Who do I tell and how do I tell them?

[VikkiVixen7188]

Im tired of having to cover up my CDing and being limited as much as I am as to when I can do it. I need to tell someone around me but I dont know who to tell or how to tell them.

My situation: Im a college girl in a very small rural community in Nebraska. I have to keep my CDing completely private. I honestly fear for my own safety of what could happen if it got out. So here are the people around me and my connections with them.

Person 1: This would be a friend of mine that I hang out with all the time, he lives just a couple rooms away from mine in the dorms. We have a connection but Im worried if I tell him he will freak out and think Im gay (Im not) and not want to be around me anymore. On the flipside he might be completely cool with it, so I have no idea how this could go.

Person 2: This would be my Psychology professor. I think he might get a laugh out of it and I know hed keep it secret, but it would be strange to have a professor know, and it would really benifit me anymore execept that it would release the tension I have about telling someone I know face to face.

Person 3: This is an aquantance of mine at work, I know that she is accepting of a lot of alternative things, and shed be OK with it, but Im worried she would let it slip, shes a sweet girl but has a big mouth.

Person 4: My mother. I know that she knows something is up but I dont think she has a clue about what it is. I know she will accept me no matter what, we are incredibly close. Im just worried that she will think its a phase or that I need to see a therapist or that she messed up raising me or something like that.

So my question is who should I tell, and how should I go about it? Id also like to hear about what happened for some of you other girls when you came out with it.

[obsessedwithpantyhose]

isnt it strange how we can be best friends with a buddy and he wont think a thing about ur sexual orientation unless u say u crossdress then all of a sudden hes thinkin ur gay,,even tho u share everything and know all about each other up to that point...

i would tell ur mom,, if she thinks something is up already,,but first tell her that what u have to tell her has nothing to do with how she raised u....:2c:

[Kristen Marie]

It's always hard to give the best advice when you don't know all the facts, but I'd start with your mom and work up the list. If she has an idea something is up, then that might be the place to start.

I have had success with third parties that I do not see a lot. For example, the first person I told was my electrolysist. She knew a lot of crossdressers and has been my source of sharing..a lot. Then, a store clerk or two where I bought things. These folks don't really know me and have frequently interacted with crossdressers. They are always happy to see me, whether it be to buy a pair of shoes at Payless or panties at Lane Bryant.

People at work are folks you have to go slowly with, but the big mouth comment bothers me.

[Bravesoul]

Im tired of having to cover up my CDing and being limited as much as I am as to when I can do it. I need to tell someone around me but I dont know who to tell or how to tell them.

My situation: Im a college girl in a very small rural community in Nebraska. I have to keep my CDing completely private. I honestly fear for my own safety of what could happen if it got out. So here are the people around me and my connections with them.

Person 1: This would be a friend of mine that I hang out with all the time, he lives just a couple rooms away from mine in the dorms. We have a connection but Im worried if I tell him he will freak out and think Im gay (Im not) and not want to be around me anymore. On the flipside he might be completely cool with it, so I have no idea how this could go.

I Would say, some risk here. You may want to get to know him a little better before you spring it on him.

Person 2: This would be my Psychology professor. I think he might get a laugh out of it and I know hed keep it secret, but it would be strange to have a professor know, and it would really benifit me anymore execept that it would release the tension I have about telling someone I know face to face.

This one sound safe

Person 3: This is an aquantance of mine at work, I know that she is accepting of a lot of alternative things, and shed be OK with it, but Im worried she would let it slip, shes a sweet girl but has a big mouth.

She might be OK too.

Person 4: My mother. I know that she knows something is up but I dont think she has a clue about what it is. I know she will accept me no matter what, we are incredibly close. Im just worried that she will think its a phase or that I need to see a therapist or that she messed up raising me or something like that.

Mom's are always good, and they will love no matter what you say or do.

So my question is who should I tell, and how should I go about it? Id also like to hear about what happened for some of you other girls when you came out with it.


So, some of this is depending on how much risk you are willing to take, and then maybe it does not matter,are you OK with everyone knowing, or just a select group? you need to decide which direction you want to go.:2c:


Be safe.

