Do We Set Our Sights Too High?

[TSchapes]

I've been reading a number of posts here lately where a girl laments about their appearance. This dismays me. GGs and CDs come in all shapes and sizes. I know there is a drive to be "pretty", but honestly, should this be the end all be all? And aren't we setting ourselves up for problems here?

What do you girls think?

[Roberta Llyan]

Better to set your sites high and fall short than to set them short and have to settle for second best. I prefer to set mine high. It offers me something to continue striving for and to achieve.

[Alice B]

Beauty is in the mind of the beholder, but having said that I feel that many of us do set our goals too high. We are no different than any gg in that we are influenced by advertising and think that we just simulate the looks of the models used in advertising, or the beautiful woman we see around town. For very few is this possible, especially the bulk of us that cross dress. Instead we should simply do the best we can with what we have to work with. Enjoy the look we can reach and enjoy the sensations we get from wearing sensual clothing. It really does not matter that we must "pass".:love:to all.

[MJ]

Do We Set Our Sites Too High?.. i feel it that same old problem passing and acceptance . something i know i crave. but fear is a difficult to obtain .. after all we are born with the wrong genetics..

i too would feel the same way should i drink a few too many .. and please don't get me started the Internet is not big enough to list my problematic issues , self-esteem issues

[Deborah Jane]

I set my sights way too high, but i,m determined that one day, somehow, i,ll look as good as would really like too.
If i could afford it, i,d use plastic surgery to look the way i really want.

[ColleenW]

I agree that we should set our standards too high, but we also need to know that some times we'll fail and not be discouraged.

ColleenW

[Kate Simmons]

Not me Tracy. What you see is what you get with me. Don't know if that's good or bad but works for me and you know how fussy I am.:battingeyelashes::heehee:

[Sandi jo]

Its great to have high standards but I have to be realistic with what I'm starting with,and I not getting any younger

[docrobbysherry]

As a 60 year old man, I gave up trying to look good in high school. I had neither the facial or physical features to stand out. Add to that, glasses and losing hair at 19.

So, I start CDing in my 50's, and I'm thinking I look pretty good! Suddenly the "plain John" becomes a cute babe who is vain about her looks. Just like a GG who suddenly finds herself in high school, I think in my case, it's quite natural to keep pushing to improve my CD look.

Even if it's all smoke and mirrors, I am proud of how my alter ego looks! It may be silly and superficial, but it's a brand new feeling for me. Maybe for many others, too?

[Angie G]

I think we must do with what we have and not get bummed out if we can't do more. So just have fun with what you have and enjoy. :hugs:
Angie

[Suzy Harrison]

I'm sure we set our sights too high - but if we want to improve ourselves that's what we have to do. I'm sure GGs suffer from the same problem.

The only difference is GGs can go out in the mornings without any make up or any special efforts and still look like GGs - but we have to work harder at this just to look reasonable.

[TSchapes]

Even if it's all smoke and mirrors, I am proud of how my alter ego looks! It may be silly and superficial, but it's a brand new feeling for me. Maybe for many others, too?

RS - I love your smoke, your mirrors and your look! And no it's not silly. Life is silly.

“Silly is you in a natural state, and serious is something you have to do until you can get silly again.” - Mke Myers


I'm sure we set our sights too high - but if we want to improve ourselves that's what we have to do. I'm sure GGs suffer from the same problem.


I agree Suzy. I just see some girls here get depressed, and want to quit and hide. And I think we need to cut ourselves some slack. There are so many factors that go into what we do, from makeup, to body shaping, to voice practice, etc. Even photography can be quite challenging. And contrary to popular belief, the camera does lie!

I must admit I have I high goals for myself too, but I try and keep it in perspective (hard to do) and remind myself that I'm not alone in this journey. That even GGs have a "bad hair" day!


Not me Tracy. What you see is what you get with me. Don't know if that's good or bad but works for me and you know how fussy I am.:battingeyelashes::heehee:

Fussy yes, but in a good way. Salandra you have become my anchor here. :hugs:

[Danicd]

I think that just like gg's cd's want to look as pretty as they can. Part of it is for ourselves and part for the outside world whether it is our SO's or others who might see us.

[PatriciaT]

I'm sure we set our sights too high - but if we want to improve ourselves that's what we have to do. I'm sure GGs suffer from the same problem.

The only difference is GGs can go out in the mornings without any make up or any special efforts and still look like GGs - but we have to work harder at this just to look reasonable.

