Don't Call Me "Trans"

[Calliope]

"[Young queers] want not only their freedom as gay people but, paradoxically, their freedom not to be gay."
~ Riki Wilchins, Gender Rights Are Human Rights.


§ Don't call me "trans" ~ or "transgender" or "transsexual" or "trannie." Ugly words. (Following all "other" identity politics, only I have the right to employ these terms, at my choosing.) There is no "trans." Guys just don't "want to be girls." I am (and was born) a female. A female with a hormone disorder ("bearded lady") but a female nevertheless.

§ Do not "he" me. Do not call me "him" or "man" or "dude." I make an effort to get your name (your identity) correct. Show the same respect.

§ Doctors, shrinks, cops, legal professionals: I do not need, nor desire, HRT or SRS. That's a big expense, and medical risk, just to make you more comfortable - and I expect you to deal (comfortable, or not). Refer to Naomi Wolf's The Beauty Myth. I don't need "an operation" since I am already female. I have, for the most part, made peace with my disordered body. I like Dolly Parton but I don't need to be Dolly Parton.

§ Postmodernists: I respect your deconstructions and your rebellions, right on. Nevertheless, eschew new meganarratives as you displace the old. "What's gender anyhow?" Walk a mile in my shoes and you'll know. Gender does exist, it does matter ~ to me. It has defined my life, my setbacks and, ultimately, my freedoms. Call me old fashioned, I believe there is a difference between 12 noon and 12 midnight.

§ Queers: I support your struggles and I applaud, even benefit from, your triumphs. Nevertheless, I am only a fellow traveler. I am not queer. I'm just a gnarly-looking woman. This means I'm not the "T" at the tail of your "LGB," I am not an exotic token. I'm just the woman no man (or woman) goes home to.

§ Guys: Seeing me as a woman does not mean you are attracted to me. Take a deep breath. Being attracted to me does not mean you are "gay" (as if that matters). Chances are, I don't want to "sleep with" you anyway. (If you're shorter than me, I don't consider you a "real man"; just kidding.)

§ Guys: Don't ask me for makeup on Halloweens or masquerade parties. (That's not why I use makeup.) In return, I won't ask you for a toupee (or something).

§ Liberals: Don't tell me "I know somebody else who's a ****." Imagine hearing "I know somebody else who's black, Jewish," etc. Tacky, huh?

§ Curiosity-seekers: Don't ask me when I "transitioned." I didn't. I just eventually got out of my wheelchair. It didn't happen overnight and everytime I hear the question, it kinda sets me back. (And, no, you may not see any "before" photos.)

§ Feminists: Don't be dissing my pink. ("Pantomime dames," quoth Germain Greer.) If you spent a lifetime being called "him" and sprouting hairs in unholy areas, you might be tempted to overcompensate, too.

§ And, yes, I am a feminist, too (putting the fem back into feminism).

§ And, btw: "Yes, I'm a witch."





Photos and other texts here (http://calliopeharmony.blogspot.com)

[Valeria]

Okay. :)

[AmberTG]

Straightforward and to the point, I like it!:thumbsup:

[Sharon]

As manifestos go, yours is right up there.

[Samson]

All power to you lady, well said :hugs:

[melissaK]

Oh, you made my day! :) Missed your 2 cents lately.

hugs,
lissa

[GypsyKaren]

I've got to admit that I like it.

Karen Starlene :g1:

[Katrina]

Well said.

[kerrianna]

Can I call you 'blondie'? :D

I love the colour of your skirt in the top pic of your blog. :)
Mwuhaha, I've bookmarked your blog. So now I can keep tabs on you. Cuz I really like a lot of your POV and way of thinking. :hugs::love:

[Violetgray]

I must say, parts of this I agree with 100%, and parts I don't agree with... let's see here





§ Don't call me "trans" ~ or "transgender" or "transsexual" or "trannie." Ugly words. (Following all "other" identity politics, only I have the right to employ these terms, at my choosing.) There is no "trans." Guys just don't "want to be girls." I am (and was born) a female. A female with a hormone disorder ("bearded lady") but a female nevertheless.