[Shelly67]

Well , apart from those people on the list you provided , I do hope you realized you,ve already come out - to all the forum .And in doing such I think its only fair to say because youve come that far , try to relax , don,t put yourself under anymore pressure to relieve youre bottled up concerns and feelings . It takes a great deal of bravery to be honest about our nature , and I,m afraid most peoples first reaction is the one that we are gay . Don,t get me wrong , I don,t care about anyones sexuality , nor will I ever punish or scorn those who do prefer the same sexual orientation as themselves . BUT , both can bring unwanted attention of a negative type. Sometimes we,re called perverts , freaks of nature even , and at worst mentally unsecure.
Over here in the UK I think the use of therapy is nowhere near as practised in other parts of the world , so many C.D,s live with the feelings of stress , guilt , and dishonesty perhaps a little more . I know I do . I don,t have the funds to go seek help . However , I,ve a very loving wife , who has been my soul mate since I came out to her . She is my confident . I think because I love her so dearly , it was hard but not impossible in the end to sit her down and pour my heart out . Our loved ones hate to see us upset , in pain or emotionally in bits so perhaps you,d be better if you did come out to youre mother , but do it slowly after a real long heart to heart .After all honesty is our only excuse.
On a personal note tho , I,d love to be able to tell my parents about me , Michelle . It hurts me when I look at them , to feel as tho I,m decieving them - and my brother . And yet , due to the general perceptions of crossdressing , perhaps it,ll be my burden to bear .
Like I,ve previously written , thank god my partner , my wife , my girlfriend is there for me , I honestly feel so sorry for those who fear or cannot emerge from this delicate secret . Its a real shame is,nt it , after all .....its only clothes , and surely who does that really hurt ???
I wish you all the best of luck , just remember , this forum , thread and all its readers have or do feel the same .......just try to relax , and be happy .....
Good luck.

[deja true]

Vikki, hun, I'd slow down a little if I were you. Believe me, I understand the feeling of young people that everything has to be right now, but it doesn't really.

Get to know yourself first. You sound anxious and worried. Spend some time here for a bit. Ask questions, sure, but mostly pay attention to the many many threads that deal with our own feelngs of guilt and acceptance . Sort out how you feel about yourself first, then worry about how others are gonna feel. All these folks will still be there in a month or two. That's not long, is it?

This place is an education like you've never had before, and a little while listening and sharing here will help you figure out who, if anyone, to tell and how to do it with a clear head and the right reasoning.

Take a couple of deep breaths, sweetie. Not everything needs an immediate fix.

respect (for truth) & love (for clear thinking),

deja

[Sandi jo]

I agree,take some time and look at exactly what is going on

[tommi]

Mom would be a good start but take it easy so she doesn't flip.:hugs:

[VikkiVixen7188]

Thank you alll very much for this. I really appreciate it.

[highheelqueen]

on hollween is one day you could step out of the closet show up for class in your fem glory the people who care will see you walk,seat,look too good for a frist time in drag but its a one free day to dress up and you can blow it off as a costume and you'll know who we what to have tea with Vikki some other time good luck

[VikkiVixen7188]

O yes Halloween is a good day for me. I looove Halloween.

[shirley1]

hi i am in a similar boat to you - so far i have only told my best mate - we are very close - i would trust him with my life - its difficult to tell people when you dont know what their reactions going to be - and i dont believe theres ever a right or wrong time - if you think anyone suspects its even worse - caus then your thinking why dont they comfront me about it - but they wont some people would rather not know - for me i have decided not to tell anyone else unless i have to (ie if i think they might find out from someone else)

but as far as how do you tell thems concerned well i only see one way - talk to them - but i know its not easy

[sandra-leigh]

Person 2: This would be my Psychology professor. I think he might get a laugh out of it and I know hed keep it secret, but it would be strange to have a professor know, and it would really benifit me anymore execept that it would release the tension I have about telling someone I know face to face.


I would recommend against this one, at least while you are in his class. Don't put him in the situation where he might fear that if he doesn't give you a good mark that you might complain that it is because you told him you CD and he didn't approve. Contrawise, don't put him in the situation where if he gave you a good mark, that other people might complain that it was on the basis of special acquaintance or the like.

It might be more safe to tell him if it wasn't actually a "secret", just "not common knowledge". Knowing secrets puts professors in potentially difficult positions; knowing something that is known to other people is less dangerous to the professor.

[trannie T]

Get it off your chest, tell everybody. I came out to a friend and to my brother last year and found it to be a liberating experience. When you are with one of these people and feel comfortable tell them. It is difficult working up the courage to tell someone but most likely they will continue to accept you as you are. Good luck on your journey.

[Seville]

Vicki...

Person #4 (Mother) bothers me greatly. I presume she is
paying for your college education, right?

If she freaks, she may stop paying for your education.
Where would you be then? Back home and working?
Mothers are not always understanding of this C/D thing.
You're new here, check the archives on this forum
before proceeding. Read about divorces, lost G/Fs,
disowning, separation from friends and family. You have alot
to potentially lose, my friend.

Why are you so eager to tell the world, anyway? Once
you tell, it can never be rescinded.

But it's your life - do as you will.
I wish you peace and happiness.

[heidi99]

Hi, Vikki!

I'd like to give my :2c:, if that's alright.

