes that night, and it changed my whole outlook on life (for the better). I've never been the same.)

1. Previous responders have said plan ahead. Good advice! For me, and for many others I've talked with, first time out can be one of the most memorable events of your life, right up there with your wedding, high school graduation, and so on. As you can easily imagine, it also has the potential to be a horrible disaster! So plan ahead.

2. Don't do it alone. I was soooo nervous and into my own feelings it's not funny. If I were doing it alone, I might have chickened out or gotten run over by a car, gotten my purse stolen, etc. If you're married or in a long term relationship, try to take your SO with you. Arrange your plans to make it fun for your SO. Doing enjoyable things that are normal for the two of you (eating, resting, talking, etc.) will help a lot.

3. Go with other crossdressers if possible. You, your SO, and another couple including at least one experienced crossdresser is probably ideal. Or, if no SO, a group of three or four crossdressers. They can show you the ropes, drive, and help keep you safe and not too nervous. Make sure they know this is your first time out. They'll know how important this is, and how special it can be for you.

4. If possible, go to an event where it's encouraged/okay to crossdress. A costume party, gay/drag street fair, that sort of thing. That way, you won't be the only one crossdressed, and it will calm any questions about being arrested, laughed at, singled out, embarrassed, etc. If you're going to a place like a bar or support group that encourages crossdressing frequently, you might want to go in male mode once before to see how people dress and act. Try to dress like the others, or a little more conservatively.

5. Avoid drinking alcohol the first time. If you are comfortable drinking lightly and feel you can handle yourself, one light drink such as a toast early in the evening is fine. But if you need a few drinks to calm your nerves, you're frankly approaching this the wrong way. Crossdressing in public will be such a new experience that you'll need wits your about you. Do check your makeup in a mirror after eating or drinking.

6. Assume you won't pass, not the first time. There is so much to passing (voice, mannerisms, intention, how/when to do eye contact etc.) that you almost certainly won't master the first time out. Don't worry about it. Plan to use your normal voice, use one-holers such as outdoor portapotties or the rest room of a CD-friendly club. Just focus instead on being relaxed, reasonably safe, and having fun.

7. Take your ID, cell phone if you have one, keys, and a little change in case of emergencies. Carrying a small to medium purse that can hold your wallet is an excellent idea. You can carry your lipstick and face powder, but don't try to carry your entire makeup collection.

8. Take pictures before you step out the door. You'll have a picture of what you tried to look like, before you got tired, wind-blown, jostled by crowds, etc. Your group can carry a camera for location shots ("Here is Joanne and her friends at world famous Times Square" etc.) but let someone else carry the camera the first time. After all, you'll be the star this night!

9. It's safe to say that there may be sexual encounters going on, especially if this is an adult/gay/drag event. Don't be shocked or disapproving of what you might see. Don't take the kids the first time. Don't photograph such things. And don't let your nervousness, uninhibitedness, etc. talk you into anything you might regret later. Try to keep your wits about you.

10. Avoid dark alleys, unfriendly people, groups of teens, etc.

11. If possible, go after dark, but not too late, as someone else said.

12. Give yourself plenty of time to get ready. Usually about three hours the first few times. Plan ahead whether you need to shave your legs or other parts of your body if you don't do this already.

13. Sexy is good; unsafe is not. Sexy isn't about revealing things that shouldn't be revealed in public; it's about presenting an illusion. If you have favorite/fetish objects that women regularly wear in public, such as hosiery, bras, dangly earrings, etc. be sure to incorporate them in your costume. It will be an astounding experience to realize you're wearing them in public, legally, safely, and having fun doing so. On the other hand, watch out for large earrings etc. that can catch on branches or other costumes. Dress for the weather.

14. Smile (women do that a lot, even if you don't normally smile much), relax, and have fun!

15. Tell us where you went, and how it was.

[KeriB]

I'm not sure if the gals here know about this, but I'm planning my first public outing this October at the Fantasia Fair in Provincetown, MA. It's an entire week devoted to the TG experience, with workshops, etc.. but most importantly, the ability to 24/7 - in public - for one whole week!

[joann07]

I very much agree with everyone's tips and suggestions. :thumbsup:
There are places that people call "TG friendly", but if you present yourself appropriately (i.e. mannerisms, presentation, walk, talk, etc.) you can go anywhere you want and not be afraid or nervous, especially in the presence of teenagers.
Me, I've been fully dressing for just over a year and I go out frequently to just about any place because I "blend in" very well. :doll:
It does take a lot of time to get the right look, but if you practice enough times you'll get to the point you're ready to go out for that first time.
These are a few things I would like to add, based on my experiences and from what I've learned from other dressers.

To learn how to present yourself appropriately, it is important to observe what women of your approximate age range are wearing, that is, what are the most the common outfits, dresses, tops, skirts, pants, shoes, etc. that you notice whenever you're at a mall, the grocery store, the bank, a restaurant, or wherever.
You can learn a lot just by observing the style of clothing a woman wears, including her mannierisms, walk, and talk.

