Is it really you?

[Kate Simmons]

When you go out in all of your femme finery, who is it really? Is it a femme persona you have created that is separate and distinct from your male side or is it simply you, just dressed differently? Do you combine feelings and attributes from the two overall or do you feel the need to be either a man or a woman when in those particular modes and never the two should meet?

For myself, I had a duality that was driving me nutty. Rich could never express himself with Sal's feelings and vice versa, it just was not "allowed". With a lot of work, I've combined the feelings and am now always the same person only in different togs according to how I choose to present. Are you the same person in both modes or different? How do you approach this and what are your feelings about it?:)

[lucya_od]

my man side is called "patch" and my woman side is called "lucya", since the age of 6 i felt that i am a woman stuck inside a mans body so in a way, i have lucya brain and patchs body. my mum has known that i act like a female since the age 0f 6. now that i am 21 i am planning on changing patch body so that, i lucya have my proper body and be happy.:)
love a girl frind, xxxxxx lucya xxxxxx

[Nicki B]

I've said before, a friend said to me 'why do we need to wear a disguise, to be ourselves?'

Personally, I think I'm pretty much exactly the same person - maybe a few mannerisms change, but fundamentally it's the way the world perceives me that changes?

Ask Kieron, he knows both sides of me pretty well..

[Lilith Moon]

I've said before, a friend said to me 'why do we need to wear a disguise, to be ourselves?'

Personally, I think I'm pretty much exactly the same person - maybe a few mannerisms change, but fundamentally it's the way the world perceives me that changes?

Ask Kieron, he knows both sides of me pretty well..

:iagree:

Whatever gender I present it is always me doing the presenting. I am not aware of having "male and female sides". I am always the same person no matter how I am dressed. :hugs:

[Kate Simmons]

I've said before, a friend said to me 'why do we need to wear a disguise, to be ourselves?'

Personally, I think I'm pretty much exactly the same person - maybe a few mannerisms change, but fundamentally it's the way the world perceives me that changes?

Ask Kieron, he knows both sides of me pretty well..Yeah, I've noticed that as well Nicki. Others seem to have different expectations according to how I present. Sometimes it's a bit of an effort to show them I'm the same old same old.:)

[DAVIDA]

It's just me!

[Suzy Harrison]

This is a good question - as I've never really sat and thought about it this way before.

I suppose it's still me - but a more relaxed me. I certainly feel more happier - but having said that the other me has gone totally..... I dunno, I'm confused more than ever now !

[Amy Hepker]

I do believe I am 2 differnt people in the same body, the one I was programed to be and the one I really am that I have been hiding all my life. Crossdressing, I have been crossdressing as a male all my life, oh ya, I have male parts, but I am female inside and that is who I really am.

[lucya_od]

This is a good question - as I've never really sat and thought about it this way before.

I suppose it's still me - but a more relaxed me. I certainly feel more happier - but having said that the other me has gone totally..... I dunno, I'm confused more than ever now !

dont worry about it, its only your woman hood taking over.

[Deborah Jane]

I guess it,s still the same me but more relaxed, dressed nicer and cute!!:)

[lucya_od]

well i know i am the same me, i have allways been lucya, god just put me in the wrong body.

i find it hard when i am at work, i have to dress like a man, :sad: but as soon as i get home i dressed up as lucya, i work fast when i am at work because i know the faster i work the shorter i would have to wait until i get home.

[Suzy Harrison]

I'm lucky as I have quite an easy life anyway but I still feel more at peace with the world as a female. It's hard to understand why it could make you feel so different. It's like the old me had never exisited - weird ..

[MarinaTwelve200]

When you go out in all of your femme finery, who is it really? Is it a femme persona you have created that is separate and distinct from your male side or is it simply you, just dressed differently? Do you combine feelings and attributes from the two overall or do you feel the need to be either a man or a woman when in those particular modes and never the two should meet?

For myself, I had a duality that was driving me nutty. Rich could never express himself with Sal's feelings and vice versa, it just was not "allowed". With a lot of work, I've combined the feelings and am now always the same person only in different togs according to how I choose to present. Are you the same person in both modes or different? How do you approach this and what are your feelings about it?:)

As an "Escapist" type of CD my "fem side" is definately "NOT ME"---For us the whole point of the exercise is to put as much distance between my '"true (male) self" as possible. To get AWAY from ME for a while. CDing seems to do this very well. Getting away from the worries and responsibilities of that "other person" (true male self) is the ultimate stress releiver---and being in the "company" of a frankly, not bad looking "woman" I get an erotic high too.

