Has Any Man Come On To YOU?

[Roberta Llyan]

I've been wondering how long it would be before some man came on to me as a MTF woman.

Last night, a few minutes before I went to bed, the phone rang. It was Jim from the Unity church calling me. He had asked me for my phone number at church yesterday. And, over the past few weeks, I kept noticing he was eyeing me. And, each time I have gone he has made it his task to meet, greet, and welcome me so lovingly at the front door and then want to talk with me. He even sat next to me yesterday so he could talk. Well, the phone call was a cross between serious and so funny I had to laugh after we hung up.

He began the conversation with the usual things--hello, how are you, etc. Then he soon jumped to the main reason he called--or at least that is the impression I got--and asked me: "Why do you dress that way? In women's clothes?"

The thought IMMEDIATELY hit me just tell him the truth and see how he does.

So I told him: "I'm a pre-op transgender/trans-sexual who is a woman in a man's body. I'm bisexual and would really prefer men as to women."

"Okay," he said, "I have a lot of friends who are bisexual. And it doesn't matter to me that you dress that way."

Then, he pulled one out of left field that I was not expecting although it had crossed my mind. He said: "I think you're a very attractive woman."

Well, I wanted to laugh right then but held it in. I certainly didn't want to offend him or even upset him as he was being so sincere and kind. So I simply said: "How very sweet of you Jim to say that."

(To see how I looked yesterday at church: http://redbeard-bobs.info/CD/3-2-08.JPG)

The conversation continued in a well received manner. Eventually, I inquired of him if he were "Gay." He said: "No, I'm straight."

To which I replied: "Too bad for you are a handsome man."

And he again complimented me as an "attractive woman."

I believe I now know why he has been eyeing me ever since I began going there. I'm not certain, though, if he said something to Karen (the preacher) and maybe she told him that it would not be good to pursue an "intimate" friendship or he just picked up on it himself. For she goes to pick him up and take him home every Sunday as he has no car of his own.

Whatever the situation, our conversation went smooth on both our parts. I thought he handled it well and I believe I handled it well and presented myself properly in the light of the conversation.

________________

[deja true]

That's a nice story, Roberta. But I'm also wondering if he might be attracted to you because he may be wanting to know more about transexualism himself. I mean regarding himself. I'm wondering if your pleasant manner attracted him to you and brought to the surface a feeling that he had been repressing... The fact that you were in Church also told him that, rather than the outrageous creatures that many think we are, that we are also regular people, too.

When I met an out and about t-girl for the very first time, all I could say, too, was to complement her on how good she looked. Other than that I was tongue-tied, and I was desprate to continue that conversation. Not in an attempt to pick her up, but to get to know a real live person who lived the life I wanted to, but never dared. When I finally calmed down, after multiple apologies for acting like a fool, we eventually talked for about an hour and I was incredibly impressed with her down-to-earth personality and calm sweet nature.

Whatever the reason that he approached you,I think you may have a friend for life there.

Congratulations, dear. You'll help us all.

respect & love,

deja

[Barbara Joanne74]

I was out for dinner with some friends a year or 2 ago and a stranger came up to me and told me that I was very attractive and he was glad to see me out and about. He gave me his card and smiled and walked out. I never called him, but I always wondered what would happened if I had. My friends (m/f) could not believe it. No could I

Barbara

[Amy Hepker]

It sounds to me that he wants you as a woman. He will probably treat you as a woman and you are a woman in his eyes. He may not feel like he is gay for wanting you if you do have the operation. He maybe very serious. Do you want a relationship with him??? That is the real question here.

I was dressed up on Halloween one night in a bar and a guy was hitting on me, but I am not into guys so I just ignored him. That is what a real girl would do.

[RobertaFermina]

Well, all this guessing about is fabulous girl-talk, and can result in many happy hours of speculation, drama, and laughter. So don't cut it short in the interest of getting an answer.

When you really want to know where he stands, Roberta, Ask Him. If the prospect makes you feel nervous, it could be a fun ride. I recommend asking him from a neutral, curious perspective. Since you met him in your church, I believe you are quite safe to explore intimate issues in an open and positive way. Hope my belief is true.