Lots of good answers here but this one by Suzy certainly hit the mark. We do have to make an effort to look at least a little feminine. The higher we set our goals, the better the results we achieve, even if they are minimal. Anything else sounds like a defeatest attitude. You give up before you start.
As long as I feel I am doing the absolute best I can, I am satisfied and can go out and about with the all important aspect of confidence and have the right attitude. Isn't that was this is all about?

Patricia

[Chari]

Life is all about goals and standards. It is also about many choices - our own choices, which IMO can sometimes change the direction of our life. We should always continue to try to be the best we can, with what we have to work with, regardless of the challenge. For some it all comes natural no matter what they do, while others may never seem to achieve a satisfactory result. Sadly, society does not accept everyone on an equal basis and you can't please everyone, so you've got to please yourself! Be comfortable with who you are.

Hugs2U, Chari

[darla_g]

Hi Tracy,
good question and to a large extent you are correct. I think we are harder on ourselves because we look into the mirror and don't see this real feminine looking face looking back at you.

I think a lot of it comes from personal expectations. If you are intent on going about and passing easily the bar is higher. I was discussing this very topic with some women (gg) recently and they said appearance is only one aspect of this. How one carries themselves, mannerisms, manner of speech are all factors as well. I think if you look across this board there are not so many discussions about these things its usually fixated on appearance and clothes.

I have been pleasantly amazed on the quality of feedback a lot of gg will give you. Of course they want to be nice, but there is a lot of little things that are mentioned like maybe the way you are sitting in that picture is very unnatural or way your hands are posed it draws a lot of attention to them.

we have discussed those cues that really distinguish feminine features from predominantly male, like the size of hands, feet etc. Then as far as facial features you have to features tend to be larger (noses, the chin, blockiness of the face, the forehead) and in each case there are makeup techniques (shading and contouring) that can be used to minimize these. and I learned to minimize horizontal lip size as frequently men have much wider mouths than females. These are of course all generalizations.

The one thing i get more than anything from gg i show my pics to is one of amazement, like wow that is an incredible amount of work to put in (not like wow you're so beautiful)! I mean there are plenty of women that have sort of masculine features and have to deal with it too and i don't remember which one but i saw pics from a runway show where the makeup/hairstyle for all the models was to be made to look like men! What i mean was the hair slicked back in male style, minimal makeup and i swear makeup to look more masculine whatever they did. (reverse cross-dressing)

p.s.. liked your latest blog entry

[jessielee]

ref. Salandra
dear Tracy,
"If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants."
John of Salisbury,11th century, attributed incorrectly to Newton.

if we aim for fair to middlin', we shall surely disappoint ourselves. certainly we are at a disadvantage. yet i think of gfs who don't always have quite the looks, attributes, features they may have hoped for. same as us, just gf.
i have spent far too many years trying to recognize what is real and to accept it and i'm through with it! i believe the only way to approach passing is to aim beyond it, sort of like overdistance traning for long distance runners. what a shame that "to pass" sounds like squeaking by with the bare minimum. yet we seek balance rather than the flamboyance of drag queens. so, shooting high, we may attain normal female appearance, for, there is such a huge range in that.
thus,
to the stars, Tracy, to the stars!
going up,
jessie

[Jilmac]

I try to be as realistic as I can with my own expectations because I know exactly how I look in male mode (and it certainly aint pretty). I have seen many GGs who are plain janes and are still very attractive, and I've also seen some who are so caked with makeup that they look artificial. The same holds true for CDers, beauty is only skin deep so we all have to do our best with what we've got. For me I think my signature says it all. Luv and :hugs: Jill

[Kate-May]

At my age and with my looks I'm not going to kid myself that I can ever attain prettiness. When I dress and look in a mirror I try to concentrate on the neck down.......a paper bag over my head would be an improvement! None of this bothers me (it's too late to be bothered, life too short) what is important is how I feel when dressed and that makes me very happy inside. Nothing compares with the excitement of putting on, for the first time, a new pair of panties or sliding some fine stockings over ultra smooth legs and complementing the legs with a pair of 4" strappy sandals......That's what's importanty to me.

[RobertaFermina]

A place in humane society is usually dependent upon showing respect and genuine concern for self and others, and setting aside any needs for competition in any form.

The peace of mind and stature that comes from these are called: Grace and Dignity.

A person of any well-groomed appearance with Grace and Dignity is valued, approachable, and useful....a person one could have a social or more intimate relationship with with a reasonable expectation of enjoyment and positivity.

People like that are beautiful in spirit and personality.

That level of beauty is available to us all.

Somehow, a spiritual and socially positive person becomes increasingly attractive and radiant. It takes a little more time than doing it with makeup, smoke and mirrors, but the results are genuine and enduring.