The way you walk is definitely something that requires practice, especially in heels.
There are those who say that you must sway your hips and walk with one foot in front of the other. Well, I don't necessary believe that because, during my obeservations, a typical woman doesn't normally walk that way. I only notice that when supermodels strut the cat walk because they want to look HOT and sexy. I've noticed that most women sway their butts, and not so much hip, and nor do they walk with one foot in front of the other.
Also, women are more graceful and they walk a little slower with their back straight, not sloughing, and their heads up.

Another key thing to observe is what women are wearing during the week. The reason why I say that, is this, during the week (Mon-Fri) it's a work week and, of course, most women are in an office environment wearing their business suits or business casual dresses, tops, pants, skirts, and heels. So, its not uncommon to see a woman at the store (during or after hours) or at lunch or dinner dressed in nice business clothes. It's not a good idea to go to a mall, on a typical work day, wearing a cocktail dress or a mini-skirt with a low-cut top, and 5 inch red stilleto heels. :haha::naughty
That immediately tiggers the red flag so save that for going out clubbing.

On the weekends, its different attire.
Saturday, its casual day so you won't see a woman all dressed up in a business oufit or work-type attire, except for maybe if there's some kind of conference or formal type event that's going on in the local area.
It's a day to relax and so its common for a woman to wear jeans, sweatshirts, capris, v-neck trendy tops, shorts, polos, sandals, denim skirts, gauchos, casual skirts, t-shirts, sweats, tanks, camisoles, flip flops, hoodies, etc, etc.

As for Sunday, it's church day for most people and so it's a day to get dressed up in a nice dress or outfit from 8:00AM to about 3:00PM.
After 3PM, it's back to jeans, sweatshirts, capris, v-neck trendy tops, shorts, polos, sandals, denim skirts, gauchos, casual skirts, t-shirts, sweats, flats, tanks, camisoles, flip flops, hoodies, etc, etc.

Again, practice makes perfect in order to blend in and if there's a local support group in the area, whether it's Tri-Ess or not, it would be a great private place meet other Cders and learn, as well as develop your own clothing style. In addition, you'll build up your confidence and feel great about yourself that once you're ready to step out you'll know.

Hugs!

[Kristen Marie]

And try simple things at first. If you have never been out, try wearing heels and just drive with them on. I still get a thrill doing that on the way home from work. Or try wearing something feminine like a blouse that could go either way. Get used to being out dressed in part en femme.

[brandi141]

hi. my first time was last week actually. i went to an albertsons in different area then i live. Just walked around whole store went to makeup section for awile, i actually had a guy come up and say "hows it goin" without thinkin i said it back in my deep voice and his jaw dropped and was speechless. He thought i was a women. i got some looks but lots of women smiled. What i wore was a dirty blonde long curly wig with black turtle neck to cover my small adams apple, never be too careful. Also faded blue jeans with 3" heel black boots and pink long fake nails. yes very scary doin it alone but i wanted to do it before i didnt have a chance anymore cause my house will be packed with family by the first and cant dress when they here. Im goin to the club on friday for my second outing.very excited but really nervous. be confident and feel like you can do it.hope this helped. good luck:love::hugs:

[Joy Carter]

"The Lake Erie Sisters" are putting on an event in November 08' (three or four days). It takes place in Erie PA. Google their name and find the event. It sounds pretty reasonable, price wise.

[Megan (VA)]

This is all good advice everyone is offering.

A word about gay bars - they are not all the same. Some are what I call "hypermasculine," catering to the leather / levis / bear crowd. In my experieince these are not the best places for TG women to visit. Leave those kinds of places to the men and seek out places with a more fun, open, dance club vibe.

If you are comfortable doing so, visiting someplace that caters primarily to women, like a nail salon can also be a good first time out. See my posting from earlier today in "out and about" for the story about my manicure this morning at a salon I had not gone to previously.

In my experieince a group of TG women will eventually be read as such but because you are with a group, you will not stand out. In a mix of GGs and TGs, the TGs are less likely to be read, unless they are trying to stand out (dressing inappropriately for the time and place) or have some features (like being 7 feet tall) that make them stand out.

Get out there. Have fun and let the world know that we are people too.

[Emily Ann Brown]

From an old-timer (who went shopping at WalMart's Monday night) stick to gas pumping and public parks during off hours(daylight) the first couple of times. Leave car door open as you pump so you "feel" you have a quick exit route. Carry an emergency bag holding male sweatshirt and sweatpants, easy on loafers,a wet washcloth and a dry towel. Carry a spare car key ON YOU (funny how sisters lock keys up in cars when nervous....or maybe it isn't funny).