[melissacd]

Inside, it is always me. Outside, it appears to be me, depending on which me you happened to get to know, however, if you see a me that looks different from the me that you got to know then you might think that the me that is inside is different...:eek:

[LisaLedoux]

Years ago I used switch personalities when I dressed but now I am able to feel, think, and "be" Lisa 100% when I am dressed. The only problem is that I much prefer my fem self and that makes it more difficult when I have to go back to my biological self. I guess that is the "curse" of those of us who are closeted.

[Lilith Moon]

AS a follow up to my previous...just as I said, I feel the same. It is still me. But my wife tells me that I do change...apparently, I am much nicer :battingeyelashes:

[deja true]

I've had to think about this one for a long time and keep coming back to get an idea of how to stay ontrack when answering.

My confusion comes partly from the fact that I've never been out yet AND that not another soul knows about deja (except the really nice lady at the transformation store in Florida where I bought my forms). But I think that I will be the same person en femme as my normal male mode when I finally step out.

I write here the same way that i write to friends and for print, only adding the occasional "honey" or "babygirl". My thought patterns are the same in both modes. I don't switch between two distinct personas. I'm, more or less, happy as who I am and I think that will carry through. (I'm even happier with myself now since sharing so much with many of you intelligent and well adjusted girls!)

I'll do in public what I do in private. I'll wiggle my butt a little more, I'll walk in shorter steps, I'll cross my legs whenever I damn well please, I'll look at people from under my bangs and I'll tilt my head when I'm talking to you and listening to you. The manifestations will change a bit, but the person will remain the same.

Thanks for another thought provoking question, Sal. You make 'em sound simple, but they make us really delve into the ideas of being a complete human rather than a man/human or female/human.

(even more) respect & love (than usual)

deja

[Jackie67]

It's just me being me as always.:thumbsup:

[occdresser]

I am me, except when I am dressed up I dont have a lot to say because I would rather nobody know that I dress in womens cloths.Therefore I talk to almost nobody while in girl mode.

[Littlej10]

The changes are subtle behaviour shifts. I feel better about myself and this is reflected in how more confident I am in expressing my feelings. I tend to use quite a lot of "feminine" actions in male mode, sitting, walking using my hands etc. so any apparent change is one of degree.

[Stargirl]

To those who may observe from afar, we might appear to be crazy, or possessed. If anyone possesses ME, I'm going to charge them rent ! Unless, of course, he/she likes my male and female sides, I will offer up my attic room in exchange for practical help, and enjoying Nature's Infinite Variety Show. :thumbsup:

I have found that my female side "borrows" creativity, and spiritual energy from my male side, and both sides support and love one another. I think that's how it should be. I have no desire to be a male, physically, but I enjoy male togs, if they are unique. We can create noise, or music in life, I prefer music. At least we can prove that "one size doesn't fit most" when it comes to our sisters and brothers who enjoy crossdressing, affection, exploring the caverns of the mind, and creative engagement. Thank You, Salandra. :love:

[Kristen Marie]

Kristen is always present. Even now as I am dressed in guy mode typing away, she is here.

But, when I get dressed I literally transform into a different person. The shoulders go back, the attitude changes, the smile appears, perhaps a little wry smile at times, but she loves getting out.

[Kate Simmons]

In my way of thinking my friends you are a refreshingly original group of folks who definately make the world a better place.:love:

[sissystephanie]

I am a guy who likes to dress as a female. I guess I do act more feminine when dressed, but still I am the guy underneath!

Even when my wife dear late wife was still alive, and we went out as two girls, I still thought of myself as a guy. With her help, I certainly did not look at all like a man. In fact, I was propositioned on more then one occasion!

So I am not two persona, just one guy who prefers silk and lace to male drab!

Sissy/Stephanie

Girl on the outside, man underneath!

[Anna the Dub]

When I dress, I am being me. When I wear male clothes, I am playing a role. A construct I created when I was young to hide the real me from the world. I got so good at it, that no one ever suspected, I play the role perfectly, but it is still only a facade.

[Eugenie]

I am the same person when dressed "en femme", but I feel different, especially whan I go out.

Although, since a few weeks, I feel more and more "femme" even when not dressed with women clothes...

:hugs:
Eugenie

[TSchapes]

There's my male self, and there's my female self and they intersect to create a core self.

It's very interesting to be doing some common task en-femme and see how I handle it. Because, I find I tend to be less aggressive and and much more easy going in girl mode. With my male self, it can be a very alpha dog type of approach. I know I'm not schizophrenic because I'm aware of the change in the approach.

Sometimes it's fun just to take a step outside yourself and just find out what your core self is. Those convictions and beliefs that don't change.

[PatriciaT]

When you go out in all of your femme finery, who is it really? Is it a femme persona you have created that is separate and distinct from your male side or is it simply you, just dressed differently? Do you combine feelings and attributes from the two overall or do you feel the need to be either a man or a woman when in those particular modes and never the two should meet?

