Annie D
03-05-2008, 07:31 AM
Here are some of my early feelings and emotions when crossdressing in secret;
1. Every opportunity that I was alone, I would get out my stash of clothes, change, parade around the house, watch tv, and find somethings to do that made it seem that my feminism was real.
2. Just before my SO and the kids were scheduled to return, I would quickly change back to my male mode but afterwards I would be such a grump and angry for my family interrupting my fantasy that I was unbearable to be around.
3. I finally confessed to my SO and my anger and frustration disappeared. Even though, in the beginning, she did not understand Annie and her desires and intentions, she tried to accepting but not really supportive. She now would call and tell me that she was returning from her errands and give warnings so that I had plenty of time to change. This allowed me to be able to anticipate the next time that Annie could come out and play.
4. Guilt was still my companion and I felt bad that my dressing was my choice and wished for times when bondage games could be played and I would be "forced" to dress and become Annie. I realize now that I cannot and should not have fought my feminism urge and I no longer feel guilty about being Annie. I still have some of those feelings of being forced to be feminine when I schedule a trip to get a pedicure: I am not in control, the nail tech is doing my toenails and I am helpless to stop.
5. I have been becoming braver in my trips out as Annie, and now I find myself returning to my being frustrated and angry when a family member (son or daughter) is around and makes it impossible to go out from the house as Annie.
6. By writing this new thread, I am trying to rid myself of my anger and frustration that I have for my family and realize that I must be patient, that the light is at the end of the tunnel when I can be myself anytime I wish and to not blame others for my feelings.
This has been a couple of my thoughts about myself that perhaps some of you have had also. Thank you for listening and I look forward to your responses.
1. Every opportunity that I was alone, I would get out my stash of clothes, change, parade around the house, watch tv, and find somethings to do that made it seem that my feminism was real.
2. Just before my SO and the kids were scheduled to return, I would quickly change back to my male mode but afterwards I would be such a grump and angry for my family interrupting my fantasy that I was unbearable to be around.
3. I finally confessed to my SO and my anger and frustration disappeared. Even though, in the beginning, she did not understand Annie and her desires and intentions, she tried to accepting but not really supportive. She now would call and tell me that she was returning from her errands and give warnings so that I had plenty of time to change. This allowed me to be able to anticipate the next time that Annie could come out and play.
4. Guilt was still my companion and I felt bad that my dressing was my choice and wished for times when bondage games could be played and I would be "forced" to dress and become Annie. I realize now that I cannot and should not have fought my feminism urge and I no longer feel guilty about being Annie. I still have some of those feelings of being forced to be feminine when I schedule a trip to get a pedicure: I am not in control, the nail tech is doing my toenails and I am helpless to stop.
5. I have been becoming braver in my trips out as Annie, and now I find myself returning to my being frustrated and angry when a family member (son or daughter) is around and makes it impossible to go out from the house as Annie.
6. By writing this new thread, I am trying to rid myself of my anger and frustration that I have for my family and realize that I must be patient, that the light is at the end of the tunnel when I can be myself anytime I wish and to not blame others for my feelings.
This has been a couple of my thoughts about myself that perhaps some of you have had also. Thank you for listening and I look forward to your responses.