I'm not to this.. but new to the idea

[JennyS.]

I've been crossdressing for 30 years. I love it, but... I am a single father who loves his child so very much. I don't want to embarress her at any point. As well as myself.
I want to be free at some point... Explore the world as a woman. I think I'm attractive... And I am masculine, but I think I think I'm attactive as a woman, too.. And I love women. I have no desire to be with a man, but I have all the desires to be a woman. I'm dressed as a woman right now... What do I do? I would love to go outside as a woman, but I'm afraid my neighbors would see me. Another issue is that some would see me as a pervert and think I would do something to my little girl. Which is absolutely absurd. I love her more than anything and I wouldn't do ANYTHING to hurt her.
I'm new to this site... So be gentle.

[Oddlee]

Jenny,

I was divorced in '95, unrelated to cross-dressing, although I'd been doing that since forever. My daughter was 6 at the time. Since then, she has lived with me half time, and I've pursued my CD interests while she's been at her mom's. Of course, she had a key to my place, so there have been numerous scrambles when I heard a key at the door! She went away to college last fall, so I've had more time for myself. I told her about my cross dressing at Christmas time. From things she had said earlier, I figured she'd be ok with it, but it's one thing if a friend is CD, and quite another if it's a father. Well, her response was "it's only clothes, I don't see what the big deal is." And she has seen me wearing a skirt and sweater (no boobs or wig, so far) and has not batted an eye.

Sorry for the length of this reply. You do not state how old your daughter is, but it sounds like she's pretty young. Although some on this forum have been out to their children from the beginning, I would not have been comfortable with that, and did not tell my daughter about it until I thought she was mature and "worldly" enough to be able to think about what I was telling her. I think young people are much more accepting of different gender identities than they were when I was young. You have to judge when your daughter is mature enough to know. In the meantime, enjoy your time with her - make sure you have some common activities and interests - the relationship between fathers and daughters is special.

Lee

[Erica Lauren James]

I have two kids, a 12 yr old son and a 10 yr old daughter. For myself and my ex wife we first separated when they were 7 and 5. Kids are very smart and know things that even you don't know they know.

My kids have know for sure about my cd'ing since they were 7 and 5 but said they knew before but just didn't know what it was called. Kids are very loving and love unconditionally so I'm sure you won't need to worry about her.

As for others, your neighbors people keep to themselves so as long as your not being extreme and way over the top when you go out the majority of people just don't care.

Anyhow best of luck.

Erica

[krisla]

I didn't dress as often when my daughter was home, and although my wife knows, my daughter does not. Although I think she would understand, I don't have any desire to tell her, her life is complicated enough.

On going out, I do and there are times I do it from home. I have been spotted once at night taking the garbage out with seemingly no consequesnces. This year I have gone out during the day and still had no problems. I have not bumped into any of the neighbors. I guess it is inevitable, I guess I would just tell them the truth if asked. I am tg.

Take your time don't rush it and you'll find yourself getting more comfortable being en-femm in new situations.

Good luck, Kris

[Jilmac]

:thinking:Jenny, It seems like you have quite a dilemma. There is no law against dressing in the clothes of the opposite gender but in many places people like us are labeled, and then they're watched, then there is gossip, and sometimes the gossip can turn into confrontation. If you choose to come out to your daughter, do it gently, take baby steps, and assure her that your choice of clothes doesn't make you any less of a dad or a man.

As for the neighbors, you may want to try conversation. Make up a story about something you read or something you saw to see if you can get an opinion on how they would react. You never mentioned your location but some communities are more accepting than others. Above all else, make sure your daughter undrestands that sometimes certain adults can manipulate a childs mind to coincide with their own thinking, that way if child protective services comes beating on your door she might be resistant to their badgering. Good luck with whatever you choose and may God be on your side. Luv and :hugs: Jill

[JennyS.]

Thanks for the advise. Another worry is if her mother were to find out she would regain fulltime custody (she's a born again christian and voting for Huckabee only because he is a christian).
My little girl is six, by the way and a verrry girlie girl she is!

Question... If you were to go out in full and one of your masculine buddies saw you... How would you handle it?

Right now, because I so much want to explore as a woman I think I will try it in a different city. Just to be safe. What do you think?

[Emily Ann Brown]

Sounds like a good plan under the circumstances.

And as an ex Childrens Minister I know all about what her mother would think immediately. Got some of that from my ex....not fun, and asinine !


