Would you have chosen this?

[Julie York]

Inspired by a thread by Cleo Lane (royalties due) in the TS section.


Would you have chosen this for yourself?


What do you think you've learned by being in such a contradictory position?




For my part I have realised that you have a choice over your actions, but that your brain chemistry is pretty much hard wired when it comes to desire based on gender stuff. You're stuck with it and have to deal with it the best way you can.

Thank god I have an urge that isn't harmful to anyone and mostly not illegal.

[Kieron Andrew]

Inspired by a thread by Cleo Lane (royalties due) in the TS section.

its LEO!!! :doh: :slap:

[Deborah Jane]

Thank god I have an urge that isn't harmful to anyone and mostly not illegal.

Exactly!! There are far worse things we could be!!

[charlie]

I would much rather be working on my car, playing poker with the guys or attending a car show instead of wondering what outfit I will be wearing to the club tonight! I also must decide whether to do my nails, wear fake ones, and decide upon the color. No, crossdressing is something that has taken control of parts of my brain ...like an addiction. It is not what I really want.

[Wendy me]

Inspired by a thread by Cleo Lane (royalties due) in the TS section.


Would you have chosen this for yourself?

you mean like had i have had a choice to be what ever the hell i am ........would i have???? wow interesting ... if my life path was the same family wife and kids ... most likely not........single unattached and actually knowing who i was or going to be ..... i think i would ... see a clear path is easyer.........


What do you think you've learned by being in such a contradictory position?




For my part I have realised that you have a choice over your actions, but that your brain chemistry is pretty much hard wired when it comes to desire based on gender stuff. You're stuck with it and have to deal with it the best way you can.
Thank god I have an urge that isn't harmful to anyone and mostly not illegal.

interesting on the hard wired thought i believe that's true .... funny thing is them wires sometime come lose .... fall out .... or get crossed.... thats when the whole program goes to hell.........the what if's and were and who or what am i thoughts come in play ..... confusion ... panic and questioning every thing all comes back ... what was is not any more.... or more so it just might have ever been ............in the mist of it all as messed as it becomes it's your moving ... growing ... it don't make sense .... it's scary ...... and your OK shaken a bit but along for the ride..........

lol hold on it gets intresting...........

[docrobbysherry]

I would much rather be working on my car, playing poker with the guys or attending a car show instead of wondering what outfit I will be wearing to the club tonight! I also must decide whether to do my nails, wear fake ones, and decide upon the color. No, crossdressing is something that has taken control of parts of my brain ...like an addiction. It is not what I really want.

I hear that Charlie!
I remember the old days. When I used to watch sports, instead of CD.com, read the newpaper, instead of CD.com, and collect auntique bottles, instead of; shoes, dresses, wigs, bras, corsets, tops, skirts, bikinis, pantyhose, girdles, panties, oh heck, I guess the list could go on to fill the page!

So why can't I stop? I wish I knew the answer to THAT!

[deja true]

Would I have chosen this? You mean being a cross-dresser?

I don't think truly straight men would choose it. As much as many 'girls' here adamnatly protest that they're straight, there's gotta be a little something that's not quite "normal" (in the western,Judeo-Christian cultural sense) going on in there, whether it's natal brain chemistry or a very early age cultural conditioning. We almost all admit to being irevocably drawn to do what we do from an early age, most before puberty. It's not a choice thing.It's a fate thing. A fate that we are powerless to change.

And of those here (who may not be representative of CDs worldwide), you also won't get many who would give it up either, if they could. Hence all the heart wrenching threads on "ShouldI tell her or not...". Can't remember a thread that started "Well, girls, I'm outta here. I'm giving up dressing for good. My wife don't like it and I just don't need it." Maybe those are the one's who disappear from the forum. But maybe they just ducked deeper back into their closets after their divorces.

I can't answer for gay males (I mean self-described gay males, not ostensibly straight men like myself), but I think some do actually choose to cross dress for a number of reasons. But, it's not from the same irresistable, unchangeable desire that we alleged straight males do.

If I'm wrong here, please let me know, I'd really like to know.

respect & love (for all who embrace the inevitable, no matter why!)

[CharleneCD]

Exelent Question Julie.

For me I would have to say no. Why would any sane person choose to put themselves up for discrimination, persecution, and ridicule just to put on some clothes. And that is what it would be for the normal guy who did it. Just putting on the clothes.

For me it is so much more than that. It is not a lifestyle, it is a part of me that needs to be expressed. Yes I can choose to repress it, but having gone through the majority of my life doing just that, I know how messed up that can make you.

[Kate Simmons]

Pretty much my thinking on it Julie. I honestly can't imagine being any other way. Now that I've gotten somewhat of a handle on the feelings, I've found that the best thing to do is batten down the curls (as it were) and just enjoy the ride.;):battingeyelashes::)

[shirley1]

no i definately wouldnt have chose to have these feeling/needs why would anyone in their right mind ! confusion, anxiety, questioning myself about things most guys dont even comprehend - but i am now slowly but surely starting to embrace it - i mean if you can get out you can meet some really nice people - and isnt there something good in the fact that you can express something within yourself that most guys will never have the know how or need to ever find out about - i guess we all have to just get to the stage where we just have to think its good to be a bit different - wouldnt it be a boring world if everyone was excactly the same ? nothing would ever change in society !

