Staci K
03-03-2008, 01:21 AM
Hello everyone,
I'm curious as to how many of you have hid or are hiding the truth about your crossdressing from your SO because you are just grateful to have somebody that accepts your additional medical problems?
Allow me to expain in more detail using my own personal history. When I was young I started having seizures. I had discovered my feelings of crossdressing when I was 12. My childhood had already been filled with much unacceptance from my seizures alone - teasing, left high & dry while out on a dates, and most troubling was my self-esteem. It was very low since I never was able to drive, hold a job, etc. etc.
When I met my wife, she accepted me for me. Despite the seizures or the lack of a driver's license, she showed me there was life despite the seizures. I was most grateful to have met her.
We married, had our child, went to college, and established our home. Even after a decade of marriage, I was so grateful that she accepted the seizures I couldn't possibly risk losing this woman to some 'crazy mentality' (my own perception of my crossdressing prior to accepting it).
In 2003 I had brain surgery and have been seizure-free ever since. My self-esteem gradually rose the longer my seizure-free status became. When I got my drivers license at age 32 I was on top of the world.
Now one would think that our relationship would have flourished after becoming seizure-free. In reality, our relationship went to hell. Although I was on top of the world having a normal life now, I still had a deep dark secret. I continued to bury my cross-dressing desires and for four very long seizure-free years our life was hell.
No matter what accomplishment I made, nor any amount of love and care my wife showed towards me, I was in a very troublesome turmoil with myself. Despite now seizure-free I still hated who I was because of these desires. My thoughts were I had come so far in my life and my marriage, only to have it crumble around me because of this 'hell' I had been blessed with.
I started doing a considerable amount of reading on the subject. The more I read the more at peace I felt. I was reading everything I could find - any books in the library, these forums, and any other websites I could find about cross dressing.
I finally grew comfortable enough that on my 36th B-day - I week ago, I came out to my wife. Much to my surprise, she didn't get upset, mad, or anything... After I confessed, I know I probably cringed in waiting from whatever emotions she was flooded over with. Then I'm sure I probably quickly changed to a totally dumbfounded look with my jaw gaped open when I received, 'OK... If that's what you want. I'll support you anyway I can - teach you how to put on make up, help you get clothes, whatever help you need."
That was one week ago. This past week was absolutely fantastic. For the first time in four years (since becoming seizure-free) we went an entire week without a single argument, and have been closer than we have in all our marriage.
Although we were getting along great, I still had some small doubts that she may say she's OK with it, but the real truth would come out the first time I dressed - after all, talk is cheap. Well, yesterday she put all remaining doubts I had to rest. She took me out shopping for a wardrobe, and even opened her closet to me (providing I let her borrow some of the really cute clothes I bought). She encouraged me to try on a dress in a dressing room while out. She also took me for a manicure.
In retrospect, I'm sure we fought constantly because I couldn't respect myself, let alone someone else (specifically my wife). I'm putting this out there in hopes that anyone out there can gain from my mistakes. I denied myself of happiness for 4 years unnecessarily. Since being true to myself of who I am, I'm a happier person - it's just an added bonus that my wife is so accepting.
~nicole~
I'm curious as to how many of you have hid or are hiding the truth about your crossdressing from your SO because you are just grateful to have somebody that accepts your additional medical problems?
Allow me to expain in more detail using my own personal history. When I was young I started having seizures. I had discovered my feelings of crossdressing when I was 12. My childhood had already been filled with much unacceptance from my seizures alone - teasing, left high & dry while out on a dates, and most troubling was my self-esteem. It was very low since I never was able to drive, hold a job, etc. etc.
When I met my wife, she accepted me for me. Despite the seizures or the lack of a driver's license, she showed me there was life despite the seizures. I was most grateful to have met her.
We married, had our child, went to college, and established our home. Even after a decade of marriage, I was so grateful that she accepted the seizures I couldn't possibly risk losing this woman to some 'crazy mentality' (my own perception of my crossdressing prior to accepting it).
In 2003 I had brain surgery and have been seizure-free ever since. My self-esteem gradually rose the longer my seizure-free status became. When I got my drivers license at age 32 I was on top of the world.
Now one would think that our relationship would have flourished after becoming seizure-free. In reality, our relationship went to hell. Although I was on top of the world having a normal life now, I still had a deep dark secret. I continued to bury my cross-dressing desires and for four very long seizure-free years our life was hell.
No matter what accomplishment I made, nor any amount of love and care my wife showed towards me, I was in a very troublesome turmoil with myself. Despite now seizure-free I still hated who I was because of these desires. My thoughts were I had come so far in my life and my marriage, only to have it crumble around me because of this 'hell' I had been blessed with.
I started doing a considerable amount of reading on the subject. The more I read the more at peace I felt. I was reading everything I could find - any books in the library, these forums, and any other websites I could find about cross dressing.
I finally grew comfortable enough that on my 36th B-day - I week ago, I came out to my wife. Much to my surprise, she didn't get upset, mad, or anything... After I confessed, I know I probably cringed in waiting from whatever emotions she was flooded over with. Then I'm sure I probably quickly changed to a totally dumbfounded look with my jaw gaped open when I received, 'OK... If that's what you want. I'll support you anyway I can - teach you how to put on make up, help you get clothes, whatever help you need."
That was one week ago. This past week was absolutely fantastic. For the first time in four years (since becoming seizure-free) we went an entire week without a single argument, and have been closer than we have in all our marriage.
Although we were getting along great, I still had some small doubts that she may say she's OK with it, but the real truth would come out the first time I dressed - after all, talk is cheap. Well, yesterday she put all remaining doubts I had to rest. She took me out shopping for a wardrobe, and even opened her closet to me (providing I let her borrow some of the really cute clothes I bought). She encouraged me to try on a dress in a dressing room while out. She also took me for a manicure.
In retrospect, I'm sure we fought constantly because I couldn't respect myself, let alone someone else (specifically my wife). I'm putting this out there in hopes that anyone out there can gain from my mistakes. I denied myself of happiness for 4 years unnecessarily. Since being true to myself of who I am, I'm a happier person - it's just an added bonus that my wife is so accepting.
~nicole~