Emily Ann

[RobertaFermina]

The best you can do is get to know your neighbors well, and learn as much as you can about their tolerance of such things. Only then will you have an informed basis for risking exposure of your fem side.

I respect your closeting in this situation. You are the one with something at stake here, and far more information as to the risks than I have.

:hugs:Best of Luck:hugs:

[Krystyn]

Jenny you sound like every other person on this site...discovery sucks!!!

I don't let my kids see me dressed even though my wife (she is supportive) suggests that I tell my kids.Bad idea,it's not time yet.

I don't let the neighbors see me either...the fewer the people that know,the better. At this stage of my life.

If you feel that going public is a bad idea then it probably is.Only you will know when it's time to show your other self to the world.

[Mary Jane1]

My children are the only reason I'm not more public with being en femme. I have a wonderful relationship with them and we love each other dearly. I have no doubt I could approech the subject openly and gain their approval or support, but they are still young and very susceptible to school gossip & teasing. Being the butt of others jokes etc. Just because I'm ready doesn't matter. Todays life already gives kids a million and one stresses and worries. They don't need me to add to them. I'll share more as they become young adults and more worldly.
I keep hearing that telling the children is the best thing to do. But you can't compare a cross dresser's family in SF to one in rural Manitoba or West Virginia or Bangor Maine, any more than you can say the people living in those areas have the same attitudes & values.

Don't rush. Try to do what you think is best for your daughter when you think it's the right time. It really is all about her, but you sound like you already know that.

[charlie]

Certainly you can get away for a weekend now and again. Find a city that is within range and have a full weekend to be your other self without the fear of discovery or problems.

[Eugenie]

I can sympathize with your situation, even though I'm not a single father, I have a daughter 37 years young :) whom I came out to last year. She took it very well. Howaver she told me that she didn't want to see me "en femme", at least, not for the moment...

I think that we should respect the feelings of the people around us, our family first.

The thing that has helped me a lot was when a friend of mine whom I highly respect told me "You are doing no arm to anybody." That made me feel a lot free to go out "en femme".

You say

I would love to go outside as a woman, but I'm afraid my neighbors would see me. Another issue is that some would see me as a pervert and think I would do something to my little girl.

On the first point there is a risk that you may be recognized, but it is rather minimal. If you are dressed like a woman your age would do, if your makeup is not outrageous, people won't recognize you. They may think that you received a girl friend at home. Since you are a single parent, there should"nt be any problem with that...

I would recommand though, that you start going out somewhat far away from your place, at least to start. This should help you build some confidence while dressed "en femme". Without confidence, going out "en femme" is a little more hazardous as you would be read far more esaier...

On the second point, this is something I have often thought about... I know a young couple in which the husband dresses "en femme" in front of the children. They seem to take it very nicely. But, as you said, a neighbour might just react as you mentionned. It could be misinterpreted as a form of perversion.

I suppose that, in your own case, a lot depends upon the age of your daughter...

Let us know how you solved the problem...

:hugs:
Eugenie

[Sally24]

Right now, because I so much want to explore as a woman I think I will try it in a different city. Just to be safe. What do you think?
I actually go 2 states away (about 1hour) to be safe. If you're more relaxed you'll enjoy yourself more.

[JennyS.]

Thanks for your support everyone. You are all fantastic people. I wish I would've come across this site sooner!

I'm definately going to go out tomorrow and Wednesday. The city of Austin, Texas is more open to this, I'm going to drive there tomorrow after work. I really have to figure out the makeup, though. Been reading many of the tips and I plan on using them tomorrow night.

Thanks again!

[Samantha43]

When you have kids, they come first. I am a dad and hurting my kids or embarassing them in any way would be too much for me. At this point in my life, discression is very important. I am very involved in my kids lives. I coach and have various other leadership positions in the activities they participate in.

I know it is wrong, but people form opinions without knowing facts first. So at this stage in my life, I am deep in the closet. The neighbors or no one can know. In the future, that will change, but for now that is what is important. I have a supportive wife that enjoys my "hobby". So who knows what the future will bring.

[jessielee]

dear Jenny,
i'm with Sexy Sam.
my relationship with my children is so important to me that all else is secondary. in fact, i am considering disguising where i'm from just in case some curious, meddling person recognizes me and contacts my wife.
so we hide.
and dress.
and dream.
i wish you the best,
warmly,
jessie