How do I explain this to my therapist.

[dianwb262]

I have been seeing a therapist for depression and told her about my crossdressing. She has been very helpful and sympathetic to me, but she admited that she has never dealt with any crossdressers before and she is learning from me. She is the only one I have ever told. How do I explain the need and desire to crossdress to her? I understand it is hard for people to understand it, I don't understand it myself. I would appreciate any ideas or thoughts you may have.

[docrobbysherry]

In my experience with a therapist, SHE asked the questions she wanted, and I answered them. We spent less than 1/2 session on my CDing. She decided my CDing wasn't causing me any problems, and wasn't affecting any of my relationships. And she said there was nothing wrong with it! We never got into any details of why I did it, or what I did.

If your CDing IS causing u or your family problems, then your therapist should be digging into your feelings about that. Otherwise, I think she should read about the causes of CDIng, and what CDers do, on her own time.

[RobertaFermina]

The beauty of therapy is she doesn't need to be a specialist to bring you a lot of help. It is good to have a Therapist who is expert in these issues, however the most important part, initially, is to become comfortable with yourself. What she can't tell you, you can find by searching the Web, and asking questions of other CD/TG persons (like around here!).

Your need to share seems to be greatest for "self-actualization", that is, realizing who you are, and accepting yourself, and emotional positioning yourself to thrive as the person you are. She can help !

The way you tell her is this: Say this is important, and I have to tell you about it so that you can understand me and so I can understand myself.

Then just start saying whatever you have to say.

If she tries to interrupt or begin a line of questioning when you are not ready for it, ask for her patience, and continue saying what you want to say.

When you have said enough, decide if you need to change the subject, or get feedback or entertain her questions.

It is your Therapy. It is always best to tell her everything, and important to tell her at your own pace so that you can remain comfortable and trusting within your relationship.

If there is something you are worried about revealing, tell her so, see if she can reassure you and help you get it out.

If you have a committed and compassionate and discreet Therapist, there is no limit to what you can share, and no need to worry that what you say will come back to harm you.

Best of Luck :hugs:

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[dianwb262]

In my experience with a therapist, SHE asked the questions she wanted, and I answered them. We spent less than 1/2 session on my CDing. She decided my CDing wasn't causing me any problems, and wasn't affecting any of my relationships. And she said there was nothing wrong with it! We never got into any details of why I did it, or what I did.

If your CDing IS causing u or your family problems, then your therapist should be digging into your feelings about that. Otherwise, I think she should read about the causes of CDIng, and what CDers do, on her own time.

Sorry about the confusion. You are quite right. With the depression and anxiety the urge to crossdress has become more of a obsession. I have been trying to get the courage up to tell my wife and was discussing that. My therapist feels that I should take that slow for now because she feels that there are more inportantant things that I need to discuss with my wife first. I guess once I make up my decision to do something I want to get it done. As she puts it I should discuss these other issues first before going for the jugular. I guess in trying to get her to understand my need to crossdress it will help me understand it as well. Hopefully it will help my wife to understand it too. My wife and I have a trip planed next month to Boston, I am running in the Boston Marathon, and my therapist thinks I should at least wait till after that or even tell her while we are there, away from home and after the run. I just don't know what to do for now. As you can probably guess my wife and I don't communicate much.

Thanks for your response.

[Kate Simmons]

She needs to understand how you feel when you dress. Tell her what your feelings are.:)

[Jill]

I am actually going to school right now, studying to be a therapist. It's actually considered to be a positive thing for a therapist to admit they don't know something instead of pretending like they do and faking it. Some therapists have a God complex of sorts and they have a hard time admitting when they are incompetent in a certain area.

My suggestion is to educate her. Even though you don't fully understand it yourself, maybe ask her to lead a Q and A session in which you will answer questions about CDing to the best of your ability. That would be a good place to start I think.

[Deborah Jane]

When i first went into therapy it was for other things from my past, but as time went on i felt comfortable enough with her to bring up my crossdressing.
My therapist didn,t have a lot of expeiriance of crossdressing issues when i first mentioned it to her, but she seemed to find out as much as possible and with her help and understanding i,ve accepted myself now completely.
She was the first person i ever told about this in my life [apart from my ex wife who totally rejected me because of it] and since telling her [my therapist] i,ve had the confidence to tell a few others and i have received positive reactions so far.
In my opinion a good therapist can be a great help.

[Ruth]

We're all familiar with CDing and we accept it as a fact of life but it's true that many trained and competent therapists have no direct experience of CDing or CDers. My therapist was the same. But what you get from a good therapist is what you might call general knowledge about people and what makes them tick. And after all we're not weird aliens or anything like that. We're regular people with one particular behaviour.
If you are open with the therapist and tell him/her exactly what you do and what your feelings are about it, this will be a great help to your therapy even if you went in to deal with some completely separate issue.

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

Doing the same thing myself and its 99% her asking the questions no matter what subject material is brought up.
Be honest and open minded.

:)

[Mary Jane1]

One of the main functions of a therapist is to get you talking about yourself and explore the why's and why not's. Some of the best therapy you'll get is talking with Dr. Crossdressers.com.

Most cities do have a therapist that specializes in, or is knowlwdgeable about gender issues.

[il.dso]

Lots to talk about on this topic.
One quick point.
My therapist never said to me, "There
are a lot of other crossdressers out
there. You are not alone."
This would have made me feel a lot
better about myself and my issues.
I needed to find this website to finally
realize this very important point.
Hope this is of help to you.

[TSchapes]

I have been seeing a therapist for depression and told her about my crossdressing. She has been very helpful and sympathetic to me, but she admited that she has never dealt with any crossdressers before and she is learning from me.

I've run into the same thing in the past. You know, if there was a site like crossdressers.com back then, and I was spending more time educating her instead of dealing with my problems, I would suggest to her to become a member of crossdressers.com and read the posts here! Ooh, I like that. She would become a expert in no time! :D

[Eugenie]

My therapist never said to me, "There
are a lot of other crossdressers out
there. You are not alone."

I agree and that makes Mary Jane's comment even more pertinent when she said that crossdressers.com had been a tremendous therapist... It is in forum such as the present one that we come to realize most efficiently and positively that we are not alone...

With regard to your therapy, it all depends upon the style of therapy which is practiced by the one you see.

If the therapist is using one of the various psychoanalytical theories, most are based upon the idea that talking about yourself (with more or less regression in the childhood experience) will help you work out the problems you are facing now... So he/she will ask you endless questions about yourself... I'm not so fond of that approach... In most cases it is "Mom's fault..." I don't believe it a second...

The other main therapy style is the behaviorist approach, more down to Earth and linked to your present life. Questions may be a little more adequate and centered upon your present experience rather than your early childhood...

The therapist in that case will use the knowledge about X-Dressing she/he acquired to propose concrete approaches to make your life easier.

A therapist with more experience of x-dressing would probably be more efficient that this one though...

For a psychoanalitical therapist I doubt that she/he would benefit much from having experience with x-dresing clients... But that's my bias... Why wuld they learn more in that domain than they have failed to learn in the domain of autism (my subject and reason for having some knowledge about various psichotherapies)

:hugs:
Eugenie