[Sandi jo]

I guess I would say no but I'm going to be this way for the rest of my life so I have to just accept how I am

[KittenKraske]

I would have to say yes. I feel like I have chosen this, in as much as I have chosen not to deny the woman in me her right to exist. I am VERY new to being Kitten, it is a very unexpected turn of events and I am certainly not settled in for the ride yet. There are many times where I question what I am doing, why am I so compelled after 29 years of not addressing the affinity I have for women, why now would I start to dress en femme, shave my entire body, out myself to my friends and family? Why is it that when I had never really put much thought into being a woman, or dressing as one before? Yet now after only three months I am willing to go out in public en femme, hell more than willing, it excites me to be as feminine as I can be and out in the world. I have my insecurities, my doubts and definately my fears, especially about being attacked by a bunch of redneck bigots while walking down a side street, but I can't let those feeling determine my path. I know that it feels good. I know that I am causing no harm to anyone, including myself. I know that I have learned more about myself in the last three months than I had in the last three years. How can it be wrong? I feel as though I am released from all the doubts and insecurities I had suffered as a man, as though I can now truly explore who "I" am. I want to say more but I have to run, perhaps when I return I will have more words...
:battingeyelashes:
Kitten.

[DAVIDA]

No. Nein. Nyet. uh-uh, nope, I don't think so!

[Daintre]

There is no way I would have chosen this. Heck I am scared of what I think I really am. I have lived with this for most of my life, it destroyed a marriage and in doing so, it affected my relationship with my son.

I look at my sisters and see their families, how happy they are together. I cannot be the "normal" man like their husbands are.

I have had a few talks with some members here who are transsexual, and I believe that is the path I need to take. I am afraid to start down that path, but I know I will.

[Angie G]

I hope I would have. :hugs:
Angie

[trannie T]

Being a crossdresser is not something I would have chosen for myself. I enjoy dressing and going out and if given a choice don't know if I would give up crossdressing to lead a "normal" life.

[Erica Lauren James]

I'd have to say no. Although I am quite happy with myself as I am now. But if given the absolute choice in the beginning with what I know now, I would of chosen to be a F.A.B.

But thats not reality and I wouldn't change anything in the past because out of it all I got to amazing kids that I adore and adore both sides of me. So it's all good I suppose.

Erica

[ania83cd]

Knowing that this was a major factor in making my life miserable any sane person would say "I don't want this".
For many years I fought with it but then I just let myself go and it got easier but only for some time.
Now I'm back in square one as I can't dress and I really want to.
So even after all of those hard times I still believe that something really amazing will come of it and my answear would be "Yes".

[DanaJ]

I would say no - I do enjoy it and have come to terms with my CDing, but overall, if I had a real choice I would say no. For one benefit, I would have saved a lot of money :D Aw hell, who am I fooling? I would have just spent it on something else ;)

[Nadia-Maria]

Many things may happen to you in life. Some good ones, other bad ones.
What happens to you is not that important.
What's important is how you act when things do happen.

Of course you might dream of the best things happening to you.
It's far more wiser to make happen the best from what happens to you, whether good or bad.

I strive for the best with my CDing.
And I am proud of myself being Nadia.

Hugs

Nadia

[Bravesoul]

Exelent Question Julie.

For me I would have to say no. Why would any sane person choose to put themselves up for discrimination, persecution, and ridicule just to put on some clothes. And that is what it would be for the normal guy who did it. Just putting on the clothes.

For me it is so much more than that. It is not a lifestyle, it is a part of me that needs to be expressed. Yes I can choose to repress it, but having gone through the majority of my life doing just that, I know how messed up that can make you.
:Pullhair:

This best descrips me as well, I would rather be doing lots of other things, but have to make the best of what I got.

[TxKimberly]

I'd have to say that "no", I wouldn't have chosen this. This is what I am and I'm gonna run and have fun with it but i wouldn't have chosen it.

What have I learned? To be accepting and tolerant of others. If I want people to accept me, I must be willing to accept things I don't like about them. It doesn't hurt that I was raised with out prejudice to begin with, so I didn't have far to go on this anyway.

[Cheryl Ann]

A week or two ago, I would have said no, I would not have chosen it. But I have gotten such friendship and support here that I am starting to lean to "yes".

Cheryl Ann

[susan2010]

No. I don't think I would choose to like womens clothes. It's caused way too many problems in my life, and I think, led me to a life of deceit and keeping things to myself. I'm not a very honest person; I've had to answer too many questions like:
"what were you doing in your moms/sisters room?"
"are these yours?? where did you get them?"
"did you take the Sears catalog?"
"is this for your wife?"
"you quit wearing my clothes, right? You don't do that anymore, right?"