I set my sights on that, and keep looking for the beauty within others. This way I am free of the obsession with being "pretty enough" or "the prettiest."

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[JessieB]

Only a tiny percentage of us have the raw materials to be truly "pretty" in the superficial way that our culture (which includes me) judges. The rest of us are simply too masculine in one way or another to ever achieve true feminine beauty. And a few of us are so homely that we'll never be anything but homely, regardless of gender presentation. For the rest of us who fall somewhere in between, however, it is possible, with enough learning and effort, to achieve a look that is both attractive and believable -- by that I mean that we can make a positive impression on an open-minded person and make them feel that it's okay to engage with us.

And, as I get older and become less superficial, I am struck by how many women who might not "qualify" as "pretty" are in fact quite attractive. It might the look they've put together, or the sense of self they have, or how much they like other people, or some combination of such things. It's almost like they have a soft light glowing from within. Roberta said it very eloquently:


A person of any well-groomed appearance with Grace and Dignity is valued, approachable, and useful....a person one could have a social or more intimate relationship with with a reasonable expectation of enjoyment and positivity.

People like that are beautiful in spirit and personality.

That level of beauty is available to us all.That's so true, and it's where I set the bar for myself and other gurls. But it does take effort, both physically and in character, so this isn't some free pass to excuse laziness or ignorance.

[Kate Simmons]

Roberta knows the "secret". It's about 5% appearance. The other 95% is about who we are as a person.;):)

[Stargirl]

Better to set your sites high and fall short than to set them short and have to settle for second best. I prefer to set mine high. It offers me something to continue striving for and to achieve.

We need to please the inner self, and make the most of the outside. When we recognise a rat/scoundrel/psychic vampire in our midst, we develop "rat awareness," and avoid that particular situation, if possible. We owe it to ourselves to strive for contentment. What pleases "Aunt Minnie" may not work for us. Thinking back, I had hard days when I was 5. A horrible dress, bad hair, a disappointing toy, tooth ache. My puppy died. Only my body and brain have changed. I am still the same soul, observing, feeling, wanting. In a way we now have custody of our lives, and don't really owe anyone an explanation, unless they ask nicely. And at what point do we give ourselves permission to be happy ? age 71 ? on a Friday ? at 2 o'clock PM ? I want to be happy now. Tomorrow is never a guarantee.

[LindaTS]

I think years ago I felt that I had to be pretty just to get out the door. As time went on I finally realized that I'm not what would be considered pretty but by no means am I ugly. I'm an average looking woman and have come the conclussion that we don't have to be a glamour girl just to get along in the world. I feel that I do just fine whenever I'm out and about. After all, there are a lot of average looking females in the world too.

[pamela_a]

I know there is no way I'll ever be beautiful but I try to look as good as can. There are many women in the world and only a few models. I'm happy to be able to be considered just another one of the girls.


Beauty is in the mind of the beholder Is that how it goes? I always thought it was Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Hugs to all

-Paula-

[Bridget Fitzgerald]

How far do you go with self acceptance? I mean, at some point do I not even shave or put on female clothes because femininity is a state of mind? Post hairy pics of myself in work-in-the-garage clothes and ask if I look pretty? :confused:

I think I'll stick with trying as hard as I can to look like a girl (even though I don't) when I CD.

[Mary Jane1]

I set my sights way too high, but i,m determined that one day, somehow, i,ll look as good as would really like too.
If i could afford it, i,d use plastic surgery to look the way i really want.

deborah jane I've noticed subtlety isn't really your strong suit is it, but I like your style and I'm with you. Want to get to the moon, shoot for the sun.

[Jessie J]

I know I'm probably setting my standards real high, but since getting into this I've finally been committed to losing some weight and staying fit to look more pretty and that's been a plus in it's self. Thought about getting some sun too but I have to burn first before getting tan. :)

[Eugenie]

Do We Set Our Sights Too High?

And aren't we setting ourselves up for problems here?

What do you girls think?

I think that we often tend to over dress on the one side and to be too heavy handed on makeup on the otherside...

If the goal is to "pass" (even if is just from a distance...) then we should dress more like GGs are doing, which is according to the circumstances or of the event where they go and use makeup more parcimoniously on the other side...

:hugs:
Eugenie

[slamddoger]

yes but that give us something work on. if we do are home work we can get better at it

[Deborah Jane]

deborah jane I've noticed subtlety isn't really your strong suit is it, but I like your style and I'm with you. Want to get to the moon, shoot for the sun.

I couldn,t even spell subtlety till i copied it off your quote!!! :heehee:
But your right..Aim high, you may get to where you want!! Maybe further than you expected!!