does the desire disappear?

[Lola]

As you can read in my first post, i’m still discovering about crossdressing (for those of you who didn’t read it, i’m recently being told by my lover that he’s into this). Of course i can ask him everything about it, but - because of it’s complexity - to get a real good idea, i would also appreciate it very much to hear some other experiences..

Now the question i have is the following: I read that for the majority it’s mostly a sexual thing, (not for everybody of course) most of the CD’s being hetrosexual, wearing womens cloths and make up as a turn on and i was wondering: does the desire to become a woman disappear after the sexual need is satisfied, until - how shall i say this - the next train comes:) or is it always (latent) there?

I’m aware of the fact that this is a pretty personal question, but since this is inherent to the subject, i hope i’m forgiven...

[Georgina Milnes]

For me Lola,the desire continues ,its like a roller coaster ride for me,l am addicted l have to say.The addiction has gone unabaited and l really enjoy it very much,so there doesnt look like ,for me,anyway,that things will change.

[Sandra H]

Hi Lola.

As you say, everyone is different. I am a CD and have loved wearing women’s cloths for as long as I can remember. I read the posts here and other web sites and note that for most of the others who dress it is a sexual thing. But I wonder with these if it is a case of they can not dress as and when they want so it turns into a quick bit of fun and hence, sexual.

I am in my early 50’s now and was married for 26 years to a great woman. Sadly, she died two months ago. But she knew of my need to dress and helped me. She would help me buy cloths and panties etc.

Looking back, I remember that when I could not dress when I wanted, it was a bit like sex, when you do not get any, you want it more. So in those days, I would get turned on thinking of the times I would be able to dress. When this time arrived I was so turned on before I got my cloths out. I would be hard, turned on and as soon as I put on my cloths, I would want to masturbate. So at this stage of my dressing you could say it was sexual.

But once my wife knew and I could dress when I wanted I found that it turned into a need, which gave me relaxation. I would get slightly turned on when say we got some new panties. I could not wait to get home and put them on. But once I wore them it was just another pair of panties, which went into my draw.

Now I wear panties and pantyhose everyday and have done so for about 25 years. So now I would say I am like most “real” women who during the normal days wear “everyday” panties. But like to have a few pairs of sexy panties when she needs to feel special. Because, I can wear what I want, when I want I find that I mostly just wear my panties and pantyhose everyday, it seems strange if I do not wear pantyhose. I do dress fully every now and again mostly during the evening to relax. But it is not sexual now.

What I have spent mall this time trying to say is if you look at your B/F’s need like this. It can only go one of three ways. The first is he could be like me and if you help him it could turn into a relaxing thing like me. Secondly, it could always stay sexual. If this is the case, then turn his sexual excitement into part of your sex life and get pleasure out of it yourself. Or it could go less and less as he knows he can dress as and when he wants.

I am sorry for going on for so long, but I hope you have found it a little helpful.

Sandra.

[kristine]

sorry, this turned out to be a bit long.
==

Lola, I just want to add my little bit in the hope that something can be salvaged from my rather messy crossdressing career, such as it has been. I can't pretend that I have read everything you wrote (I am writing this off line) but if I recall you have done the brave thing and not run away from your man when you found out about his secret desires and wants.

Firstly, I congratulate you for trying to find out as much as you can about the whole experience. I'm sure no one is saying that you should ignore your own needs and desires -these also are just as important to you - but the fact that you are staying with it for the moment I think means that you deserve credit, because after all, even now, a lot of society just thinks we're a bunch of freaks. (witness Jerry Springer and the like)

Having said that I am not entirely clear on your latest question. I forget the name of the last writer, but I think she was trying to make the point that if enough crossdressing is allowed for the man, then it might not be an entirely and exclusively sexual thing.

Getting back to the personal (of course I could try to refer you to books and stuff) what I have found in my situation is that now that I can crossdress almost all the time that I am at home (live alone), the sexual thing has receded way, way back in the background, whereas when I only had a chance to crossdress quickly and frantically, the sexual thing was almost everything to the exclusion of everything else. In a way, it's true that I have deliberately tried to create this situation over the last year, where I try to view the whole thing as if I were a single woman living alone, with all that that entails. I mean, for example, how many single women tart themselves up just to do the dishes and the vacuuming [hoovering] if they're on their own? I don't know, maybe they do for all I know, but I know what I do, and that is to keep my best clobber for any special occasion, should that occasion happen.

So I guess in a roundabout way I am trying to say that, yes, it might be an entirely sexual thing perhaps if a man doesn't get enough of his "fix", otherwise, it might be more than that. For me, it's not just about the sex but being in touch with a real woman, which I think is what many CD men want. (ok, I can hear the howls of protest!)