Is this true for someone else out there?

[KarenSusan]

Thank god I have an urge that isn't harmful to anyone and mostly not illegal.

I totally agree with you there, Julie, and no I would not choose this for myself. Life would be a lot easier if every minute that I am not dressed as a woman I am thinking about being dressed as a woman,

[lucya_od]

well for the last 5 years i have being saying yes, but after going to this forum, i am now saying yes yes yes yes yes yes, i turely love being a woman,

[Lilith Moon]

"It's only clothes, what's the big deal ?" How many times have we heard that ? It is often used as a defense or justification for what we do or to make it digestible for our SO's.

But we know it is not really like that. It is not "just" clothes, how we dress is very, very important to us. I don't know why and I haven't seen any one of us come up with any one size fits all answer. Probably because there isn't one. In any case, we are about presentation...the whole package, including the clothes.

My wife handles this by comparing us to Star Treck geeks or the Sealed Knot...groups of folk who like to band together and do our "thing". She knows it is really deeper than that, but that is how she deals with me trying to look girly and attending meetings where we all "dress up"..."It's only clothes" yeah ?

Did I choose this ? No!

Was I born like this ? Probably, certainly by age four I was well on my way.

Has it had negative effects on my life ? Yes !

Would I change it now, if it were possible ? Not on your life ! :heehee:

[Rachel Morley]

Would you have chosen this for yourself?
Um .... difficult one to answer. If I can assume that at the time of my choosing I already know all the positives and all the negatives of crossdressing then I would say, today, the answer would be a definite YES I want this in my life. That's only because Marla likes it and that she has shown me that there are lots and lots of positive feelings to be had if a person can get past the guilty "I shouldn't be doing this" negativity that a lot of people have (and that I too had in the beginning). However, if she had not helped my free myself mentally, then I would probably be in the same position I was in before I met her, namely: wishing it would all go away because I thought it was stopping me from getting a girlfriend and it was messing me up in the head with all the guilty feelings I had about myself.


What do you think you've learned by being in such a contradictory position?
Contradictory? I'm not sure I understand what's being contradicted? ... do you mean the way I dress (as a woman would do) and the fact that I am not really one? If that's the case, then .... well maybe that's just clothes. I was born naked, things only got complicated after I was wearing something other than a blanket.

However, if you mean something more than clothes and the way I present, then I believe that my thoughts and feelings are more like that of a woman, than that of a man. That's been a truly positive thing in my life. It got me my wife! I think I am a more "complete person" because I'm transgendered. Being a feminine man is a good thing. IMHO being able to tap into thoughts and feelings that are usually considered feminine traits makes me a better man. I think this world would be a much better world if men were more like women. I totally think there would less wars, conflict and suffering.

[TGMarla]

There are a lot of really great answers here so far that resonate with just how I feel. All in all, I'd have to say "No!", I would not have chosen this for myself. It eats up a lot of time and money that could be used more constructively elsewhere. And the gender dysphoria that comes along with it is a constant source of frustration and irritation. If I'm so drawn to wear women's clothing, why then was I not just born a woman? I'd rather be "normal".

That said, I still cannot imagine living my life without wearing skirts, dresses, hosiery, high-heels, and the like. I cannot imagine not having a decidedly feminine part to my soul. It allows me more empathy towards women and how they meet the world, and helps me to have a greater tolerance for those who don't follow the beaten path in this world. I have been attracted to and by feminine attire my entire life. When I first crossdressed as a 12-year old, it was not as though I'd made a life-changing discovery, it was more like I'd found something that was already there. And so the flood gates opened. It's not going away, and I don't want it to go away.

So I guess I'd say no, but I can't imagine being any other way.

[sandra-leigh]

But we know it is not really like that. It is not "just" clothes, how we dress is very, very important to us. I don't know why and I haven't seen any one of us come up with any one size fits all answer. Probably because there isn't one.

After reading a discussion this morning in a local CD mailing list, I was reminded of group dynamics, especially in young people, in which the manner of one's dress becomes a very important part of one's identity as a member of a group.

For example see the below extract of a review of Tina Fey's "Mean Girls" movie. It discusses high school cliques, but the same peer pressure is at operating in (for example) punk and goth and preppies (do those still exist?), and in lesbian communities (for example) as "femme" vs "butch".

{Quotation has been moved to a new thread, 'Crossdressing & Cliques'}

[Jackie67]

I don't really know if I would have chosen this or not.
I have been dressing or was dressed as a GIRL form the git go, so can't really tell if I was to choose or not.
For me right now it not a matter of chosing or not to chose.
I work I play and I almost live 24/7 as a GIRL.
That'my:2c: worth.:love: I don't want to become a Gurl, but do love to dress as one.:brolleyes:

[deja true]

cliques "...They foster feelings of insecurity, distrust, seperatism and the worse sympton of all. People in cliques always think they are better than every one else."

Tess, it's a little off topic,but a very interesting thing to think about. Are we a clique? Do we think ourselves superior for having a dual view on the world, or a more liberated sex-life, or great legs?