I disagree with calling these ugly words. True, they carry with them the suggestion of a troubled existence, of being outside the norm but it is what it is, and if you in a male body tell someone "I am a woman" closed-minded people will still make exactly the same assumptions. I think that the perception of these as ugly words hinders the process of excepting ones self. These words exist to help us come to terms with who we are, and we should except them. They are purely descriptive, and not at all offensive like "f*ggot" and "fairy"


§ Do not "he" me. Do not call me "him" or "man" or "dude." I make an effort to get your name (your identity) correct. Show the same respect.


Fair enough. I is absolutely your right to request certain pronouns when being addressed.


§ Doctors, shrinks, cops, legal professionals: I do not need, nor desire, HRT or SRS. That's a big expense, and medical risk, just to make you more comfortable - and I expect you to deal (comfortable, or not). Refer to Naomi Wolf's The Beauty Myth. I don't need "an operation" since I am already female. I have, for the most part, made peace with my disordered body. I like Dolly Parton but I don't need to be Dolly Parton.


Once again, I agree. It is completely your right to get as much or little alteration is you want.


§ Postmodernists: I respect your deconstructions and your rebellions, right on. Nevertheless, eschew new meganarratives as you displace the old. "What's gender anyhow?" Walk a mile in my shoes and you'll know. Gender does exist, it does matter ~ to me. It has defined my life, my setbacks and, ultimately, my freedoms. Call me old fashioned, I believe there is a difference between 12 noon and 12 midnight.


I agree 100%.


§ Queers: I support your struggles and I applaud, even benefit from, your triumphs. Nevertheless, I am only a fellow traveler. I am not queer. I'm just a gnarly-looking woman. This means I'm not the "T" at the tail of your "LGB," I am not an exotic token. I'm just the woman no man (or woman) goes home to.

I'm not sure I understand this one..
[QUOTE=Calliope;1213053]
§ Guys: Seeing me as a woman does not mean you are attracted to me. Take a deep breath. Being attracted to me does not mean you are "gay" (as if that matters). Chances are, I don't want to "sleep with" you anyway. (If you're shorter than me, I don't consider you a "real man"; just kidding.)

Yup. once again I agree.


§ Guys: Don't ask me for makeup on Halloweens or masquerade parties. (That's not why I use makeup.) In return, I won't ask you for a toupee (or something).

Now why not!?!? I personally am glad to help any guy who is willing to try dressing in drag for a night, and I applaud their open mindedness! Its fun!


§ Liberals: Don't tell me "I know somebody else who's a ****." Imagine hearing "I know somebody else who's black, Jewish," etc. Tacky, huh?

I understand this one, being both trans and black I often get one or the other.. though I've come to understand that the person is actually trying to relate to you on some level, but just doesn't know how. It does come across awkward.


§ Curiosity-seekers: Don't ask me when I "transitioned." I didn't. I just eventually got out of my wheelchair. It didn't happen overnight and everytime I hear the question, it kinda sets me back. (And, no, you may not see any "before" photos.)

Of course, you have the right to divulge as more or little info as you want, but I like when people ask me those sort of questions, because it allows me to help educating them, and that's a good thing.


§ Feminists: Don't be dissing my pink. ("Pantomime dames," quoth Germain Greer.) If you spent a lifetime being called "him" and sprouting hairs in unholy areas, you might be tempted to overcompensate, too.

I agree. I personally don't like pink, but I don't need to concern myself with other people's fashion..

§ And, yes, I am a feminist, too (putting the fem back into feminism).

§ And, btw: "Yes, I'm a witch."


Overall several good points made, though I didn't agree with everything. The post in general post seems to have a chip in its shoulder which doesn't help, and I think its a tall order to expect people to change their entire ways of thinking as soon as they meet you. If a person who's never had work done, meet someone and tell them to treat you as something entirely contradictory to what they se ein front of their faces, they'll have a hard time excepting. Its almost as if you are saying "Gender is real, and it does matter, just change your entire perception of it when you meet me." That'll take getting used to!