Ultimately, because every situation is different, it is difficult to advise from a distance and this is where you and your man might need to get in touch with a group or groups and some qualified counselling. As far as groups go, here in Melbourne we have at least one group where CD men can attend socially with their partners, and something like that might be a good place to start.

I would also suggest that you look at a book by Nancy Friday called "Men In Love". You might think it dated, but I think one chapter at least still gives a very good summary of the different types of "dressing up" and why it is done and by whom.

All in all, do keep seeking information and opinions, but please remember that your needs must not be forgotten in all this. It is true that CD men can make extremely good partners (and loyal ones). Unhappily, it did not turn out that way for me, but perhaps there is better luck out there for your man and you.

The best of luck, sincerely, from Kristine in Oz.

[Jenny Beth]

Hello Lola,

I guess it can't be denied that crossdressing for many is a sexual thing. I think for all of us it started out as a curiosity to wear feminine things and with that comes eroticism. Crossdressing has many levels and when someone finds a level they are comfortable with they often don't go any further but the desire is always there. I can only speak for myself but there are many I have spoken with who feel like I do. The ultimate level for some of us is to dress totally as women and if we can muster up enough courage to step out in public then crossdressing takes on yet more levels. At this point it has nothing to do with eroticism and everything to do with who we are and how we feel about ourselves. This is where I think we can catagorize ourselves as transgendered, we are comfortable exploring the female world as a woman but that doesn't mean we want to be one. However for some who do reach this level that is what they hope for.
The simple answer to your question is crossdressing never goes away. For some where eroticism is the focus it can be put on the back burner until the desire arises again, for some it can be days or weeks, others months or more. But for those of us who have reached the highest levels it is part of us and is constantly on our minds. For me I can't wait to get home from work so I can shower and slip into something that isn't male.
Don't feel that you are asking personal questions here, I think we are all happy to explain to an open minded woman some of the things that make us tick. I am glad you are here!

Jenny B

[Anika Ciccolella]

to be honest I've tried to get off CDing three times befor, in a way it works but every time I go into Wal-Mart and walk past the intimates section I just have to have a pair of panties and a bra to satisfy my sex drive. but i bet if you wanted to stop you could with enough disipline.

[CDKathy]

Let me put it this way, if a person is left handed, does the left handedness ever go away?

Crossdressing is not an addiction. Crossdressing is not a habit. Crossdressing cannot be cured and it will not go away. The urges to dress will come and go and the duration and frequency will vary greatly from person to person.

It can be resisted or suppressed but that usually results in emotional disorders such as depression, anxiety attacks, mood swings among others.

The best way to deal with it is to just enjoy it while the urge to dress is active and don't worry about it during the down times. It may be days, weeks, months or even years but the urge will come back.

[Tamara C.]

Well said Kathy, I dress every chance I get which is usually about 3 days a week. I think about it a lot when not dressed but usually too busy with daily activities to worry about it much. I know everyone has their own routine and dress on different levels but I don't think it will ever go away. It is what it is.....Tamara

[kristine]

Lola, since I wrote my first post about your topic, I have seen some things which summarised better what I wanted to write.

CDKathy put it this way:

"It can be resisted or suppressed but that usually results in emotional disorders such as depression, anxiety attacks, mood swings among others."

Whilst this is a public forum and I am not here to write my life story, I can tell you that I have very personal experience of where I sought to deny my whole CD side, with near tragic consequences. In case you are wondering, I have quite extensive life experience (my son is in his twenties), so I believe that I can help in this regard.

If you wish to know further, you can of course write to me.

Better still for you, though, is to continue to find information (as you are doing) with the hope that you and your man can see your way to a happy life together.

sincerely, Kristine.

[Lola]

I want to thank you all for your kind reactions on my posts... I met some very nice people here... some of you really went through a lot of effort (Kristine, Dana CD,Jenny-Beth...) to give me good information and make me feel comfortable about my presence here, where i myself thought of it as somewhat inappropriate, since i’m not a crossdresser... and i do appreciate that very much...

My question wasn’t always understood right; i’m very much aware of the fact that crossdressing is part of the person, and that it will stay, like having brown eyes or - indeed - being born lefthanded, so i wasn’t asking if the crossdressing itself would disappear. The question came from me trying to imagine the excitment a man feels picturing himself as a woman... i certainly can understand the pleasant feeling it gives, i only have to think of how i feel, returning from a shoppingafternoon, unpacking new lingery and make up... the softness, the smell of it... but this doesn’t give me sexual arousement, just a nice feeling...