I'd like to follow this in another thread, if you'd care to put it up.

deja

[occdresser]

Inspired by a thread by Cleo Lane (royalties due) in the TS section.


Would you have chosen this for yourself?


What do you think you've learned by being in such a contradictory position?




For my part I have realised that you have a choice over your actions, but that your brain chemistry is pretty much hard wired when it comes to desire based on gender stuff. You're stuck with it and have to deal with it the best way you can.

Thank god I have an urge that isn't harmful to anyone and mostly not illegal.

what does this mean Julie?:eek: If I had a choice I would not ever crossdress because of what people think of a guy dressed like a girl it is just not right-so does that mean I am not quite wired right?

[Maddie22]

I can say that with out hesitation, No, I would not have chosen this to be part of my life. I can also say this, when I am with a girl that I have strong emotional feelings for, I don't want anything else but be her "man" (and I don't mean that in an ego centric way, but an emotional way) and I look to her as being my female other half. I would also do all thing possible including seeking psycho therapy to not cross dress to keep up with that focus. Being in school right now I have an opertunity to go to the student conseuling center for free to get help and talk about this part and many other parts of my life that are troubling me. (Being single right now, able to control my CDing for the most part, there is a list of other problems I am facing that weigh me down far more than CDing) and I need to see the center, I just keep pushing it off. Also the whole stereo typing we face, along with criticizim and the list of other negatives we face it is not worth it.

That being said, I still do it, and I do want to dress more when possible with out it hurthing me financialy, or with relationships, or even getting future jobs that may discriminate against what I do, and in a comfortable enviornment. It is an extremely complicated cycle, and I wish that it was not part of me. But for now it is, and still is, and I'll run with it for a little while on a part time level. The more I write, the more I think I should take that opportunity to go the conseuling center

[sandra-leigh]

Tess, it's a little off topic,but a very interesting thing to think about. Are we a clique [...]
I'd like to follow this in another thread, if you'd care to put it up.


New thread started, and the quote from the movie review has been moved to there.

[Blixa]

I can't say whether i would have chosen this, it is such a hypothetical question. But i can say this: Based on my experiences so far, the more i am living out my new life in girl mode, the less of a big deal a choice between becoming a regular guy, a CD or a GG would have been. I could pick one out of a hat and be fine with it.

[Samantha43]

Would I have chosen this? You mean being a cross-dresser?

I don't think truly straight men would choose it. As much as many 'girls' here adamnatly protest that they're straight, there's gotta be a little something that's not quite "normal" (in the western,Judeo-Christian cultural sense) going on in there, whether it's natal brain chemistry or a very early age cultural conditioning. We almost all admit to being irevocably drawn to do what we do from an early age, most before puberty. It's not a choice thing.It's a fate thing. A fate that we are powerless to change.

And of those here (who may not be representative of CDs worldwide), you also won't get many who would give it up either, if they could. Hence all the heart wrenching threads on "ShouldI tell her or not...". Can't remember a thread that started "Well, girls, I'm outta here. I'm giving up dressing for good. My wife don't like it and I just don't need it." Maybe those are the one's who disappear from the forum. But maybe they just ducked deeper back into their closets after their divorces.

I can't answer for gay males (I mean self-described gay males, not ostensibly straight men like myself), but I think some do actually choose to cross dress for a number of reasons. But, it's not from the same irresistable, unchangeable desire that we alleged straight males do.

If I'm wrong here, please let me know, I'd really like to know.

respect & love (for all who embrace the inevitable, no matter why!)

Deja True, Yes you are wrong.

Crossdressing has nothing to do with one's sexual preference. I have done a great deal of research on the subject and found that approximately the same percentage of homosexual men crossdress as heterosexual men. So that takes sexual preference out of the equation. As for the reasons for crossdressing? Each of us has our own. I do believe that we are powerless to change our behavior, but that we can find the right balance to live a normal, productive life.

For the original question. YES! I would have chosen this. Samantha has given me so many positive experiences and so much enjoyment that I couldn't imagine her not being a part of me. I have a supportive wife, so that helps with the emotional aspects of crossdressing.

I do understand the internal conflict that each of us has. I have experienced it. I now look at my cross dressing as a gift to enjoy.

[Phoebe Reece]

I also seem to be in the minority since I vote Yes. I think I have a better perspective on life as a result of being able to see things from both the masculine and feminine experience. I have many close friends that I would likely never have encountered if I was not a crossdresser.

[Seville]

My first thought was "NO" but then what would I
have replaced this burning desire with? Compulsive gambling,
Alcoholism, Drugs? There are far worse things that
could have happened to me than C/D. :2c:

[jennifer41356]

I did choose this, I have always felt a bit fem and I have always wanted to wear girls clothes and now i do..I feel lucky and blessed to be on the short side with a fem sounding voice...I feel lucky to be able to wear cute underwear different types of clothes and makeup......Dont really care for the macho side of being male...I like sports , but so do many women, so I am so glad to have pursued this 100%

I feel lucky to be able to wear womens clothes anytime and being able to hang them in my closet...This has been the happiest time of my life:2c::love:

[victoriamwilliams1]

Exelent Question Julie.