For myself, I had a duality that was driving me nutty. Rich could never express himself with Sal's feelings and vice versa, it just was not "allowed". With a lot of work, I've combined the feelings and am now always the same person only in different togs according to how I choose to present. Are you the same person in both modes or different? How do you approach this and what are your feelings about it?:)

Hi Salandra,

I posred the following message on another forum and thought you migth find it interesting:

Hi all,

I often find statements used by CDs when to themselves such as “When I am Patty,” or “What will my wife think when I introduce her to Jane,” and the like. It sounds as if the CD has a split personality or schizophrenia, which are metal disorders. Judging from the high quality of the posting, it seems highly unlikely that a lot of CDs have schizophrenia. Using statements like these, however, can quite possibly give this impression to non CDs which in turn could hinder our being accepted. It might even lead to a CD developing a kind of split personality, if he really thinks of himself as being two people. Also, just think of the CD husband who is about to reveal that he is a CD to his wife, and tells her he is going to introduce her to “Mary.” What thoughts will race through his SO’s mind? “I married John but now he’s telling me I have to meet another person! What if I don’t like her, I mean him, or whatever?” She would most likely not be in the best frame of mind at that point. Referring to oneself in the third person, “My wife accepts Mary now..” certainly implies a split personality and might not put a non CD exactly at ease, let alone being very good for a CD to think of himself as two people. When CDs refer to their “other selves” I really don’t think that most have a split personality but perhaps there is a problem with terminology here.
I would like to offer the following explanation, to some extent based on the ideas of author Lacey Lee, a well known CD. When I first encountered this concept I had trouble understanding it but after giving it a little thought I realized it was critical to understanding what a CD really is. I’ll use myself as an example for the following explanation.
I am a unique individual or entity. My entity and personality were formed to a great extent by things like the environment, upbringing, experience and perhaps hereditary. I have certain likes and dislikes, as well as a range of interests etc, which are all aspects of my personality. I am also a normal male and have a strong masculine facet or aspect as part of my personality. I like big machines, stories of battles, love dating beautiful females and so on. I have been, however, also strongly attracted to female clothing almost ever since I could remember.
I express the masculine aspect in various activities such as model railroading or dating. I guess you could say I feel masculine when engaged in these activities. I also have a strong female aspect. I express this in female mannerisms, speech and clothes. Again, when I do these things I feel feminine.
Yet, whichever aspect I am expressing, I still remain me. I cannot lose or shake off any of the basic elements or aspects of my personality, all those elements which make me as a person. I always retain my basic my interests, such as model railroading, I like and dislike the same food, movies, music, books or…..clothing. I am neither “Paul” one day with a certain set of basic interests or likes and dislikes for example and “Patricia” the next with a totally different range of basic interests, or likes and dislikes. When I use the name Patricia and go out and about en femme I express my feminine aspect, to a great extent in attire, but still retain my interest in model railroading, likes and dislikes regarding food, movies, music, books or clothing. As Patricia I reveal a different aspect of my personality, but don’t become a different person.
Several examples might help to explain this concept of a single personality with several aspects. Clothing might be a good example, as we are CDs. My interest in female clothing, and lack of any real interest in male clothing, are just as strong when I am expressing my masculine aspect as it is when I am expressing my female aspect. This is attitude toward clothing is part of what makes me, well…, me. Books and movies might be another example. I don’t watch one range of movies or read one range of books when I am expressing my male aspect and another when expressing my female aspect. These remain the same. My romantic interest in females is strong when I am expressing my masculine aspect. When I am expressing my feminine aspect, I most certainly don’t develop a sudden desire to date males. No way! I may feel feminine, behave in a softer, gentler fashion, behave a bit differently but it is still the girls I am interested in and no way the boys. I don’t turn into a woman. In other words, I remain the same person, have the same basic personality at all times but sometimes express a masculine aspect and sometimes a feminine one. I need to experience both of these aspects to experience my total personality.
Understanding this concept of two aspects in one personality night help a CD understand himself better, making self acceptance a little easier. He should realize that both of these aspects are normal or right and that he is not experiences some kind of identity crises or has a split personality. It might help a CD just a bit in explaining his CD aspect to his SO, avoiding the shock of telling the SO she has to learn a new personality all over again, one she might not like or understand. It might be easier for her to understand she is just going to be introduced to another aspect of her husbands personality, not another person. It won’t solve this problem but might help out a bit.
I realize this is a difficult topic but feel it is important and would like to see some discussion on it. An exchange of ideas and views, and getting people to think about themselves from a new angle might help some CDs to understand themselves better. Do think carefully about the basic concept and try to see how it might apply to you before you reply. Give it a bit of time to sink in first, like I had to.

