If you could have chosen not to be TG/TS...

[Leo Lane]

...would you have done it? Looking back at your life, do you think that it would have been better for you on the whole to have been born into the body of the sex you feel you are, or do you think that on the whole being TG/TS has benefited you, or can you just not imagine being anything else?

[Cai]

Absolutely not.

I'm me, and I'm the sum of my experiences. If you changed anything about my history, I wouldn't be me anymore. That includes my eating disorder history, my self-injury history, my TG/TS history, my family experiences, my friends, my choice of activities. All of it, good and bad - I wouldn't give any of it up.

[Kieron Andrew]

not a chance in hell....i am who i am, i wouldnt change a thing, im very proud of being a Transman, ive always said it

[Anna the Dub]

I am not sure about this one. On the one hand, I am who I am and it is my life experiences and feeling that have made me the person I am today. If I had not been TS, I would be a completely different person, in all ways. On the other hand, it would have been so much easier to have been born either male or female and content with whichever one I was. Perhaps in that instance, though, I might not like the person I had become.

[Deborah_UK]

I don't really understand the question.

If I could have chosen? Of course I wouldn't have "chosen" to be TS.

I must admit I don't see the point of hypothetical questions - if I could have chosen, I wouldn't have chosen to have the curse of body hair that needs removal, I wouldn't have chosen to have something dangling between my legs.

But we don't get a choice. We have to deal with life the way life has been given to us.

If I had a choice, I'd win the lottery every week. But in the lottery of life I have been dealt with being transsexual - I have to deal with it best I can - there is no "choice" as such involved.

The only choice I have is to remain living a male life and either live the rest of my life depressed and potentially suicidal. Or to transition. To put right what was wrong from my earliest thoughts and being.

So that's the only choice I have.

[Cassie Cas]

I have just written a lot as to how I feel about this question. Then I read the story and deleted it. The simple answer to this is that I wish it never happened to me.

[Angel1977]

Cassie Cas not everyone will feel positive how they are. Even those that feel they are in the correct body are still not ever happy with it. How you are feeling is ok and understandable. I guess you feel that you just want to opt for what society class as a normal life. You are who you are and try to think of positive things. Hope you keep posting

Angel xxxxx

[Stephanie Anne]

In a heartbeat. If I could have chosen not to be ashamed of my life growing up and not have to go through what I have... I would have jumped at the chance.

But since wishes and ifs are not reality... I am proud of what I have gone through now and I will never again be ashamed of who I ma just becasue I am different from someone else's standards.

[Sharon]

I wouldn't be, for better or worse, the person I am if I wasn't transgendered. So, no, knowing what I know now, I'm perfectly happy being who and what I am.

[Holly]

No, I don't think so. I know who and what I am. Take away my TGness and I'm not at all sure that I would be pleased with what might remain. As it is, I'm pretty darn cool!:D

[boi_0h]

I don't think I'd change me, I mean just because I hate myself sometimes doesn't mean it's forever. My identity was formed on the basis of these challenges that I've been presented with, being trans is just one aspect of that, and I'm not ashamed to be such. I think it's something to be proud of, I mean anyone willing to go through what we have to just to be able to present ourselves to the outside world as who we were born to be anyhow, we're a strong and determined bunch.

[Joy Carter]

I just wish I would have accepted me for myself, years ago. I'd been much more further along in life. Maybe even my GDP would have been higher. God do we ever stop regretting ?

[ZenFrost]

I'd have saved myself years of low self esteem, depression, no confidence, and absolute misery if I'd been in the right body to begin with. So in that way yes, I'd have been better off.

[Perrinielle]

I would have been a woman from day nr. 1 if I had a choice. Whoever or whatever gave me this f&^% ing male body should be eliminated.
But then again... I would not have had two beautiful children and I would not have met this beautiful person that I am married to. Anyways... if I had a choice I was born a woman !!

-Leanne

[AmandaM]

I'm not sure I'm TS yet. But, I would rather be all man or all woman than something in between, or on the opposite side trying to cross over.

[Melanie85]

I would. Someone needs to upset the normal people, and life would be boring being cisgendered.

Yeah okay I could still use the fact that I'm kinky, poly or a sex-positive sexology student to upset people...

















But seriously, I'd rather be born into a society which still respected you whether you were trans, genderfluid, or cisgendered.

[Scotty]

Hypothetically they say that a butterfly flapping it's wings can affect a hurricane a thousand miles away, however slight.

If you were to go back in time and stomp on that butterfly what would happen......would the hurricane change course due to a super minor influx and destroy mankind?

It's the butterfly effect, I firmly believe in it.

After studying that, I don't even contemplate what I would change if time travel were possible......

But if I made a change it might be to transition early.
But wait, then my kid would not be born and maybe she's going to save the life of a great world leader, or maybe she's going to invent the cure for cancer.......

Wow....