For me I would have to say no. Why would any sane person choose to put themselves up for discrimination, persecution, and ridicule just to put on some clothes. And that is what it would be for the normal guy who did it. Just putting on the clothes.

For me it is so much more than that. It is not a lifestyle, it is a part of me that needs to be expressed. Yes I can choose to repress it, but having gone through the majority of my life doing just that, I know how messed up that can make you.

I think I know what you mean. I have quit trying to quit and since then I peeked about 6 years ago when I used to dress almost every day now dress about 3 to 4 times a month in a good month. I think now since then I have became more comfortable in my presentation and it shows.

[NatalieBliss]

I like where I am now and the journey has and been rewarding. I hope it continues to be. However if I had a choice I would have taken a pass on being transgender. Maybe someday that will change...

[Crystal Alberta]

Like many of us, I'd also have to say "no." That doesn't mean that I'm not comfortable and happy with who I am - it's just an admission that, for all of its rewards, CDing brings its share of difficulties.

Crystal

[Annie D]

I have traveled many miles as a crossdresser and have reached a point in my life, with the loving support of my wife, that I am accepting myself as to what I have become. The world changes and I change along with it. My wife has changed in order to accept me as Annie and from this time forward will be changing and accepting what comes together. I am lucky to have her support.

In one word, to answer your question, NO I would not have chosen this path but knowing what I know now, I would not have fought it as hard as I have done but embraced my feminine side many years ago. I think that if I had done so, I would have been a better person earlier in my life. I enjoy being Annie, I just wish I had embraced her earlier.

To give you what could be the truest possible answer; I have a 15 year old son and I pray that he never has to travel the path in his life that I have had to follow in mine.

[Chiana]

No I would not have chosen this path. It has made my life much more complex and there are many pitfalls out there for us. But choosing whether to crossdress or not was never an option I had. I am comfortable in my crossdressing and it has given me immense pleasure over the years. Plus it is a much better distraction than many other things that some people wind up getting into.

[Alicia_lynn419]

I often tell people that choosing to be a CD is no more of a choice than being gay is a choice.... And I still struggle with this - everyday. I often wish this were not me so I could be "normal" and have "normal" life.... It often causes me emotional slumps like I've been in all weekend.....

No.. I don't think this is a choice....

[PatriciaT]

Exelent Question Julie.

For me I would have to say no. Why would any sane person choose to put themselves up for discrimination, persecution, and ridicule just to put on some clothes. And that is what it would be for the normal guy who did it. Just putting on the clothes.

For me it is so much more than that. It is not a lifestyle, it is a part of me that needs to be expressed. Yes I can choose to repress it, but having gone through the majority of my life doing just that, I know how messed up that can make you.

Hi CharleneCD,

I am truly flabbergasted to find that almost everyone of us, including me, would answer this question in the negative. You described the situation particularly well especially the last sentence:
Yes I can choose to repress it, but having gone through the majority of my life doing just that, I know how messed up that can make you.

The CD aspect is too much a part of us and will only cause misery if suppressed. Yet, once you come to terms with it, it opens up a new vista and can be a source of great fulfillment.

Best,

Patricia

[PatriciaT]

Hi Lilith,
You noted:

Did I choose this ? No!

Was I born like this ? Probably, certainly by age four I was well on my way.

Has it had negative effects on my life ? Yes !

Would I change it now, if it were possible ? Not on your life ! :heehee:[/QUOTE]

I agree with you completely and this might well be the majority view. This is something we are born with and unless we come to terms with it, and engage in it, cannot be our true, complete selves.


All the best.

Patricia

[sissystephanie]

I did choose my way of life many years ago. I dress because I like to, not for sex or because I want to be woman! Just because I like the fit, feel, and look of feminine clothing.

I don't feel it is an addiction with me. I do have a GGF who knows about my crossdressing. If she told me to stop completely I would do so in a heartbeat. No question at all! My love for her overshadows anything else. My dear late wife not only knew about my CD activities, but encouraged them. But had she said stop, I would have.

Yes, I do like to dress. But I am still a man, and proud of it. If I never wore another female garment I would survive, and I suspect that a lot of the ladies on this Forum are no different!

Sissy/Stephanie

Sometimes a girl on the outside, but always a man underneath!

[marny]

I wouldn't choose to be this way. I don't think of it as a choice. It is self indulging. It doesn't make me attractive to women and I am not interested in men.

[Michelle04240]

I would say no. That being said, I have had some great times, met some great people, and have great support from my wife and family. There are far worse things I could have gotten addicted to.

Chosen this? probably not
Happy? Very much so.

[dominique]

I would say no as well. What I've learned being a cd is that I have more options in clothing and how to express my self, not just a father and husband, but as a whole new person.

[Melissa A.]