If you must go shopping right off the bat, avoid heels and short skirts (too easy to fall off heels the first time if you get nervous), plan your outting well including seeing what REAL women wear there, scope it out and know your route through a prospective mall or store, and don't look guilty and/or stare at the floor. RELAX !!!!!!!

Emily Ann

[Eugenie]

i am still in the closet but like to dress and love the thrill and would like to go out in public but firstly discretely.

hi, i'm feeling the same way

As far as I can tell, going out first to a local well known Crossdresser meeting is probably the safest place to start. Other crossdressers will know the feeling that youwill be going through. If they think that your "en femme" look needs some enhencements they will usually tell you very gently.


Just wondering what things i could wear and where i should go and things like that, just some helpful hints.
This is a rather difficult question, you will only get some ideas about what to wear and when to wear it after lots of practice...

One thing you should beware of is that once you will have started going out, you will always want to do it again...

:hugs:
Eugenie

[Sandi jo]

Look around here and read as much as youcan

[Sonia Kiss]

Hi Brooke!

The other responses here are great. I'll add just a couple of little comments.


6. Assume you won't pass...

I would say don't expect to pass, but don't assume either way! Brandi's story is a perfect example:


hi. my first time was last week actually. ... had a guy come up and say "hows it goin" without thinkin i said it back in my deep voice and his jaw dropped and was speechless....

You also got some varied advice on gay bars. A good rule of thumb is to think twice before going to any kind of place where you're unfamiliar with the typical social interactions there. Me, I was familiar with gay bars before I started dressing, so I didn't hesitate to go there. But gosh, most people are nervous enough their first time in a gay bar even without being crossdressed.

And this was my favorite caution:


One thing you should beware of is that once you will have started going out, you will always want to do it again...

LOL. Ask yourself one last time, are you sure you want to do this? Yep, for me, I called it taking the pink pill. Once I did it, reality changed and there was no going back :)

Love!
Sonia

[april lynn]

I would wear a nice slacks with a nice top

[angela52]

Hi girls

i have posted only a couple of times before but anyways i am still in the closet but like to dress and love the thrill and would like to go out in public but firstly discretely. Just wondering what things i could wear and where i should go and things like that, just some helpful hints.

thanx

higirl im angela if you feel you can pass then start out by going to a 7/11or something like it it would be nice if you have a gg/ to help you out anyway love ya angela

[april lynn]

have fun and be yourself :thumbsup:

[Brooke H]

Thanks girls, im not sure i am ready to brave the public fully dressed just yet, maybe underclothing to begin. thank you for the handy pointers though. how much under clothing is possible to get away with and what kind of things are they

[april lynn]

Thanks girls, im not sure i am ready to brave the public fully dressed just yet, maybe underclothing to begin. thank you for the handy pointers though. how much under clothing is possible to get away with and what kind of things are they

A bra pantys maybe hoses:hugs:

[Eugenie]

Thanks girls, im not sure i am ready to brave the public fully dressed just yet

One thing I forgott to say in my previous message was that one way to start going out is to do it in a virtual manner... I mean posting pictures in a forum like this one with a very tolerant public.

Tha will help you build your confidence in your image... And if you really need some help with looking more feminine, you may expect gentle advice from other members.

:hugs:
Eugenie

[Jamie Parks]

where i live now I dont go out dressred at all anymore I live in a tiny backwards town in WVA only about 200 people and everyone knows everyone, when I first moved here I went for a drive one eve and a couple of days later a guy down the road asked who the chick driving my truck was? Since my g/f had not moved here yet I told him I was having an affair with another woman(quick thinking if you ask me). I called my g/f and told her so she wouldnt hear it from someone else when she did move here we laughed about it. When I lived in Balto. I went out many times but like others have said over dressing(dresses, heels, too much makeup) will get you noticed quick Iusually wore capri's, flip flops and a blouse. I have went shopping, driving, and walking around and never(to my face) been outed.

Jamie

[Sonia Kiss]

where i live now I dont go out dressred at all anymore I live in a tiny backwards town in WVA only about 200 people and everyone knows everyone, when I first moved here I went for a drive one eve and a couple of days later a guy down the road asked who the chick driving my truck was? Since my g/f had not moved here yet I told him I was having an affair with another woman(quick thinking if you ask me). I called my g/f and told her so she wouldnt hear it from someone else when she did move here we laughed about it. When I lived in Balto. I went out many times but like others have said over dressing(dresses, heels, too much makeup) will get you noticed quick Iusually wore capri's, flip flops and a blouse. I have went shopping, driving, and walking around and never(to my face) been outed.

Jamie

Hi Jamie,

This is great news that you were accepted as a paramour! So now you can make up some story about living in the town down the road, and you can meet lots of other people in tiny town, and you can talk up that guy you are having an affair with and let everyone know what a great guy he is. The only quirk will be that you'll be like Clark Kent and Superman--never seen together.

:sigh: Seriously, that's sad that you feel you can't live "out" in the town where you live. Have hope, the world is changing, if slowly.