[SirTrey]

I'm glad this question was posted....I have said in the past that I would have chosen not to be TG....but today, as I go to My appointment to start My T, I have to say that I am taking an attitude to that appointment that is different than I have had to this point....I like the person I am....and I would not be that person if it had not been for My life experience....I now have a way to manifest My maleness, which is what has changed...and that process begins today....I'm very excited to welcome the physical changes that will occur, but I am who I am because I was who I was....so, no, I would not change it....and it feels damn good to say so....finally! :)

[melissaK]

In a heartbeat. If I could have chosen not to be ashamed of my life growing up and not have to go through what I have... I would have jumped at the chance.

But since wishes and ifs are not reality... I am proud of what I have gone through now and I will never again be ashamed of who I am just because I am different from someone else's standards.

Ditto

hugs,
'lissa

[CaptLex]

If you could have chosen not to be TG/TS...

...would you have done it?
Sometimes I think so. Life would be easier if I were satisfied with how I was born . . . if I had the mental equipment to handle the shape of my body. But is an easier life a better life, necessarily? :thinking:

I don't think anyone would choose to be trans. I know I woke up and found myself a member of this exclusive club, and I imagine it's similar for everyone else. But would I change that? If the Creator had given me a choice, would I have said, "no thanks"? Probably . . . life is hard enough, right? But maybe I would have said, "I wonder what that's like . . . ?" Maybe I did say that . . . :raisedeyebrow:

In any case, I wouldn't undo that now - choice or no choice. As many have said, it's who I am and all my life experiences, good or bad, have shaped me.

[Cai]

If the Creator had given me a choice, would I have said, "no thanks"? Probably . . . life is hard enough, right? But maybe I would have said, "I wonder what that's like . . . ?" Maybe I did say that . . . :raisedeyebrow:


:heehee: That's probably what I did too - sounds like something I'd do. Curiosity kills the cat, right?

[Maggie Kay]

My answer is often dependent on what is happening in a given day. If it is a bad one, I might say this is a curse. On good ones, it is a blessing.
I think if society/family wasn't so bloody cruel and un-accepting, I'd be 100% happy as who I am. Much of what I desire is acceptance and to be loved. These are rare for trans-folk.

[JocelynG]

All in all I wouldn't change a thing. It's true that I may loose everything while transistioning but the one thing I won't loose is my personality and self being. If this wasn't me I don't know what I would be or where I would be in my life

[MJ]

i would have to say no . i am a better person because of who i am . if i was not trans i would not have the love and compassion i do . i am a better person because of it .

[Mean Green Irene]

Originally Posted by Viktoriya
"In a heartbeat. If I could have chosen not to be ashamed of my life growing up and not have to go through what I have... I would have jumped at the chance.

But since wishes and ifs are not reality... I am proud of what I have gone through now and I will never again be ashamed of who I am just because I am different from someone else's standards."

Same here, I would not wish the hell that I went through to anyone. But yet now on the other side I feel good about myself and my life.

[Valeria]

I actually like my life a lot as things have turned out so far. I love my life partner and my baby. I can't imagine life without them. There is no price I wouldn't pay to keep them in my life. I'm also pretty happy with some of the other developments in my life in recent years. So from that point of view, this is a pretty easy question.

OTOH, it's hard to say that I'm grateful for having to spend ~$50k on transition-related expenses (surgery, medical bills, hormones, voice therapy, electrolysis, etc.). Also, being trans did cause me pain, inconvenience, and indecision at times. It probably contributed to it taking so long for me to decide what profession I wanted to pursue. It definitely led to our waiting a long time to have a child, and if we were younger we'd be trying to have a second child (so being trans literally contributed to my having fewer children). If I were a fertile female (and younger), I'd be trying to bear a child myself. So it's really hard for me to see an objective argument for being born trans as having been a blessing.

It is true that we are the sum of our experiences, but we are much more than that. Core personality traits don't actually tend to change all that much as we age, and I don't fully agree that changing some of the details of my past experiences would truly change who I am.

Let me approach this question another way. When I was a teenager, my dad died of cancer. It affected me profoundly. I was severely depressed for a long time. I went from being an A student to failing classes. I lost all my scholarships. I eventually dropped out of college. Combined with my gender issues, I lost much of my interest in building a future for myself.

Did this shape and mold me? Is it theoretically possible that my life might have turned out very differently if my dad hadn't had cancer (or if it had been detected earlier)? Is it even theoretically possible that I might not have my life partner and/or our baby if he hadn't died? Yes, yes, and yes. But I'd be lying if I said that if some higher power had given the teenage me the choice of changing events to prevent my father from dying of cancer, that I'd have chosen to let my dad die.

If some divine force had given me the option of being born as a female in a female body or a female in a male body, I'd absolutely have taken the female body. Life is filled with plenty of adversity - why seek out extra challenges? If I'd been given the choice between a male-spirit in a male body, or a female-spirit in a male body, I'd like to think I'd have chosen to be born as I was (with a female spirit).