Well, if I had never thought to myself, at the age of 4, "I wish I were a girl", I would have been socialized to be male. Well, I was, anyway! But it would have been without the knowledge of who I really am, and WITH all the prejudices, and embracing of macho behavior and culture. So of course, under those circumstances, I would not have chosen this, but I'm really, really happy that didn't happen. If I could go back and change the way I feel? Hard question, when ya really think about it. There has been pain. And other effects I wish I hadn't experienced. But on the whole? No. Never. I feel lucky most of the time, despite some of the bad.

I've mostly learned that it takes alot of courage to be who you are. Many people who are not stuck with gender issues could stand to learn that lesson.

Hugs,

Melissa:)

[StephanieH]

Personally, no I wouldn't have "chosen" to be this way if I'd had any say-so in how I'm wired up. But, I didn't have any say-so, and after years of surpressing this part of myself, I am being allowed to explore it and enjoy it - and thank God for a wonderful wife who's got a sense of humor about it! :D

There are choices like earlier posts have said, but for some reason, I'm convinced a lot of us are born into this, it just starts too early in most of us for it to be a learned fetish or anything like that.

Take care! :battingeyelashes:

[Amy Hepker]

I believe as you do that we have gender in our heads at birth. I remember when I was very, very young that I would look at catalogs and was meserized at all the girls clothes. It could be because I had 3 sisters older than I, but All my life I have wished I could change myself into a girl. I am finally getting that chance even though I will not go through the surgery.

[Emily Ann Brown]

In one word....NO !

In several words....HELL NO !!!


Emily Ann

[DemonicDaughter]

After reading this entire thread, I really hope that other SOs of any CDer take a look at it. One of the things that saddens me is how some people feel their partner's CDing somehow lessens who they are (ex: "Am I not man/woman enough?"). I can understand how they can feel lied to and deceived for years but this "not being enough" I don't understand.

I suppose I see CDing as part of the person's personality, just like how some people are "dark" or "quirky" or "sarcastic". I just see it as a personality trait and don't really understand how that lessens another person.

Though I know some CDers do so out of sexual reasons, but to me, that's like any other fetish and still a personality trait.

So, you give that dominant trait a name and it takes on a persona of its own. Don't we all do this? Don't we all have a "public face"? Aren't we slightly different depending on the situation and the actions needed to deal with it?

I see this as no different and believe that whether or its something able to choose, I still see it as a particular trait or inclination. I think the choice is acting upon it or not.

Thanks to all the ladies who posted. It was a great deal of insight. :love:

[Roberta Lynn]

No way. I grew up before the internet. Didn't have the access to information that is available now. I started CDing when I was about 12 years old.
I was the only one in the world like this. I was alone with my confusion, embarrassment, my disgust with my self. I hated I felt this way but couldn't stop.

I thought I must be gay. I didn't feel gay, but I must be gay. Why else would I want to wear girl stuff?

Of course back then in the streets and schools I grew up in people weren't gay. The were 'queers' or 'faggots'. That's what I would of been labeled had my CDing been discovered.

I would never chose to live those years that way again.

[caitlin]

...or not...I truly believe I am this way for whatever God given reason... many of the reasons have been listed here by others. For the most part we have something in common, the desire to share our feminine self with the reat of the world, if we can or if we dare to...not all of us are at that place yet.

For myself, I don't remember NOT wanting to wear girls (or now womens) clothes...it has always been a part of my inner desire. I love the feel and look...and the more I dress the more I feel Katie blossom and I LOVE IT! It is soooo freeing...

At the same time I cannot share this life with my wife, whom I love...she knows about my dressing but doesn't take part in it at all...this makes it hard to grow...but I persevere...

I used to think it was a curse...but, like others have metioned, I have grown to love this part of who I am. So, I don't think it was so much a choice...or I would have quit altogether the first time I purged (and that does nothing except get expensive...lol).

Katie (aka Caitlin)

[TrekGirl1701]

This is a difficult question to answer.

On one hand I've hated having to keep this from everybody my whole life.

On the other hand I'm grateful that I've had the chance to explore my feminine side. I feel it's at least partly responsible for why I love to be creative. The most difficult years of my life were the last two years or so when I've really been struggling with my identity. I'm an aspiring writer and during that period of time I've barely written anything and I think it's because I refused to be who I really am. Before then I wrote a lot and that was during a time when I dressed up all the time and was more open. Then I started asking myself questions and wondering whether I really wanted CDing in my life. Now that I've started to accept CDing again I think my 'need' to write is finally returning.

I guess I don't really have an answer to the question. I don't think anybody could actually choose honestly what they want out of life. For years I thought I wanted to write screenplays for movies, but then I started to read more novels and I realized that I would have more freedom writing a book. I'm more interested now in writing a novel then I ever was in writing a screenplay. Sometimes you don't really know who you are and what you want to do until life shows you the answers.

[Lilith Moon]

If I were a CD-er doing the choosing then I would say "yes please!"