Just my 2 copper,

Violet

[Maggie Kay]

I think it is excellent. While I am not as upset by some of the points, overall it is right on the mark. However, being trans and having that as a way to encapsulate the vast collection of issues and presentation which characterize me is fine. After all, I was "trained" to be male when I was little and some of those attributes remain with me today fifty years later. I don't like them and they are in the process of diminishing but they do make me less feminine than the average female. I don't have any real understanding of how women interact based on social queues that they developed when they were young.

[SirTrey]

Kudos to that.....I don't agree with all of it, but some of it, I do....Not the point, anyway....You said what YOU think and it was IN YOUR FACE blunt, which I RESPECT! I like the term "manifesto" for it....It fits....and a person who even HAS a manifesto is OKAY with Me! :)

[Valeria]

Kudos to that.....I don't agree with all of it, but some of it, I do....Not the point, anyway....
Precisely. I don't agree with all of it either, but it's not my manifesto, it is hers.

[Nicki B]

I respect your right to say it - but I think some of it offends people who haven't offended you and tbh it sounds as if you'd rather be angry and lonely... :sad:

Life doesn't have to be like that?

[deja true]

Like Trey, I like the idea of somebody with a' manifesto' . We're all political creatures and despite the fact that many wanna 'lay low' in the world, being T is a political, as well as a personal, issue.

It's also true that we keep telling folks here that 'attitude' is gonna carry the day with how you get by in public. But...

A hyper-confrontational attitude like some of your points is not really the way to make any positive political points with the general public. Assertiveness is good. 'In your face' confrontational aggression may keep some of the uncommitted from swinging our way. (Well, until the revolution comes anyway.)

deja

(Calliope was the goddess of eloquence and poetry, by the way!)

[Calliope]

I respect your right to say it - but I think some of it offends people who haven't offended you and tbh it sounds as if you'd rather be angry and lonely... :sad: Life doesn't have to be like that?




A hyper-confrontational attitude like some of your points is not really the way to make any positive political points with the general public. Assertiveness is good. 'In your face' confrontational aggression may keep some of the uncommitted from swinging our way. (Well, until the revolution comes anyway.)


Don't Call Me "Trans" is a living document ~ specifically a "mailbox letter" to the Twin Oaks Community where I live. Most of the points came out of particular interactions. I did think it sounded bitchy and, probably yes, I am a bitch. Hooray! Nevertheless the response here was most positive. I have almost no "general public" (there is the visitor program, however), these are my people and I am finalizing their perceptions of my sensitive areas. I believe they are ready to shed the idea of me being trans ~ I know I am ~ and go right into knowing me as a female with a hormone disorder (that's how it looks to me). These are the people I'm spending my life (professional, personal, eternal) with so I do desire clear boundaries. So, the above has that context, I thought I'd share it in case any of the ideas my be useful to others. "Angry and lonely"? Nope, that wouldn't get the gist at all. This is utopia (almost always, anyway), after all. I am in a society in which I do get to have my perceptions honored, it's very different from the mainstream.

[Sejd]

Hi Calliope
good to have you back, and yes, call me Sejd, dont label me with a frickin' box.
hugs
Sejd

[kerrianna]

[B] This is utopia (almost always, anyway), after all. I am in a society in which I do get to have my perceptions honored, it's very different from the mainstream.

Hmm, sounds like a pretty cool place for you Calliope. I'm glad you have found a home where you can be you. :):hugs:

[Leo Lane]

I like it. Good on you.

[Calliope]

§ Sisters: Whatever your good intentions, I don’t appreciate “tips” and “lessons” on how to hug “like a woman,” do my makeup or style my hair. That’s embarrassing and patronizing. After spending most of life feeling like an inadequate male, I’m not about to spend the rest of my years feeling like an inadequate female. So if I don’t ask for “help,” then I’m not looking for it. Sorry.