I'm kind of wondering why you're feeling the pressure to tell (so many) people. As someone else said, Mom would probably be the best/first bet.

By the sound of it, you're in the dorms, correct? College is one of those times of great change. It can also be just a step above high school, if you know what I mean. It is good at that age to have someone with whom to go out and have fun. Risk/reward-wise, I'm not so sure telling your friend down the hall would be wise. The risk seems to outweigh any reward.

The lady from work may be a danger as well. Depends upon how much longer you have to graduate.

I guess what I'm trying to say, is that it might be best (at this stage) to keep mum except to Mom. Get finished with your education and get started with your career, whatever that might be. Then you have a much more playable hand that it sounds like your current situation is.

You said that you have concern for your safety (hey, we all here are concerned for you as well.) It's a great big world out there, and it sounds like you're not too far from being ready to go out and make it your own. When that time comes, the risk of telling whomever you want won't be as great. Hopefully telling your Mom will relieve some of the pressure for now.

[Marvina Martian]

Hey there gurl,

I would also be a little hesitant to be totally forthcoming about your most private information.
On one hand it does feel great and is very liberating to tell some one, BUT, it really needs to be a special person at this time in your life.
Hey, wait a minute, you have just come out to thousands right here ;):eek::heehee:

I have come out to many people and it has been very good for me, but I am still vary cautious at the same time and choose my battles very carefully.

So what I am trying to tell you is that your buddy may get "strange" if you just told him. Now if you were in a setting where there was a drag show or you had some friends that were "dragging" you out:heehee: to a CD club or something then it may be just a little different. I have seen people just tell one of their Buddy's out of the blue only to never hear from them again. :(
Context and timing should rule your discretion on this one.

Professor, mmmmm, maybe after you complete his class. Be careful as you may become a lab rat!:doh:

For your co-worker, this could work two ways. Either it will backfire and could cost you your job at some point or could be great. Just like with your buddy, you may put out some feelers out there and see how she tollerates CDing. It may also be better for her to have some signs so she can kind of figure it out on her own too...

Dear 'ol mom? Aside from the previously mentioned cautions about tuition and such, she may be a good one to tell. It really just depends on her and how she reacts to things. It could be a boon if it went well as you can learn quite a lot from her and even have some one to go shopping with ;)

You may also look around a bit for some other like people in your area. You would be surprised how many of us there really are out there.

Good luck! :hugs:

[Seville]

Perhaps we should have a poll about telling dear ole Mom?

Ranging from, say, total acceptance to total disgust?

And if she found out by herself or you told her. Or
she still doesn't know yet.

For once and for all, I would like to get a clear
handle on what Moms REALLY think about us.

I would be VERY interested in such a poll.

[Joanie B]

Vikki,
Depending on what part of NE you live in, there is a CD suppport group called RCGA. here is a blurb about them:
Nebraska

River City Gender Alliance - Nebraska - The River City Gender Alliance was founded in 1986 and currently has approximately 75 members. The monthly meetings attract between 25 and 30 members. Our members span all age ranges and cover all of the aspects of the gender spectrum. offline
http://www.rcga.us/Contact.html

I realize this doesn't answer your question directly, but there are a lot of gurls there that are older and wiser who could probably give you some good advice. Also they are a fun, safe group to get together with socially. They have monthly meetings in Omaha, NE. Contact them via the website if you are interested. PM me if you want more info about them.

Joanie
formerly of NE, now a Chicago Gurl

[VikkiVixen7188]

I think Yall got one thing confused. I dont want to tell them all, I just want to tell one of them. Im trying to decide wich one to tell. What about tellign little sister? I never thought of her before.

[DanaR]

I think that your mom would be the best to tell. Most people just don't need to know. You'll run the risk of loosing friends that you tell and have to deal with the aftermath.

[mishelle379]

Vikki, hun, I'd slow down a little if I were you. Believe me, I understand the feeling of young people that everything has to be right now, but it doesn't really.

Get to know yourself first. You sound anxious and worried. Spend some time here for a bit. Ask questions, sure, but mostly pay attention to the many many threads that deal with our own feelngs of guilt and acceptance . Sort out how you feel about yourself first, then worry about how others are gonna feel. All these folks will still be there in a month or two. That's not long, is it?

This place is an education like you've never had before, and a little while listening and sharing here will help you figure out who, if anyone, to tell and how to do it with a clear head and the right reasoning.

Take a couple of deep breaths, sweetie. Not everything needs an immediate fix.

respect (for truth) & love (for clear thinking),

deja

so well put, taken me many yeare to accept and be happy

[mishelle379]

I think that your mom would be the best to tell. Most people just don't need to know. You'll run the risk of loosing friends that you tell and have to deal with the aftermath.

u will find out who your true friends r

[mishelle379]

u will find out who your true friends r