Anyhow....I HAVE had a few men come on to me. One was a man at the Bar in the SF NiteClub "Diva's". That was no surprise. Anyone who looks halfway decent will get a proposition. I was a married man who declared that he loved TG's and CD's and still felt like a straight man. He declared that this would not be cheating on his wife, since I was not a woman.

We had a great chat, while I gently let him down.

Another time, I fellow "brother" in my Men's Organization asked me to come see something. This was while I was dressed as a male, but after I spent a Weekend at one of our Men's Retreats "as Roberta". He showed me a wonderful Sheepskin that covered the mattress in the back of his SUV. Silly Me, I said, that looked nice, was confused at his expectant and silent gaze, and excused myself. Later I realized he was suggesting some Hanky Panky. He has gone out of his way to be kind and attentive on several occasions since them, and I blithely accept his attention, though without any further "development" along the lines of his intentions. Should he actually declare a desire, I will actually tell him "Thank You, but no."

It is a ticklish matter, letting men down.

Be Well! :hugs:

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[Roberta Llyan]

That's a nice story, Roberta. But I'm also wondering if he might be attracted to you because he may be wanting to know more about transexualism himself. I mean regarding himself. I'm wondering if your pleasant manner attracted him to you and brought to the surface a feeling that he had been repressing... The fact that you were in Church also told him that, rather than the outrageous creatures that many think we are, that we are also regular people, too.

Congratulations, dear. You'll help us all.

respect & love,

deja

First let me THANK YOU all who have read and commented. I appreciate you.

Yes, Deja, your point is very worthy of consideration. It just might be that he too has these thoughts and is happy to find someone who actually does it. And he may want to explore it himself but has not known where to begin.

I confess I never thought of that angle but you have made an excellent point. I will strive now to be more alert and maybe I am there for him...after all, Unity teaches that all of us are on OUR OWN PATH and each of us are to help others along on their path.

Again, thank you all. I appreciate your kind remarks.

Have a good day sweeties.

[JAYNETHOMPSON]

Yes but only a few times in 20 years. :sad:

[charlie]

I was actually going to write a post on this and glad that you did instead. This last Saturday, I was sitting with a few other girls at a bar in Phoenix that I attend and was grabbed by a very handsome young man who was in his late 20's. He said he loved my outfits (had seen me before) and was interested in me! I almost did not know what to say or do. Here I am an old fart, dressed as best I could in flowing pink pants with wide bell bottoms, red heels, tight top and curly red hair (I thought I looked good that night, but no match for the lovely bombshells around me) and I'm a straight married man. I now have this kid stroking my thigh and wanting me to go join him at another table. What a position. I know why women get angry with men and tell them to bug off now. However, after removing his hand and holding it with my long fake nails glowing pink metallic, I politely told him that he was very cute and I was flattered, but I was actually only interested in other women or transgendered individuals myself. He kissed me on the cheek (I turned my head in time) and then left. Whew!

[tamarav]

Yes! A number of times.

Your sis,

Tami

[Joy Carter]

I'd let one drink Champagne from one of my heels. :eek:.....................:heehee:

[Nicole Erin]

A few times in the past men have come onto me. Some civil but others were just gross about it.

Anyways, Roberta, he told you twice how pretty you are?
He wants you, sis ;)

[Nicki B]

Roberta, if you're going to be a woman fulltime, you're just gonna have to get used to it? :D

[MJ]

well yes but i find it funny that a guy would like me !!.. kinda odd .. i guess it goes with the territory ..

[Roberta Llyan]

Roberta, if you're going to be a woman fulltime, you're just gonna have to get used to it? :D

Yes, I guess it is a bit flattering to be honest about it. That some man would think me attractive and tell me twice. Like I said though, I wish he were gay or even bisexual. I'd jump at him then. hehehe

[deja true]

Maybe he's just figuring it out now. Jump him anyway!

[AmberTG]

Yes, several, but they were all gay men.