OTOH, the question assumes that I would be making that choice before I actually became one, which presupposes that I wasn't already one. And none-CD-ers generally don't crave to crossdress. So I would say.."No thanks" :D

[jayme357]

I know that there are times when I look at a truly masculine man and wonder if I would have been happier were I more like him. I wonder if my SO would have been prouder of me.

Then I think of the fact that my male persona is extraordinarily masculine. Army Special Forces, professional skier, pilot, mountain climber. And yet I can't wait to find the time to enjoy - no, cherish - my time with Jayme. Sometimes I think she has been a gift - she has been with me all my life. Other times I look at a truly masculine........................

I think I would have missed a wonderful part of my life. On the other hand, it took me many, many years to get to this point. The intervening years have been difficult and laden with guilt or at least uncertainty.

I really don't know the answer to the question!

[Carroll]

with out a second thought I would say Yes

[Lady Phoenix]

Exelent Question Julie.

For me I would have to say no. Why would any sane person choose to put themselves up for discrimination, persecution, and ridicule just to put on some clothes. And that is what it would be for the normal guy who did it. Just putting on the clothes.

For me it is so much more than that. It is not a lifestyle, it is a part of me that needs to be expressed. Yes I can choose to repress it, but having gone through the majority of my life doing just that, I know how messed up that can make you.

Would i have chosen this? Oh hell no, 22 yrs in lawenforcement i was one of the ones that ridiculed, then when the cork poped of this bottle i almost lost my youngest son over it. But here i am so ill make the best of it and have fun, where it'll stop frightens me at times.

[RobertaFermina]

Right now, the "This" that I am considering having wanted to have chosen is not onerous at all. Why wouldn't I choose it?

Some folks in my life create distance from me because of it, but that is their fault, magnified in the light of my choice. I'm glad they have demonstrated their limited love in such a benign fashion.

I run an elevated risk of assault and battery, but not much more than any woman who frequents evening events in "The City."

Nope....I could choose this. Since I don't "closet it", or ignore it (both are viable choices), I feel I did.

Yep, I could ignore my CD leanings. I could easily see doing it, except doing it forever would be like "Murdering Roberta", and that's just not on.

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[Bravesoul]

After reading this entire thread, I really hope that other SOs of any CDer take a look at it. One of the things that saddens me is how some people feel their partner's CDing somehow lessens who they are (ex: "Am I not man/woman enough?"). I can understand how they can feel lied to and deceived for years but this "not being enough" I don't understand.

I think you can look at this at several levels. At a high level,I think most people want to fit in/be normal, as society has it outlined. So for that reason most say no. But if you take it down to the another level, and really analyze yourself, you might come up with "YES, that's who I am". Crossdressing is part of me, and there is no denying that, it part of my personality. If I could change it, would I or could I? Maybe. Crossdressing have been good or me, but because I can not take it outdoors, make me wonder if this is right.( this is way to deep for me).

My point is,you can look at this from many views. The deeper you dig into it, you will more than likely get a different answer.:2c:

:rant:

[DemonicDaughter]

I think you can look at this at several levels. At a high level,I think most people want to fit in/be normal, as society has it outlined. So for that reason most say no. But if you take it down to the another level, and really analyze yourself, you might come up with "YES, that's who I am". Crossdressing is part of me, and there is no denying that, it part of my personality. If I could change it, would I or could I? Maybe. Crossdressing have been good or me, but because I can not take it outdoors, make me wonder if this is right.( this is way to deep for me).

My point is,you can look at this from many views. The deeper you dig into it, you will more than likely get a different answer.:2c:

:rant:

But that's just it! I feel the issue of actual dressing is something the CDer themselves have a difficult enough time with. I don't think they come to the decision of dressing and not care about the people it affects. I just feel so bad for the SO's out there that feel it somehow reflects upon them as an individual.

[Mary Jane1]

I think we're lucky. It can be difficult yes, and sometimes worse, but we've been given the opportunity to experience to one degree or another, the feelings and insights of half the people on the planet that most men never will.

Not to get too philosophical here but, I believe if we're going to make it as a race (the human one), a few basic traits like compassion and love have to have a stronger presence in the world. Others include acceptance and understanding. We /I have a better understanding of both genders than 99% of the rest of the world. I think that's pretty cool. It’ll certainly help me to be a better example of tolerance and understanding to others. A natural affinity for feminine insights and feelings as well as the masculine. That's not a bad thing.

I keep going back to the cogiati test, which I don't recommend anyone take seriously, but it does have some thought provoking questions. One was, ‘If you could take a pill and be completely masculine, never desiring to dress again would you?’ How many times have I wished that? My response should have been ‘yes... give me the pill’. But to the contrary I found myself thinking, I’m kind of grateful for the whole experience. It's been frustrating, confusing and even scary sometimes, but I wouldn’t want to have ever missed it. No way.

I don't think I'm less of a man for it, I think I'm a better and stronger person because of it. I fought, ignored and suppressed my feelings for years till I realized they weren’t going away and somewhere along the line started to embrace and enjoy them. I now think of them as a part of me and a positive part of me. My 2 cents.