[DanielMacBride]

§ Sisters: Whatever your good intentions, I don’t appreciate “tips” and “lessons” on how to hug “like a woman,” do my makeup or style my hair. That’s embarrassing and patronizing. After spending most of life feeling like an inadequate male, I’m not about to spend the rest of my years feeling like an inadequate female. So if I don’t ask for “help,” then I’m not looking for it. Sorry.

AMEN to that! I like your manifesto, Calliope - well put! I agree with most of it - while I may not agree with the wording or whatever, I agree with the principles you are expressing - kudos to you for being so open about who you are and for not tolerating being treated as any less than a wonderful human being for it :D

And yeah, I may have been socialised female, but that doesn't mean I WANT to be told how to be "male" - just because I don't belch constantly and make lots of sexist remarks does NOT make me any less male ;)

Daniel

[kerrianna]

After spending most of life feeling like an inadequate male, I’m not about to spend the rest of my years feeling like an inadequate female. So if I don’t ask for “help,” then I’m not looking for it. Sorry.

Wow, you sure have a way of articulating stuff that bugs me and I can't put my finger on it. You're totally right. I've been feeling a bit lost and same old same old with the new me, and that's part of it. I didn't measure up as a male and I'm afraid I won't measure up as a female and that leaves me feeling inadequate and a failure at everything again...and THAT I don't need! :hugs:

[Sonia Kiss]

§ Call me "trans" ~ or "transgender" or "transsexual" or "tranny." I'm happy you know these words and are comfortable using them casually. It tells me that you accept me as a person and find me worthy of approaching and talking to. I hope you understand though, that different people have different ideas about the meanings and connotations of those words. They're words in the English language, fairly new ones, not all that common in every day usage, and the subject is emotionally charged.

§ Liberals: Oh, you know another tranny? Cool! How many trans people do you know? Because you're going to need to meet lots of us--like, dozens at least--before you can even begin to see any sort of big picture. We trans people are all so different in so many ways. Like, what if Liberals were barely visible in the media, culture, and politics, and you were the second Liberal I had met in my whole life. Is it safe for me to make many assumptions about the next Liberal I meet?"

§ I frowned when you referred to me with a male pronoun. Unless, though, you made it quite clear to me in some other way that you are deliberately insulting me, I assumed that you are simply unfamiliar with trans people. If I have time, if it's appropriate in the situation, I'm happy to offer you some rules of thumb to try in the future, to help you come accross more favorably.

§ To anyone making assumptions about my need to, desire for, or past history of any sort of body modifications: Um, that's kind of private and personal. If we must talk about it, you'll learn my past, my current thoughts and feelings. If you truly know lots of trans people, you'll be interested to see where I am on the expansive transsexual landscape. If you have narrow concepts about transsexuality and attempt to profile me as someone I am not, then surely you'll understand my resistance. Are you interested in working to update laws, policies, procedures, and etiquette related to gender and sex?

§ Postmodernists: I'd love to listen to your theories. I don't know much about them and they sound fascinating. But, I have a busy life and don't really have the time right now...

§ Queers: Hugs! I identify as queer too! So much of the world is built on the assumption of the heteronormative gender binary. A lot of us--for an amazingly wide variety of reasons--don't find the support we need in the existing structure. "Queer" seems a good word to adopt a word for ourselves, so we can explain our amazingly wide variety of concerns to the the non-queers of the world.

§ Guys: Curious? Ask! :) Talk to me and you're guaranteed to learn something. (Although it might not be what you had in mind.)

§ Curiosity-seekers: I'm so much happier to talk to you than have you guess and make assumptions about me. I do hope you'll understand though, if I avoid or diffuse any questions or comments that I find dehumanizing I don't work here as wandering entertainment.

§ Feminists: Omg, can I have your email address?

§ And, btw: Thanks for your post, Calliope. Obviously, I found it worthy of attention and thought.