All the best,
Patricia

[Oddlee]

To those who may observe from afar, we might appear to be crazy, or possessed. If anyone possesses ME, I'm going to charge them rent ! Unless, of course, he/she likes my male and female sides, I will offer up my attic room in exchange for practical help, and enjoying Nature's Infinite Variety Show. :thumbsup:

I have found that my female side "borrows" creativity, and spiritual energy from my male side, and both sides support and love one another. I think that's how it should be. I have no desire to be a male, physically, but I enjoy male togs, if they are unique. We can create noise, or music in life, I prefer music. At least we can prove that "one size doesn't fit most" when it comes to our sisters and brothers who enjoy crossdressing, affection, exploring the caverns of the mind, and creative engagement. Thank You, Salandra. :love:

Stargirl,

Thanks for this reply. I was going to write, "nice to hear from the other side." Most people think creativity comes from the feminine, I suspect, so I find your statement interesting. Maybe creativity comes from the tension between the two sides...

Salandra,

Thank you for your numerous recent posts exploring/explaining your integration of the two sides. For myself, I think my thinking and behavior, and my relating to other people is the same no matter how I'm dressed (granted, only a couple friends have seen me dressed en femme). I asked one if I behaved any differently. She said my walk was different (it's the shoes). My daughter, now in college, knows, has seen, still introduces me to her college friends as her "cool" parent.

Lee

[Alice B]

I try as much as possible to identify with the female side of me when fully dressed, but there is no denying the male side is present. I just try to enjoy as much of my female side as is possible. Sometimes I even reach a feeling of 100%, but not that often.

[PatriciaT]

I guess it,s still the same me but more relaxed, dressed nicer and cute!!:)

Hi Deborah Jane,

You said in a few words pretty much what I said in a lot of words! I am certainly far more relaxed when en femme. all the stress goes too.
As for being dressed nicer and looking cute, I have overheard comments from other people,usually school kids who don't hod back their comments, who have seen me in drab but are more used to seeing me en femme,

"But he always looks so cute!" (meaning en femme)
"How disgusting!" (Seeing me en drab for the first time!)

Inside I'm the same person no matter what I wear, but externally I look and feel better en femme by far.

Patricia


:)

[victoriamwilliams1]

Tough one for me to answer but here it is:

For me when I am dressed I do not act male at all after a few hours I am so into being a female until I forget I am not. It is like I turn off the male side and turn on the female side. I guess this is my way of breaking fear in fact as a female at times I love the attention and as a male you make get flattened:)

[TxKimberly]

Yup yup - same person. People who act like they are two completely different people when dressed or not dressed, and even refer to their fem side as someone else or in the third person, frankly disturb me.

[harmony]

may i offer my 2 cents worth?hoping i am not getting too philosophical.....
deep down within ourselves-our essence-our individuality-we are sexless.just like the first weeks of embryonic development
in pregnancy.
as we then keep sliding down into our earthly existence individual expression takes place.both genders are always there
but one takes over.
as we strive to fullfill our potential as human beeings and trying
to reach a balance or harmony within ourselves we find the female within ourselves looking for redemption.
when this is done creatively and in an artistic manner it brings peace and wholeness.
so...its realy us-however we act-

[Nancie64]

My wife tells me that I am different, softer, gentler, and like to be treat like a lady when Nancy visits. I do agree with her. I feel totally different and like the way it feels. What can I say. Thought years ago that a change would be a good thing, but I like the crossdressing and the way it is. A sex change would probably been a mistake..

[Sandi jo]

I try to act as fem as I can when dressed,it does feel like another person.

[Kate Simmons]

I've been thinking a bit about this since I first posted it the other day. Bottom line for myself, is yes, it is really me regardless of the mode, especially since I've been in touch with all my feelings. The clothes are merely a form of expression and do very little for me as far as self definition. Thinking about it, the only real reason I wear bras any more is for something to put my forms into and they have no other meaning than the fashion statement. The same is true with the makeup and wigs and other enhancements. They are just aids I use to bring out a part of me that is already there and they do not make me "feel" like anything really. I don't think just because I wear the clothes I feel like a woman as I just feel like myself.

If someone asks me if I "feel" like a man or a woman, it's hard to answer. I really don't know how a "man" or a "woman" is supposed to feel, I just know how I feel. In all honesty, I don't like defining myself in that respect and I cannot tolerate it because that tends to put some kind of limit on who I am and my basic freedom to express myself. This may be one reason why as Sal, I'm kind of a free wheeling tomboy. It's always the real me in any case.:)

[Margot]

Native American peoples would refer to us as two spirited. I am the same person but think differently depending on my mode of dress.
Margot

[lucya_od]

Native American peoples would refer to us as two spirited. I am the same person but think differently depending on my mode of dress.
Margot

i dont think differently at all. i am always in woman mode, even when i have to dress as a man. people think i am gay, at the end of the day i am a woman, a woman who has the wrong body.