And I do mean '2 cents' because I’ve never lost a spouse or the respect of my children because of it, so please don’t think I’m judging or even recommending. I’m only speaking for me.

[Celeste]

I would say yes.Why?I like where it has taken me and am curious as to where it will lead.I like the progressive and ever changing feelings it inspires in me,tolerance,acceptance,empathy,dedication are a few.It's a refreshing rest area on a leisure trip.

[Michelle 51]

I,ll buy into that also.I love to dress but it takes away from things that a couple years ago i would be doing and now i dress every chance i get and want to do it more.It also brings stress in my life so i wouldn,t choose to be a crossdresser .

[VeronicaH]

I agree with the majority. No, I wouldn't have chosen this.
But, since it has taken over my life I'm good with it and besides it feel sooo good to wear all the clothes and heels and makeup.

[jessielee]

as much as i appreciate seeing things from the other perspective, as much as is possible, i wouldn't have chosen the torment. the joys, yes. in a heartbeat, would have chosen to have been FaB if it could be done all over again. second best fantasy is to be born xy but raised as a girl. oh, why didn't my mother think of that! not much imagination, i guess.
but Melissa said it for me, even with doubts and desires at a very young age, we all got buttonholed pretty completely.
has anybody here read Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides? about being pegged mostly wrong. besides of an intersexual, its also about the michigan i grew up in; the author was born 6 months after me and within 30 minutes of where i was.
wouldn't have chosen it, being suspended between two worlds, in limbo, but am living it, for better or for worse.
love,
jessie

[Billie Jean]

I wouldn't have chosen it because of all the horse hockey that because I wear a dress that I'm gay or worse, some kind of pervert. We all know that GG's xdress every day and are accepted to wear men's attire and not be perverted or gay for doing so. I didn't choose it, it chose me and I'm proud to say I wear a dress. Billie Jean

[Carola]

Like most of the girls above, I had prefered not to be this way but i'm now, so i must live with it.

I'm happy when i'm all dressed up but if i didn't had this need, i could be happy too. Also i would not spend that much in an extra wardrove.

Since a few months from now, the problems associated to this subject have decreased 'cause i found someone that is so supportive and that only thinks about my happiness, weather she understand (and probably she doesn't) or not.

For me the main issue for is to be acepted not as a woman, but as a man that is a cd.

[Vivian Best]

My somewhat flippant answer is "it depends!"
If you had ask that question of me before the age of 45 I would have adamately answered NO! No way would I choose to go through the agony, guilt, confusion, why and every other adjective you can think of that would describe my emotional state and feelings.

But wait, there is the after 45 years....It was about the time I began to accept myself and started to embrace the fact I was a crossdresser and not a insane pervert! Would I choose it at the age I am now? Yes Yes Yes Yes!

[Lissa Stevens]

There is no way in hell I would ever choose this way of life. I have had to lie to all my loved ones and myself for so long, sometimes I don't know if I know the truth anymore.

[Carly D.]

I really can't turn back the clock, and even if I could I think I still would have tried moms clothes on... just to see how they felt.. just then, and a few more times but not really often.. learn to resist the urge to feel fem clothing.. getting older everything fit the way it's supposed to.. graduate from high school, start job, get depressed, buy something fem.. fall on my head, this stuff is GREAT!! better than any drug... the highs.. the lows.. the pantyhose!! trying different shoes, clothes, tights.. dad dies, I feel like crap.. the next year I find the internet, by way of my younger brother showing how to turn a computer on and letting me explore how one works.. I get a digital cam and start taking self pictures and see what I really look like.. another direction for my shoe fetish..ends in disaster as wedges hurt my feet too much to wear and purge and now.. it's 2008... same as was is now..

[VtVicky]

Admitedly, with eBay, forums such as this one, and a slightly more accepting society, things are easier now than they were when I first started CDing. However, I still managed to enjoy CDing without doing any real damage to my life situation.

For me this is a great hobby. It doesn't degrade my health, cause cancer, or ruin me financially.

But, I am not expressing any chronically sublimated gender dysphoria. I just like to wear women's clothes.

I do sometimes wonder what I would do to get this much cheap and safe pleasure if I wasn't interested in CDing. I mean, really, what other activity can be so arrousing, and so easily attainable, and have so little irreversible impact on my environment.

I realize how much angst many members of this forum have invested in CDing. And I do not wish to make light of their situation. However, I do not believe I am alone, here, in my position that CDing is a recreational hobby for some of us. I would no sooner give up CDing than I would skiing, golf, or kayaking. And, conversly, if circumstances required me to give up, (or suspend for any length of time), any one of those hobbies, I would survive.

So, the answer is: Yes, I would choose it again. (Not that I recall choosing it in the first place.)

[Pamela Julie]

Would anyone choose a way of life where society thinks you are sick, a pervert, or any number of bad things? Being ts is not a choice, it is the way I was created, and I feel if God wants me to be this way, it is ok with me.

Pamela:)