Incidentally, since the question is "if you could have chosen not to be TG/TS would you have done it?", not "if you could travel back in time now and change things, would you?", I'm not so certain that the "butterfly effect" is strictly applicable. Also, I think that pointing out that some minor change decades ago could have potentially (through a series of improbably events) led to the extintion of humanity misses the point of this little hypothetical thought exercise.

I happy with my life and who I am, but I'm not thankful for the path I had to take to get here, and given a choice I'd have taken a different path. But I'm happy with where I am, and we can't actually change the past anyway, so I'm not going to lose any sleep worrying about this issue.

[helenr]

Personally I feel that Society is the big 'boggie man' that affects my perspective. Yes, it is fine to celebrate our uniqueness, but observe how the public reacts to what might -unkindly I suppose- a Mr and Mrs Potato head with the parts exchanged. I see women at my health club who range from flat chested--I have more titty than they!- to gals that are beyond DD cups! Men aren't 'approved' to have anything showing-unless there is a sumo wrestler gut below them. this negative view by the public has upset me my entire life and I wish I had been born a GG, but that sure didn't happen. So, on balance, I would have to say that it would have been easier to be a plain vanilla 'normal' male. helen

[kazeparker]

In short, yes, I would go back as the gender I was meant to be rather than be how I am now.

My life may have turned out completely different, but it would allow me to transcend where I've become stuck on Maslow's Hierarchy of Need.

[Katrina]

Oh my God, of course I wouldn't "choose" to be TG. This has caused me unbelievable grief (many here know what I mean), and there is no way I'd choose to be this way.

[Fi Fi Fiona]

As much as i wouldn't wish what i live with apon anyone, i wouldn't change anything. Ive learned a few things in my life and even though im young, i still feel that my experiences have impacted my personality. If it all never happened and i was born as a female, then my personality would not exist. It would of saved me a lot of heart ache though. However, i can only see the light as the end of the tunel, and in my case, i don't think about the "what if's" and "if only's". I already done enough of that when i was in my early teens. Just trying to get through as best i can :3
Love *Fiona*

[Cheryl Ann]

I would not have chosed it, life would have been simpler and less painful had I not had these constant conflicts, both internal and societal.

[Vaerise]

I'm not sure I'm TS yet. But, I would rather be all man or all woman than something in between, or on the opposite side trying to cross over.

The society doesn't react well towards things that do not conform to their standards of what is "normal". Humans are gregarious by nature... I would much rather fit in then be different. If I have a choice I would never choose to be a TS.

[Gina V.]

It's very hard being inbetween, if I could have chosen I would have been a girl, but here I am, stuck in the middle with the small minority who do understand, reading mail and dressing when I can but also being unable to go out into the big wide world because of the "normal" folks who would sooner string you up rather than let you live your own life, So you live alone and get used to it. Gina V.

[Tristan]

No I wouldn't choose to be trans. I wouldn't want the self hatred, the self harm behavior, the fears, the shame, and everything that's tied to it. It not impossible to deal with I'm learning now and perhaps that on some level makes me a different kind of person. In some ways I feel like its small miracles that have kept me alive through all the self hatred and I don't know if I'd be so lucky a second time.

[Maggie Kay]

I have to add that now that I am full time, my negative feelings about being trans have faded away. Instead, I have a new sense of well being and really like the woman I see in the mirror. This is the first time in my life that I didn't cringe looking at myself in the mirror. In public, I am a different person. Just a month ago, I was thinking that I looked weird and that everyone was staring at me. Maybe they were. Now I see people looking and I think, "Yes I am good looking aren't I"
The point isn't that I am hot looking. I just look like a woman my age who is well groomed. Being accepted for who I am has made more of a change in my attitude than I ever expected.


The result is that I am happy and don't think about this thread's subject question anymore. Never saw that one coming!

[Lanore]

I am who I am, yesterday, today and tomorrow. I don't struggle with myself as to who I am or how I feel and what 'if' never crosses my mind.

Lanore

[ColleenW]

I am not sure about this one. On the one hand, I am who I am and it is my life experiences and feeling that have made me the person I am today. If I had not been TS, I would be a completely different person, in all ways. On the other hand, it would have been so much easier to have been born either male or female and content with whichever one I was. Perhaps in that instance, though, I might not like the person I had become.

I agree with you Anna. It would have been a lot easier to be one or the other and not torn in two.

[azalea]

I wouldn't wish this pain onto anyone.

[Maryanne_sa]

...would you have done it? Looking back at your life, do you think that it would have been better for you on the whole to have been born into the body of the sex you feel you are, or do you think that on the whole being TG/TS has benefited you, or can you just not imagine being anything else?

Without question, I would much rather have been borne with the correct body for my gender. Having said that, if I was given a choise of not be Ts, and being a man, I would choose being a TS any day, regardless of the pain that I have suffered over the years.

Maryanne