[trannie T]

Last Friday I went to a drag show en femme. Had a real good time and spent the evening with several other girls. When I went out to the parking lot a man came up to me and asked if I was straight or gay, I disappointed him when I said I was straight, he then asked if I was wearing panties and could he see them. I laughed and got into my car, he went on his way. i found the whole episode amusing and never felt threatened.

[sandra-leigh]

One evening in a bar that is about 80% male customers, I went in in a full dress. After I had chatted a bit with some of the staff that I knew, a 30-ish guy came over to talk, and after a while politely tried to pick me up, thinking I was gay (he would have known from my voice if nothing else that I was male.) I say "politely" in that he was not crude and he was honest, and straight-forward about it. (I suppose other people might have reacted differently, thinking he should have been more indirect and circumspect, but I had no problem with the way he phrased it.)

[victoriamwilliams1]

On-line yes and when I met an admirer he was all hands and that was the longest 10 minutes in my life he begged for a kiss too. Took forever to get it out of mind I did not care that he was actually a good kisser. I was ready to knock him out I was en drab.

[docrobbysherry]

I don't go out, but I show off a lot! But I guess u all know that! On a dating CD site, Sherry gets a lot of attention, even tho I'm listed as "straight".

Some offers r disgusting. Some sound like they r really nice CDs, that say they just want us to dress up together. I guess I'm all show and no go.

I find the idea of getting together in private with another man very disturbing! I'm not sure why!
RS

[Seville]

Amway and amour always run thru churches...

[Roberta Llyan]

So Jim called me again this evening a few minutes ago. He is still interested in be friends and said he just wanted to check and see if I was doing okay.

"Fascinating!" as Spock would often say.

[Nicole Erin]

well yes but i find it funny that a guy would like me !!.. kinda odd .. i guess it goes with the territory ..

OH come on MJ you are not bad looking, you look quite friendly and approachable...


But for some of the guys who like us, I don't think they realize that we are not that great looking as men. The clothes and makeup hides a lot. They probably assume we look pretty feminine even in drab which is seldom the case.

[PatriciaT]

Hi Roberta,

It happens to me several times a year, but that's because I am out and about so often. When they come on strong, I turn them down just as strongly. When they come on more gently, I turn them down more gently.
It's just too dangerous a thing to do. You might be in a slighly different situation but still, extreme caution is needed. Perhaps you could meet him once at a mall or somewhere where there are lots of people, have a chat and separate. If after a few times he is really legit, you might have a nice friend who simply finds a CD interesting.

Watch out.

Patricia

[CaptLex]

well yes but i find it funny that a guy would like me !!.. kinda odd .. i guess it goes with the territory ..

:Pfft: Honey, I'm not into girls and I think you're adorable. :koc:

[Kieron Andrew]

:Pfft: Honey, I'm not into girls and I think you're adorable. :koc:

:Pfft: I AM into girls and i think you're adorable MJ:love:

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

Not really and I am actually thankful for that since I am happily married and a "want to be" lesbian. I have had numerous conversations with men that I think were looking for information to try and understand.

[CaptLex]

Not really and I am actually thankful for that since I am happily married and a "want to be" lesbian.
There's no rule that you have to take them up on their offer - women deal with unwanted advances every day. It comes with the territory, and "no thanks" becomes part of your usual vocabulary. :)

[Nicki B]

Not really and I am actually thankful for that since I am happily married and a "want to be" lesbian. I have had numerous conversations with men that I think were looking for information to try and understand.

So many girls, when they first go out, find it unexpected, and quite 'shocking' - it so jars with their sexuality and they often react instinctively in a 'threatened male' way..

Whereas it is what every genetic woman has to live with, all the time - and learn the life skill of dealing with, without antagonising people? :)

In so many ways, it is a compliment - but it can feel very threatening on the receiving end? You have to be able to manage that difference in perception..

[Kate Simmons]

Of course. If we are going to play the part we have to expect it. As Nicki pointed out, how we handle it is a special skill in itself.:)

[Roberta Llyan]

Again, let me THANK YOU to all who have commented and offered your wonderful advise/suggestions. You have been a great assistance.

Have a good day sweeties.