Now it was this sexual aspect (of which not everybody feels too good about) i read in a lot of posts i was curious about, and i was wondering maybe it’s something like when you really have an urge for chocolate and you eat a whole box of Hershey’s Kisses, and you enjoy all of it, your apetite for chocolate will be gone for a while...

I realize now my question “does the desire disappear” was not a good one, although this might even be the case for some, others may say what a silly thing to say, it’s not at all like that... That’s the one thing i learned from looking around here for a while: the diversity of ways in which cd-ing manifests itself.

Anyway, since i’m not planning to make a study on the nature of crossdressing, i think i know what i needed to know about the subject and from now on focus on my own unique man...

I wish happiness and freedom for all of you...

Love, Lola

[kristine]

Lola, it appears that you have found what you have been seeking and therefore we might never see you again. If that is the case, I can only say good luck with your man and indeed the best of luck for both of you in your lives. I think it important to note the existence of sites like this one (and similar) where lots of information can be shared by all, including those who are affected by behaviour that puzzles them.

kristine.

[Ted]

You hit the nail right on the head there. Sometimes for me is is eroticism, but for the most part, I like wearing women's clothes when I am home alone. It's hard as I live a double life. My wife left me as she could not take it. I am still trying to work out the relationship. But I realized that this will always be a prt of my life. I gave up the "purging"
a long time ago as I realized it wasted time and money and I was always going to go back to it.

[Ted]

I've read a lot about the psychology of cross dressing. I really wonder sometimes if it is really a disorder and if so if it can be cured. I am not convinced it is a disorder.

[Julie]

The answer is NO!

Crossdressing, or the urge to do so, is part of your personality. You have tendencies that dictate everything that appeals to you from the colors that you like to the people you like to the clothes you like.

We all seem to LOVE femininity. It's a personal preference, a taste if you will. When we see a woman exuding those traits we hold near and dear to our hearts we react positively. When we can achieve even a small slice of that in ourselves we are immensely satisfied.

Femininity is an art to us. We look at it the same way art lovers do DiVinci, Picasso or maybe even Frank Lloyd Wright. It's that old saying, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder". To us that beauty is the feminine form and all the mystery it holds.

[biddy]

The need to be felmale never disappears for me there are times when I swear that I am going through times feeling and thinking as one no matter what the situation. I wear pants as a minunim part of my clothing 24-7 and I work in places like shearing sheds, once I'm home those horrible rough male clothes are flung to the easiest forgettable corner, shower, then dress as I realy am. I guess I have to dress as a male to go out? Only I know what is on close to the skin. Thank god for NYLON.

[GraceUSA]

There are so many emotions involved it is nearly impossible to sort them out and tell you why I desire to dress. Growing up CDing was a sexual thing and once that urge was over I would supress it untill it happened again. I grew up being taught that CDing was wrong and a sexual deviation so I think it became that for me. About a year ago I had an event happened that forced me to look at myself, what I wear, how I act and what I cover up. I realized I had changed a lot about myself so that others wouldn't judge me and hidden myself so I couldn't be hurt. It was as if someone finally showed me a mirror and I could see myself for the first time. As soon as I realized it wasn't a sexual deviation it stopped being that for me. I slowly stopped suppressing it all the time and I'm being more open about it.

I've come to realize that I have different likes and dislikes than most guys, I also tend to think much differently and act differently as well. I feel life at times it would be easier if I was born a girl since my true self would be more accepted by the public. But having it go away after dressing for a while? It hasn't yet, don't think it ever will.

Grace

[crispy]

it may depend on your age and other activities.

my desire (curiosity) emerged when I was 13.

it disappeared until I was 28. Since then it has been steadily growing and maturing. Now I am quite at ease with it. :cool:

[Rhonda Callahan]

I used to try and repress it, many years ago, and was successful, but paid the price with depression, and divorce. And to top it off, I wasn't even aware I was doing it. A strong case of ignorance not being bliss ! I think it's like trying to suppress any strong emotion, it won't end up good. I've always believed that expressing emotions is a good and necessary part of a healthy lifestyle, but when your SO, and society in general, thinks of you as perverted, or sick, it's not only easy to get trapped, but likely. It's so interesting to me, that all the things we learned when we were young, are the things we allow ourselves to get nailed by in later years. Like:... never say never, always tell the truth, don't be a tattletale, the things we learned in Kindergarten, although I didn't go to KG. You know what I'm saying, be true to yourself, first ! If it feels bad, don't do it. That's why I know Rhonda is right, it feels soooo good !